The After Girls (35 page)

“Is it weird that it’s been like the worst and best summer of my life?” he asked.

In the distance she could hear Sydney’s fiddle, going a mile a minute, and screams from people probably chugging beers or taking shots. But right here she heard the coo of the creek, and the sound of Jake, so close to her, breathing in and out.

“No,” she said. “No, it’s not.”

His eyes locked on hers, and she couldn’t look away. She wouldn’t look away. She didn’t want to.

“I’m going to miss you,” she said, but he didn’t answer, he just leaned forward, and before she knew it, his lips were on hers, and his arms were wrapped around her, and he was holding her, supporting her,
kissing her
like she’d wanted him to all this time. But it was even better than even imagined. It was real.

He pulled back, and she caught her breath, and he smiled. “I’ve wanted to do that all summer,” he said.

She smiled back. “Me, too.”

He leaned in again, and she felt light and weightless, like the gravity tethering them to this world was nothing, and they could float out, up into the sky and be their own constellation.

And in that moment, everything felt right.

• • •

They found Sydney back up on the porch.

“And where have
you two
been?” she asked, flitting her eyes from Ella to Jake. Jake just laughed, but Ella felt herself blush.

“Let’s get a drink,” she said, pulling Sydney aside and pushing her towards the cooler. Ella grabbed two beers and handed one to Syd, who was practically jumping for joy.

“You guys totally did it, didn’t you, like right in the grass.”

Ella looked at her friend. “You’re disgusting.”

“Okay, okay,” Sydney said, pulling Ella to the railing where there were fewer people. She leaned up against it and took a sip of her beer. “So really, tell me what happened.”

Ella smiled, taking a sip herself. “Okay, so we kissed.”

“Yay!” Sydney said, jumping up and down. Her honey-brown roots were really starting to show.

“Get ahold of yourself,” Ella said.

“Okay, okay,” she said. “I’m good. But seriously,
finally.
Cheers to that.”

“Cheers.” And they clinked bottles.

“So was it good?” Sydney asked.

Ella nodded. “Yes, very.”

“Awesome,” she said. “Now who says I don’t throw an amazing party? Apparently that was all you guys needed to, like, confess your love to each other.”

Ella rolled her eyes, but she leaned on the railing, looking out at the people scattered across the yard. “It is a good party.”

“I know,” Sydney said, looking out at everyone herself. “It certainly is.”

They were quiet for a moment, silently sipping their beers, and Ella knew that they were both thinking the same thing. That it was good. That it was very good. But that Astrid wasn’t here.

Because even though the night was beautiful and Sydney was happy, and Ella could close her eyes and think about how good it was to kiss Jake, and Ben — even Ben — was here, there was someone who should have been here, too. Either standing with them on the porch, sipping on a beer, and jumping up and down at the latest Jake news, or out there on the lawn, with her hair falling across her back and her long hippie skirt spinning and her favorite key dangling around her neck. But she wasn’t. And she never would be.

And even when they went to college and they made new friends and graduated and went into the real world and found husbands and started families and gained weight and clipped coupons and made time to watch the news every night and yelled at their own teenagers for drinking and throwing parties, there would be a hole, a missing piece, bigger some days than others, but always there nonetheless.

Ella took a sip of beer, and stared at the stars, and moved closer to Sydney, so their arms just barely touched.

No matter what happened, it would always be
after
.

But for tonight, at least, that was okay.

Many thanks to my agent, Danielle Chiotti, for ingenious ideas and moral support; to my editor, Jacquelyn Mitchard, who helped bring this story to life; to Micol Ostow and the Mediabistro crew, for spot-on notes and advice; to all the NC and NY friends who encouraged me and generously read my stories and drafts; to my mom and dad, for teaching me to do what I love and never doubting that I could; to my sister Kimberly, teen-fiction expert, stand-in editor, grassroots publicist, and best friend all in one; and to Thomas, for adventure, positivity, and much-needed laughter along the way.

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