That Thing Between Eli and Gwen (31 page)

She walked up to me and placed her hands on my face. “You sound like you’ve lost your mind and it’s scaring me, Gwen. What happened? Are your parents okay? Is everything okay?”

I bit my lip, trying to stop myself from breaking down, but it didn’t work. Nothing worked, and all I could do was hug her.

“Okay, cry first. We can talk later.”

Chapter Twenty-Five

Love Me Enough To…

Guinevere

Later didn’t come for two days. Every time I tried to talk about it, my eyes would start to burn and I would break down again. Stevie and I sat on the beach, Taigi’s head on my lap as the sun rose over the horizon. She handed me the chocolate bar, and I broke myself off another piece.

“He called me,” she whispered. “Eli. He called last night, wanting to know if I had spoken to you. He sounded like he was—”

“Please don’t,” I begged, brushing Taigi’s fur. “Each time I think of him, I think of her, pregnant. If I stayed in his life then I would be jealous, and upset, and…forced to see her as long as he wanted to be with me. I just see myself getting hurt, and hurting him in return.”

On top of the fact that I wasn’t even sure if I wanted kids, let alone being step-anything to anyone.

“So you are never going to speak to him again? It’s not his fault, Gwen.”

“I know. I know it’s not his fault. All of this was before me, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s going to be a father, or is one already. I don’t see any room for me. There is no room for me in his life. It’s neither of our fault, but I can’t; I don’t want to spend my life waiting on the sidelines, hoping one day it will be just us.” I tried to laugh, but my voice cracked. “Remember how I said Nathaniel wasn’t the right guy for you? Thank you for telling me to shove it, because I would hate it if I had messed up your life as much as I have mine.”

“You didn’t mess up your life.” She took my hand. “Things just happen, and life is just life. And you were right about Nathaniel back then, he was a tool. He cheated on me.”

“No, he didn’t.” If he had, I was going to kill him.

She nodded, spinning the ring on her finger. “It was a few weeks after I dropped out. I met the girl and punched her right in the face, but I couldn’t face you. I didn’t drop out because of Nathaniel, I dropped out because I couldn’t keep up, and there you were, excelling at the speed of light. I felt like my world was crumbling, and I couldn’t face you or my parents, so I broke up with Nathaniel and worked at a bar that year we didn’t speak. I could have called you at any time, but I just wanted to be on my own. Nathaniel and I had just gotten back together when we became friends again. I never told you because it seemed dumb in hindsight, and I knew you would be upset you hadn’t come earlier.”

“I’m a pretty bad friend. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, Stevie, and here I am coming to you now, crying all over your shoulder.”

She shrugged. “You came because you trusted me, and I’m happy. I feel bad that I didn’t trust you enough back then.”

I pulled her into a hug, and we both fell onto the sand, laughing.

“Promise me no matter what, you will tell me if anything happens, all right? And if Nathaniel ever—”

“I got it, I got it. Go, you have your own love life to sort out.”

That was the problem. I had a life, but I no longer had a love life.

Eli

I was a father.

My daughter's name was Sophia May Davenport.

She weighed 3lbs, 4.3oz.

And she was beautiful.

She was even able to breathe on her own, but would not leave the NICU for a while, and she couldn’t come out of her incubator yet. Even so, she was still beautiful. I had spent the last 48 hours next to her. She would need a few more tests, but my mother believed she would make it. Right then, Hannah was in with her, sitting in her wheelchair, while I stood outside, signing papers.

“You look like you’ve had a rough couple of days.”

Hearing her voice made me freeze. I quickly prayed that when I turned around she would be there, and thanked God that she was when I did.

She held up a cup of what smelled like coffee for me.

Ignoring it, I pulled her into my arms…only she didn’t hug me back. She just stood there.

“Guinevere,” I said, breaking free. “I know this is messy and confusing, but I will work it out, I promise you—”

“Eli, it’s okay,” she whispered, placing the cup in my hand. “Don’t worry about me, I’m going to be fine. The only person that should be on your mind is your daughter. Congratulations. I really hope she gets much stronger.”

