Tender Vow (24 page)

“Ask him to deny it, Mother.”

Slowly, Donna turned to look at Jason. “Mom, I did not kiss John’s wife.”

Rachel struggled to find something to say in his defense but instead prayed,
Dear God, please mend these hurts
.

Donna’s face showed mild skepticism.

“Sheesh, I can’t believe we’re even having this conversation!” Jason blurted out. He turned to Rachel and cast her a sorrowful look. “I’m sorry, Rachel,” he said in a softer voice, then gazed about the room. “The truth is, I kissed Rachel a week or so before she married John—before she was his wife. There, it’s out in the open. Are you happy, Dad? Yes, we kissed, but that marked the end of our flirtation. She loved John, and she made it very clear to me that night with a cold slap to the face.” He looked at his feet, then back at Rachel. “I resent that you dragged that out of me, Dad. It was private information.” This he said with eyes focused solely on her.

“That may be, son, but that little bit of ‘private information’”—he made quotation marks in the air with his index and middle fingers—“led to John’s death. John was distraught when he left for Colorado. He was convinced his own brother had been deceiving him.”

“Well, he was wrong, then.”

“And you were arguing on the mountain.”

“Yep. John was acting his old, bullheaded self.”

By now, tears were streaming down Rachel’s cheeks, but nobody seemed to notice, caught up as they were in the sordid saga. “Would you two just stop it?” she finally spoke up. “I’m in the room, you know.”

“Rachel,” Jay whispered.

“Just stop.” She raised a shaky hand. “If anyone’s to blame here, I am, all right?” She looked Tom in the eyes. “I didn’t need to tell my husband about that kiss, but, God help me, John and I were fighting, and I thought I had to find a way to lash out at him, so it slipped off my tongue. Do I regret it? Of course, I do. Is there any way I can change history? Oh, God, I wish I could!” she wailed. “That kiss—it haunted me. I felt guilty for years. A part of me just wanted to put the whole thing to rest. Unfortunately, it backfired.”

“It’s all right, honey,” her mom assured her, leaving Donna’s side to comfort her daughter. “It’s over. Done.”

“Yes, it certainly is,” Donna said, coming to join them. “I don’t want to hear another word about it. Shame on you, Tom Evans, for even bringing it up.”

Rachel looked at her father-in-law through blurry eyes. “They were standing next to each other in my living room, all cozy and sweet-like,” he muttered.

“Oh, for crying out loud, so what?” Donna almost exploded. “They are adults and don’t need babysitting. For what it’s worth, Tom, this is my living room, too. And another thing—don’t you think it’s time you stopped placing the blame for John’s death on Jay? You’ve lost one son already. Don’t tell me you want to lose them both.”

At her poignant remark, Tom put on a sheepish expression. But if anyone expected an apology, Rachel was betting they wouldn’t get one tonight.

Suddenly, a racket from the other room had all gazes turned in the same direction.

Rachel’s heart stopped when she recognized the scream as Johnny’s and realized it was no ordinary scream.

When they got to the hospital, the emergency room was aflutter with doctors, nurses, and technicians, all busy with their own cases and seemingly oblivious to the wails of the latest arrival.

Jason stood at the nurses’ station, waving his arms demonstratively. Rachel hoped he would get someone to help them, but the woman seated at the desk merely nodded her head and pointed at a chair in the waiting area.

“She said to be patient,” Jason said upon returning. “An X-ray technician will be along shortly.”

“Well, can’t they at least give us a room?” Tom said, pausing in his pacing. “I’ll go ask.”

“No point, Dad. They’ve already said every bed is full. Besides, if his arm is broken, as the doctor who checked him suspected, then he’s better off sitting bundled up tight to Rachel’s side so his arm won’t move. We can sit as easily here as in some cramped room.”

Her father-in-law went mum after that, apparently seeing the logic in Jason’s words. Rachel sat on a straight-backed chair with her pounding head against the wall, both moms on either side of her whispering soothing words to Johnny and trying their best to keep him entertained. Rachel suspected it wasn’t so much from pain that her baby fussed and cried as from the utter confinement forced upon him. She was thankful that her dad had taken Tanna and Meagan back to her parents’ house to await a call with the prognosis. The last thing she needed was a whining four-year-old asking when they could go home.
What a way to spend the remainder of Christmas Day
, she mused.

