Tananguard 02 - To Love a Lord (24 page)

“Josephine,” he whispered with a smile. “Josephine Tananguard.”

Her cheeks colored nicely, showing him how pleased she was with the name. “Yes?”

So much was going well. He should make love to her again, and then ask his question.

He rolled her onto her back and kissed her thoroughly.

She laughed. “I thought you were going to ask me something.”

“I was, but
it can wait,” he said as he kissed her again. She sighed in pleasure this time, and again he made love to his
wife.

He held her in his arms, knowing she was his forever now. If he could have stayed with her in that room for the rest of the day and into the night, he would have. But the question he had wanted to ask plagued his mind.

“Josephine?”

“Hmm?”

“We…have a son?”

She shifted to look at him. She looked afraid. “Yes,” she answered quietly.

He knew it already, but he needed her to tell him. The answer pained him to no end. He thought he’d suffered from this already—that he was prepared for her answer—but it still tore at him. He had a son, and he had missed the first four years of his life. Connor closed his eyes briefly. “Lucas…the letter said you came to find me and you were with child. Why did you leave?” he whispered. “What did he say to you?”

She laughed bitterly. “He told me you had moved on. I didn’t believe him. But then I saw you walking with a woman
. She was quite lovely, and you were smiling. So I ran and never came back.”

Connor sighed in frustration. He remembered that day all too vividly. He knew Lucas had been hiding something and now he knew what. “It
was
you.”

“What?”

“I saw you. I tried to catch up to you, but he stopped me. He lied to me as he did you. I was with Mary Markham, Peter’s sister from Bathe. She was engaged to our friend Martin Hayward and has been married to him for four years now. I was walking her home because Martin had other business to attend to,” Connor explained. He could feel her trembling. “Josephine?”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I did nothing right,” she said as her voice choked with emotion. “
I should have just told you. I should have stayed, but I ran. When I had him—your son—and I saw your face in his, I knew…,” she trailed off. “But I was afraid.” Tears formed in her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

He could see the sorrow in her eyes, hear it in her voice. She knew what she had done, and she knew she could not undue it. It pained her as much as it pained him. “Oh my sweet Josephine. I love you. What’s done is done, but I would like to meet him
.” He stroked her hair softly, willing her to agree. She needed to agree. They were going to be a family now.

“You would?
” she asked softly, hope erasing any tears that had formed moments ago.

“Yes, I would.”
Her smile took his breath away.

“
Would you like to now? He will love you. He’s always loved you.”

“He
’s here? He…knows…about me? What do you mean?” Connor asked. His son knew of him? She hadn’t excluded him from their son’s life completely?

Josephine blushed slightly and looked away from him. “I’ve told him of you when no one was around. I told him you were away
. I told him someday he would meet you, and you would love him as I do.”

Connor felt his throat swelling. “You
really told him about me? Good things?” he asked with concern.

She smiled, pushed herself up above him, and kissed him. “Yes, only good things. Come.” She climbed off of him, grabbing his hands to pull him with her. “You must meet him.” She was beaming, but Connor suddenly felt ill.

He allowed her to pull him up and from the bed. He dressed numbly, helping her with her attire as well. His heart was racing. He wanted to meet his son, wanted it more than anything in the world, but what if his son was angry with him? What if…wait…

“What is his name?” Connor asked suddenly, realizing he didn’t know.

She smiled sadly. “I wanted to name him after you, but nobody knew of our relationship except Garret and Thomas. I couldn’t explain it then. It was too difficult. My brother…he helped me through much and gave me peace again. So I named our son after my brother and father. Garret Joseph…,” she paused, staring at Connor for a moment. “Tananguard.”

A laugh of disbelief left his lips. “Garret Tananguard,” he whispered in awe.
“It’s perfect.” He grabbed her and hugged her tightly.

“You’re not angry he does not have your name?” she asked.

“He has my name, the name that counts,” he said pulling away from her to look at her. “As do you.”

She smiled up at him, and he couldn’t help but pull her to him for a long, needed kiss. “Now come. I want to meet
our son.”

