The After Girls (34 page)

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi.”

“I just wanted to see you again,” she said.

He smiled. “I missed you, too. Come on,” he said. “Becky can cover for me. Let’s sit down.”

She followed him to a table in the corner, and she set her stuff down on a chair.

“Hold on,” he said, and he popped behind the counter and emerged with two hot cups of coffee.

They sat down as if they were two normal customers, as if they weren’t completely, tragically, wrapped up in this place. As if they were just two kids getting coffee.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes,” she said, taking a bitter sip. “Are you?”

“Uh huh.”

It was such a strange way to start a conversation. And yet it made perfect sense for them.

“How’s it going?” he asked.

“Okay,” she said. She took another sip. “Ben and I split up.” And she felt stupid for saying it so quickly. Like she was purposefully letting him know or something. He’d probably expected the standard,
Fine. How are you?

But his eyes only looked caring. Understanding.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. “It must be so hard with everything else.”

“It’s okay,” she said, trying to recover. “I mean, it was a long time coming. It needed to happen.”

“Well, I’m still sorry,” he said. “If there’s anything I can do …”

There is nothing you can do
, she thought.
At least nothing you
should
do.

“I’m really fine,” she said. “But thanks.”

“Cool,” Jake said, taking the cup in his hand and taking a sip. “There’s something I want to tell you,” he said, and for a second, her pulse quickened, like he might tell her he felt the same way, like he might confess his love to her right here in the middle of the café.

“We’re selling the house,” he said, and her heart sank in more ways than one. The house she’d spent so much time in. The house with Astrid’s room. The shortcut to the cabin. All gone.

“Whoa,” she said.

“Yeah,” he replied. “I know. But there’s nothing else to do. The doctors say it would be too much for Grace to come back here. And this will give her some more money for the treatment facility — it’s nice,” he said. “Plus, she’s not going to be working again any time soon.”

“Will she be okay?” Ella asked. “To stay there? Will there be enough money?”

Jake nodded. “Believe it or not, Robert’s going to help her.”

“Robert?”

“Astrid’s dad.”

“Oh.”

“I know,” he said. “It weirded me out when my mom told me. But he’s apparently some bigshot in Manhattan or something. I guess he can afford to help.”

Ella just nodded.

“I still hate him,” Jake said. “But she needs the help. My parents are teachers in West Virginia. They’re not exactly loaded.”

Ella nodded again, processing. “And what’s happening to this place?”

“My mom’s going to stay awhile until it sells. She’s hiring a new store manager and stuff. It will still be around, probably. Unless the new guys turn it into something lame, like a Starbucks.”

“That’s good, I guess.”

“It is.”

“I’m amazed Grace actually kept it going these last few years.”

“She had a lot of help,” he said. “Astrid was there a lot. My dad did all the accounting. My mom came down when she really needed a hand.”

“Really?” she asked.

“Yeah, they both helped her keep it afloat many times.”

“Wow,” she said. “I had no idea.”

“She’s going to get better, Ella,” Jake said, putting his hand on top of hers. “She’s finally getting the help that she needs.”

“I hope so.”

“She is,” Jake said, removing his hand.

“I’ve actually been meaning to call you,” he said. “We’re going to sell all the furniture and stuff, but we’re putting all the clothes and pictures and memory things in boxes for Grace. My mom thought that you and Sydney might want to come and take a few things. For you guys to have.”

“Oh,” Ella said. “Yeah. Thanks.”

“Anytime you want,” he said. “Just swing by when you can.”

“Thanks, Jake,” she said.

“Thank you for doing so much for us,” he said. “Thank you for saving Grace.”

“Oh, it’s not. I mean, it was — ”

“Ella,” he said. “Thank you.”

She took another sip of coffee, letting it heat her up from the inside. “You’re welcome,” she said, and a part of her felt lighter than it had all summer. The important part.

• • •

Sydney was down with the idea. It was probably the first thing they’d straight-up agreed on all summer, besides which movies to veg out to. She picked Ella up a couple of days later, and they drove over.

When they parked, Sydney turned to her. “You definitely feel up to this, right?”

Ella nodded.

