Terms of Service (14 page)

He studied them for a moment.  He had to dig deeper.  “How do you mean?”

Zoe opened her mouth to respond, but Rory silenced her with a glare.  Taking a deep breath, she answered anyway.  “We could hear mommy crying at night, really soft, like she didn’t want anyone to hear.  She was really quiet and never had time to sing to us or play with us or read to us.”

This didn’t sound anything like the Hannah he knew.  “When was this?”  He tried to reconcile the image they painted with the woman he cared for.

“After daddy left,” Zoe said quietly.  She looked as though she wanted to say more, but Rory interrupted her.

“That doesn’t matter now.  Mommy’s all better.  Everything’s better.”  She scowled at her sister, daring her to say anything else.

Gavin thought about what they had said.  If Hannah truly had been as sad as the girls described, then she
was
better.  He’d heard her singing as she cooked and cleaned.  He had seen her playing and dancing with the girls.  He’d listened in fascination as she passionately read to them at night.  He smiled.  This place, this job, and maybe even he had a hand in healing her soul.  Her spark had been rekindled; she had hope.  Her happiness was infectious.  He couldn’t imagine life without her.  This was why he needed to see her before he left for work.

More determined than ever, he left the room and walked directly for the stairs.  Gavin had to know what was preventing her from maintaining her routine.  He knew how important it was for her to function.  He needed her consistency, her constancy.  Ascending the stairs as rapidly as he dared, he strode down the hall, pausing before the double doors.

For some reason, he couldn’t even bring himself to knock on them to attract her attention.  So with one hand braced on either side of the doorframe, and his gaze trained on the floor, he called to her.  “Hannah?”  There was no response.  He was ready to panic.  “Hannah, just let me know you’re alright so I can go to work.”  There was still no sound from the other side of the doors.  He straightened and moved his hands to hover just over the knobs.  He flexed his fingers, ready to grasp them and fling the doors wide.

***

In the bathroom, Hannah sighed.  She wasn’t ready to face anyone yet, especially him.  She could still hide her moods from the girls, but Gavin would see through her.  Once he realized she was upset, it would only make it more difficult for her to concentrate and make it through her day.  Slowly, she practiced smiling.  After a couple more tries, she had one she thought might just be passable, and pasted it to her face.

Striding to the door, she opened just as Gavin was about to grasp the handles, forcing him to very nearly stumble into the room.  The sight was comical enough to force a true smile to her face.  He was quite sweet, for an overbearing overprotective jerk.  She giggled.

Gavin stared at her.  “Why didn’t you answer?”  He scowled.  “I thought something had happened to you.”  He folded his arms across his chest and frowned at her.

Smirking, she said, “Were you worried about me?”  She knew how to deflect and deflate.

Bristling, he responded, “It’s just common courtesy to respond when someone speaks to you.”

Hannah laughed.  “You spend a lot of time lecturing me about ‘common courtesy.’  I had no idea I was so uncouth.”  She gazed up at him.  He clearly was unsure how to respond to that.  “Come on, you big crank.  I need my tea and you clearly need your coffee.”  Then she grabbed his hand and led him down the stairs to the keeping room.

At one afternoon, Hannah found herself sitting in a crowded courtroom, waiting for her hearing to begin.  There were men, women, and even some children from all walks of life in there.  Ah, court, the great equalizer.  There, everyone was the same.  She sighed.  Her phone had been vibrating repeatedly for the last ten minutes.  Glancing at who was trying to contact her, she sighed once more.  It was Gavin.  Again.  Maybe she should’ve told him where she was going.  Maybe he really needed her for some last minute errand.  Maybe he wanted to talk about dinner or check up on her.  It really didn’t matter.  She wouldn’t be able to respond to him until she left the courtroom.  As it was, a bailiff in the corner kept giving her angry eyes.  The phone was supposed to be turned off completely during court proceedings.

