Tangled in a Web of Lies (2 page)

This last thought puts a terrifying feeling in him that has his foot glued to the floor in a race to get back to California. He can’t believe that she would so easily give up everything they’ve become in the past 4 months. He knows it has to have something to do with Jaime getting out of jail. Did he hurt her? Threaten her? Surely she doesn’t want to work things out with him, right?

Suddenly nothing seems clear. He tries to call her back a dozen times, and leaves message after message when she won’t answer. The sick, tormenting feeling that something bad has happened eats at him. Desperate, he calls Damien and asks him to go check on Lila.

“Her and Keila went out for drinks last night. She was fine,” says Damien.

“Will you just go check, please? Jaime got out yesterday and I’m worried about her.” Odin doesn’t let on anything, careful to keep his emotions to himself.

“Yea of course man, I’ll take a ride over there.”

“Thank you.” Odin ends the call, rushing frantically back toward California.

***

“You’re going to learn a tough lesson about opening your mouth tonight, Bitch! I’ll be willing to bet you’ll never rat again after this!”

Rick holds me down, with a firm grasp over my mouth, while Jaime forces my pants down, violently tearing them off of me. I try to hold my legs shut, but he pries them open. He points his gun at my face and tells me to be still.

“I’m gonna fuck you Delilah, the same way you fucked me. And I’m going to be honest with you, I hope it hurts!” 

I stare into his monstrous green eyes, a stare that says I hate you. I’ve never felt a hate as strong, as the hate I feel right now for Jaime Mosley.

I try to find a happy place deep inside my head, as Jaime violates me with the tip of his gun. I hope that this will be enough for them, that they will let me live once they are finished. I beg God that this is over quickly, while trying to convince myself that this will not break me. But despite my very best efforts, something inside me changes the moment Jaime removes the gun, and forces his despicable excuse for a dick inside of me.

Rick has me pinned under his knees with his hand sealed over my mouth, making it almost impossible to breathe. I take my eyes off Jaime for a moment, to watch Rick unzipping his own pants. He pulls out his cock, and starts jerking himself. He’s looking directly between my legs, watching as Jaime rapes me.

I try to hide the fear in my eyes, suppressing any tears that might give away my weakness. But behind the mask of bitter indifference, I’m in complete terror as Jaime continues to tear into me. Rick comes first, spilling a disgusting amount of liquid onto my face. Jaime finishes deep inside me, making sure I won’t soon forget this. I hate him so much, I want to rip his fucking throat out and make his father watch. Bet he wouldn’t be hard then! I can feel the rage in my blood, boiling over.

“I can end your life right here, and I will if you even so much as think about telling anyone we stopped by tonight.” Rick has a gun of his own pressed against the side of my head. “Now you know what happens when you talk about our business with your new boyfriend. He can’t protect you from me, nothing can. You know very well what happens to anyone who goes to the cops. So you best keep this to yourself you piece of shit Whore. Understand?” Rick’s knees are digging painfully into the tops of my arms while he spits his threats at me.

I desperately try to shake my head. I just want this to be over. He releases my mouth and I gasp for air. Jaime has pulled his pants back on, and he’s helping himself to the fridge with no remorse. Rick stands up and joins him in the kitchen. I get up in a hurry, picking my pants up off the floor. By the time I pull them on, they’re headed out the door and I run to the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

I stand in the mirror, in full survival mode, listening as two bikes start up in the back yard, and pull through the side gate. Then I hurry to get in the shower, anxious to wash away what they’ve done. I scrub aimlessly, trying to rid myself of the sick feeling of Rick and Jaime all over me. But the feelings inside can’t be washed away. I have to tie up my loose ends and get the fuck out of here. Rick and Jaime could change their mind and come back for me. If Odin sees me he’ll know what happened and he’ll go after them. Even if he wins, there’s too good a chance he’ll end up in jail. I hurry to put all my important things into the trunk of my Mustang, and I hit the road by 6am Tuesday morning.

I’m well into Nevada by noon, and I call Gus at the Elk Lodge. I spill some bullshit story about my sister needing emergency surgery, and he grants me some immediate time off. He asks me if I’ve put any thought into moving into his condos. He offered me a place when he found out I was trying to sell my house. I haven’t put much thought into it, but there’s no way in hell I can go back home, so I tell him yes on the spot. He wishes me good luck at my sister’s and I hang up.

