Tangled Up in Daydreams (22 page)

“Molly, deep down he's a good man—smart, charming, successful. I like him. He's funny and easygoing. He has money and a career doing what he loves and I know he loves you. But I'm not all that sure he loves himself.”

“So Alex filled you in?”

“We got the two-minute recap.”

“And?”

“I think that he is a little afraid to just be. That's why he drinks and whatever else he does. That's why he gets swept into other people's moments and forgets where he really should be. Maybe he's not sure that if he says no to something, anything, that there will be other moments. He doesn't want to miss anything.”

“So instead he says yes to too much cocaine and almost dies?!”

“Is that what happened?” Letting Molly tell her own story.

“We had a party. A celebration for him finishing the last song on the new album. Maybe I shouldn't have done it—you know, placed him in a situation like that when he's been doing so well lately, but I did. Anyway, Zander shows up and does his little number on Liam, and before I know it, the two of them have taken off on some musical adventure. The next thing I get is a call from Zander on the way to the hospital.”

“It must have been difficult to see him like that.” Stroking her daughter's hair.

“He looked so bad, Mom. He was so pale.” Crying softly. “I thought he was already dead.”

“This is a lot, Molly, for anyone to take. This man is really lost.”

“I don't know how to save him.”

“You can't, Molly. That's not your job.”

“What am I supposed to do, Mom? Part of me feels like I have abandoned him and the other part feels like fuck all of this, I am done. He has broken far too many promises. He knew after the car incident, he didn't have any wiggle room left.”

“Car incident?” Looking at her daughter with wide eyes. “What car incident?”

“The last straw before this last straw and I don't want to talk about it.”

“Molly, what happened?”

“Mom, I don't want to talk about it.” Raising her voice a pitch.

“Okay, fine.” Swallowing through her clenched throat.

“I just, I don't know. I don't want you and Dad to think all these horrible things about him. I know that sounds so stupid seeing how Alex told you stuff and I'm telling you stuff already too, but part of me thinks that if you heard every single thing that I have had to deal with you would look at me differently, you'd be ashamed of me.” Wiping her nose with her sleeve.

“Molly.” Holding her tightly, wrapping her in a hug. “No matter what, Dad and I will never be ashamed of you. We love you.”

“I know. I just … I love him so much, Mom.”

“I know you do, and love makes us do crazy, sometimes unhealthy things. You just have to decide for yourself at what point the unhealthy outweighs the normal crazy. Does he give more than he takes?”

“Most of the time. He's the most supportive person of me who isn't related by blood. He sees all of me and accepts me as I am. No man has ever just done that, just said, ‘Hey Molly, be crazy and flighty, be emotional and tough, freak out on me for no reason and tell me how you feel, just be you, and I will love it all and I won't run away.'”

“You do know that there will be someone else who will do all those things if this doesn't work out.”

“Not the way he does it.”

“Molly, you can't just be in love with his potential, you have to be in love with the man that he is.”

“I guess.” Glancing at her mom.

“No matter what I say, tell you to stay, tell you to let go, or whatever, you have to make all these choices yourself. No woman ever has her ears open when people talk to her about the man she loves.”

“Even you?”

“Yup. For a long time I internalized everything and let myself think it was fine, despite what my friends were saying to me.”

“Your friends?”

“Yes, we talk about our love lives just as much as you do. Just because we are older doesn't mean we don't dish.” Grinning at her daughter.

“Once a girl, always a girl.”

“Exactly. Look, I love your father very much and although we had a rocky time for a while and I didn't know how things would work out, I had to work it out for myself, just like you do. I was lucky that he decided to reconnect and place all of us on the top of his list of priorities. To switch jobs so late in life and start a new path, I admire him for taking this chance. I know it's hard for him now to look back and see how distant he was for so many years. But Dad's issues and motivations were different. Dad wasn't an addict, he was a husband and father already committed to the people around him. He had no choice but to change because he was already living the life.”

“So you're saying that what Liam and I have is not a commitment?” Staring at her mother. “That I am not enough to motivate him to change?”

“No, don't take it the wrong way. What I am saying is that Liam has a bigger problem that he needs help with. It isn't something he can just deal with, just flick a switch and be fine. He may need to lose more to be able to fix it.”

“Mom, you are handling this very calmly.” Eyeing her. “We are not talking about clean little problems.”

“I'm not clueless.” Nudging her daughter. “I know what's up. I watch MTV.”

Molly burst out laughing. She had this flash of Helen late at night, watching videos and mouthing the words to Slim Shady.

“What's so funny?” Starting to laugh herself. “I really like that band Incubus.” Starting to hum one of their songs. “Cute singer.”

“You're going to be one hip granny.” Giving her mom a big hug. “And, he is hot. I met him a few months ago at some record party with Liam.”

“No?!”

“Yes.”

“I'm officially jealous of my daughter.” Giving her another squeeze. “Hungry?”

“I think so, thanks for listening, and sharing.”

“It's my duty. One that I take great pride in.” Getting up from the bed. “I have complete faith in your ability to know your limits and protect yourself. You'll figure all this out. We didn't raise a wilting flower.”

Molly got up and straightened out her clothes. She was still in her pajamas.

“Wilting no, but slightly wrinkled, yes. I'll meet you downstairs.” Gesturing to her clothing. “I think a new pair of pajamas is a must.”

“What do you feel like? Soup? Pasta?”

“Spaghetti will be good.”

“Meet you in the kitchen.” Giving Molly one more kiss on the cheek.