“I mean, if you don’t, we can come back later. Or I could just go in. Or — ”

“Sydney,” Ella said, looking right at her friend. “It’s okay. Trust me. I’m okay.”

“Really?” Sydney asked. Her eyes lit up. “Like, really really?”

“
Really
really.”

Syd pulled down the car mirror and messed around with her bangs. “What color do you think I should do next?” she asked.

“Au naturel.”

Sydney kept her eyes locked on the mirror. “Yeah, I was thinking about that myself.”

“Really?”

Sydney laughed, flipping the mirror back up. “I know, shocking, right? Even I still have a few tricks up my sleeve.”

Ella laughed, too.

“Ella,” Sydney said, turning to her. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Ella said.

“No, really, Ella. I’m sorry I thought you were crazy. I mean, I’m sorry I doubted you.”

Ella shrugged. “I probably sounded crazy.”

Sydney laughed. “Yeah, you did,” she said. “But I’m sure I didn’t help.”

“Thanks, Sydney.”

Sydney gave her a hug, and she wondered when was the last time they’d done this. A normal, friendly hug. Not a shaking sobbing hug. Just a hug. It felt nice.

“Let’s go,” she said.

“Okay.”

The door was wide open, so they walked inside.

The house was packed with boxes. Stickers and lists of where things were to go. What was going to storage and what was being sold. You had to hand it to Claire for her resourcefulness.

“Hey girls,” Jake said. He gave each of them a hug, but he held Ella the longest. He was so warm and sweet and cheerful that she wished they could just stand like this forever, holding each other.

But they couldn’t.

When Ella pulled back she felt tears in her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away.

Jake pointed towards Astrid’s room — the door was wide open — it looked strange. “I’ll just be down the hall in the living room,” he said.

Ella nodded. “Thanks, Jake.”

“Sure.”

Ella led the way to Astrid’s room. The windows were open, and the sun was shining in. The curtains had been taken down, and Astrid’s bed linens were in a box. It was the first time that Ella had been in the room and it hadn’t looked like Astrid was about to walk right in. It was weird — but something about it was nice, too — a relief.

“Thanks,
Jake
,” Sydney said in the most high-pitched and girlie voice possible.

“What?” Ella asked, turning around.

“Oh, nothing,” Sydney said, walking over to a box half-filled with clothes. “You guys just so totally have the hots for each other.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ella said, walking over to the mirror still covered in photos. She could see that her face was red.

“Sure you don’t,” Sydney said, sitting down on the naked bed.

“And shh,” Ella said, turning around. “He’s going to hear you.”

“Aha,” Sydney said. “So I’m right.”

Ella crossed her arms. “You know, just because you and Carter
finally
got together doesn’t mean that the whole world is as googly-eyed as you are.”

Sydney blushed at that, but was immediately back to her argument. “You are such a bad liar.”

“Besides,” Ella said. “I just split with Ben. We were together for three years.”

Sydney narrowed her eyes. “I know. And I’m sorry. I am. But you and Ben had been done awhile. As much as I love him, even I can see that now. And I can also see that you care about Jake.”

Ella sighed. Obviously Ben had, too. It made her feel good and bad all at the same time. “And what if I do?”

Sydney surprised her then. She stood up and gave her a hug. When she pulled back, she looked right at her. “I’m just saying that you deserve to be happy. After everything we’ve been through, we deserve it. You, especially.”

Ella looked down, and Sydney stepped back. There was nothing but the sound of the wind between them for a moment, and memories of Astrid, still so present in all of the things around them.

“Alright,” Sydney said, breaking the silence and flopping back down on the bed. “Where should we start?”

“You hit the closet? I’ll start over here?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Ella turned back to the mirror. Photos were still taped around the edges, and in a second she knew the one that she wanted the most. It was of the three of them, taken after a day of splash and sun at the rock quarry. Their hair was wet, plastered around their faces — which were red — but Astrid’s was bright, different — good, really good. Maybe everything hadn’t been a lie. Maybe the good times they’d had together really had been good. Maybe she and Sydney had been an escape for her. A tiny point of light in her murky world.

Astrid looked happy. She really did.

And Ella knew that Sydney was right.

She deserved it, too.

