The Amazing Tales of Wildcat Arrows (3 page)

"Not so! Not so! I do know it and I did know it!"

Several feathers launched themselves off the crest of Spin's head like insouciant kamikazes.

A usual occurrence when he was in high dudgeon.

Alas, SpinDrift was in high dudgeon just about most of the time and, thus, appeared to be in continual molt.

But only on the top of his head.

Shoot! Nothing had been the same since her brother, Wildcat, had pulled a Jimmy Hoffa on them. They had been wandering aimlessly through space for almost six months! She had persistently tried to get information out of the Cretion authorities. After months of getting nowhere, she had been curtly informed today that he was no longer on the planet!

Well, then where was he?

The Cretion governor refused to let her dock the ship or even enter their space, citing some kind of new quarantine restriction involving a nanite infection.

If Wildcat had left, he had not tried to contact the ship.

Which was very unlike him.

They had no way of knowing where he was, whether he was alive or not, or when he would return.

She sighed. What had he been doing on Cretion in the first place?

With his clandestine dealings, it could have been anything.

He wasn't called 'Wildcat' for nothing.

Her rascally, devilishly handsome 'brother' might have finally got himself into trouble he couldn't sweet-talk his way out of.

She wiped a tear from her eye.

Heck, he was a good enough brother. Different from most and not what you'd expect out of an older sibling. Still, he always took care of her and made sure she had a belly full of food. Even when he didn't.

So SpinDrift's latest glib reply was all that it took. Lucky jumped the couch.

"Argh!! I'm going crazy out here! If we don't do something—"

"I know what
your
problem is!" He wagged his claw at her.

Oh, geesh. Here it comes
. Pearls of funktified wiz-dumb. Lucky crossed her arms over her chest waiting for the birdbrained salvo.

"You must have some Earthling sexual activity immediately."

"You are a cluckhead."

"Hmph. I've read that Earth people like you
need
sex on a constant basis. Why, I—"

"I do not need sex! Well, I mean I would like it, but I am not—
Where do you get this stuff
?" There are those who love to love and those who are in love with love. Lucky supposed SpinDrift was in the later category. To a Floop, there was nothing better than love filling the air and romance blossoming. It made them flutter up a storm.

"Ahhh! You see! If you want accurate information, you read
Kick It to the Cosmos
! I don't know why you refuse to subscribe. It is very informative." He placed his twiggy arms on his feathery hips. "The last issue discussed twelve ways to make your fab Floop feel like he had a zero gee org—"

"Give me a break! That stuff is all crap. I don't know why you even read it."

"Pft! They are the true geniuses of the galaxies, I tell you. And I was basing my observations on your brother, for your information."

"Oh, nuts. Don't go by
him
."

"But now that
you
brought it up—a female Earthling of your age who has not engaged in sexual activity is a most bizarre specimen—"

"
You're calling me bizarre
?!" She burst out laughing.

She had been eight years old and swooping low back and forth over the surface of Pittipat—without her brother's knowledge, of course. That's when she spotted the Floop running for his life.

Feathers flying everywhere, shrieking.

She had hovered over SpinDrift, sent out a perimeter pulse barrier and brought him onboard. He had been a member of their small crew every since.

Wildcat had been furious with her for taking the ship out of drydock while he got supplies. He was even more furious that she had taken on a Floop.

Once taken into one's life… they never leave!

Floops insinuate themselves into every aspect of their host's life and generally make themselves into huge nuisances.

How was she to know? She was just a kid.

At first, her brother tried everything he could to get rid of the cleaving noodge. Like a garbage-skow barnacle, SpinDrift held steadfastly on.

Finally Wildcat gave up and acclimated himself to the situation. Her brother usually had the wisdom to know when he could not make a difference.

Besides sticking like glue, it seemed that Floops also loved to bicker. Pick. Pick. Scratch. Scratch.

Which was undoubtedly why he was being run out of town by those villagers in the first place.

That was ten years ago and the 'itch' was still here. She suspected he would hang with her for the rest of her life.