Glancing across the room, she rolled her eyes heavenward.  As if the cell phone was the biggest infraction.  Across the courtroom and one row forward, Brett was sitting there with Krystal draped around his arm.  Who brought their mistress to their divorce proceedings?

Chapter Eleven

After calling her five times, Gavin had given up.  He’d worried about her periodically throughout the day and thought calling her during his lunch break might cheer both of them up.  Instead, it had only heightened his anxiety.  She hadn’t answered.  She always answered.  He counted on hearing her playful tone through the phone.  It always warmed him and fortified him for the remainder of his day.

As a last ditch effort, he had called the home phone, thinking she might not have heard the cell phone ring or the battery might have died.  He struggled with any excuse for her suddenly falling off the grid.  Instead, he now faced more questions than answers.  Madge had picked up after the third ring.  When he’d asked to speak to Hannah, he was told she wasn’t there.

In fact, Madge seemed as confused and concerned as he was.  The facts were these: Hannah hadn’t been herself all day.  She left the house around noon wearing business casual attire.  She expected she would be back at dinnertime with the girls, but not a moment before.  Armed only with this limited knowledge, his mind imagined the worst.

First he thought she might be going to another job interview.  Maybe he worked her too hard, or she wasn’t challenged enough.  Maybe she had an opportunity to put her degree to good use.  He hadn’t given her a chance.  Maybe there was another man who wanted to be her sugar daddy.  Maybe she wasn’t her normal perky self because she was planning on turning in her notice.  His heart pounded in his chest as he imagined having to say goodbye to her and the girls.

Once he moved past the fear, anger took hold.  Hannah had some explaining to do.  She couldn’t just go off and ignore his calls.  She couldn’t search for other jobs or other men behind his back.  She couldn’t leave him.  Only, he knew she could.  She had no idea how he felt about her.  He still didn’t understand it himself.

Unable to focus, and after begging off early due to a migraine, Gavin reached his house before five.  He knew Hannah wouldn’t be expecting him for an hour.  As he feared, she wasn’t home yet.  He had called her phone several more times and even sent her a text saying he’d be home early and needed to speak with her.  Still, she had failed to respond.  So, he did what had so often become his habit since her arrival.  Gavin spent the next hour pacing his study and staring longingly at the buffet where he had a well-stocked bar at his disposal.  Then he growled in frustration.

***

The court hearing had gone just as Amy expected it to, but still Hannah was unprepared.  She felt as though she were on trial.  She couldn’t believe the lengths she was going to have to go to in order to secure child support from Brett.  What she found utterly disconcerting was he brought the stripper with him.  The next date had been set and they would reconvene in a month.  She was frustrated and disappointed in the system.  No wonder people no longer referred to it as the justice system.  There was no justice.

At precisely six, she pulled to a stop in the driveway.  She saw Gavin’s car parked in front of his garage, which didn’t surprise her since he had already sent her a message to that effect.  Her late arrival couldn’t be helped.  She had waited an interminably long period of time for her ten-minute hearing.  Then Amy had spoken to her in one of the small conference rooms outside the courtroom to explain what was happening and what the next step was.  Hannah had nodded numbly, pretending she understood, but really she couldn’t even think at the moment.

After it was done, she had attempted to compose herself long enough to pick up the girls and buy dinner before trekking home.  She could only imagine what she faced once she entered the house.  Actually, she knew exactly what she faced.  Gavin would stalk out of the study with a scowl plastered to his face, arms crossed over his chest.  He would tell her about common courtesy and how she should have answered the phone, responded to the text, and called him back.  She would recognize it was out of fear he responded in such a manner and call him out on it.  They would have a mildly uncomfortable dinner and patch things up later in the study.  There.  Now she just had to live it.

***

The moment Gavin saw the headlights come up the drive he had planted himself before the front door.  There was no way she was going to get past him without an explanation.  After all, when people lived together, it was just common courtesy to keep in touch.  She had to understand.  He folded his arms across his chest.