I hated this, how she smiled and it was so obviously fake, how it felt like she had closed the door on me. She had become cold.

“Guinevere, don’t.” I could feel it coming. “I know I can figure this out. Don’t shut me out. Give me a chance. Give us a chance—”

“Eli, we were just a fling.”

She all but stabbed me with her words, smiling still. “We were two lonely people who found comfort in each other, and now it’s time to get back to reality. You’ve been a great friend to me—”

“Stop it.” I couldn’t listen anymore.

“Eli—”

“Stop saying my name like that, like I never mattered to you. You are lying to my face right now; it’s so clear I feel insulted that you think I wouldn’t notice.”

“
National Geographic
is starting a new magazine called
The Real
. I’m going to be leaving for India, and then South Korea, and Russia. I’m going to take pictures all over the world, Eli, and you’re going to be an amazing father. ”

“You are running.” She was running as far as possible from me, and it hurt in ways I couldn’t begin to describe.

“I’m going to—”

“To take pictures, I heard you, but don’t go. You love me, so don’t go, Guinevere.”

For the first time, the fake mask she had been hiding under started to crack, and she couldn’t force that smile any more. “I never said I loved you, Eli. So let’s just do this—”

“Simply? Easily? Does any of this look simple or easy? Guinevere, you told me with your hands, your eyes, your body, that you were in love with me, and now you are running to India without giving me a chance.”

She shook her head, brushing hair behind her ear. “It was just sex, Eli—”

“You said it. You said it, right before you fell asleep in my arms that night. You must have thought you were only thinking it, but you said it with your own two lips, six words: I’m in love with you, Eli.
So don’t tell me it was just sex. Don’t smile and say we were a fling.” I cupped her cheek, forcing her to look at me. “It wasn’t, we aren’t. With every fiber of my being, I know that what is between us is more than that, because I’m in love with you, too, Guinevere. So love me enough to say the words. Please.”

When she looked back to me, her eyes filled with tears she wouldn’t let fall. “Love me enough to let me go, Eli.”

My hand dropped from her face and I felt my eyes burn. I couldn’t. I wouldn't let us end that way, and yet she was going to leave. She didn’t deny she loved me, and she was still just going to leave me anyway. “Okay,” I whispered, and I hoped it hurt her to hear as much as it hurt me to say.

She nodded, walking away.

“Guinevere,” I called.

She stopped, but didn’t turn back to me.

“Eat a lot in India, and laugh even more in South Korea, and remember to keep warm in Russia. Wherever you go after that, be safe, stay healthy, and when you are ready to return home…come back to me. I will be here. In a year, in five, or ten, or twenty years, I’ll be right here, waiting for you to come back to me.”

Her body partially turned.

And partially I hoped.

But she just kept walking away.

“Are you—”

“No,” I said to Ian, handing him the cup of coffee she'd given me as her parting present. “I’m not all right.”

Chapter Twenty-Six

The Hero and the Heroine

Guinevere

I felt sick. With each step I took across the airport, my heart ached, but I kept walking, pulling my suitcase behind me as I went.

This was right.

This would be great for my career.

It’s what I’d always wanted.

Why does it feel like I’m trying to convince myself? It’s the truth! I love what I do and now I get to take photos all over the world. Places I have always dreamed of were just one plane ride away and yet I wanted to—

“Gwen?”

Turning around, Bash smiled brightly, a plane ticket in his hand, his jacket casually laid over his arm. I couldn’t do this.

“Bash—”

“I know. You hate me right now, and you should, but we fell in love through your art once, and I’m not going to deny that I hope it happens again because you are the—”

“Bash. I forgive you.” I smiled, facing him. “And I don’t hate you. Hating you makes me tired. But you need to understand I don’t feel the same. There isn’t any art in the world that can change that. I’m not going to rebuild us, so please let me go.”

Before he could reply, I felt a shiver go up my spine at the voice behind me.

“Guinevere.”

I didn’t turn around, gripping on to the handle of my suitcase.

“Guinevere.”

He called again, his voice closer.