Wildcat was not happy at the turn of events. Not happy at all. Whenever he referred to SpinDrift it was usually "
That birdbrained itch
!" or "
Vacuum-noodled feather heap
!" or… Well, he had a hundred of them.

"What is
wrong
with a little love?"

Ugh! He was like a dog with a bone! "Do not confuse love with sex, SpinDrift."

"La grande ambition des femmes est d'inspirer le sex!"

Lucky pinched the bridge of her nose. Oh no. He was quoting
him
again. Molière didn't have a chance.

SpinDrift was fascinated with Earth culture of the last four hundred years. Lately, he had taken to watching old BBC mysteries.

He was utterly convinced he could become a great detective. All he had to do was follow the lead of such daring sleuths as Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot.

Especially Hercule.

In a disturbing twist, SpinDrift had taken up quoting the good Monsieur. Always at the most inappropriate times.

Unfortunately, SpinDrift's Poirot quotes never were quite… right. At least he had finally moved on from his last fixation: Bruno, the Austrian fashionista.

Thank goodness Wildcat wasn't here for this latest fad of his. Her brother might have wrung Spin's scrawny neck for real.

"Just how do you know I haven't had sex anyway?"

Apparently sex was the key to all romance. Floop style.

SpinDrift crossed his spindly arms and gave her another knowing look. He pointed his claw to the ceiling, proclaiming in a terrible Belgium accent, "Exactement! It is absurd—improbable—it cannot be. So I myself have said. And yet, my friend, there it is! One cannot escape from the facts!"

Help
. He was nutzoid over that weird little detective!

Still, he was right.

Lucky's lower lip jutted out.

She threw her arms wide with frustration. "You
know
that Wildcat and Cloud scare off every potential candidate! What am I supposed to do? None of them are good enough to be trusted—according to them."

SpinDrift shook his head sadly. "Tsk-tsk. Would that your brother was as particular for himself! I will work on him later. But
Sensei
Arrows is correct in his approach."

Despite the fact that Wildcat barely put up with SpinDrift, the Floop firmly believed that the infamous tracker had taken him on as some sort of mystical student.

Of what, was anyone's guess.

"You haven't chosen your acquaintances carefully in the past, Lucky."

"What do you mean?"

"You do remember that happy lad from Crionoutlud?"

Lucky's shoulders squinched. "I don't want to hear it." As usual, SpinDrift ignored what she said and went relentlessly on.

"Wasn't he the coy one with his
twenty-seven
wives?"

"Look, not everyone is perf—"

"And then there was that lusty fellow from Tuber Tang."

"Stop."

"Something about his poisonous stinger, wasn't it?"

As if she could forget
that
fiasco.

Lucky exhaled noisily. "I never should have come to your rescue all those years ago."

"Maybe it wasn't such bad a thing Sensei Arrows stepped in to stop you when he did?"

Lucky agreed with SpinDrift on that one.

The autonav system interrupted their latest, tenth spat of the day.

"ATTENTION! MINMEI MUST HAVE ATTENTION! INCOMING MESSAGE! TEE-HEE-HEE."

Lucky actually sneered at the computer. The stupid thing sounded like a character out of a 1990's anime. Wildcat had bought it on the cheap from Mama Bros Not Quite Used Emporium.

No telling where that thing had been.

"TEE-HEE-HEE. HERE IS THE COMMUNICATION. I'LL SING FOR YOU LATER AT MY NIGHTLY CONCERT, MISS LUCKY."

Minmei had one song. That she repeated. Over. And over. And over.

Usually when Lucky was trying to go to sleep.

"Shoot! I thought Clugot finally erased that from her memory."

"
Ooooo
, a message!" SpinDrift's switched from pestering to ecstatic nosiness. "Go see what it is! Hurry!"

"All right." She flipped the channel open.

"Greetings! I am seeking Arrows, the well-informed and discerning tracker."

"Arrows the well-informed and discerning tracker?" Lucky rolled her eyes at SpinDrift. "I think someone is looking for dear bro."

SpinDrift scratched under his beak. "Someone's always looking for Sensei Arrows."

Lucky agreed. "And that ain't always good."

"
Is anyone there
?"