Every mile of the drive is painful. There is a burning between my legs from Jaime’s gun forcing its way inside me. It won’t surprise me to find blood later. My arms ache, and have dark bruises from Rick’s knees.

It takes me another hour to muster the courage to call Odin and break up with him. I practice the words over and over again, until I can say them without my voice getting shaky. I love Odin, more than anything in this world, but right now, all I can do for him is put distance between us.

Within minutes of me leaving a message, he calls me back a dozen times. I know he wants answers. I’m sure that he’s freaking out and it kills me, it really does. But there’s nothing I can do but drive on, and try desperately to hold myself together. I’m headed to Wyoming, mainly because I have nowhere else to hide. But also, I’m hoping that Billy will see me, and that seeing him will help ease this pain. Billy has always had a way of making me feel happy and at peace, and I’m counting on that. I don’t stop until I arrive in Porterville, just outside of Ruston.

Once I’m safely tucked into my hotel room, I don’t know what to do with myself. I try to distract myself by turning on the TV but it’s no use. I must love pain, or I’d just delete all of Odin’s messages. But I want to hear his voice, and some sadistic part of me wants to know how much he cares, so I listen.

“Lila, Please answer your phone. You have me scared shitless, please call me back.”

“Delilah, this isn’t funny. At least have the decency to talk to me. Why are you doing this?”

“Baby please, I know this isn’t you. I know you’re not over me, not just like that. Please talk to me. I just want to hear your voice.”
His voice gets more frantic with each message.

“Lila, please Baby, I’m begging you, answer your phone. At least tell me that you’re okay. Why are you running from me? What did I do? Answer me Lila, please.”

And lastly a text, {Please Love, just call me and tell me that you’re okay
.
}-Odin.

I send him a quick message, hoping to put him at ease.

{I’m fine.}-Lila.

I put the phone down on the dresser and continue to fight the urge to cry, but I’m barely holding it together. My phone buzzes repeatedly as Odin tries to call. I shut it off. I can’t deal with it. I take my shaving razor and my headphones out of my bag and make my way into the bathroom. I place the razor on the floor and stomp on it, breaking the plastic handle. I pull the small razor blade from inside, intending to take my mind off all this bullshit. I slip on my head phones, and hit repeat on Three Days Grace –
Animal I’ve become.

I pull my pants down and there is a blood in my panties, a reminder of Jaime’s harshness. I sit on the side of the bathtub, wincing at the pain between my thighs. It’s been 5 years since I cut myself last. I’d hoped that nothing would ever bring me back to using cutting as an escape from reality. But right now, I will take any distraction from the pain I feel inside.

I sink the blade into the skin on my thigh, cutting over my scars. It hurts, but not enough to erase the image of Jaime, trailing the tip of a loaded gun down my torso and pressing it between my legs.

I’m gonna fuck you Delilah, the same way you fucked me. And I’m going to be honest with you, I hope it hurts!
Jaime’s face, mouthing these words haunts me, burning into my soul and scaring me. I dig the razor into my skin a second and third time. Blood leaks down my legs and into the bathtub. Finally the burn has my brain’s attention. I dwell on it, holding onto it for sanity.

Somebody wake me from this nightmare. I can’t escape this hell!
Music blares into my ears. I drop the razor into the tub, and sit bleeding, meditating on the pain while my music carries me away from reality. After an hour or so, when the blood on my legs is dry, I stand up and turn the shower on. I rinse myself down, and wash out the tub, feeling sick and ugly. I clean myself up, and dig in my suitcase for the pill bottles I took from Jaime’s medicine cabinet. I find the valium and take two.

I sleep through most of Wednesday, avoiding the mirror each time I have to take myself to the bathroom. Thursday, even though I know I’m going to see Billy, it’s still difficult to pull myself out of bed. And then I face my next challenge, having to look in the mirror long enough to put on some makeup. I can’t stand my reflection. I feel disgusting and ashamed of myself. I should have fought back. I don’t want to be afraid of Jaime, but the thought of him terrifies me, and I can’t fucking stand it. The still stinging cuts on my thigh add to my loathing as I line my eyes with black pencil and try to make myself look good for Billy. Hopefully with enough makeup, he won’t see the hollowness inside me.

I pull on a long sleeve Metallica shirt, hiding the bruises on the insides of my upper arms. I try hard to find my center, taking one deep breath at a time, I pull myself together. I stay focused on my excitement to see Billy.