The door opened slowly as the girls pushed through.  Hannah was taking up the rear, as usual, arms laden down with food.  She had picked up Italian apparently, since he could smell the garlic and marinara sauce wafting out of the foam containers.  Her face was drawn in a grim line and she simply stared at him blankly as she entered.  Convinced something was truly wrong, he opened his mouth to speak but she silenced him before he could utter a single sound.

“Not now,” Hannah said simply.  Sighing, she added, “You can tell me which common courtesy I’ve violated later…in the study.”  Then she moved past him toward the dining room where she quickly set out the meal.

The tension in the air was palpable and impacted everyone.  The girls were silent and fluctuated between focusing on their meal and glancing back and forth between the adults.  Gavin tried to give them reassuring glances, but knew his smiles were hollow.  As for Hannah, she pushed the food around on her plate, but couldn’t quite manage to consume any of it.  Finally, she gave up, sighed, and pushed her plate away.

The girls plodded upstairs without prompting but with several sad backward glances.  Silently, Hannah began to clear the table and throw away the plates and containers.  All the while, Gavin simply sat and studied her.  This was not his Hannah.  This was a hollow shell of the woman who was fast stealing his heart.  He hated seeing her like this.

He fell into sync with her and cleaned up alongside her as if they had been doing it for years instead of weeks.  Soon the clean up was done and she went upstairs as well.  Gavin had watched her quietly, waiting for her to acknowledge him, to give him some sign she was open to his affection because the longer he was around her, the more desperate he became to enfold her in his arms until all the sorrow inside her melted away.  Yet the sign never came so he never reached out.

Somehow, in his desperate need to be closer to her, he found himself standing just inside the bedroom while she read.  Slowly, he lowered himself to the ground, never taking his eyes from her face.  Gavin sat with his legs crossed, his head propped on his fists.  Suddenly, one of the girls climbed down from the bed.  He watched Hannah, expecting her to chastise the girl or call her back, but she seemed so distracted, so oblivious, nothing was said.

“You know--one loves the sunsets, when one is so sad…” She read on.

It was Zoe who moved carefully, until she stood before Gavin.  She studied him a moment as though trying to decide something.  Without warning, she seated herself in his lap.  If that surprised Gavin, then he was shocked when she purposefully grabbed his hands and wrapped them around her.  When she was finished, she said simply, “There.”

He sat stiffly at first.  Then, he realized what a show of trust he had been given, and he embraced the little girl who snuggled against him.  If only her mother would come around so easily.  Too soon the reading was over for the night.

Hannah gave each girl a hug and kiss before walking them to their room.  Once she had walked past him, Gavin walked down the stairs to his study, convinced she would be with him soon enough to talk about what was troubling her.  In anticipation of her arrival, he stoked the fire and moved her favorite chair a few inches closer to his desk.  He was even contemplating making her a hot tea, which he had observed was her idea of a comfort drink.

Glancing at the clock, he sat and waited.  Soon he found himself once again struggling to read through files he cared nothing about.  He stood and walked to the door.  He paused, trying to decide if he wanted to be perceived as impatient, realized perception was in this case reality, and stalked out to the hall.  By moving two feet to the right and craning his neck, he could see the girls’ door was closed.  Gavin stood silently, listening for any clue which might reveal Hannah’s location.  Nothing.

In frustration, he strode up the steps, the plush carpeting masking his angry footfalls.  He proceeded directly to the room he detested, and knocked on the door.  It wasn’t closed entirely and the double doors fell open at his knock.  He stepped back, startled for a moment, almost afraid of what he would find.  Nearly instantly, he realized the room was vacant.  Hannah wasn’t here either.

Now he was on a mission.  If she thought to avoid him for the remainder of the night, she had better think again.  He would never allow it.  He needed her presence too much for it to ever be an option.  He rounded the corner to the kitchen, and then walked into the keeping room.  He knew she loved this room, but once again, the space was strangely empty.  On the coffee table was evidence she had been there, however.  She had left behind an untouched mug of tea.