Tananguard grounds were large and beautiful. Connor would have loved to guide his wife casually through them, showing her every garden he had walked through and every tree he had climbed as a child. But they had a purpose, to find their son and unite his family. He had guided Josephine quite determinedly through the house, learning as they were leaving his room that the boy was outside with his uncle. But once outside, Connor’s confident stride slowed as doubt resurfaced. Again he was afraid, afraid the boy would reject him. His mind was blank as well. What would he say to him? How would he introduce himself? Would the boy be
afraid
of
him
?

Soon Josephine was guiding Connor
. “I hear him,” she said with a smile.

A child’s laugh echoed through the air. They were near the kennels. Connor’s heart thumped wildly and his hands began to sweat. The laughter grew louder, and then Connor could see him. He froze and simply watched.

A little boy was surrounded by young puppies. One of their females had delivered a litter of pups several weeks ago, and the dark-haired child was running Connor’s direction with seven little hounds chasing him excitedly.

Connor laughed
out loud, tears forming as he watched. Josephine leaned into him and squeezed his arm gently.

A puppy got tangled between the boys legs, causing him to trip and tumble to the ground laughing. All the puppies swarmed him, trying to climb on him and lick his face. Josephine laughed, pulling away from Connor to rescue her son…their son.

“Mummy!” the boy cried out in excitement when seeing Josephine. “Look at all of these puppies! Aren’t they wonderful?”

She pried the puppies off of him and pulled him to his feet. “Indeed they are. And it seems they have formed an attachment to you,” she said with a smile. “Where is your uncle?”

“He’s just over there,” he said pointing toward the kennels, “speaking with Dalon. Dalon takes care of the dogs. I want to do what he does. I love puppies.”

“Of course you do, and they love you.”

He beamed at her. Then his eyes looked past her and met Connor’s. Connor’s breath caught in his throat as he stared into the eyes of his son. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t look away, and he couldn’t breathe.

“I remember you,” the boy said. “You were the man who was hurt at Uncle William’s camp. You got very sick. I’m sorry you were sick. I don’t like to be sick.”

Connor stared at him in stunned silence. “Uh,” he swallowed, “thank you,” he whispered.

The boy nodded.
“My name is Garret. What’s yours?”

Connor looked to Josephine for guidance. She nodded encouragingly. “I am…I’m… Connor. Connor Tananguard.”

A small laugh escaped Josephine’s lips. What else was Connor to say?
I’m your father?

Garret frowned. He looked puzzled. H
e looked at Josephine who was still smiling at Connor, her eyes sparkling with life. His eyes furrowed. Then he looked at Connor again. Connor panicked when Garret very determinedly walked to him. Connor couldn’t move. He just stared at Garret in wonderment. He looked so much like Connor, but with darker hair and Josephine’s eyes.

The boy grabbed Connor’s hand and tugged on it. Instinctively, Connor crouched down so he was eye level with Garret. “Yes?”

“My mummy,” he began, looking intriguingly at Josephine, “is smiling. She doesn’t smile or laugh very much. She is always sad. She tries not to let me see, but I do. But you make her smile. She looks…happy.” He touched Connor’s cheek with the palm of his hand. “Are you…are you my papa?” he finished quietly.

A lump formed in Connor’s throat.
He nodded. “Yes,” he said, his voice cracking in emotion. A tear slipped from his eyes. “Yes I am.”

“Are we going to be a family, a real family?”
Garret asked with wide eyes.

Connor nodded vigorously. “Yes, a hundred times yes!” And he pulled his son into his arms.

The boy laughed in pleasure, wrapping his small arms around Connor’s neck. “My papa. Mummy,” he said, kinking his head around to look at Josephine, “he’s returned, just as you said he would!”

She covered her mouth with her hand and laughed through tears. “Yes, Garret
. He has.”

Connor looked at his wife as he held his son.
He stood, picking Garret up as he did, holding him in his arms. He held out a hand to Josephine and motioned her to come to him. She strode to him, arms open. The three of them embraced, and Connor could only feel his heart swelling more. Everything he could ever ask for was here with him in his arms: his wife, his son…his family. Finally, after so many years apart, they were together at last.