It takes me just over an hour to drive to the prison in Ruston from my hotel in Porterville. I park in visitor parking and go inside to the front desk to sign in. Prison is a lot more organized than jail. After checking my ID, I’m permitted into a visitor area, where there are several round tables bolted to the floor with attached bench seats. A few of the other visitors and inmates watch me as I take a seat at an empty table and wait for Billy. The room is large enough to have some privacy, even though there are guards in the corners and other visitors. Finally, a face I recognize steps through the door and a weight is momentarily lifted off my shoulders. He’s not hand cuffed, and I stand to hug him as he walks toward me, a warm and familiar smile on his face.

“I have missed you so much!” I whisper, squeezing him tightly.

“It’s been too long,” he says, rubbing his hand up and down my back. I could stay like this forever, standing here hugging Billy. For the first time in days, I feel peace. I can feel the guard’s eyes on us, and reluctantly I let him go. We take seats across from each other, and Billy puts his hands on his lap under the table.

“It’s so good to see you,” my voice bubbles with excitement. This is exactly what I needed.

“No shit, I can’t believe it’s been 3 years.” His eyes are still soft brown, despite the hardness in his face. I guess that’s what just shy of a decade in prison does to a man.

“How’ve you been?” I ask.

“What can I say, prison’s not all it’s cracked up to be,” he jokes.

“Make some friends at least?”

“Oh sure, there’s a lot of really awesome men in here. I have heard some of the craziest stories, and I have been studying automotives the past 9 months.”

“I had no idea you could study automotives in prison.” The card he sent me with the monster truck on it makes a little more sense.

“Hell yea, we have a really nice school in here. You can get your GED and even study to get a degree. Of course when you get out, it won’t matter what all you learned in prison, no one will want to hire you,” he shrugs.

“Well, I think most mechanics have been to jail.”

“Exactly!” Billy reveals his brilliant scheme.

I am all smiles, hardly able to contain myself. If I wasn’t in the middle of selling my house, I would stay in this hotel the whole month just to visit again.

“How’s life?” Billy has no idea what a sore subject he’s asking about. I try not to let my spirit fade in the slightest.

“Life’s been better. I had a really good few years, but things have just kind of been falling apart on me a little bit lately. I’m surviving.” I don’t give him any details. I would hate for him to know that shooting Church didn’t save me from the ugly world in the end. I want Billy to think that the life he helped me achieve has been a bright and successful one. In lots of ways it has.

“Still going through with the divorce?”

“Yea, almost done going through it now. We are selling our house, we have a buyer and we’re in the escrow process right now.” I had decided in the end to sell it, and split the money with Jaime. I got papers from his lawyer while he was still in jail, stating that he agreed. Most of my shit is already in boxes waiting to move, thankfully. I never want to step foot in that house again.

“Any ideas on what you’ll do next?” Billy asks.

Odin was the plan. I still can’t wrap my mind around giving up on that plan. But looking at Billy now, hard faced in a blue jump suit and slippers, knowing that these walls around us confine him constantly, I know that giving up Odin is the only thing I can do. I can never tell him the truth.

“I kind of like my job, I’m thinking about maybe moving across LA to West Covina and getting away from my crowd.”

“You’re waitressing, right?”

“Well, I have been doing more bar tending lately, which I love. But yea, I started waiting tables at this place called the Elk Lodge in June. I really like it there. My coworkers are a lot of fun, and my boss is totally awesome! He actually offered me one of his condos in West Covina.”

“No calling in sick then,” Billy jokes.

“I know right?” I agree with him.

Billy tells me more about his life in prison. I wish so badly that I could help share his sentence. I will always carry the guilt that Billy is in here because of me. I knew how crazy he was about me. Billy would have done anything for me. That’s what made me love him so much. I knew when I told him that Mr. Church had made me have sex with him, Billy would do something crazy. He was always protecting me. I have the opportunity to do things differently this time. I know it will hurt to let Odin go, but in the end it’s better than this. The visiting hour passes by quickly. Billy’s face lights up when he laughs, but I notice he never takes his hands out of his lap. When Billy asks me what the most exciting thing I have done lately is, I tell him about my trip to Club Sin. I spare him the details of getting fingered in public, but I tell him all the strange things and people I saw there.