The Apocalypse Club (37 page)

“Smoothly done, Poindexter!” Max called from behind me.

“What the hell is this?” I said as an invisible hand (presumably Violet’s) helped me back to my feet. The ground was glassy black and slick as ice. Despite its shininess, it cast no reflection whatsoever. Staring into it, I could see what looked like hundreds of pale white flecks below the surface. At first I thought they were just cracks or fossil-like objects frozen in the rock, but then I realized I was wrong. They weren’t fossils. Fossils didn’t
move
.

I watched in disbelief as a long spidery white tendril worked its way to the surface right next to me and broke through.

“Argh!” I said, trying to get out of the way and succeeding only in falling on my ass again. “Look out! The ground is attacking us!”

The others stopped where they were as the tendrils climbed up into the air. I scrambled to get away and managed to go all of an inch and a half. I could already imagine it coiling around my neck and sucking all the blood out as everyone watched in helpless horror.

But it didn’t.

Instead, the tendrils got thicker and taller, spreading out to form what looked suspiciously like…

“A tree?” said Max as the luminous white branches swirled up and over our heads. “Are you shitting me?”

“Incredible,” Tristan said, watching in amazement.

“What is this?” I asked.

“I saw similar growth during some of my experiments,” Tristan said. “But at nothing like this speed.”

Similar eruptions were happening all around us. Some looked like trees, some like bushes, and some like nothing I had ever seen before in my life. One in particular looked like a giant mushroom with a functioning respiratory system. A series of sacks dangled from underneath a large elliptical cap, each one swelling and shrinking in a way that made me feel strongly that I should not go anywhere near it.

“But what
is
it?” I asked, as I didn’t entirely think that Tristan had actually answered my question and had, instead, just made a more-or-less random observation.

“I don’t know,” Tristan said.

“By that do you mean you don’t know anything or you don’t know something more specific, like which ones might be carnivorous?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about the plant life,” Tristan said.

“By that, do you mean there’s nothing to worry about or that there
is
something to worry about other than the plants?”

“You’ve seen the lab,” Tristan said. “If you recall, the plants weren’t the only life forms in the biocontainment area.”

“I
do
recall that,” I said. “Far more than I would care to. Especially right now.”

“I don’t see anything on the IR or UV spectrums,” said Violet’s disembodied voice. “Nothing in thermo either. There is a strange radiation signature that appears to get stronger toward the northwest, though.”

“I suspect that signature will lead us precisely where we need to go,” Tristan said. “The map would seem to indicate the same.”

“It’s a bit difficult to play follow the leader when the leader is totally invisible to everyone else, though,” I said.

I felt a hand slide into mine and pull me to my feet. “Come with me, Columbus. I’m sure everyone and their dog can see you in that stupid survival suit.”

“Max made me wear this!” I protested. “It’s supposed to make it easier for rescuers to spot me.”

“If you don’t shut up, I’ll leave you where no rescue team will ever find you.”

“You do have quite the effect on the ladies,” Max snickered as Violet pulled me along.

“
Fermez
your pie hole, Ralph Lauren,” I muttered. “It’s your fault I’m out here looking like a stand-in from a
Where’s Waldo?
movie.”

We continued moving through the spontaneously erupting forest. After about 500 yards we came to a natural junction, where we turned right and made our way up the side of a steep hill. It was only when we reached the top that I realized it wasn’t a hill, but the edge of a large crater.

“Oh my god, there it is,” Tristan gasped, looking down.

At first, I had no idea what he was talking about. All I saw when I looked into the crater was a pool of blue water. As my eyes adjusted, however, I could see it: sitting in the middle of the pool was a giant blue ball. It was hard to spot because it was the same colour as the water that surrounded it. Based on the depth of the pool, it looked like it was at least five stories tall.

“Shit,” Max said. “It looks like a giant version of the one you had back in the lab. Is that a spaceship?”

“Its point of origin is unknown,” Tristan said. “But I’d wager it made its way through space to get here. So, in that respect, yes, I suppose you could call it a spaceship.”

“Did somebody fly it here?” I asked. “Or did it make its way of its own accord?”

