The Amazing Tales of Wildcat Arrows (7 page)

"I say, no thank you."

SpinDrift clucked an expletive of dismay. In Floopese. "
Brwwuuk
!"

"Look, I don't want some quasi male machine thing pawing at me! I'd rather—
omph
!"

They had just rounded the corner and Lucky had apparently walked into a solid wall of
hard
.

Dazed, she looked up into a gorgeous, masculine face.

He was delicious.

Perfectly sculpted lips, firm, yet sensual—they dared one to get closer. Straight, aquiline nose. Golden, expressive eyes that were deep set and beautifully shaped.

They reminded Lucky of rich, shimmering metal. She had heard such a color described once in an Earth broadcast as
El Dorado gold
.

It sure fit him, because he looked like a treasure chest for that special woman lucky enough to unlock his interest.

To complete the roguish image, the man's bronzed skin was the warm color of creamed coffee. He looked as if he had been standing in the sun on the deck of an old sailing ship for most of his life. His hair, which fell in tousled cascades to the base of his neck, seemed to be a combination of sun-streaked mocha and gold. The attractive ruffled strands reminded Lucky of the variegated colors of Earth that she secretly missed.

Basically, standing before her was a prize wrapped up in the form of a man. And every superlative detail enticed a woman to go after it.

Or, in this case, hunt down the 'booty'.

The illusion of handsome, swaggering 'scalawag' was flawless.

Lucky's amazed gaze travelled down the brawny chest, noting the fitted jumpsuit. It was the uniform of a male servicer.

And, my-oh-my, was it tight!

In fact, the uniform was so snug that her eyes were pulled—totally against their will of course—to the overstuffed crotch.

Her pupils dilated considerably.

The impressive bulge was a proud display.

Lucky could not tear her eyes away from it.
Good gawd. It's some sort of fiendish chubby magnet
!

When she finally broke her fixated stare away from the package, she came face-to-face with a demure disclosure. His identification was embroidered over the chest pocket of the jumpsuit.
Slick Slowhand
.

"Holy cannoli." She whistled.

So this was a pleasure android. Lucky had heard the stories, of course, but she had never seen one for herself.

My-oh-my.

Just looking at him made her toes curl.

"You were saying?" SpinDrift nudged her.

"He
is
something, isn't he?"

"Word."

"Why do you think they make them so unrealistically beautiful, Spin?"

"It's like he's too good to be true!" Floops loved looking at humans. They considered them all pretty works of art. Go figure.

Lucky stood on tiptoes. Bringing herself right up into the android's face. She stared directly into his deep-set eyes.

"His features are incredibly sexy…" She glanced over her shoulder at SpinDrift. "Nobody ever looks this perfect."

Kerreth stared back at the woman, momentarily speechless.
What was she talking about
? He had never paid much attention to his appearance—but something about it sure seemed to please her.

SpinDrift shrugged. "Oh, I don't know; he looks pretty realistic to me…"

"Really?" Lucky quirked an eyebrow. "And what about this?" She reached down and cupped his manhood.

Kerreth's mouth dropped open.

He slowly glanced down to see this stranger's hand cupping his privates. Stupefied, he watched as she hefted the weighty bundle up and down.
Twice
.

She snorted. "Right. As
if
."

SpinDrift crossed his arms over his chest. "They do say they are a hard act to follow. Pun intended."

"Look, no real man is built like that. It's preposterous."

Completely astonished, Kerreth gaped at this strange woman, who—one might say—had him right in the palm of her hand. She was rather… pretty.

Lucky suddenly felt the cozy bundle twitch to life.

She yanked her hand back, quick.

Kerreth thought it wise to remain silent for the time being.

Meanwhile, SpinDrift was still agog at the whole idea of Lucky taking advantage of the opportunity—it being his personal opinion that she was long overdue. Floops loved getting excited for their friends; they considered it their job and their mission.

"Well, I think this speaks for itself, Spin It's not my cuppa."

The Floop had other ideas. His eyes moistened as he clasped his claws together in sublime joy. "Oh, Lucky, this is the one!! I know it!"

