The Art of Empathy (56 page)

problem with,
66–71

Resilience (emotional style dimension),
54
,
237

compatibility with loved ones and,
168
,
172

empathic mindfulness skills and,
106
,
111
,
116
,
121
,
126

shyness and phobias and,
237

therapeutic suggestions for,
287–288

Resourcing,
155–158
,
161
,
252

for children,
224

shyness and phobias and,
236–238

Rosalie and David,
183–184
,
185–186
,
193–197

sadness,
32–33
,
79–80
,
87
,
113
,
124
,
143
,
283
,
295
,
297

activism and,
269–270

empathic definition of,
62
,
65
,
73

grounding with,
103–105

in emotion play,
233

in empathic communication,
196–197

in flowchart,
96

joy and,
88
,
198

weasel words for,
201

Sad Susan,
255

Sam's Sufi sitting meditations,
208–210

Sasha Fierce,
160

schadenfreude,
78

Scientific American Mind
,
177–179
,
292
,
297

screen time and babies,
218–219

secondhand anger,
79–80

secondhand happiness,
80

Self-awareness (emotional style dimension),
55
,
109
,
130

compatibility with loved ones and,
169–170
,
172

empathic mindfulness skills and,
103
,
106
,
111
,
116
,
121–122
,
126

shyness and phobias and,
237

therapeutic suggestions for,
288

Self Comes to Mind: Constructing the Conscious Brain
(Damasio),
62–63
,
296
,
301

self-esteem,
84

bullying and,
240

self-care,
36
,
40–42
,
49
,
101
,
144
,
146–147
,
151–153
,
167
,
263
,
267

self-love,
40–42
,
153
,
155
,
263

see also
love

self/other distinction,
40–42
,
109–111

see also
Perspective Taking

self-recognizer,
109

self-soothing,
223–224

Sensitivity to Context (emotional style dimension),
55–56

compatibility with loved ones and,
170
,
172

empathic mindfulness skills and,
106
,
111
,
116
,
126

shyness and phobias and,
237

therapeutic suggestions for,
288

sensory hyperawareness,
223–224
,
236
,
296

sensory-processing ,
190

sex,
107
,
150–151
,
177
,
299

sexism,
12
,
19–21
,
228–230
,
291

s
ee also
gender stereotyping (valencing)

shadow,
85
,
130
,
259–261
,
279

meritocracy,
253–260
,
264–265
,
298

work,
85
,
130
,
195
,
260–261
,
301–301

shame,
51–52
,
77–79
,
133–134
,
199
,
252
,
285

boundary-setting and,
112–113
,
225

bullying and,
239–242

channeling,
67–69

children and,
222–223
,
225–227

Concern for Others and,
225–226

contentment and,
198
,
233
,
240–241

difference between guilt and,
295–296

empathic definition of,
62
,
64–65
,
73–75
,
85

in emotion play,
232

in empathic communication,
194

lack of,
60

weasel words for,
201

see also
guilt

Sher, Barbara,
120–121
,
191
,
300

shyness and phobias,
236–238

sibling rivalry,
238–239

silence, employee,
255–256
,
254
,
298

situational depression.
See
depression, situational.

Six Essential Aspects of Empathy,
26–40

compatibility with loved ones and,
164–167

empathic mindfulness skills and,
106
,
111
,
116
,
121
,
125

friendships and,
164–167

slaphappiness,
125

sleep,
153–154
,
157
,
223–224
,
245–246
,
296–297
,
300

hygiene,
147–151

The Social Conquest of Earth
(Wilson),
274–275
,
300

Social Intuition (emotional style dimension),
55

compatibility with loved ones and,
169
,
172

empathic mindfulness skills and,
111
,
116

therapeutic suggestions for,
288

social justice,
21
,
40–42
,
49
,
62
,
153
,
266–280
,
293

sociopathy (dated term),
22
,
37

see also
psychopathy

Somatic Experiencing therapy,
87
,
89
,
155

see also
trauma therapies

Spock, Mr. (
Star Trek
),
59
,
294

spoon and teddy bear study,
29
,
108
,
292

Star Trek
,
46
,
59
,
294

Stern School of Business (NYU),
256

stims,
223

storytelling,
14
,
174–175
,
216–219
,
225
,
227–229
,
242
,
276–280

Sufi sitting meditations,
208–210

suicidal urges,
285–286
,
296

suicide prevention lifeline,
285–286

swashbucklers of love,
173–176

sympathy-empathy confusion,
17
,
23–24
,
289

Szalavitz, Maia,
214
,
300

Taking Power Struggle Out of Parenting

(Ellison),
211
,
300

Taking the War out of Our Words
(Ellison),
210
,
300

tantrums,
234–236
,
297

Intentional,
224–225
,
232
,
235–236

teddy bear and spoon study,
29
,
108
,
292

television and babies,
218–219

temperament,
53–54

terror,
43
,
276
,
284

empathic definition of,
86–87

in emotion play (as panic),
232

in empathic communication,
196

three-party empathy,
273
,
298

thresholds,
142
,
157–161
,
165
,
178
,
197
,
207
,
270

cognitive-boundary effect and,
247–248
,
297

for sensitive children,
221
,
223

gender roles and,
229–230

workplace and,
247–248
,
252
,
264–266

tonglen
meditation,
287

Tourette's Syndrome,
190

toxic groupishness,
276–278

transgender.
See
GLBTAQ.

trauma healing therapies,
46
,
86–87
,
89
,
155
,
196
,
297
,
300–301

Understanding Myself: A Kid's Guide to Intense Emotions and Strong Feelingsd

(Lamia),
132
,
299

unvalencing emotions,
66
,
157
,
193
,
231
,
236

up tone,
210–211

valencing,
64

emotions,
64–66
,
70–71
,
77–78
,
80
,
94
,
123–124
,
233

gender,
19–22
,
228–230
,
277
,
290

people,
168–169
,
273
problem of,
64–66

Vischer, Robert,
24
,
292

Waters, Tony,
270–271
,
298
,
313

weasel words,
199–202
,
204
,
207
,
297

Weir, Kirsten,
177
,
297

Wilson, Edward O.,
iv
,
274–275
,
289–290
,
300

Wishcraft: How to Get What You Really Want
(Sher),
120
,
191
,
300

worry,
123

empathic definition of,
85–86

in emotion play,
224–225

in empathic communication,
195

see also
anxiety

YouTube,
237
,
271
,
297

About the Author

KARLA McLAREN IS an award-winning author and pioneering educator whose empathic approach to emotions has taken her through the healing of her own childhood trauma into an empathic healing career and now into the study of sociology, neurology, cognitive and social psychology, anthropology, and education. She is the author of books, audio learning programs, and online courses that focus on emotions and empathy.

Karla has taught at such venues as the University of San Francisco, Omega Institute, Naropa University, Kripalu, and the Association for Humanistic Psychology. In addition, as a prison arts educator with the William James Foundation, she has used singing, poetry, drumming, and drama to help men in maximum-security prisons explore and heal long-held emotional traumas.

In her academic career, Karla served as a researcher and editor on the books
When Killing Is a Crime
(2007), by Tony Waters, and
Take Back Your Life: Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships
(2006), by Janja Lalich. With Dr. Lalich, Karla has coauthored a sociological research study on the multiple stigmatizations that gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and questioning people experience in fundamentalist religions,
⁶³
and she is coauthoring a study about children who grew up in cults and escaped. She is currently developing new forms of empathy and social-interaction curricula for neurologically diverse people.

Karla lives in Sonoma County, California, with her husband, Tino Plank, who is a master's-level nurse educator working in hospice and end-of-life care.

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