Tessa (From Fear to Faith) (10 page)

19

I
t was a long time before I settled down enough to fall asleep. When I did, I dreamed I couldn’t watch the movies at the slumber party because they were designed to play on the viewers’ cell phone screens. But I awoke with renewed enthusiasm. Even if things didn’t go perfectly, I was still going to have more fun than I’d ever had in my life. Nothing could stop me now.

I felt a pang of guilt as I sat down to my breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast. What if Mom would miss the hundred dollars? I should put it back. But then I noticed her purse already hanging on the doorknob, ready for her to grab when we left. Returning the money now would be impossible.

I haven’t done anything wrong,
I reasoned, as I tied my shoes and pulled on my coat.
Mom should have gotten me a cell phone. So I’m just getting one myself.

“Ready to go?” Mom asked me.

“Yeah, I guess so.” I couldn’t meet her gaze.

I struggled to act normal on the way to school, fighting off the worry that kept invading my mind. I didn’t want to attract suspicion by any unusual behavior. But Mom seemed none the wiser as she dropped me off at the front entrance. I hurried inside without a backwards glance.

“Hey, Tess,” Sandy greeted me. “You coming tonight?”

I grinned and nodded. “Mom doesn’t know yet.”

“Way to go,” Lois cheered. “You gotta live your own life, Tess. Why be hung up on your parents? Oh, I just know we’re gonna have so much fun with you! Wait til I tell Alyssa.”

Sandy linked her arm through mine and together we walked down the hall. I couldn’t keep from smiling, even laughing, out of pure happiness.
This is the way life’s supposed to be
.
Why’d I wait so long to do this?

I held my head high as we walked into class and sat down. Across the room, Janet caught my eye and smiled. I looked away. Just seeing Janet made me feel guilty these days.

At lunch, Lois pulled me over to sit with Alyssa and her friends. Alyssa was a loud, fun-loving girl who laughed almost as much as she talked. She had a good sense of humor and even got me laughing a few times. I could see why the girls flocked to her parties.

As the lunch period drew to a close, Lois took me aside. “Hey, you gotta call your mom yet, don’t you?”

I nodded.

“Here.” She handed me her cell phone. “Just punch the number and listen.”

My finger shook as I touched the little numbers on the screen.

“Hello?” That was my mom’s standard telephone greeting. Flat, with an edge of rudeness to it.

I swallowed hard. I had to say something. “Uh, Mom, this is Tessa. Look, I’m gonna–”

I got no further. Mom’s anger erupted like a nest of yellow jackets. “You thief! What have you done with my money this time? Speak up or I’ll call the police!”

I was speechless. Not knowing how to hang up on a cell phone, I listened helplessly.

“Don’t tell me,” she continued. “You bought a cell phone. Well, you’ll pay for it. You’re gonna be one miserable kid when I get my hands on you.” Then the line went dead.

Thoroughly shaken, I stared down at the phone in my hand.

“What’s the matter?” Lois asked, taking the phone. “Did she say no?”

I shook my head. “I-I can’t go.” Tears filled my eyes. I stumbled out into the hall, shoving past Heather and a couple of other students standing near the doorway.

“Why Tess, what’s happened?” Heather asked.

Ignoring her, I started down the empty hall in the direction of my locker. Why wouldn’t that girl leave me alone?

Heather caught up and began walking beside me.

“What’s the deal?” I demanded. “It’s against the rules to be out here during lunch period, you know.”

“Yeah, I know that.”

For some reason that made me angry. “Then what?
You obsessed with trying to help people or something?”

“No.” She hesitated. “I know you think I won’t understand, but maybe you’re wrong. Will you tell me what’s the matter?”

I walked faster. “I’m fine. I don’t need you.” I yanked my locker open and began shuffling through my books, keeping my back to her so she couldn’t see the tears welling in my eyes.

“Tess, listen. I care about you. I pray for you every day.”

“You’re crazy.” My voice was a choked scream. “Just go. Leave me alone!”

“I’ll go if you want,” Heather said. “But I’m still going to be your friend.”

I tugged a tissue from my purse and dabbed my eyes, then straightened and glanced around. Heather had slipped away. I was alone. I leaned against the open locker and silently cried.

***

I had to force myself to walk out to the car after school that day. I slid into the back seat without a word and waited for Mom to scold me.

She didn’t. As she put the car in gear and started across town, the silence became oppressive. I wanted to say I was sorry, but the words wouldn’t come.

Mom turned at Willow Street and pulled into the parking lot of Allen’s Super Foods. Then she faced me. “Where’s the money?”

“In my knapsack.”

“Get it.”

I pulled out the wad of rumpled bills and handed it to her.

“No, you keep it,” she said. “Put it in your pocket and come with me.”

As I followed her into the store, a feeling of dread tightened in my stomach. What was she up to? I never went to Allen’s with her anymore because all the clerks recognized me as a shoplifter.

