The Awakening (9 page)

Madeleine picked up an antique vase and examined the base for the maker’s mark. She smiled as she replaced it carefully on Andrew’s genuine sea captain’s chest. “How can you not be happy, Carmen? You actually have everything. A great job, a loving fiancé, investments of your own: you are young and strong and everything you touch turns to gold, my darling. Be careful of looking for things to go wrong.”

“I guess you’re right, Mum,” Carmen smiled reluctantly. “Glass of wine?”

“Of course.” Madeleine made herself comfortable on the leather sofa. “I am right about this, believe me. True love is over-rated in my experience and you can be easily mistaken.” Andrew’s key scraped in the lock: Madeleine looked to the door. “You won’t do better, my darling. For all your fine abilities and attributes, you have no idea about men. Believe me on this. Andrew is exactly what you need.”

Carmen kissed Andrew, watched him take Madeleine’s hand and let her gush about his home. She wondered what Madeleine would think of Victor.

Madeleine had made light of the break in. These things happened to women living on their own, didn’t they? She’d been suitably concerned but comforted by Andrew’s command of the situation, especially him knowing the policeman in charge. Well, it was the sort of thing she expected of him. She left Carmen and Andrew that day with the clear message that she thought Carmen was safe with Andrew and that there was no doubt in her mind that he would always take care of her. It almost seemed to Carmen that her mother was more taken with Andrew than she was. In fact, he was the first man Carmen had dated that her mother had liked, so he must have had something. But how important was that, given how little she had cared about her mother’s opinions in the past? Perhaps Andrew was the path to lasting reconciliation between the two women? Carmen smiled at the idea.

But aspects of the break in kept niggling at Carmen. Why would anyone attack her dogs and not take anything? Was there someone out there, some lunatic who wanted to hurt her? She knew being a public person had its down-side. That there were people who resented her success and wanted to hurt her. She’d never met any of them and she’d never once received a nasty text or phone call or any hate mail. Still, as AA pointed out, with increasing justification it seemed since the break in, the world was an ugly place. Just because Carmen had had little to do with violence and poverty didn’t mean it wasn’t there or that she was immune from the consequences of people living damaged lives. She could feel him mounting a case for her to never return to her home. He wasn’t saying anything directly about it and he was sparing no expense in the security up-grade, so it looked as if he was completely cool about her going home. But there were too many comments about living alone, taking unnecessary risks: the dangers of the world. It wasn’t a constant diatribe but every article in the papers about mindless violence, vandalism and murder he made the most of.

Carmen knew he just wanted her to be safe, that he’d been as worried about Alaska and Zanzibar as she had. He’d rung his policeman mate several times trying to find out what leads they might have. He was clearly on her side but he didn’t seem to understand her at all. No wonder Madeleine and he got on so well!

Staring blankly at her PC at work, she realised she was finding it hard to breath. Three weeks at AA’s was starting to feel like a life sentence. She missed her dogs, her run in the park, her things. And most of all she missed her own space. Despite the fact that up until the break-in AA had spent a lot of time at her place, he still went home. How could they get married and spend their lives together if she found three weeks with him too much? And working together only intensified it all. She looked at her clock: AA would appear in a minute and want to go out for coffee. Just like every other day, which only a month ago was endearing. Now just the thought made her struggle for air. God, when would things return to normal? The security was taking forever and she was worried that the vet was keeping something from her: the dogs should have been better by now.

Carmen felt twitchy and unable to concentrate. She strode to her window. Outside the world was bright and alive. In here, inside this conglomerate of steel and glass she felt completely cut off. AA’s building was the same: architecturally beautiful but sterile and artificial. She needed to be outside. She needed to run, which she hadn’t done since the attack. She looked at the clock again. She couldn’t face AA. He would want her to do something, would suggest something about work, or the weekend: have already made plans for them both without asking her – off with his friends and family. She grabbed her sports bag and headed for the roof. In fact a swim would sooth her and help her head to clear. She had to find a way to talk to AA before he took over her life and she let him. If he loved her, she reasoned, he would understand. But he was so convinced he was doing the right thing how could she tell him he was smothering her?

