Teach Me To Live (Teach Me - Book One) (15 page)

As she pulled her cardigan from her body to place it on the nightstand before lowering herself into my bed, I couldn’t deny that the sight alone was enough to make me hard.

Fuck me. This was going to be a long night.

Running a hand through my hair, I turned toward the bathroom. “You all right if I sleep in my boxers?”

“Sure,” she said. Her voice was small and hesitant and I looked back to her.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded, blushing. “Yeah. I’m sure.”

Without another word, I walked into the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, stripped, and walked back out into the bedroom. As soon as she caught sight of me, her eyes widened, and her lips parted. I could see by the quick rising and falling of her chest that her breathing was sharp.

She’d watched me work without a shirt on in the yard, but I knew this was different. It felt different to me. If I were being honest with myself, I never would have anticipated that this was how my night would play out. It was almost 1:00 am and I was still awake, ready to watch a movie, and she was in my bed.

Madison Avery was in my bed.

Pulling the blankets back from the bed, I climbed in beside her as I pressed play on the remote. She looked afraid. Her brown eyes were wide, and I knew it was due more to me being so close to her, than it was to the fact that I’d started a movie I knew she was afraid to watch.

“You okay?” My voice was so deep it surprised even me.

She nodded, peering into my face. “I’m good.”

She was snuggled deep into the pillows with the blankets pulled right up to her chin. Her eyes were on the screen, watching the movie with stilted breaths. I loved and hated that she was so affected by me. I wanted her to feel comfortable, not nervous.

“Can I touch you, Madison?”

She blinked, turning to look at me. For a moment, she looked hesitant, but when she spoke there was determination in her voice. “Always,” she wiggled closer to me, snuggling into my front. “You don’t have to ask, Austin.”

Damn,
I was falling so damn hard for her.

I didn’t say anything to her as I slid my hand over her waist, tugging her body even closer. The smooth skin of her legs moving against mine as she shifted to find a comfortable position on her side with her back against my front, was fucking perfect. Her ass was positioned right at my crotch. I knew that soon enough, she’d feel my want for her. I just hoped she didn’t tell me she wasn’t ready again. I knew she wasn’t ready. I just didn’t want to hear it. Every time she reminded me made me feel as though she felt like I was pressuring her. Just because my dick got hard didn’t mean I was going to ravish her, as much as I might want to. I did possess an ounce or two of restraint.

I knew she was focused on the movie because her entire body tensed every time a frightening scene flashed over the screen. She might be focused on the movie, but I was focused on her. I’d been painfully half-hard for a good hour now, but I wasn’t complaining. I’d take having her in my arms and this sweet kind of torture over being without her any day.

On the screen of the movie, the bedroom door was opening and something was lifting the bed-sheet. As the girl was pulled from the bed and down the hallway, Madison tensed.

“Austin, I’m done!” She cried, sitting up abruptly. “Turn it off now.”

I turned away from her to grab the remote from my nightstand. Flicking off the TV, I could hear her quick breathing as she stared at the black screen. “You all right?”

“You’re a horrible person!” She accused. “How do you watch that and not get scared at all? You didn’t tense once.”

“I’ve seen it a few times.”

She shook her head, snuggling deeper into the bed. “I never want to see it again.”

I laughed. “You don’t have much left to watch before you’re at the ending.”

“That is one ending I don’t care to see.”

“Wimp,” I teased and she scoffed.

“I’m not a wimp. That’s just,” she huffed. “Okay, I’m a wimp. I hate scary movies.”

“You hate them? Why didn’t you tell me that before I put it on?”

She shrugged. “You wanted to watch one.”

“Yeah, me and Kaiden make fun of them,” I shook my head. “I wouldn’t have made you watch a scary movie if I knew you hated them.”

“Yeah, I’m more of a romance girl.”

“How about we meet in the middle with comedy or action?” I proposed and she laughed.

“I don’t think so,” she shook her head adamantly. “I watched that—horrible—awful movie, so you’re going to watch one of my favorite romance movies.”

“Tomorrow?” I asked, grinning cheekily. I’d watch anything she wanted me to watch so long as she was here in my bed doing it.

“You want me to sleep here tomorrow?” She turned slightly to face me and I felt the jesting atmosphere shift from playful to serious.

Replying honestly, before I thought my words through, I said. “I’d have you here every night if I could.”

“Austin,” she lowered her eyes and I felt my stomach tighten. “Would you—will you meet my parent’s?”

“Yeah, sweetheart,” I nodded. I honestly thought she’d never ask. “Course, I will.”

She shifted uncomfortably, her thoughts obviously bothering her. “I think I’d like you to meet them, but . . .” Her voice trailed off and I waited patiently for her to speak again. I had a feeling I knew where she was going with this and I wasn’t bothered. I just waited. “They will—judge you.”

“Cause of my tats?” I asked. I was more than used to the judgments people made when it came to my tattoos and even my eyebrow piercing. The tats covered almost every inch of my flesh. Both arms were covered in sleeves. The right side of my neck and chest had been covered, and the left side of my back had been colored. It didn’t surprise me that she worried about what her parents might, and probably would, think.

She had not one tattoo on her body and the only piercings she had were two small diamond studs in her earlobes. She was clean and untainted by skin-art, but my tats were my story. They were the album I carried with me, always, reminding me of why, and how, I’ve lived.