Lucky leaned forward. "I'm sorry, you have the wr-
mmyph
!"

SpinDrift covered her mouth. "Ask why they want him first."

Probably a good idea. She removed his claw by clasping the wrist, her pinky pointing up in mock disgust. "What do you want with Arrows?"

"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Heiner. I am calling for the Big Gun of Volauvent."

SpinDrift squealed behind her. "The Big Gun?! He's huge! Find out what he wants, Lucky, quick!"

Lucky kicked his spindly leg to shut him up. "Go on, Mr. Heiner."

"Just Heiner, please. It is with deep regret that I inform you that the wondrous Heart of the Merchandiser has been stolen."

Now
that
was huge.

So Spin was right. But why were they contacting the Sugarbabe?

"We have heard of your impressive reputation as a
solver
, Arrows. We wish to hire you to track it down."

"Me? No, no, you don't understand; I'm not—
mmmxph
!"

SpinDrift covered her mouth with his claw again.

"Wait! Let's hear the rest!"

"… I am instructed to offer you a great reward if you will agree to accept this case."

"
A case
!!!" SpinDrift almost swooned. "Just like Poirot!" He assumed the Belgium accent. "
It is my weakness, it has always been my weakness, to desire to show off
!"

Lucky stopped thrashing and removed SpinDrift's claw from her mouth once more. "Will you quit that?" she hissed. "Geesh, let me talk to him." She turned back to the caller. "Um, Heiner, exactly what kind of reward are we talking about?"

"We have agreed that a suitable prize for finding and returning the Heart of the Merchandiser must be one that almost equals our beloved jewel. There is another jewel we hold dear on Volauvent. To show our serious intent on reclaiming our Heart of the Merchandiser—and to remove temptation from the reclaimer to sell elsewhere—we will offer an exchange of the Heart of the Merchandiser for the
Heart of the People
."

SpinDrift's wiggly eyes twitched to the back of his head. The prospect of all that potential wealth was causing the blood to vacate his brain.

The floop-a-zoid started to pass out.

His wings managed to flutter one last time in a cackle of excitement just before he went out cold. He hit the metal floor like a gravity bomb.

Lucky waved at him to keep the noise down so she could hear the rest of what Heiner was saying.

"This Heart of the People… it's worth a lot?"

"Some say it is as priceless as the Heart of the Merchandiser."

"Wow."

"So, do we have a deal, Arrows? Will you bring us back our special jewel?"

Lucky bit her lip. They obviously wanted her brother.

Where was he
? Something had to be wrong; he
never
would have abandoned them. He hadn't done it in the past and he wouldn't do it now.

It could not have been easy for Wildcat to care for her—they had been run off Earth when she was still a squirt. In fact, he hadn't even known he was going to take responsibility of her until she was handed over to him one windy morning. As her mother lay dying, she had entrusted her baby's well-being to the smooth-talking, beautiful rebel she had come to trust.

Wildcat embraced this fate as he did most things that came his way.

He simply smiled that winning smile of his and tied her onto his back, papoose-style. He had told her they were off to make their fortune in the stars.

That was over eighteen years ago.

He still told her the story every now and then. Lucky wiped another tear from her eye.

The Cat had accepted total responsibility of her because… well, he was just like that.

It wasn't hard to see why her mother had entrusted her to him. Wildcat had a way of getting into people's hearts and stayin' there.

Not that he tried to do that, mind you. Surely, if he was told of it, he would be completely mystified.

He did not even know her name—and neither did she, so he called her Red because of the little tufts of crimson fuzz on top of her head. He named her
Lucky
because he told her that the day she was handed to him was the luckiest day of his life. Not only had he discovered new kin, he told her, but he realized that in order to make a life for both of them he would need to start over.

Babe in arms, he took to the skies.

Back then, Earth was for the rich and powerful. The poor had to make do as best they could. Once contact was made, all kinds of opportunities opened up for those who had the guts to go for it.

And go for it, Wildcat did.

On Earth, he was recognised as an expert
finder
. People, oil wells, you name it. But he didn't like working for the corporations.

Still didn't.