Tattoo (4 page)

SEVEN

Lauren had stayed in the hospital just one night, but then the doctors told her to take the rest of the week off. A piece of me was missing, those days she wasn't in school, but I went to see her every night after my baseball practice or game. I spent every spare minute I could with her. It twisted my stomach, every time I thought about how fragile she was feeling, how fragile that little baby was. The thought of losing her became unbearable. But Lauren became stronger. The shell she had been using to protect us from reality shattered when we heard the heart beat. We became stronger. It felt awful that I had almost lost her, let her slip through my fingers. But as terrible as I felt, it made me realize that I couldn't possibly want her more, love her more, or need her more. She became so much more than who she had been those few short months that I'd loved her. It was like we realized what we created, and if we were ready or not it didn't matter, we became a team. 

Her mother helped her along, feeding her just the right foods and giving her just enough spirit, but something in her eyes changed. A little light had dimmed, but damn she tried hard to hide it. Her dad did not try so hard to hide his displeasure in the situation. Usually hiding away when I was over at the house, which became all the time.  When he did surface, I would cringe at the icy way he treated Lauren. It was hard to watch, and I didn't know how she took it all on, but somehow she did. The Sunday before she came back to school, I got shooed out of her house early by her mom, insisting Lauren needed her rest. I agreed and then quickly followed that up by moving my car down a couple blocks, trotting back on foot, and sneaking into her bedroom window.

It was a move I'd done several times when we'd started dating. It was sneaky, and daring, and made for some amazing sex. It always fascinated me that sex became even more fun when you weren't supposed to be doing it. After we found out Lauren got pregnant, it was like we'd lost any passion we'd had together. It was filled instead with fear and regret. But after the hospital, it was like we were right back where we started. Couldn't keep our hands, or mouths, off each other for five damn minutes. And I'm not going to pretend I didn't like it. But sneaking up to her room, this brought back the final piece to us. 

Without even saying a word, I slipped into her dark room and my mouth instantly found hers. It was light at first, the brush of a feather. Her tongue flicked into my mouth, tangling us together. My hands roamed up from her hip to her breasts. I felt her breath hitch in her chest and she kissed me harder, with more intent. I kissed her back with just as much need. I laid her down on her bed, as quiet as I could. My fingers twisted in her long hair while my other hand found the waist band of her shorts. I moved downward to where I found her already wanting me. Her breath quickened as I left no doubt as to how badly I wanted her.

She pulled the zipper of my jeans and took hold of me. Her intensity started to grow and without another though she pulled me inside her. When we came together we stayed silent. Our bodies telling the stories that we needed to keep quiet. When I rolled away she was smiling this beautiful, restful smile. I would have stayed there all night watching her, but I knew that wouldn't fly in the morning. She looked like she was already asleep, so I quietly started to dress to slip back out of her room. I bent down to the bed to kiss her forehead, when she brushed my hand with hers. Her eyes opened, that clear blue that always hits me hard.

"I missed you," she whispered.

I smiled. I couldn't help but be in awe, that this beautiful amazing girl could be in love with me. That she actually missed me. I don't know if I've ever heard those words in my whole life.

"I missed you too," I whispered back. I wish I had had something better so say. Something more profound. But I didn't have any words to explain how I felt about her. So I poured every emotion out and kissed her instead. When I pulled away from her at last, she had that smile again, and a tear rolling down her cheek.

EIGHT

Slut, whore, skank. These were words I used to throw around as easily as a baseball. Making fun of girls behind their backs, the ones I deemed too pathetic to sleep with, even sometimes the ones I didn't. I never knew how much those words could hurt, until I saw them written on Lauren's locker the day she came back to school. 

I picked her up for school that morning and could hear the argument all the way from the car in her driveway.

"You are going to school. You are going to graduate," I heard her mother say.  I could tell this argument had been going on a while and I couldn't tell if I should just stay out of it or go knock on the door.  I took a few steps toward the door.

"But I can get my equivalency degree online and it'll be just like graduating!"

"That's not good enough!" her mother yelled back. "This was your mistake, but I will NOT let you mess up school too! You can't hide from this!" I'd never really heard her mother yell before, it was a little more terrifying than her dad.