A fresh tear rolled down her cheek. Drat! She thought she’d finally gotten them under control.

“Honey, don’t worry,” her mother whispered. “Everything will work out just fine. We’ve prayed and asked the Lord to take control here, and so now it’s up to us to trust.”

“I do trust Him,” she moaned, “but that doesn’t wash away my guilt for being so neglectful. I knew he wasn’t in the room with us, but I never should have assumed he was safe.”

“None of us knew that door was open, sweetheart,” Donna said. “We all should have been watching.”

“He’s my responsibility,” Rachel argued between sobs.

“You had no way of knowing, Rach,” Jason offered from the chair where he’d planted himself. He sat with his hands clasped on his knees and both heels bouncing up and down. Tom had disappeared down a long corridor, probably in search of a restroom or vending machine. “In the back of my mind, I thought Tanna was watching him.”

“And Tanna thought someone else had taken him upstairs to the crib,” Donna said.

“It was just an accident, one of those things that sometimes happen, and no one’s to blame,” Jason said.

“I’m a terrible mother,” Rachel muttered, choking back more tears.

“No, don’t say that,” her mom chided her.

“Mrs. Evans?” The entire ER waiting room hushed momentarily as Rachel and Donna both raised their heads.

“Yes?” Rachel replied.

The nurse gave her a polite, practiced smile. “You may bring your baby back now.”

Jason stood, prepared to accompany her, but she stopped him. “I want our moms to come with me.”

He nodded and sat down again.

***

“Where’d everybody go?” Jason’s dad asked, plopping into a chair two seats down from him and draping his coat across the chair between them.

“Somebody came for Johnny. Rachel wanted Mom and Arlene to go with her.”

“Ah, understandable.”

They sat in awkward silence. All around them, folks waited for assistance with coughs, cut fingers, and other matters Jason didn’t care to think about. He prayed for Johnny’s safety and thanked the Lord that nothing more serious had resulted from his tumble down the stairs. Besides his misshapen arm, he didn’t appear to have suffered any other injuries, save for a couple of minor scratches and a slight bruise in the temple area. Poor Rachel had been beside herself if not hysterical when they’d discovered Johnny at the bottom of the stairs, screaming to shake the rafters—a sure sign he was okay, Jason had immediately ruled. She blamed herself, of course, which he regretted. Accidents simply happened, especially where active toddlers were concerned.

Out of the corner of his eye, Jason could see his dad two chairs over, looking down and twiddling his thumbs. He was still seething at his dad’s accusation, but he knew it was the biblical thing to do to make amends before putting his head to the pillow that evening.

“Dad—”

“Son, I—”

“I’ll go first,” Jason said.

“No, let me,” his dad insisted.

He gave a slow nod and waited. Suddenly, his mind meandered back to the days of fishing out on Lake Michigan with his dad and John—back when life was so simple, so sparklingly perfect. Why did it have to take so many cruel twists and turns?

“About tonight—back at the house. I said some things, and, well, I’m sorry ’bout all of it.”

Jason couldn’t remember the last time he’d heard an apology come out of his dad’s mouth. “It’s all right. I said some things I regret, myself.”

“I taught you boys how to ski, you know.”

Of all the things he might have expected his dad to say next, that wasn’t one of them.

“Please don’t go blaming yourself now.”

His dad shook his head. “None of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t given you boys that first lesson. I’m as much to blame for the accident as anyone.”

“Don’t go there. The world is full of what ifs and shoulda, coulda, wouldas. It’s not worth it. Let’s just forget about tonight, okay?”

“You’re a very good skier, you know,” he went on. “The sooner you get back on the slopes, the better off you’ll be. Kind of like that ol’ horse saying.”

He couldn’t believe the turn they’d taken.
Thank You, Lord
. “Maybe next year.”

They kept their faces down. “I was pretty good in my day, you remember that?” he mumbled. Jason glanced up and saw a half-grin.

“Yeah, I remember. You taught us well. I bet you’d still handle those slopes with ease. Why’d you quit?”

“Aw, the arthritis, you know, and that bum knee I had surgery on a couple years back. Anymore, I can’t take the extreme cold.”

“You used to say you didn’t even notice it.”

He chuckled. “Weren’t those the days?”

They sat in silence again, each pondering his own thoughts.