Victor was sitting by the side of the pool when Carmen emerged an hour later. He was smiling fondly at her, the remains of his lunch on the café table beside his pool chair.

“I thought you were in there for life,” he said as she wrapped herself in a thick, white company towel.

“Sometimes I feel as if I could swim across the world.” She sat beside him. “Are you here for me, or is this one of your hiding places?”

“Both actually,” he nodded. “But I knew that you’d know that.”

Carmen grimaced. She’d hardly spoken to Victor since the launch, well
good morning
and the like, but they hadn’t spent any time together since then. He seemed to be avoiding her. The little daily interactions she’d come to look forward to had evaporated. They hadn’t even had five minutes together in the last month. She wasn’t sure if he was letting her work through some of his crazy ideas, or if he was just keeping clear. Sure he was busy, he had a company to run and she was trying to make a career for herself. There was no real reason for them to meet every day. And their last conversation wasn’t one she wanted to remember: it still made her uncomfortable, just like this comment. True, he’d been very concerned about the dogs, offered his own vet, but ruined it all by one of those infuriating comments. “But your dogs are much more than you realise. Have faith in who they are.” What did that mean?

But she missed Victor. Just as AA’s constant presence was driving her mad, she was irritated by Victor’s absence. She’d assumed he was doing it on purpose. She’d also assumed, rightly as it turned out, that he’d seek her out again. At least she knew how to be patient. She sometimes felt she could wait forever for things. There was a strange lack of urgency in her. Odd really for someone renown for speed. Odd too, that AA was in such a hurry about absolutely everything. She thought Victor was letting her calm again after unsettling her so much. She sensed he needed her to be calm, that when he spoke to her she needed to be in a receptive and quiet place. So there had to be sufficient time in between his enigmatic shots across her bows. She towelled her hair, rearranged her face into a smile and waited for Victor to reveal his purpose. Somehow she felt she could forgive him anything, as long as he was in her life. She smiled as she dried herself off, she was happy he had sought her out once more.

Victor watched Carmen. She was quite exquisite. For all that she was no longer training her body showed no signs of strain. She was perfectly fit and yes, as he watched her in the water, it was clear she was born to it. He held his hand out to her. She moved her hand to his and let his great hand enfold her long fingers. Carmen felt an immediate pulse of warmth, like Victor had turned on a light deep inside her. She felt calm. The peace she had been seeking for days was here. Why hadn’t she sought him out before? She was an adult: she could find him. She didn’t have to wait for him to come to her. She knew in that deep dark space inside her that he could restore her balance. So why had she been so passive and just waited for him to appear in her space again?

“I’m glad your dogs are doing well.” He squeezed her hand gently. “You must be relieved they are on the mend. All that worry.”

She nodded. “Very much so. I know it sounds silly, but they mean everything to me, Victor.”

“I understand, Carmen. I know about animals and their place in people’s hearts. Well, some people. People like you and me.” He held her gaze, staring back into her soul. This time she didn’t mind. Their connection was strong and she knew he wouldn’t hurt her. In fact sitting with him she was reminded of dancing with him at the launch and how much she had enjoyed being held by him. She wondered how it would be to make love to him. He was a striking man, almost the antithesis of Andrew. He was unhurried, sure of himself in the deepest part of his soul. His hands were large and brown. His body seemed bigger now than when they first met. His hair was still shaggy but more blonde than grey. She looked into the piercing blueness of his eyes and wondered what he knew, where he was really from. He wasn’t an ordinary man. His bearing was too proud, too regal. This man was full of secrets and power. She leant into him and kissed his cheek.

Victor smiled. “You are beginning to understand, my little bear.”

She nodded. “I think so.”