I took a few more steps forward but I didn't have to get very far before Lauren came slamming out of the door, swinging her bag over her shoulder. She didn't even say a word to me, just brushed past me and got into the passenger seat of my car. I got the hint and followed after her, hopping in the driver side and turning the car back on.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked her.

"Everyone is going to know!" she yelled, whipping around to look me in the eyes. Her's were still full of fury from their fight.

"It's going to be fine," I tried to assure her. I grabbed her hand and kissed her fingers. "I'll be there with you."

She took a shaky breath and she tried to smile, but I could see in her eyes, doubt. I'd never seen her doubt me before. I tried to brush it off, but it was an unease I didn't like. When we got to school though, I saw that she had been right.

People stood in a crowd around her locker. Some laughing, some shaking their heads, but it was obvious when we walked in, everybody knew. How the rumor mill had churned out so quickly that she was pregnant, I'll never know. But along with the words branded across her locker were taped up pregnancy tests. I didn't think I'd ever seen something that made me want to kill somebody as much as I wanted to kill whoever had done this.

I looked to Lauren, who had her head ducked down, eyes only seeing the floor. Tears stained her cheeks, as she pushed past everyone and did her locker combination. I couldn't take the fury anymore, it roared in me like a primal animal.

"Who did this?" I yelled. "Who the fuck did this?" I screamed at the crowd. Everyone started to scatter. Everyone started to run, but I wanted answers. So I grabbed the nearest guy I could find and pulled him back, pinned him against the lockers with a loud clang.

"Who the hell did this?" I screamed in his face. He paled, seeing the rage that was in my eyes. In the back of my mind, I knew he probably didn't have a clue, but I didn't care, I only wanted names.

"I...I..." he stuttered. I shook him harder.

"That will be enough Mr. Daniels," Mrs. Roe our Principle said from behind me. "I don't think we need more locker decorations, do we? I think you and Miss Cole should come into my office."

I put the kid down and he scurried away to his homeroom, no doubt thanking God that I hadn't gotten a chance to let the rage out. I took Lauren's hand and we followed Mrs. Roe to her office. The homeroom bell rang just as we were entering her office.

"Please, take a seat," she offered with a smile and closed the door behind her. I had no doubts that this would not be a conversation that would not end in smiles. "Now, as you are aware, Miss Cole's condition is no longer a secret." 

I hated the way she said "condition." She practically spit out the words, like poison in her mouth.

"So what the hell are you going to do to the people who did that to her locker?" my voice echoed loudly around her room.

She completely ignored my question."You are sadly not the first, and I'm sure, not the last, to have this...condition in our school." 

I felt the need to crack my knuckles.  I knew I was going to lose my calm again if she called it a "condition" one more damn time. Instead, she pulled out papers and placed the spread out on the desk in front of her. Lauren leaned forward in her seat and looked at the papers. Her face paled.

"When we have young girls in this situation, we like them to enter this program. It is specific to young girls in this situation and you will all be there together. You will earn your GED and be able to take your tests for college there."

I didn't really comprehend what she was saying. Lauren got it quicker than I did. I looked over at her and her cheeks went from pale, to fiery red.

"Are you saying you want me to leave the school?" she asked with a tone of disbelief.

"Miss Cole, I am not saying I want you to leave the school." She pointed to the pamphlet.  "This school here, has only girls with your condition and it would be best for you, if you were there."

I finally got it, she wanted Lauren out of our school. My heart dropped into my stomach. How could she do that? How could she ask her to leave? I needed Lauren there with me, my heart started to race as I panicked thinking about how I would ever tolerate finishing senior year without her. 

But Lauren was always smarter than me and usually one step ahead of me. This was no different. I looked over at her and saw her looking at Mrs. Roe with steel in her eyes.

"I am in all advanced placement classes, I have almost a 4.0 grade point average and you want me to throw that all away?" Long gone was the disappointment in her voice, it was replaced with rage.

Mrs. Roe fixed her owl looking glasses onto her pointy little nose.  She cleared her throat, ready to deliver the blow. "I do believe you made that choice when you decided to be with someone like Eric Daniels. You, in turn, became just as irresponsible." 