“Sorry ’bout that big guilt trip I laid on you,” his dad blurted out. “Deep down, I knew it wasn’t your fault. I really did. I guess this whole thing with John Jr. puts stuff into perspective. If I hadn’t been actin’ so all-fired stupid, probably none of this would’ve happened.”

“Who knows? Like I said to Rachel, accidents just happen. Sometimes, we just have no control over them. She’s really carrying the blame right now, saying she should have been keeping a better eye on him.”

“She didn’t know the door to the basement was open.”

“Try to tell her that.”

“I will,” he muttered. “Among other things.”

The nurse called another patient’s name, and an old fellow got up and hobbled to the back with her. It suddenly occurred to Jason how important family—especially his dad—was to him. “I love you, Dad,” he said.

“Me too, son. Me, too.” It wasn’t “I love you back,” but it would do. “She’s a fine woman, that Rachel,” he quietly added.

Jason’s head shot up, and he saw a full-blown smile on his dad’s face. “I’d have to agree,” he said.

Several hours later, Jason carried a sleeping Johnny with a tiny plaster cast on his arm out to Rachel’s car and carefully placed him in his car seat. “Can you manage the buckle?” she asked from behind. “Be careful with his arm. Here’s his blanket.”

With a few minor hitches, he secured him, tucked his blanket snugly under his chin, pleased with himself when the baby didn’t so much as flutter an eyelid. “Done,” he said, sliding the door closed. It was already warming up inside the van, thanks to Arlene, who had brought it around and had been idling there for several minutes with the heater blazing.

He took Rachel’s arm and walked with her to the passenger side. “Merry Christmas, huh?”

She gave a slow, tired smile. “Some Christmas.”

“Next year will be better.”

She nodded. “Good night, Jay.”

He stopped her with his hand when she went for the door handle. It was no time for small talk, what with the air so cold they could see their breaths. “I just have to say this, Rachel. I love you.”

“Oh, Jason, I wish you wouldn’t say—”

“Sorry, but it was coming out one way or the other. My dad and I talked in the waiting room, by the way. It was good.”

“I’m happy for you, but you and I—it’s not going to work, Jay. Please, just get that clear in your head.”

He gave a half shake of his head and shrugged. “Not going to happen. I’ll call you soon.”

Her eyes rolled heavenward. “You’re impossible, Jay.”

He raised a hand in surrender. “Guilty.” Then, he opened her door and leaned down to say good night to Arlene as Rachel climbed inside the van. He pushed the door closed and watched until they disappeared from view.

The days that followed were busy ones for Rachel. Between visits to the doctor’s office to keep a close watch on Johnny’s arm and carting the kids along on trips to the grocery store, the post office, the bank, and her parents’ house, there were no dull moments. The hardest thing of all was trying to keep John Jr. somewhat contained. Since learning to walk, all he’d wanted to do was explore every inch of the house, which is exactly what had gotten him into trouble at her in-laws’ house on Christmas Day. If anything else happened to warrant a trip to the ER, she’d be getting calls from child protective services, for sure!

On the day after Christmas, Tom Evans had showed up on her doorstep under the pretense of checking on Johnny. However, before leaving, he’d offered a humble apology for his behavior on Christmas Day. “I don’t blame you for anything,” he’d said. “Never have, never will. Just want to make that good and clear. I think I must’ve misconstrued some things John said to me ’bout that kiss between you and Jason, and it wasn’t my business to interfere, anyway, so I hope you’ll forgive me for what I said yesterday.”

“Don’t worry about it, Dad. It’s over and done with, and I’m putting it straight out of my head.”

“I feel somewhat to blame for what happened to John Jr. If I hadn’t been carryin’ on so, folks would’ve had their eyes on his comings and goings.”

“It’s not your fault, Dad. I’m his mother, and I should have had my eyes out for him. But, aside from that, everything that happened at the house probably needed to be said so that you could put some worries to rest. I’m just sorry John unloaded on you before he left for Colorado. Then again, I guess he felt he needed to talk to someone, so he chose you. I still regret that he and I didn’t settle things before he left. That’s why the Bible says not to let the sun go down on your anger. Unsettled arguments live on and on.”

He’d pulled at his chin and nodded. “I’ve been askin’ God to forgive me for my bitter heart.”