I glanced up to Bash, and the look on his face made me want to laugh, yet for some stupid reason, my eyes began to water.

“How did you even get here?” Bash questioned.

Eli simply ignored him. “Guinevere…I’ll wait,” he said calmly.

Taking a deep breath, I partially turned back to him. He stood there in blue scrubs, his dark hair a mess, his eyes only on me. When I faced him completely, the corners of his mouth turned up slowly until he had a full blown grin on his face and his smile made me smile, I couldn’t help it.

“Don’t look at me like that.” It made me feel better and hurt all at the same time.

“Sorry, I can’t help it,” he replied, taking a step closer to me. “Yesterday you asked me to love you enough to let you go and I did, because I never want to stop you from doing what you want. I thought I could bear it. Actually I’m a little embarrassed because I even gave you that stupid speech about being happy, but I’m a lot more selfish than I thought. When I woke up this morning I realized I didn’t want you to be happy without me because I’m not happy without you. I get why you’re scared, but trust in the fact that I love you in ways I can’t even describe though I wish I could, because then I’d know why I can’t think straight when we are in the same room. Don’t run from me Guinevere. Love me enough to stay.”

He didn’t just take my breath away, he was the air in my lungs and I had no words, just tears. Cupping the sides of my face, he brushed them away with a smile. The more I looked at him, the more I loved him. Like a movie, everything—all the pain we had gone through just to get there—played in my mind, and I realized maybe it wasn’t just love between us, but fate.

“Okay,” I finally managed to say, letting go of my suitcase.

“Thank you,” he whispered over my lips, and I knew the moment his lips were on mine…it had to be fate.

It had to be him.

Eli

Neither of us had said a word since leaving the airport, and it wasn’t as easy as taking her hand and running off. She had to pick up Taigi and postpone—not cancel—her trip. She promised to call Sebastian in the morning and I would have been lying if I’d said I was fine. Part of me felt like I was only delaying the unavoidable.

“I’ll get some wine,” I told her when we stepped inside my flat. She didn’t reply, just took a seat on the couch as Taigi curled into a ball at the base of it. Leaning over, she stroked his fur softly. Grabbing two glasses and two bottles, I moved back over to her, sitting right beside her.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?” she said softly, the corner of her lips turning up.

“Yes,” I admitted, and she finally glanced at me. The look in her brown eyes was different from what it had been at the airport, proving maybe she had just said yes because she was caught up in the moment. “We have our best conversations when we are in the process of getting drunk.”

Uncorking one of the bottles, I filled her glass and then mine before leaning back into the couch behind me.

Again, silence.

It was killing me. She wasn’t the silent type; she was a rambler and I liked that about her, so I guessed it was up to me.

“What are you afraid of?” I asked as I drank.

“You can’t be serious,” she replied, still not drinking, just staring at the glass.

“But I am. I want to hear it. Everything going through your mind. Even the things you think I’ll judge you for thinking. The one thing I love about us, Guinevere, is that we talk, we laugh, we tease each other, we laugh more, and we drink. Before being my girlfriend, you were my friend; I love that.”

She drank, not a little bit, but her whole damn glass, the wine even slipping out the corner of her mouth. When she was done, she inhaled deeply and wiped her mouth.

“We’re going to hate each other,” she confessed as I refilled her glass. “Not in the beginning. We’ll try to be understanding, but eventually I’m going to get jealous. I’m going to see you and your daughter and feel like the odd man out. Which is horrible, Eli. She’s your kid. I’ll know that, but I’ll still be hurt. You’ll feel guilty and then annoyed because I’m not going to be happy or I’ll start avoiding you because of it. Slowly we will wear each other down until…until we’re fighting all the time, fighting because we love each other and don’t want to let go, but realistically know we should. I can see it so clearly, me not seeing you because of work and then when I do you have to be with your daughter. Besides, I still have things I want to do with my career too… I’m selfish, Eli. I don’t like that I am, but I don’t want to share you with Hannah or your daughter or anyone. I feel like they are standing between us, like they are the thing between us… I want to spend some time getting to know you and being with you. Those are the things I’m thinking about.”