Mom stopped just inside the doors. “There’s a cart load of groceries up there behind the customer service desk. I picked them up this morning; but thanks to you, I didn’t have the money to pay for them. Now, do you want a cell phone, or would you rather eat?”

I stared at her. “Eat, of course. But…”

“Then you go pay for them.”

I glanced over at the service counter. There sat Bruce, watching the whole scene with a look of satisfaction. I cringed. “Mom, please. Don’t make me.”

My mother was unmoved. “You gotta learn somehow. This isn’t the first time you’ve robbed me. Now get up there. Or would you rather face Walter?”

She had me cornered, and she knew it.

“I hate you.” I glared at her, then marched up to the counter and slapped the money down.

“Ah, Tessa.” Bruce gave me a long look. “So we meet again, eh? What can I do for you?”

I could have killed him for that ugly smirk on his face. “I’m paying for them groceries. You know that.”

“Which ones?”

“My mom’s, of course.”

“That’s $76.13.” He shoved the change toward me. “Now beat it, punk.”

Mom came over at that point and took the cart. I turned and all but ran for the door. I felt angry and miserable and ashamed of myself all at once. I hunched in the back seat of the car, wishing I could disappear.

Mom loaded the trunk and then climbed into the driver’s seat. “Never, ever do that again,” she said. “Do you understand?”

I didn’t raise my head.

“I did this because you need to understand how serious stealing is. Someday you’ll thank me for it.”

Yeah, right.
I felt more like punching her.

“You should know that Walter once spent a year in jail for burglary.”

Somehow the revelation didn’t surprise me.

“It was a long time ago, back when your sisters were little. You worry me, Tess. You have a lot of Walter in you. If you don’t watch yourself, you’ll end up just like him.”

Much as I resented the lecture, her warning stuck in my mind like a burr. What did she mean, that I had a lot of Walter in me? How could I, when I hated him so much?

At home I locked myself in my room, partly because Walter was around, but mostly to avoid having to interact with Mom. I felt miserable. If only I hadn’t stolen the hundred dollars, I might be at Alyssa’s party enjoying myself. Instead, here I was, stuck at home again. Why had I been so stupid?

***

The following day was a Saturday. I spent the morning sorting through the junk in my closet, the radio blaring to drown out my parents’ off-and-on arguing. Around noon, Mom dropped by to say she had to run a bank deposit into town. Normally I would have stayed home, especially since I wasn’t on speaking terms with her. But because Walter was around, I decided to go with her.

The transaction at the bank took only a few moments. Mom swung by the convenience store across the street and bought some bread and a couple packs of cigarettes. Then she turned right on Bridge Street and began driving up through town. “Let’s stop by the bakery and get something special for dessert tonight,” she suggested. “Sound good?”

I shrugged. “Whatever. Last I heard, you didn’t have money for stuff like that.”

“You’re right, I don’t. I might not do this again, but I’m doing it today.” She pulled over in front of the bakery. “So, what do you want?”

“Nothing. You’re just trying to buy me off over yesterday. Aren’t you!” I tossed her an angry glare.

“Now wait a minute. I know I was hard on you yesterday, but you needed it.”

I turned my gaze to the stream of cars rushing past my door.

“You know, I don’t appreciate the reputation I’m starting to get as your mother. And it was very embarrassing yesterday when I went to pay for my groceries and discovered I only had thirteen dollars. Maybe what I did wasn’t fair. But all the shame and embarrassment coming to me isn’t fair, either.”

I continued to stare out the window. Mom had it all wrong, but what was the point of arguing with her? Even Walter could not win arguments with her.

The car door slammed as Mom left to go into the bakery. I glanced over, and my eye fell on the key still stuck in the ignition.
The missing key!
A shiver of excitement ran through me. Why not hijack the car right now? It would serve her right.

My heart beat so fast I thought it would break out of my chest. I slipped over into the driver’s seat and reached a shaking hand for the ignition.

At that moment, Mom’s words from yesterday echoed through my mind. “If you don’t watch it, you’ll end up just like Walter.”

I hesitated.
Do I want to prove her right? Isn’t stealing the car just because I can, something a criminal would do? Maybe I’m a lot like Walter already.
The thought bothered me. After a moment of indecision, I moved back to my own side of the car.

When Mom returned, she set the white paper bag on my lap. “I got your favorite. There was only one left.”

I said nothing, but on the way home, I opened the bag and peeked inside. Sure enough, Mom had gotten me a cherry bismarck.

I shook my head. She was still wrong about yesterday. But at least she wasn’t mad at me.

20

M
om and I spent the latter part of Sunday afternoon much like the other inhabitants of Northford – watching the football game over a bowl of popcorn. I probably should have spent the time doing homework, but Mom didn’t mention it.

