The Art of Love: Origins of Sinner's Grove (3 page)

Had Gus really thought he liked Mattie’s openness? It felt like she’d taken a knife and sliced right down to the center of him. “I guess the idea of being rich someday doesn’t have the appeal it once did,” he said.

Mattie shook her head. Her tone was weary. “I think I could have stuck it out, but it’s no place for little ones.” She looked at Gus, tears pooling. “You know I’m right.”

Hell and damnation, she
was
right. Despite her assurances when they’d married, he’d feared she probably wouldn’t cotton to life in the north. Why would she? She was young and pretty and deserved someone a lot better than him. But he’d traded on his strength and appeal, and the promise of riches down the road. Her ma had died and she had no family, so she’d bought in. But babies, they made a difference. And she was right about that too; given his appetites in that area, he wouldn’t be able to keep more from coming. They sat together in silence for several minutes, the only sound Annabelle’s cooing and chirping as she continued to examine her new acquisition. She put the porcelain doll’s arm in her mouth and Mattie gently reached down and took it out.

“You said the Milfords are heading down?” Gus asked. “When?”

“They’ve got passage for the beginning of June, soon as the river thaws.”

Gus nodded. “Yukon should be broken up by then. They going to Seattle?”

“Yes. They said I could stay with them until I found work.”

“What? You told them you were going before you talked to me?” His tone was sharper than he intended, but hell, this was nobody else’s damn business.

“I told them we were
thinking
about having me go ahead of you,” Mattie said, wrapping her arms around her middle as if to protect herself. “That’s all.”

“Well, since you’ve made your mind up already, I guess that’s it,” Gus said gruffly. “I’ll see about getting you passage with them.”

“And you’ll follow like I said, right?”

“I don’t know, this might be the strike,” Gus countered, knowing full well it wasn’t panning out any more than the others had. “Tell you what, I’ll work the tailings ’til the end of summer, and then come Outside to meet you. And we’ll take it from there. Is that all right?”

Mattie smiled and took Gus’s hand across the table. “Yes, that’s all right. You’ll see. Somehow we can make it work.”

Gus felt her hand and thought maybe it
could
work out for them. Somehow. He reached for her, but she gently pulled back.

“I just finished my monthlies,” she said with a hint of apology. “I don’t want to take a chance on any more babies, Gus. I just can’t.” She got up and busied herself with Annabelle. “Come on, little birthday girl. Mama made you a sugar cake. Mama’s big girl is one today.”

Gus stood looking at his wife and daughter, the full meaning of what she’d told him finally beginning to sink in. The family he’d wanted so much and thought he’d created was going away, and if he wanted them, he’d have to give up a dream he’d had for a very, very long time. It didn’t seem right and it didn’t seem fair. But right now there was nothing he could do about it.

CHAPTER TWO

“Y
our little women are going to be just fine,” the portly Josiah Millford reassured Gus on the deck of the stern-wheeler
Portus B. Weare
. “Faith and I will take good care of them just like they was our own.” Gus had noticed the less-than-fatherly looks Josiah sometimes sent Mattie’s way, but he trusted Faith to keep her husband in line, and Mattie to set Josiah straight if Faith didn’t. Despite the older man’s roving eye, Gus knew the couple would look after Mattie and Annabelle until they reached Seattle. Given the circumstances, it was the best Gus could hope for.

Ice had broken two weeks prior on the Yukon, and transportation into and out of the Alaska and Yukon territories was now open for business. Mattie and Annabelle would travel twenty-five hundred miles downriver to the former Russian port of St. Michael’s; from there they’d switch to an oceangoing steamer for the final leg to Seattle. While Gus had gloomily counted the days until they left, Mattie’s excitement had only seemed to grow.

Earlier that morning he’d loaded Mattie and Annabelle’s trunks onto the eighty-passenger boat, moored at the Fortymile landing. Their cabin was tiny and he’d wondered with a sense of irony how long it would take his little girl to get bored navigating
those
cramped quarters, and if Mattie would ever accidentally leave the door open. Now he stood waiting for the departure with Annabelle clinging to him like a monkey. He wasn’t sure if she understood what was happening; he only knew he was going to miss her like crazy. What bothered him more than anything was realizing he couldn’t say the same about his wife. When had that change occurred? As Josiah sauntered off, Mattie came up and slipped her arm around his. He took refuge in asking her yet again if she remembered everything he’d told her.

Maggie rolled her eyes and leaned in to whisper, “Yes, I have the money you gave me in my stocking.” And louder: “I’ll send word just as soon as I get settled. Lolly Fortuna told me about a rooming house where the women look out for each other and take turns caring for the children so everyone gets a chance to work. And she says there’s work to be had there too. She says it’s as easy as plucking gold off the streets of Circle City.” Mattie giggled, inviting Gus to share the joke. Circle City, the latest boomtown to spring up downriver from Forty Mile, had lured hundreds of prospectors, deal-makers, and assorted hangers-on, very few of whom had found the elusive gold they’d come to scoop up. Gus couldn’t bring himself to smile back at her. After all, didn’t she consider him as hapless as all those other rubes? Since Annabelle’s birthday, they hadn’t mentioned her tirade again. It seemed her goal all along had been to go back to Seattle and take Annabelle with her, period. Whether he joined them, now or later, was irrelevant. Mattie was just happy to be going.

