That Dog Won't Hunt (Dearing Family Series) (13 page)

Christina heard a knock on her bedroom door. Her nerves spritzed. How many times did she have to say she didn’t want to talk to anyone?

“Christina, it’s Ben.”

Ben! She checked her watch. He shouldn’t be back for at least another hour.

“Let me in.”

She had to look a sight. All that crying and makeup smeared. She jumped from the bed and checked herself in the mirror. Ran both hands through her hair.

With a deep breath, she opened the door.

Ben looked down at her, worry creasing his forehead. He was sunburned and sweaty, and she couldn’t read his expression.

He was probably really ticked at her.

He came into the room and closed the door. Kept gazing at her, as if she might melt through the floor any minute.

“What happened?”

“Why are you back so early?”

“Mom called me. What happened?”

Tears pricked Christina’s eyes. She turned away. “Everything.”

Ben took her hand. Sat her down on the gold-padded bench against the wall. He settled beside her. “Tell me.”

Where to begin? She’d alienated everyone in the family, starting with the dog. She’d ruined a very expensive meal. She’d argued with Jess—when Jess was trying to apologize. There was no going back on any of it now.

“You can’t fix this, Ben. I know you think you can fix everything, but …” She raised a hand.

He was silent for a moment. “You’re right.
You’re
gonna have to do some of it.”

“I
can’t
.”

“Sure you can. I’ll be there beside you.”

Christina shook her head. She didn’t know how to even face the family again, much less make things right. “I’ve done everything wrong. They don’t like me.”

“That’s not true. It’s all in your head.”

She pictured Jess’s face as they argued, the rigidness of her body. Her cutting tone. “Jess does
not
like me.”

Ben sighed. “First you have to tell me what happened.”

“Didn’t your mom tell you anything?”

“I want to hear it from
you
.”

Oh. So they
had
been talking about her.

Then what was the point of going over it again? She didn’t want to hear the words from her own mouth. They would all sound so silly.

“Come on, Christina.”

She heaved a sigh.

Head down, she told him. Everything. By the time she was done her mouth was dry. And she felt more stupid than ever. How had she let all that happen? She should have just stood up to bratty Alex.

“I’m so sorry.” Ben patted her leg. “I never should have left you.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It is. If I’d been here none of this would have happened.”

Maybe so, but she couldn’t blame him. All of the anger that had popped out of her last night and this afternoon seemed to have drained away. She couldn’t find the tiniest bit left inside her.

Was it gone for good?

Maybe she was just too worn out to feel it.

“Please forgive me for leavin’ you.” Ben put an arm around her. She tensed at his touch. “Last night I promised not to ask too much of you. And I already failed.”

She still couldn’t look at him. “There’s nothing to forgive.”

Ben rubbed her shoulder.

“Okay, then.” His tone lightened. “Let’s get out of this room and join the family.”

Sure.

“Except I need to take a shower first. We’ll have somethin’ else to eat tonight. Everybody will be just fine.”

Christina stared at the carpet. She wasn’t just fine. Couldn’t he see that? “I want you to take me home, Ben.”

He stilled. “I am takin’ you home—on Monday.”

“I want to leave now.”

She nodded.

“Why?”

What did she have to do, lay it all out for him? No matter how much they tried to love each other, they were just too different. She didn’t understand him; he didn’t understand her. They never would.

“I’m not takin’ you home.” Ben’s voice firmed. “You can’t run away from this. It would just leave everything hangin’, and you’d have to fix it later.”

“Don’t you get it?” She twisted to face him. “I can’t be a part of your family!”

Ben blinked, shock creasing his face. “What do you mean? Of course you can.”

Christina looked away, closed her eyes. “No. I can’t.”

She could hear him breathing.

Ben took his arm away from her shoulders. “I don’t get it. Why are you doing this?”

She couldn’t reply.

He thumped the side of the bench. “You said you loved me.”

“I do.” Her heart wanted to bend in two.

“And I love you. So … what’s the problem?”

“Sometimes love’s not enough.”

“It’s
always
enough.”

She rubbed a thumb over her fingers. “Don’t you see? There’s too much difference between you and me. I don’t … I don’t know how to do this.”

“Do what, be at a family reunion?”

“Be with
you
, Ben. Because you’re so much a part of them.”

He gazed at her, incredulous. “You don’t want to be with me?”

“I do, but … it won’t work.”

“So … what then? You tellin’ me you want to break our engagement?”

He had to know that’s what she was saying. That it was over between them. It had to be. Because she would never come between him and his family, not that she’d succeed if she tried. “You know I don’t fit here.”

“Of course you do. Because you fit with
me.”

She gave her head a tiny shake.

“Okay, then, Christina, where
do
you fit?”

She hesitated, then shrugged.

“Come on, that deserves an answer. Where do you fit? Back in your parents’ house?”

Her fingers dug into the bench’s cushion. How could he even say that?

“Or maybe at work, goin’ home each night alone? Where you sit and think about your wretched childhood?”

Pain exploded in Christina’s lungs. She held back a sob.

“Because that’s all you had before we got together. And it’s all you’ll have again without me—your awful memories of parents so horrible I could strangle them with my bare hands. You want to wallow in that the rest of your life, Christina? Is that what you want?”

That wasn’t fair. “If I did, I wouldn’t have ever let you take me out.”

“But now you want to return to it? To your bruised life, alone?”

“I … no.”

Ben raised his hands. “Then
what
are we talkin’ about?”

Christina pushed to her feet. Some of the anger she couldn’t find a minute ago now trickled through her. Why did he have to make this so hard?

“I
don’t
fit with your family! I don’t have any idea how to be in a close, big group like them. It’s so far from my childhood, you can’t even imagine.”

“I know.” Ben’s expression softened. He leaned forward to reach for her, but she stepped back.

His hands fell to his lap, his eyes glazing with tears. “Don’t pull away from me. Please.”

Her own eyes filled again. “We can’t be together, Ben. It just won’t work. I’ll never measure up. So we might as well stop now.”

“Of course you measure up. You’re more than I ever dreamed of.”

Her tears fell. But she shook her head. “Take me home. Please.”

A mask of pain pulled over Ben’s face. He stood. “I’m not takin’ you.” His chin quivered, even as he spit out the words. “I’m gonna let you sit right here, in this room. You want to stay here all tonight and tomorrow and pout about what a sorry person you are, be my guest. We want you out there with us,
part
of us, me especially. But I can’t force you. Nobody can do this but
you
.”

Christina’s eyes locked with Ben’s, unable to tear away. She swallowed, and it hurt her throat.

“Here’s what it comes down to, Christina. Are you gonna let your awful past ruin the rest of your life? Or are you willin’ to do the work to climb out of it? Build a new future? Because that future belongs with
me
.” He poked himself in the chest. “Nobody else is gonna love you like I do. No other family will love you like this one—if you’ll just let ’em. If you’ll quit pushin’ everyone away.” He swung away from her, then reeled back. “You keep talkin’ about how you’re not good enough. Truth is, you act like you’re
too
good. That you’re beyond my love, my family’s acceptance. That’s an arrogance all its own. You wanna spend the rest of your life with that kind of attitude, go right ahead. But you’ll be miserable. And you’ll
deserve
it!”

Ben pushed past her and flung open the door. Strode through it and closed it hard without looking back. Christina heard his heavy footsteps fade down the hall.

She stared at the door, stunned.

The hurt inside her burst open, and her legs went weak. Christina threw herself on the bed and cried.