Connor stared at the ship then at his son, whose shoulders drooped sadly. Josephine leaned in to whisper comforting words. Connor sighed. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t take his family away now, not after all the connections they had made. To travel to the colonies, to America, was no longer as appealing as it had been five years ago or even a month ago. Garret had shed tears over leaving, and Connor could see the sadness in Josephine’s eyes as well. Could he really take his small family away from all they love just to follow a dream that no longer seemed to matter? It had appealed once for him to go, but now all he wanted was to make his wife and son happy.

“I can’t do it,” he whispered.

“Connor?” Josephine asked.

He shook his head. Visions of Lilly’s sad face, Josephine’s grandparent’s shedding tears as they hugged goodbye moments ago, and Garret’s sobs as he clung to
Papa Marcus
kept running through his mind. They were still watching them from the pier, most likely still in tears. They’d all come to Liverpool to spend that much longer with Connor, Josephine and Garret. And they’d followed them to the docks. Every one of them had shed tears as they said their farewells, all except Connor. He wondered how long he knew he wasn’t actually going to board the ship. Something told him he’d known for some time. “We’re not going,” he said.

“But Connor,” Josephine began, “this has always been your dream.”

“That was before when I had only myself to think about. And then when it was just you and I, it still seemed right. It was before your grandparents, Josephine, before Garret…before we had family to share
our
family with. I cannot drag the two of you half-way across the world and take you away from them, not when you’ve just found them. And not when my father and Garret have bonded as they have. It is crushing him. It’s crushing both of them, and I can see the sadness in your eyes as well. I want you happy. That’s all I care about.”

Hope entered her eyes. “Are you certain, Connor?” she asked.

“Yes,” he said as he pulled them from the boarding line. Their bags were in a cart next to them with Fredric pushing it. Connor turned to him. “Fredric, I hope you weren’t too keen on going. It seems we’ve changed our minds.”

Fredric sighed in relief. “No, Master Connor. It was my granddad’s doing. I’d stay myself, sir.”

Connor smiled. “Bring our bags then, will you?”

Fredric nodded. “Yes sir.”

Conner felt a small tug on his hand. He looked down at little Garret.

“We’re not going?” Garret asked.

“No,” Connor said, crouching down to look at him. The boy threw his arms around Connor’s neck.

“Thank you, Papa,” he whispered.

It still choked Connor up to hear that name,
Papa
. It was such a miracle to him, to have Garret and Josephine, to have his wife and his son. His son!

Connor squeezed him back. “I’d do anything for you.” He looked up at Josephine. “And for you.”

She nodded as she tried not to weep. “Thank you.”

He stood, taking Garret’s hand and offering his arm to Josephine. “Shall we return to your grandparents and give them the news?” he asked the two.

Josephine smiled. “Yes, but I think they may already know.” She was looking at the pier, looking at six stunned faces: her grandparents, Lilly and Papa Marcus, and Carlos and Christina.

Connor nodded to them with a smile. “It appears they do.”

They returned to
the Peaks District within the week, and Connor pondered what to do next. They couldn’t live with his father forever, but he couldn’t bring himself to move far either. There was an estate recently vacant, Lucas’s. The thought pained him. There were so many memories there. Only recently were the bad ones. If he could make it his own, he could erase those and create a pleasant home. But would Josephine agree or was there too much sorrow in her heart to live in the home? Would she continue to think of Lucas if they were there and the pain he had forced them to endure? And would Allana be able to visit, or would she too only see darkness upon entering the grounds?

So many things to think about. Connor had always loved the Hoffman Estates. They had everything he could desire in a home and on the grounds.
They had room for a young boy to play and gardens for his wife to walk. The stables were incredible. The only thing he would add would be kennels for hounds. Garret would want that. The house was grand. He and Garret could discover the secret passageways together. And there were possibilities—things to improve.

“I don’t know, Connor,” Josephine told him when he finally came to her with the idea. “It seems strange to move to his home.”

“Yes, but it is logical too. It’s a central location, close to my father and Allana. It’s close to William’s camp. We could make it our own.”

Her face furrowed in worry. “I would have to see it again first.”

They toured the grounds the next day. There was definitely work to be done and things to be removed—portraits to be more specific. But in the end, Josephine agreed.

“I was here so briefly. I do not feel any discomfort
from the place, and it is lovely. If this is what you want, then yes, I agree.”

“Then it seems we have a trip to London to arrange,” he said with a grin.