"Respect." But Lucky continued to gawk at the unusual specimen. She simply could not take her eyes off him. "Know what I mean, Spin? R-e-s-p-e-c-t."

"Come on, do give him a try, Lucky! How can you not? Just
look
at him!" SpinDrift's cajoling brought her back down to Slide firma.

No matter how many times she tried to educate SpinDrift on the relationship between male and female Earthlings, she more than suspected that she had set the bar too high.

The Floop just didn't get it.

Yes, sex was good and all (at least that is what she was led to believe, having no personal experience in the area); but preferably there was more to it than just the boinking.

Besides, all those wonky relationship variables usually spelled trouble of some kind. Look at Wildcat; he was always getting into hot water over women. It wouldn't be nearly so bad if the rascal didn't always dive head first into it!

She sighed. "Don't be ridiculous, Spin. Think of the complications."

"What complications? He's an android. That's. The. Beauty. Of. It." The Floop enunciated each word slowly in order to allow his theory to sink in.

As if he had just discovered Plan 9.

"After all this time, you can quench that thirst, Lucky Red Arrows." He pointed a spindly claw straight at the android. "This is your font. Drink, girl! Drink!"

Kerreth, who had been listening to this bizarre conversation, stared down at the insane duo with narrowed eyes.
Why was everyone suddenly mistaking him for a flickerin' pleasure droid
? First the guards, now these two.

The one that had bumped into him was rather engaging, he had to admit. She appeared to be a human female with really nice green eyes.

Like him, she used a lot of Earth slang.

But the other one—the one who was gawking at him like he might be some sort of meal for his companion—looked like he suffered from a bad case of the stupids.

As he observed the Floop, Kerreth had the distinct impression that the star might be illuminated… but there was no fusion going on.

Beyond belief, the redheaded female notched her chin up and proceeded to admonish him.

"You should pay more attention to where you are going. You almost injured me."

"
Excuse me
?" It was not a request for pardon. Kerreth's "perfect" features turned to stone. "I should watch where
I'm
going?"

"Exactly. Pay attention to your courtesy programming."

"
My what
?"

"Now step aside! We need to pass; we have no time for this."

SpinDrift moaned sadly. He was seeing all his hopes and dreams flutter away. "I can't believe you're going to let this golden-haired opportunity get by you, Lucky. Where have I gone wrong with you?"

Lucky snorted. "Really, Spin; I don't think he is all that."

SpinDrift snorted back.

"I'm serious; I've seen better. We can
do
better. Let's go."

Kerreth's nostrils flared. First, the woman rudely dissects him, then she insults and dismisses him.
I don't think so, green eyes
. And why was the annoying one steering her to…
what
? Try him out? Sure, the girl was pretty—real pretty—but a tad outlandish; even for his tastes.

He wondered if all the women on her home world greeted men by grabbing their sacks and weighing them out to see if they passed muster. Truly weird.

Kerreth was seriously considering knocking their heads together when Lucky went on to utter the magic words:

"Besides,"—she chatted to her friend as if he hadn't spoken at all—"we need to find that Heart of the Merchandiser."

Hmmm, so they were after the jewel, too.

Kerreth paused to reconsider his next move.

"In case you've forgotten," Lucky frowned at SpinDrift, "we are on a mission here. The trail is growing cold while we waste time ogling this mechanical putz."

That did it.

Kerreth decided payback would be forthcoming. Now, later, didn't matter to him. But it was on its way.

So, they were either on a mission to find the miadne for themselves or they were working for someone else…

The later possibility was the most troubling. If they were here at the behest of someone else, who sent them? And what was their connection to that stone? He needed to find out. That jewel belonged to him and he had no intention of sharing.

Kerreth watched them intently from under hooded eyes.

He had overheard some of their conversation just before the woman had slammed into him. It wasn't hard to put two and two together. The feathery one had called her
Arrows
.

She must be tied somehow to that famous tracker.