My jaw nearly hit the floor while Lauren leapt out of her chair. She pushed the packets back to Mrs. Roe. "I think we are done here," she said. She grabbed her bag and stormed out of the room. I scrambled to grab my bag and follow, while Mrs. Roe sat behind her big oak desk, a frown as severe as her grey bun, was stretched across her face.  

I called after Lauren in the hall, as she continued to storm away. I finally caught up with her and grabbed her arm to swing her around. I expected to see tears, but this time I only saw anger. Red, hot anger.

"How could she do that?" she screamed. "She's no better than those assholes who wrote on my locker! They all want me out, well guess what, I'm not going anywhere!" Her breathing was ragged and quick. 

"I'll be here," I told her. 

"Will you?" her voice cracked.

I grabbed her hand and pulled her into me. She shook while I made promises in her ear that I'd take care of her. That we'd finish with this hell hole of a town and get out as soon as we could. She nodded along and settled into my chest. I believed every word I said, but there was something hiding in the back of my mind. Something that made me wonder if I'd really be able to hold all those promises, or if I'd let them all slip away.

NINE

My fit of anger in the hall, slamming kids into the locker, and all, seemed to make the rumors back away from Lauren. Or at least, they weren't flying in front of her face anymore. But as I came down the hall, I watched her at her locker. I saw how sad it was that, within a week, her popularity sank like a rock. 

When I'd see her after classes or at her locker, people just went right past her, not even acknowledging she was there. They were the salmon swimming up the river; she was a rock they just needed to avoid. People used to swarm her, asking her to go to parties, study at the library, whatever it was they were doing, they wanted her to do, too. But within the week I could count on one hand the number of people who had talked to her.

"Hi Eric," Chelsea snuck up next to me at my locker.

"Hey Chels," I answered, hardly aware she was even there.

"Total bummer about Lauren." She looked at me. 

"What do you mean?" I asked, finally turning to look at her. Her eyes were locked on mine, and she was biting her lower lip in what used to be a tempting, suductive way. Chelsea and I had a history. We'd dated, we'd broken up, we'd been friends, we'd been fuck buddies. But none of that ever worked for me. All of it worked for her. 

"Well, I mean that she's gone all preggo. It's going to be hard for her to find a guy that way."

Her eyes had broken from mine and she was now watching Lauren, just as I had. But instead of and genuine sympathy, all that came from her was a look of disdain. It made something in me feel sick.

I slammed my locker door shut, making her jump.

"Well, you know Chels, she didn't go get 'preggo'. It did take two of us to do that. And she doesn't have to find any guy, she's got me right here."

She laughed at that. "Oh come on Eric, you're not going to stay with her." She took her finger and ran it down my chest. "There's far too much fun for you to still have."

My insides began to boil again. I knocked her hand away from me. I locked my eyes on hers. "Trust me Chels, when I'm with Lauren, I'm not missing a damn thing anywhere else," I hissed the words at her. 

I saw her eyes fill with shock and hurt. It didn't faze me, not one bit. I turned and walked away from her and headed straight to the only girl that mattered.

I came up to her locker and brushed my hair out of my eyes, letting out an angry rush of air. And as always her eyes lit up when she saw me. My smile eased so quickly into place, she could always make that happen. I kissed her hard on her pink lips, wanting her, needing her right at that moment. She returned it with just as much need as I had. My hand slid from her hips to her belly, which was now starting to round out. Lauren gained weight and the baby had grown too, with a little help from me visiting her at any time of the night for a late night craving. I'd get text mesages at 12 am saying she was dying for some banana ice cream and within ten minutes I'd be there (an advantage of living in such a small town). I'd sneak into her window, bring her food, or rub her back, or just hold her when she needed it. Lauren started to glow and if it was possible, she became even more beautiful.

I had baseball practice, so I grudgingly ended our kiss. My forehead against hers. "I could do this all day," I breathed. She replied with a smile, her eyes still closed. She bit her lower lip and it made me want to bite her lower lip, too.

"I'll call you tonight, ok?"

"I'll be waiting for it," she answered. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and then headed for her car. A beautiful girl, lost in a sea that would toss her out if it could. 