• • •

When Ella got home, she took all her stuff upstairs. She’d taken some old clothes, a hat. She and Sydney had split up Astrid’s yearbooks, but what she’d loved the most was the photos. Visual proof that their friendship had been real. A reminder anytime she was tempted to forget.

Ella knelt down and pulled a shoebox out from under her bed. It was big — it had held a pair of high boots that she’d never quite been able to pull off. She put the yearbooks inside. And the photos. And one of Astrid’s favorite dresses. But there was still space left.

She went to her purse and pulled out what she’d been carrying with her all week. The journal. The beat-up, leather-bound journal. The story of Astrid’s life.

She set it inside — carefully — and as she did her body rocked and the tears started, harder than ever. Here was all that she’d missed. All her friend had wanted to tell them. All that she hadn’t. All that they’d never thought to ask.

And Ella closed the box and shoved it back under the bed, and lay down on the floor and just let the tears come.

• • •

Ella spent the next week helping Jake and Claire when she could. Scrubbing. Packing. Getting everything in tip-top shape. She’d thought the house would be too much for her, but once she’d gone the first time, she knew it was okay. It wasn’t Astrid’s house anymore. It was just a house.

In their downtime, she and Jake hung out — they listened to music, walked around town; she tried to teach him the potter’s wheel, and he failed miserably. She and Jake and Sydney and Carter went miniature golfing and out to dinner together. Or they all went to Carter’s basement and watched bad movies.

They didn’t touch, and they didn’t kiss. It was all so beautifully undefined.

That Saturday, August 4, was Sydney’s birthday. Carter’s parents were — oddly enough — on a weekend trip with Max’s — so a party was in order. A good party. One without a fight and without any secrets. One where they could just have fun.

Ella and Jake arrived together, and Sydney’s face lit up as soon as she saw them.

“Yay,” she said. “My favorite people!”

“Hey,” Carter said, and Sydney gave him a sideways glance. But one of those cute, we’re-a-couple-now ones.

“Happy birthday,” Ella said. And she hugged her friend.

“Thanks,” Syd said, pulling back. “Now first thing’s first. You guys need a drink. We have beer or Mike’s Hard Lemonade.”

Ella saw Jake make a face at the latter. “Beer,” she said.

“Fab.” Sydney hopped over to the cooler and grabbed two.

“Salut,” Jake said, holding up his drink. She and Sydney raised their beers with him. “Cheers,” Ella said. And she tipped it back, and it tasted good.

It was the perfect night for a party. The air was cool, but not too cool. The night was clear and star-speckled. The lightning bugs glowed and the smell of honeysuckle reminded them of where they were.

Carter had a porch that opened onto a wide yard, which met a flowing creek, and people were scattered across the lawn, drinking and dancing, while Sydney and Carter serenaded them between drinks.

Everyone was there. Becky and the other guys from the café. Ben and his football buddies. Half-friends and acquaintances that Ella had forgotten to think about since Astrid died.

After a couple beers and a few hugs and the unavoidable,
How are yous
and the,
Oh my God, I heards
, she and Jake made their way down to the creek where there weren’t so many people. Ella pointed out the constellations she knew, which weren’t very many.

“You having a good time?” she asked, when she’d run out of stars.

“Yeah,” he nodded, smiling, his shaggy dark hair catching a bit of the moonlight. “I am. Is it crazy to say I love this place?”

“What?” she asked. “Carter’s house?”

Jake laughed. “Yeah, Carter’s house. And Aunt Grace’s house. And everything. The whole place. The way you guys get together and drink and dance and play good music. The way the mountains and the rivers and the houses are all just mixed in together. It’s like twenty-four-seven camping.”

Ella laughed, but she knew it was bittersweet. Once the house sold, Jake would be gone. There’d be no more reason for him to be here.

“I guess it’s not this way in Chicago,” she finally said.

“No,” he said. “Not even in my part of West Virginia — it’s just strip malls, there. This place definitely has its charms.”

She smiled.

“And you do, too,” he added.

And at that she didn’t know what to say.
Thank you? My stomach just did a somersault? Do you really think that?

So she stayed quiet, but Jake kept on. He was so cool like that. He never let anything get the best of him.