Without thinking, Gavin picked it up.  This was her comfort drink.  She needed her comfort drink.  A frown affixed to his face, he moved to the French door which stood ajar several feet away.  Peeking out of it, he realized the lights were on over the pergola, like a beacon shining on Hannah.  Her arms were wrapped around one of the posts; her face pressed against the cool white wood with her eyes squeezed shut.

Before she even realized he was there, Gavin had stepped to within two feet of her with his arm outstretched, offering her the tea she had left on the coffee table.  “Hannah,” he said gently, “please take this.  I know you need it.”

Slowly, her eyes opened, and even more gradually, they focused on the mug he offered her.  “Thanks,” she whispered.  Hannah grasped the mug and pulled it toward her until she was able to cup it in both hands.  She let the warmth seep through her fingers, then course through her.  Slowly, she took a sip, and as she did so, she stared at Gavin.

“I suppose you’re eager to lecture me now,” she said quietly, “so have at it.”  She gripped the mug tightly in both hands and stared at him evenly.

Gavin simply shook his head.  Now was neither the time nor the place.  He had to understand what had happened to change her so.
 “What’s going on with you, Hannah?”  He spoke gently.

Her head dropped.  Finally, in exasperation, she mumbled, “I don’t want to talk about it.” Then she looked away.

“Okay,” he said calmly. “Let’s start with an easier question.  Where did you go when you left the house today?”  Gavin concentrated on maintaining a calm exterior, even if it killed him.

She sighed.  “I had to go to a child support hearing.” She stared at him with wide eyes.

It was as though she was willing him to ask the right questions so she could give him the correct answers, the answers he so desperately needed.  “So, Amy was with you,” Gavin said.  Hannah nodded in response.  “All right.  I take it the hearing went badly?”  He hadn’t had to deal with this aspect of divorce proceedings.

Suddenly, the dam broke and Hannah spewed forth the details of the hearing.  “He brought the stripper with him,” she mourned.  “I can’t believe he brought her with him!”  She set her mug on the railing as she shook from the emotion of it all.

Gavin studied her.  Was she still attracted to her ex?  Was this why she was so upset?  Or, he desperately hoped, was it something else?  “Do you still want to be with him?” Truth be told, he had to know.

The look on Hannah’s face said it all.  She was revolted, disgusted at the idea.  “No,” she said adamantly.  “I have no desire to ever be with Brett again!”

Now they were getting somewhere.  “Then what’s troubling you so?”

She exhaled slowly for a moment.  “I hate having it shoved in my face.”  She shook her head.  “I hate having to see he’s happy with her in a way he never was with me.”  She fixed her expressive eyes on him.  “It’s knowing I’m not enough.  It’s having my pride continually shattered.  It’s the constant blow to my ego.  It’s feeling so alone…”  Her voice trailed off.

“Is that what you feel?” Gavin asked incredulously.  “You feel alone?”  He opened his arms and took a step toward her, but she backed away.  “Let me be close to you,” he said.

Hannah stared at him like a deer caught in headlights.  “I can’t,” she murmured, shaking her head.

He tried a new approach.  “Don’t you ever want to be close to someone?  No strings?  No expectations?”

“Yes, but…” she said hesitantly.

“But what?”  He walked toward her with open arms and watched helplessly as she backed away.

“I’m too scared,” she admitted in a whisper.  This time she didn’t back away, this time she didn’t drop her gaze.

Gavin knew she was out of space.  There was no more room for her to back away.  He had her pinned against the corner of the railing.  Slowly he stepped towards her as if he were trying to tame a wild mare.  “I won’t hurt you,” he murmured, reaching for her.

She closed her eyes.  “I don’t believe you.”  

“What do you have to lose?” Gavin wrapped his arms around her and drew her into the warmth of his embrace.  He could feel her stiffen at first, unwilling to yield, unwilling to admit defeat.  Instead of being discouraged by her reaction, he welcomed the challenge.  Ever so gently, he caressed her back and ran his fingers through her hair.  Slowly, almost unnoticeably, she began to melt into him.