It disgusted me that my popularity seemed to soar just as well as it always had. In fact it almost seemed higher than before, if that had even been possible. Chelsea was just the beginning. The girls were right back to hanging on me, the guys talked about every other hot girl in the school, inviting me to every party there was. It was like they pretended Lauren never existed. Like just because she was pregnant, she was no good anymore. Damaged goods. So I pushed everyone away from me. Anyone that would hurt her, anyone that felt she wasn't good enough anymore. I didn't need that in my life, and I didn't want it in Lauren's.

Practice had been hard for me that week. Something was worming its way into my mind, but I couldn't nail it down. Coach even noticed the change in my game and pulled me aside.

"I know you got a lot on your plate right now, but I need you to get your head in the game. We got a big game coming up in a couple weeks and there's going to be scouts crawling all over you. Let's focus up and get your pitches going perfect," he said as he slapped me on the back. I nodded and wiped the sweat off my forehead. I started firing pitches off, like my life depended on it.

When I got home that night, my arm ached bone deep. All I wanted was some ice and my bed, but instead, I opened the door and found my parents in the kitchen. It's sad to say that I hardly had seen my parents since I found out Lauren was pregnant. But it was the truth. When they would come home from one event or vacation, it was right off to the next, or off to the office. I can't deny that they made a good deal of money, I could have chosen any college in the country and they could have paid my way. But I wanted my scholarship, so that I didn't have to be in debt to them my whole life. Freedom was a nice superficial perk to their working all the time too. Having the ability to throw parties or bring girls around without needing to sneak around was always convenient. But it would have been nice to have had to sneak around once in a while, just so that someone would be there to sneak around from.

"Where are you guys off to tonight?" I didn't even offer them a hello. My mom didn't look up at me from the gold bracelet she was clasping onto her tiny wrist.

"We have a dinner tonight."

"Of course you do." I took a deep breath. I wished that I had any kind of relationship with my parents because even though there was never going to be a good time to break the news that I needed to finally break, having someone who would care would have been nice. "Listen, before you guys go, I have something I need to tell you."

My mother briefly glanced at me before she started to straighten my father's tie. That was my go ahead sign.

"Do you remember Lauren?"

"Yes." My mother's answer was crisp and to the point. She had met Lauren just once for about five minutes. Before Lauren got pregnant, she used to beg to meet my parents. I told her they were almost never home and if they were, they were locked away in their office in our McMansion, far away from me. I always figured they hadn't wanted me. I was an accident that they felt too guilty to get rid of, but one they could never make room for in their real life. But Lauren was so damn cute when she made her blue eyes match a puppy’s that I couldn't resist. So one night I caved and brought her over to the house. My mother said about ten words to her, my father barely put down his files to give her a nod. I stormed out of the house humiliated at how they treated her, at how they treated me.

But Lauren, she just laughed it off. 

"Don't worry," she said as her fingertips danced on my neck. "Everyone's family is fucked up."

I shook my mind free of the memory and took a deep breath. I would need to tell them in that moment, or after the baby was born. I dove into the deep end not knowing what would be at the bottom.

"Well, Lauren is pregnant. We are having a baby."

My mother finally looked at me dead in the eyes. For one split second it almost looked as if she didn't recognize me. But then her eyes turned to stone.

"How far along is she?" she asked, her words clipped at the edges.

"Four months."

"Well, then, after you graduate from high school in June, I will give you one week to move out of the house."

"What?" I asked, assuming I didn't hear her right. I looked at my father who simply looked away. My mother was running this decision. She snapped her purse shut with a quick click.

"Eric, don't think we don't know the type of boy you are. You barely scrape by with C grades and have slept with more than your fair share of girls," she said with an airiness in her voice, as if she was already bored with the conversations. "Just because we aren't always around doesn't mean we don't know what happens. We always knew this would be your end result, so I repeat, you have one week after graduation to move out." 

She gathered her jacket and headed towards me, but looked through me straight to the door. My father followed behind her, riding her coat tails. As she grabbed the door knob she turned to me and looked me straight in the eyes one more time.

"We are very disappointed in you," she told me.

I matched her cold stare. "But you'd have to actually expect something out of me to be disappointed."

I headed up to my room and didn't look back.