Kerreth viewed her askance. Wildcat Arrows was not only a rebel, but an exceedingly shrewd dealer in matters of bartering. Rumor had it he often dealt with pirates and other unsavory characters. Some said he was a pirate himself.

Did Arrows send her? Was she his wife
? She could be his lover—sent in as a shill. No telling.

Only, the woman in front of him appeared to be almost naive.

Couldn't be. Not hanging out with that scalawag.

The whole thing didn't jive.
Must be an act
. Had to be.

He cocked his head to the side as he studied her. Her thick, curly hair had been tied back in a loose ponytail. Her lips were full and very sweet—looking. Lush and pink and...

His hardened rogue's heart took a double-beat.

What the…?

Lucky suddenly lifted her hand and pushed a few tendrils of hair off his face.

Thumpthump. Thumpthump.

Underlying his traitorous blood pressure, Kerreth discovered he was dumbfounded. Did this woman actually believe he was a flickerin' pleasure droid?

Despite the advances in robotic technology, androids were still not coming across as real. Yet, these two not only believed it, the feathered one was trying to convince the woman to give him a test drive.

He tried not to grin.

This is really too priceless to pass by
. Take advantage of it, he told himself.
Take advantage
.

In the next instant, he devised his plan.

Which basically boiled down to a short list with a 'gotta do' at the end.

He was stuck on Slide as long as he couldn't get to his Linkpod. It was clear he couldn't get to his Linkpod as long as that flickerin' door remained sealed and guarded by the two happy lugnuts. And the longer he cooled here… the cooler the trail to the treasure.

These two brainpuddings were also hunting the miadne jewel and had, possibly, against all odds, beaten him to a lead.

Moreover, they appeared to have the
only
lead.

By their own accounts, the room had been left pristine; the only thing out of place had been that cracked (and now smashed) jug.

Something had been in that vase…

He needed to find out what they uncovered.

In order to do that, there was only one thing for him to do: be the uber-pleasure machine they both believed him to be.

He purposely blinked his eyes a few times and flashed her a smile so utterly sexual that there was no way it could be misinterpreted. Even by her.

He poured wickedness all over it.

"My apologies, mistress. Your… er, lush… sweetness overwhelmed my normal sense of coordination."

"My lush sweetness?"

Instead of becoming clay at his feet, she laughed right in his face. "Boy, oh boy, they program you to really lay it on thick, don't they?"

"You have no idea," he murmured in a low tone.

At the sound of such a deep, sexy voice, Lucky mirrored her other name by turned bright red. Her breath caught in her throat.

That voice was awfully good! It rolled over a girl like smooth, rich chocolate. She analyzed the destructive power of the accompanying dimples. High level of kill, to be sure.

How did they get robots to be this sexy anyway?

Gawd, he was drool-i-licious!

She was positive most women won't mind in the least if he had to keep it going with WD4O. As long as the hunk kept it going.

SpinDrift tweeted a kind of breathless whistle as he viewed the exchange. The pervert!

"All-all right. Apology accepted." Embarrassed, Lucky made to push past the squire of active hit programming on the move.

"Wait."

Her footstep faltered and she pivoted slightly.

Their eyes locked.

In that instant, Kerreth thought:
I've got her
.

While Lucky firmly thought:
It's sayonara for you, robo boy
.

"Are you leaving Slide now?"

"Yes."

"Take me with you."

"
Brwaak
!" The Floop almost molted right there.

Lucky threw Spin a dirty look before focusing back to the artificial Casanova. "Why would I do that?"

"I wish to leave this place."

"That's impossible. You are basically a machine and—"

"Not simply a machine." A proud glint formed in his eye. He stood taller as he boastfully announced, "I am the Masterstroke 5000."

"
Braaaaaaaawk
!" This time, Spin did molt. Half of his coat just fell off him and dumped onto the floor.

Lucky didn't know what to look at first. Her half-bald companion or the oversexed sex machine standing in front of her. "
You're a wha
?"

Kerreth arched his brow with feigned self-importance and tried not to laugh. "A Masterstroke 6000."