“I’m afraid that is a question I cannot answer,” Tristan said. “But since it has been here since the beginning of life on earth, I would wager that if it does have a pilot, said individual would be in most dire need of some tea and possibly a biscuit or two by now.”

“If it’s a ship, then where’s the way in?” I asked.

“I’m afraid that is another area where the scrolls provide no enlightenment whatsoever,” Tristan said.

“Maybe we should just knock,” Max suggested.

“I’m on it,” Violet said from somewhere on my left. I heard a couple of footsteps and then saw the splash as she entered the water. All of us watched the trail of bubbles as she made her way down and around the massive structure.

“I can’t believe Hudson was willing to kill half the world’s population just to get his hands on a giant blue ball,” I said.

“I have closely observed his behaviour over many years,” Tristan said. “He destroyed the entire island of Ceylon and all of its inhabitants because it was home to a particular species of insect that had stung him once when he was a youth.”

“Why didn’t I hear about that?” I asked.

“How much did you hear about this project before you set foot on the island?” Max asked.

“Good point.”

There was another splash somewhere in front of me. I could see the ripples, but nothing else.

“There is an opening down there,” said Violet. “Maybe not a door exactly. I don’t know. It’s difficult to tell.”

“Uh huh,” I said. I was not overwhelmed with confidence at the thought of a dive into 75 feet of water to search the underside of a giant alien sphere for something that may or may not be a way in. “So what do we do?”

“Whaddya mean, ‘what do we do?’” Violet said. “We dive. You’ve got a survival suit. You’ll be fine.”

“Easy for you to say,” I countered. “You’ve probably got an air tank in there somewhere. Plus you’re half-Egyptian, which means you’re really good at holding your breath.”

“Simms –”

I was pretty sure she was about to tell me that my last remark made no sense and that my ability to blurt out nonsensical things whilst under extreme stress did not make such thoughts any less idiotic, but she was interrupted when somebody started shooting at us.

Bullets pinged off the lip of the crater and ricocheted wildly in all directions. I poked my head up just far enough to see Ida approaching from the opposite side of the crater with what was left of her clone platoon. They were evidently pretty confident about their chances against us, because none of them were cloaked. I counted five of them before another burst of gunfire forced me back down. I could see the C-Mech moving slowly along behind them. They probably would have been here ahead of us if it hadn’t slowed them down.

“That you, Simms?” I heard Ida yell. “Why don’t you come out from under your rock so we can get this over with quick?” She followed this up with another long burst from her assault rifle, one bullet of which sounded like it went right past my left earlobe.

Here’s a fun fact about being shot at that you probably already knew but, in case you didn’t, I can absolutely verify: it sucks ass. I also resented the implication that I was hiding under a rock. I was hiding
behind
one. There was a difference.

“Come on out, Simms!” she shouted. “I promise not to shoot you in the nuts this time. Well, not more than once, anyway.”

Her laughter died pretty fast when she looked down and noticed that the thud she had just heard was a grenade landing right in the middle of her group. She only managed to get out the first half-syllable of what she was about to say when it exploded. Three of the clones were killed instantly and the fourth was more or less vaporized. Ida had managed to throw herself clear, but lost her rifle in a tide pool and took some shrapnel in the leg.

“Everybody okay?” I said, looking down.

Everybody was not okay. Tristan had been shot in the lower back and Max had taken a bullet through the leg. Max had managed to get a tourniquet on his leg, but Tristan was looking unusually pale, even for a 130-year-old Englishman who lived in a cave.

“Tristan!” I shouted, turning him over. The bullet had gone right through and exited just under his rib cage, leaving a large, red hole that did not look easy to fix. “Oh, shit!”

Violet had ripped her helmet off and de-cloaked, climbing out of the water to help her father. “Dad! Can you breathe?”

“I can breathe,” Tristan gasped. “But from the look of me, I’m not sure for how much longer that may continue to be the case.”

“That bitch!” Violet snarled. “I’ll kill her with my bare hands!”

Down at the edge of the growing forest, Ida had gotten back to her feet and pulled her only remaining weapon – a combat knife that looked like it could slice the armoured hide off a tank.