The game was a tense one. Although the Packers were a comfortable fourteen points ahead at halftime, the Cowboys steadily closed the gap after that. With fifty seconds left on the clock and our team down by three points, I thought surely the game was lost. But then we intercepted a pass and ran it back for a surprise touchdown, ending the game.

“Wow, that was close.” I stood up to stretch. “Maybe we’ll make it to the playoffs yet. Can we have a pizza to celebrate?”

“A pizza?” Mom looked doubtful. “I’m afraid not. There aren’t any more pizzas in the freezer.”

“Couldn’t we make one?”

Mom glanced from her watch to the cuckoo clock by the door. “It’s past seven. You want to start a pizza now?”

“Why not?”

She laughed. “Well, I suppose. C’mon, you can help.”

I shredded two kinds of cheese, cut a green pepper and a package of cold meat into narrow strips, and drained a can of olives while Mom prepared the crust dough and sauce. After letting the crust rise a few minutes, we piled on the toppings and slid our creation into a hot oven.

“You better take a shower while this bakes,” Mom said. “It’s getting late, and you do have school in the morning.”

A tantalizing aroma greeted me when I emerged from the bathroom some time later. Mom had the table set and was cutting the pizza with a chef’s knife.

“It looks good,” I said. I couldn’t remember the last time we’d had homemade pizza. Long strings of cheese trailed across the yellow vinyl tablecloth as Mom scooped a wedge onto each of our plates.

“You’ll need a fork,” she advised. “The crust is a bit soft.”

I took a bite and chewed thoughtfully. Our pizza tasted nothing like the frozen disks we bought at Allen’s, but it wasn’t bad at all. I took another bite.

We ate half the pizza before declaring ourselves full. “We’ll keep the rest for tomorrow,” Mom said. “You got any room left for ice cream?”

“Aren’t we out?”

“I think there’s a tiny bit left. We’ll split it.” She started toward the refrigerator, then stopped dead as if she’d hit a concrete wall. “What in…”

Cold fear touched my heart. For I too saw it – the evil red and blue lights glinting off the kitchen windows.

Mom reached over and flipped off the chandelier, leaving only the dim light above the stove. Together we hurried to the window. Parked in the driveway behind Walter’s truck were two police cars. Walter was leaning casually against the driver’s door of the truck, talking to the officers. The pulsating lights lent an eerie yet fascinating aspect to the scene.

“This doesn’t look good,” Mom muttered. But after a few minutes, the officers simply got into their cars and left.

“Uh-oh. Here he comes.” Mom hurried to clear the table. “Just act like nothing’s happened. Start the dishes.”

The back door slammed with enough force to rattle the glasses on the table. “You dirty traitor!” Walter screamed. “You’re gonna pay for this one!” Clods of grimy snow flew from his boots as he kicked a chair out of the way and advanced on Mom with doubled fists.

Mom’s face went white. She grabbed the iron fry pan off the stove and swung at him with all her might. Walter jumped sideways and slammed her up against the stove. The fry pan crashed to the floor. Walter grabbed her hair and began slugging her in the face.

It all happened so fast. I stood frozen in horror, the dishcloth in my hand slowly dripping water onto the rug. Mom was screaming. Blood streamed from her nose down onto her pink sweater. Walter shook her and threw her to the floor. He bent, reaching for the iron fry pan. I had to do something.

I threw myself onto him, wrapping my arms around his chest, and kicked him in the shins as hard as I could. He wheeled and struck me in the thigh with the fry pan, a glancing blow, but hard enough to hurt. I broke free and dashed for my room. Walter chased me, his heavy boots clumping on the floor. I slammed the door and frantically pulled the bolts. Would they hold or not?

A thunderous crash shook the door. “Open up!” Another crash followed, and then another. I backed up against the far wall, trembling like an aspen leaf. What had I done? If those bolts gave way, I’d be dead. Vividly I recalled how he’d broken in our front door the other night with nothing but a crowbar. I had to get out of here.

I shoved open my window and hit the rusty screen hard with my fist. The frame bent outwards an inch or two, but the screen held. Wildly I glanced about for something sharp enough to cut it.

Another crash shook the door. This time I heard little splintering sounds. I grabbed the kitchen scissors off my bed and half cut, half tore a giant X across the screen. I hoisted myself onto the sill and slid through the opening feet first.

I dropped into shin-deep snow. The wind rushed upon me, stinging my face and snatching my breath away, but I scarcely noticed as I ran across the front yard toward the road. My mind raced. Should I hide in the brush? Hitchhike? Try to walk all the way to town? As cold as it was, I knew I wouldn’t survive long. Already my throat hurt from gulping the freezing air.

I know,
I thought.
Heather’s place. I’ll go there.
I shot a quick glance over my shoulder. Walter wasn’t on my tail, not yet. I pulled my turtleneck up over my mouth in a crude effort to protect my face and throat from the biting air, and kept running.