Oblivious to his reaction, Mattie gave Gus’s arm a friendly squeeze and walked away to talk with Mary Beth, who had come to see them all off. In moments, Mattie was smiling broadly and laughing. He saw her once again as the girl he had fallen in lust with: blonde, pretty, spirited—ready for adventure. Only this time, the adventure would not be with him. He hoisted Annabelle up in his arms and held her closer, breathing in her little girl scent and fighting a recurring sense of panic that something might happen to her. He almost shouted that Mattie and Annabelle weren’t going anywhere, but stopped himself. Loneliness awaited him after they left, but the miserable aftermath of demanding they stay would be far worse. Gus had considered all of his options, and none of them were good.

The
Weare’s
steam engine had been rumbling and hissing for some time, building up the power to churn the giant paddle wheel that would take his family down the river, so far away from him. All of a sudden there were three thunderous shrieks of the boat’s whistle.

“All ashore that’s going ashore!” The officer on deck called out the ten minute warning for visitors who had come to say goodbye. Gus motioned for Mattie to come back to him.

“Go to Mama,” he said, handing Annabelle over. She started to object and began squirming in Mattie’s arms. “None of that now,” Gus added. “Look what Daddy has for you.” He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out two simple necklaces, each of which featured a gold nugget as the pendant. Gus handed the larger one to Mattie.

“What? Gus, this is your largest nugget!” she said, examining the shiny chunk of metal.

Gus gave her a lopsided grin. “Oh, there’ll be plenty more where that came from, just you wait. Besides, I wanted you and little Annie to have something to remind you of me.” He put the much smaller necklace around Annabelle’s neck, then held out his hand for the larger one. Mattie gave it back to him and he murmured, “Turn around.”

Her back to him, Mattie lifted her blonde hair. He couldn’t help himself; he kissed her neck lightly before clasping the necklace.

She turned back to him. “I don’t know what to say. Thank you, I guess…I…I wish you were coming with us, but it just wasn’t meant to be.”

Just wasn’t meant to be
. The words, so innocent, chilled him. Gus gently embraced both her and Annabelle, putting all the passion he could muster into his farewell kiss—a passion, he noted in the back of his mind, that wasn’t returned. Despair threatened to swamp him, so he stepped away.

“You be good now, little Annabelly. Don’t give your mama too much grief, and I’ll see you as soon as I can.” He gave Annabelle one more quick kiss and swiftly turned to head across the gang plank. He called over his shoulder, “Remember to send me word just as soon as you can.”

“I will. I promise,” Mattie called.

In another ten minutes they were gone. Gus watched Mattie prompt Annabelle to wave to him from the deck of the boat. He waved back from the shore until they turned away.

Gus trudged back to his cabin, intending to get something to eat before heading back out to his claim. The little house was cold, and filled with emptiness. Mattie had put everything away; the place was tidy and there was nothing for him to do. Hoping for a little reminder of Annabelle, he lifted the lid of the chest that had stored his daughter’s belongings. It was empty except for two items: the golden-haired doll and the bag of blocks that Shorty had made. Attached to the doll was a note that read:

Please give this back to Janie and don't let her father sell it again. Also, the blocks were too heavy to carry. I’m sorry it didn’t work out.

Mattie

No “See you soon,” no “Love,” nothing. It was enough to make a grown man cry. Instead, Gus picked up his shovel, grabbed his work gloves, and headed back to the river. He had given Mattie just about all the money and gold he had; it was time to find some more.

By mid-August, summer on the stretch of the Yukon where Gus worked his claim had already peaked, and so had Gus’s enthusiasm. Sluicing the tailings from the holes he’d dug the previous winter had brought in some gold, but not nearly enough to call it “pay dirt.” If prices held, he’d probably pull enough gold to keep the three of them going over the winter, but not much longer. Six years in the Yukon and that was all he had to show for it? Pathetic.

Shorty Calhoun hadn’t fared much better; in fact, the old prospector working the claim next to Gus had given up the week before and moved on to another crick he’d heard might pan out.

Since Mattie and Annabelle’s departure two and a half months earlier, Gus had received only the one promised letter: both mother and daughter were fine and in fact living in the rooming house Mattie had talked about. The Empire Rooming House was run by a Mrs. Partridge, who yes indeed looked like a small, stuffed bird. Mattie herself had easily gotten a job as a seamstress in a dressmaker’s shop. Mrs. Clements was a fair employer and Mattie enjoyed her work creating dresses for some of Seattle’s high society matrons. A real nice lady who lived next door came in and watched the children a few days a week. She was just a few years older than Mattie and they had become fast friends. Little Annabelle had taken her first steps and was already playing with several toddlers her age.

The letter relieved a number of Gus’s fears, but other concerns cropped up in their place. It seemed like Mattie and Annabelle were getting along just fine without him. Notions crossed his mind as to whether Mattie would even want him back if he came out of the gold fields with so little to show for it. And even if she did, what in Sam Hill would he do if he gave up prospecting for good?