“Your tattoos and your bike. Maybe the leather and your long hair and quite possibly your piercing,” she looked ashamed. “You’re just not the guy they hope I’ll end up with.”

I didn’t bother telling her that I wasn’t the guy she’d end up with, no matter how badly I wanted to be that man. I fucking envied him to the point to which it hurt. But no amount of wanting, no amount of aching to be that man for her, would make it possible.

“It’s all good, baby,” I promised. “I can take a little judgment.”

“You shouldn’t have to.”

She didn’t know it, but I would take all the judgment in the world if she asked me to. Hell, I would do pretty much anything, if only she were to ask me.

I gave her a half smile. “I knew what people would think of me when I covered my flesh with ink. I knew what they’d think of me when I let my hair grow out a little too long, and how a lot of people perceive bikers,” I shrugged. “It doesn’t matter what they think—because I know who I am, and those who love me, those who matter, know who I am.”

Her breath caught. “You’re a good man, Austin.”

My heart squeezed and I kinda-sort-of hated the universe for tossing this girl into my path when I couldn’t be the man who became her everything. She came into my life at the worst possible time, when the only thing I could hope for was one more sunrise. One more day. I guess that in the end that’s all we’re ever hoping for.

One more sunrise. One more day.

Just one more.

Capturing her eyes with my own, I dipped my head to press a kiss to her forehead. Her breath was shaky and her eyes fluttered closed, remaining closed even after I’d pulled back for a few seconds. When they opened, she smiled softly up at me.

“Are you tired?” She asked gently. “It’s almost three in the morning. I can’t believe I haven’t passed out yet.”

“Not much for late nights?”

She shook her head. “I’m more of a morning person. Probably because of my addiction to all things caffeinated.”

“I like mornings and nights,” grinning, I added. “I like to live.”

Not quite catching the harsh reality of my words, she giggled. “I like to live too—especially with you in my days,” her eyes became serious. “Since knowing you, Austin, I’ve begun to live my life for me, for the first time ever. Thank you for being crazy and writing your number on my hand. Thank you for being you.”

“Anytime, sweetheart,” I said hoarsely. My breath caught in my throat as I stared down at her, entirely entranced by the feminine lines of her face, the innocent light in her eyes, and the heart shape of her full and kissable lips.

Catching me by the nape of my neck, she pulled me down to her, silently demanding that I put my lips on hers. I didn’t fight. Hell, I couldn’t have fought her even if I had wanted to, which I most certainly did not.

Of all the places on this Earth, with all the souls I could be with, I would choose to be right where I was, with her, in this moment. She was both my heaven and my hell. My temptation and my contention. My deliverance and my damnation. She was my everything. The reality killed me because I knew that although she would be my everything until the end of my days, I wouldn’t be hers. I was her now. But she was my forever.

Tears stung my eyes as I kissed her hard, needing nothing more in this moment, than to feel her. She was the source of my pain and the medication to my soul. Little by little, she was both devastating me, and healing me. I was falling in love with her; my heart ignoring the fact that my body didn’t have the time it needed to be the man who was worthy of loving her.

No matter, I’d made a promise to myself that I would live each day in the moment and this was a moment I wanted nothing more than to
live
in. That is what I would do, with her, with Madison. I would live. I would love and I would laugh. I would make memories with her because in the end, when all was said and done, the memories we mark our souls with are the only things we take.

I felt a change in Austin—a shift of sorts. It wasn’t something I could put my finger on, but I sensed it was there, and all I could do was kiss him harder. We’ve been spending time together, almost daily, for the last two weeks. If I said I couldn’t feel myself falling for him, I would be lying. I was falling and I was falling quickly. It freaked me out, but I was trying to overcome my fears. I was trying to trust that my feelings for him were real and right. And not simply hormones.

I wanted to be certain that when I gave myself to another, completely, that I would love them forever. I’ve always wanted to be with just one person, the man I loved heart and soul. I never imagined that desire could be so powerful. I never could have imagined that lust, the prequel to love, could seduce every sense until you’re not entirely sure what it is that you want, what it is that you’ve
always
wanted.

But, right now, I just don’t care. I sensed a sadness within him that tugged at a deep place in my heart to heal him. He was kissing me with such an abandoned passion, and in response, need clawed within me.

Austin was propped up on his side, kissing me passionately, as though he was trying to drown himself within me. His lips were hungry, and slightly harsh, but I didn’t mind. The motions of his lips against mine, his hand on my waist, was enough to ignite my body in unpredictable waves of fire.

He was so close. And still, my body was crying that he wasn’t close enough. I wanted him to cover me. I wanted him to banish every thought, every external everything, from this moment.

Just as I had the thought, I felt him pull away from me with a deep breath. His eyes were hooded and his pupils were dilated. His lips were swollen and so deeply red. I could only imagine what mine looked like.

Breathing hard, he tore his eyes from mine to look up at the lamp. Pushing forward, balancing above me without once lowering himself onto me, he flicked off the light. Darkness flooded the room, lit only by the half moon and stars in the sky. His blue eyes were settled on my face, and as I felt his muscles twitch to move his body away from mine, I caught him by his shoulders and he froze.