“I want you to come to my cabin in the Catskills next weekend, Carmen. Bring your dogs. They will be well enough and it will be just what they need. Up in the melting snow, on the lake. Fishing, walking, hunting. We will eat wonderful food in front of great fires and I will share my secrets with you. Help you look inside and find the truth.”

Carmen nodded. “Sounds good.” Her face clouded. “But Victor, what about Andrew? Not him as well? Not in the great outdoors – it’s hardly AA’s scene.”

Victor’s smile was cunning and cruel. “I am sending your fiancé to Brazil and then to a little place in Australia called Tasmania to look at our plantations for the paper we use. It’s time our managers there had a visit from head office. And who better to send?”

“You’re quite the wily wolf, aren’t you?”

“Indeed. AA will feel important and flattered and have no idea that I am getting him out of the way so that I can have you all to myself.”

Carmen felt her pulse quicken. “Just you and me at your place, then?”

He nodded. “You and me and the dogs and that’s all we need.”

“Yes. It is.” She felt no compunction to tell AA. She felt no guilt about Victor’s plans. She wondered what that might say about her relationship with Andrew. But she couldn’t get away from the feeling of suffocation that seemed to swirl around the loft and Andrew. Why didn’t he understand her need for space, for time to just be still and alone? He clearly wasn’t one for his own company and found it impossible to understand Carmen’s need for it. He was not an empathetic soul. But she felt Victor was. In the short time she’d known Victor she’d felt far more at ease, more able to be herself than ever she could with Andrew. She had to wonder what she was doing with someone like Andrew, someone so comfortable with a crowd and the social whirl that was New York life. But with AA gone for a couple of weeks she could find herself again. She would be able to think and work out her future. She smiled at Victor, admired the sharpness of his mind as he plotted to outsmart Andrew. She could feel herself in the forest all ready. As she embraced Victor and felt his strength she was sure that her future was about to reveal itself.

“I have no choice, Honey,” Andrew shrugged his shoulders as he changed into something more comfortable before starting dinner. “Victor says we have some issues with a couple of our plantations. He’s worried about some of the harvesting practises. You know Victor and his ethical considerations. So, I’m being dispatched.”

Carmen smiled, stroked his arm. “I’m sure only you can fix things.”

“I wanted to take you,” Andrew said, taking her in his arms. “I don’t want to leave you alone. But Victor wouldn’t hear of it.”

“It’s okay, Andrew. I’ll be fine.”

“It’s not like the company can’t afford it. Other people travel with their wives.”

“But I’m not your wife, darling. Not yet.”

“No.” Andrew looked into her eyes. “But I want you to be. Sooner rather than later, Carmen. I want to set the date.”

She moved away from him. “I need a bath. It’s been a long day.”

She didn’t want this conversation. Andrew followed her into the en-suite. He examined his face in the mirror, touched his newly cut hair, smiled contentedly at himself. “When I get back I want to set a date, Carmen. Can we do that?” He took her hand and spun her to face him. “Will you think about a date while I’m gone? After all it is spring and most brides want a spring wedding.”

She nodded. “Of course I’ll think about it.”

“But seriously, Carmen. I know you. As soon as you’re back in that basement of yours I’ve got no chance.” He shook his head. “Sometimes I think you don’t want to marry me at all.”

“Oh, Andrew,” she sighed. “Sometimes I think you wish you were still available to all those heart broken ladies of New York. Not saddled to me. I might well think you engineered this trip with Victor to have an affair with some Brazilian beauty in the Buenos Ares office. Some last secret fling before we settle down.”

Andrew’s face was suddenly very dark. “You can be very hurtful, you know. I’ve done everything I can to make you happy and you accuse me of being unfaithful. Worse, of planning this trip on purpose. I’d never be unfaithful to you. Never. And I never thought I’d say that to anyone. Your mother is right: you don’t know what’s good for you.” He stormed out of the room and started banging pans in the kitchen.