“That’s it, Simms!” she screeched. “I’m gonna carve your nuts off with the blunt end and eat them raw!”

“Man,” Max said. “That chick really has it in for your privates, man.”

I grabbed Violet’s arm to stop her from racing down the hill. She didn’t have any other weapons that I could see. “No! It’s me she wants for some reason. Get Tristan on board the ship. Maybe there’s something onboard that will help. Max – help her!”

“What are you gonna do?” Max asked.

I grabbed Tristan’s spear gun, which was lying on the ground next to its owner. “I dunno. Hopefully slow her down. It’ll take her at least thirty seconds or so to slice my nuts off. That should give you enough time.”

“No, Mark, you can’t do this,” Violet said. “She’ll kill you.”

“She’s right,” Max said. “I think thirty seconds is an optimistic estimate of your chances, here.”

I looked at Max. “Rule number five, Commander.”

Max looked at me for a moment and then nodded. “Right.”

Violet looked at each of us. “What the hell is rule number five?”

“I’ll explain later,” I said. “Get your father the hell out of here!”

Violet quickly crammed her helmet back on her head.

“Can you help me with him?” she asked Max, gently lifting her father up to the edge of the crater.

Max nodded, looking extremely uncomfortable but determined. “You bet.”

The three of them manoeuvred to the edge of the water. Tristan gritted his teeth.

“Do try not to lose your nuts, my boy,” he said. “Or anything else for that matter. My daughter seems unusually fond of you.”

“Hang in there, Tristan,” I said. “I’ll do my best.”

Violet counted to three and they disappeared below the surface. I turned and started walking down the hill to where Ida was standing. In the near distance, I could hear the metallic clank of heavy metal on stone as the C-Mech got closer. It occurred to me that this was not at all how I expected I would die. Working in insurance, I had been forced to memorize all of the major mortality indicators. Stroke. Heart disease. Cancer. Household appliance (this includes ladders and is far more common than people realize). As far as I knew, de-nutification by homicidal Ghost operative was not on that list. If I somehow survived that, the next most likely scenario was being trampled to death by eight tonnes of cybernetic CEO, which was not on the list, either.

The weight of the spear gun was not in the least bit reassuring. When was the last time this thing had been fired? I wondered. How did I even know the damn thing still worked?

Ida seemed to be thinking the same thing.

“What the hell is that, Simms?” she laughed. “You think you were heading to a four-star resort to do some snorkelling?”

“Of course not, Ida,” I said. “But I’m sure this’ll make just as big a hole in you as it would in a Bluefin. The only difference is that you’re not worth mounting on the wall.”

Ida held the large combat knife up and waved it in front of her face. One side of the blade was serrated and there were elliptical cut-outs in the middle.

“How big a hole do you think I can make with this?” she said. “Maybe I’ll carve your heart out and eat it over a nice bonfire like I did with so many of those Central American villagers.”

“That may be so,” I said. “But before any of that happens, Ida, I’d just like you to know that you are an extremely unpleasant and in all likelihood mentally disturbed individual. Seriously. You are the most psychopathic batshit crazy nutjob I have ever met in my life. Apart from my former CEO, of course, who will be here momentarily.”

Ida feinted left and then dove right, slashing the blade in a tight arc at my forearm. I managed to twist back and parry the blow. What the spear gun lacked in speed, it made up for in heft. Ida kept moving from side to side to keep me rotating and prevent me from getting a clear shot if I decided to try to take one. The shrapnel was slowing her down, though. She was definitely favouring the right leg over the left. And the grin on her face looked more like a rictus of pain than her usual sadistic pleasure.

“How does it feel to know you’re about to die?” Ida said.

She dove at me again and I managed to swing the gun, hitting her in the upper thigh. As she jumped, I notice droplets of blood fly from her injured leg and land on the ground. I also heard a familiar echo of clicking sounds in the forest behind her. A new plan immediately formed in my mind. I had to keep her talking. And under no circumstances could I allow her to move away from the tree line.

“I wouldn’t know, Ida,” I said. “Perhaps you could fill me in?”