Helen took the stairs methodically. She paused halfway down and caught her breath. While she was reacting as calmly as she could to all the things her daughter was saying and all that she knew Molly was still hiding, inside she was raging. Helen knew she had done the right thing, handled the ­whole situation in a manner that would not alienate her daughter, yet she hated herself for being so easy and calm. What if all the things Molly was still hiding ­were worse, worse than doing too many drugs or having too many drinks? What if Liam hit her or put her in danger? What would Helen do if something happened to her baby that a bandage and a cookie couldn't fix? Helen looked back toward Molly's bedroom and mentally crossed her fingers, said three hundred Jewish Hail Marys, and tossed her hand out to ward off the evil eye.

Once downstairs, Helen busied herself in the kitchen. There was a note from Henry on the table that he had gone to the movies with Alex. Molly strolled in. She had washed her face and braided her hair Pocahontas style.

“I always love it when you wear your hair like that. It reminds me of when you were little.”

“Whatcha makin'?” Plopping at the table.

“Alla checca.”

“Perfecta.”

Molly and Helen sat around the big steaming bowls of pasta and spent the rest of the evening talking about Alex and Renee and the upcoming birth of the newest member of the Stern family.

The next morning, Molly felt a lot better. Her stomach felt a bit more settled and she felt a little lighter having shared some with her mother. It was freeing to actually talk about things. Thank God her mother listened without really judging. That made Molly feel safer, stronger. She picked up the phone and dialed her brother's.

“Hey, Alex, it's me.”

“What happened to you last night? I thought we were going to do a little family powwow?”

“Some stomach thing. How was the movie?”

“Predictable. Lots of kung fu and a bad dialogue.”

“Glad to have missed it. Let's do dinner tonight instead.”

“Sounds good. Renee and I have an appointment this afternoon with the doctor, and we are getting more pictures. I can't wait to see how much he's grown.”

“He?!”

“Whoops! I didn't say anything.”

“He!!! I thought you didn't want to know!”

“Renee didn't. I did, so I made the doctor spill it. Renee doesn't know I know, so you better keep your big mouth shut.”

“He!!! A little nephew. I am so excited!” Screaming into the phone.

“It's pretty fucking cool.”

“Yes it is, Daddy. I'm really happy for you.”

“Thanks. So, anyway, we will have more pictures tonight.”

“Cool. Will you tell Renee I will be there in ten to get her for class.”

“She's all ready.”

“See you later. A boy, a beautiful baby boy!”

Now he was a real person with a sex and all. A little boy. There was nothing better. Well, except for a little girl.

Molly cruised by, gathered up her sister-in-law, and headed for the yoga studio. After a slew of down dogs, up dogs, and for Molly, a few dead dogs, the two girls headed back to Renee's. Molly followed her inside and did a few more stretches on the floor. Renee handed her a bottle of water and eased herself into a chair.

“I remember when my body looked like yours.” Examining her belly. “Will I ever be thin again?”

“Of course. I bet you will look even better after. Look at all those celebrity moms. They look hotter after, and you are going to have those great tits for a while as well.”

“For the first time ever I'm going to have a bustline.”

“Alex must be loving that.”

“I know. Lucky for me, though, he's a butt man. It's the only way we've lasted this long.”

“Liam's a butt man too.” Leaning and bending forward. “He always says that guys who are into boobs have a Mommy complex and really aren't into women. Butt men, on the other hand, really appreciate the finer points.”

“Well, my ass is way more than a point.” Putting her feet up on the table.

“What time is your appointment?” Leaning down again.

“Three-thirty.”

All of a sudden another wave of nausea hit Molly, and she sprinted up and bolted for the bathroom. When she came out, Renee looked concerned.

“What's going on? You okay?”

“Something is off with my stomach. It's really strange. Out of the blue I have to puke.”

“Maybe you should go to the doctor?”

“I'll be fine.” Standing up. “Okay, on that pleasant note, I'm off. I'll see you later.”

When she got home there was a message from Abby. Molly knew she couldn't ignore her old friends forever, so she grabbed the piece of paper and the phone. On the fifth ring the machine picked up.

Hi, this is Abby and Scott. We are not home. Leave your name and number and we will get back to you as soon as we can. Thanks.

Hey guys, it's Molly. Sorry it has taken so long to connect. I would love to catch up and see you. Thursday night, maybe at Jake's? Hope you are both well. 'Bye.

Done deal. Easy enough. Molly looked outside and the sunflowers were still blooming. Molly grabbed a scissors and went into the backyard. She carefully clipped a handful and added a few wild roses to the bunch. They were bright yellow ringed with a fiery red on the tip of each petal. They looked like sunset on an island in the South Pacific. Molly took the flowers into the kitchen, trimmed them, and placed them into a vase. She set them in the middle of the table, just where the light caught the edges and cast a warm glow on to the room. Molly bounded upstairs and grabbed her box of materials and tools. Hunched over and intent, Molly worked the rest of the day stringing, winding, and tying beads and baubles. Time fell away, and the golden shade of the room enveloped Molly.

W
hen another small package arrived from Jay, Molly had to smile. She knew what was inside. Her friend had the knack for perpetual optimism and driving insistence. Jay was turbo-charged, an Energizer bunny minus the cheesy commercials and drum kit attached to her paws. The fact that the two of them were slowly forging a real partnership did not surprise Molly. Jay could always see three or four steps down the road, while Molly was about the moment at hand. It made sense that Molly grew up drawing and designing Shrinky Dinks and Jay was a local chess champion. Their brains did not function on the same level. Perfect complements. Within the manila envelope was a stack of pictures, a sheet detailing the terms of the lease, a rough budget of what they would need to get the store up and running, and sketches of ideas for the space. Molly had to admit, it was a dynamite space, affordable and in a location that had both restaurants and other shops around it. As Molly was stuffing everything back in, Henry walked into the living room.