The Bathrobe Knight: Volume 2 (36 page)

              “Let me finish it off,” Darwin said to Kitchens who was readying the final blow. “I need to make sure he doesn’t stiffen up so the entrance stays clear.”

              “Understood,” Kitchens sheathed his sword and backed up.

              As soon as Darwin’s blade sank in and finished off the Drake, he used his ability to create undead followers. He watched as the Drake’s once black eyes shone red, and the momentarily dead monster healed instantly, finished clawing his way through the entrance, turned, and waited for Darwin’s command.

              “That one is mine! I called shotgun on the dragon stuff! You all heard me!” Kass shouted gleefully as the big Drake stood poised with closed wings in front of Darwin.

              “Fine, fine,” Darwin said, waving her over quickly. “Go take it for a spin. Just be ready to catch any of them if we don’t get the kill blow here.”

              And, within seconds of saying that, another Drake rammed into the wall. “It’s working! Maim it! I got the death blow!” Darwin shouted out his commands as the dragon struggled to get through the hole.

“Stabby stabby for Fuzzy Wuzzy!” Minx shouted as she sank her daggers into its thick, scaly hide. “No more burny burny for you!”

Darwin finished off that one too--and then the next and the next and the next, all in the exact same fashion. When he finished off the last one, and all five had made it through the hole with red eyes, he felt a huge load off his chest.

“We did it,” he said, slumping into the wall. “We did it, and no one died.”

Minx resumed her bear head hug. “We got the bad bad guys for you. No one will ever hurt you again big beary weary, or I’ll stabby stab stab them!” Fuzzy Wuzzy nuzzled his head into the hug and let out a low growl. “That’s right, Fuzzy Wuzzy. They were meanies.”

“I didn’t doubt you for a moment,” Kitchens said, his eyes moving from one Drake to another.

“That makes one of us,” Darwin admitted, remembering the panic when he thought he was about to lose Fuzzy Wuzzy and likely Minx right after. “I actually wasn’t even sure we’d be able to pull it off.”

“The path to victory in an uneven battle lies in leveraging every tiny detail until the force yielded from those seemingly insignificant facts is great enough to subdue your foe. You already understood this, that is why I didn’t doubt you would win. But it is important that you not only understand it, but know it.” Kitchens stopped studying the Drakes and turned to Darwin. “The one on the right end--if you let me have that one, I won’t tell Kass about the dirty thoughts you had earlier.”

Darwin frowned. “They weren’t dirty thoughts, I was just . . . Nevermind. Forget it, you can have that one.”
He knew there was no point in arguing because if the discussion lasted long enough Kass would eventually overhear.

“So what are we going to do about the rest of the dungeon?” Kass said, swooping down beside Darwin as Kitchens went over to acquaint himself with the rewards of his blackmail.

“You mean how are we going to clear it?” Darwin glanced inside the cave and then back at the set of five mounts.

“Yeah, got any ideas? I mean, that last fight was pretty easy once we got them through the door, but the next skirmishes are going to probably be pretty tough.” Kass’s words were of the warning kind, but it was hard to take them seriously when her face was still stuck in a permanent smile from getting a dragon.

Who would have thought she would be this happy with getting a dragon. She never mentioned this before at all. One minute she’s barely keeping up at all, the next minute she’s tearing through the skies like a bat out of hell,
he thought still processing the near death combat experience when an idea hit him for how to clear out the rest of the dungeon. A wicked twisted smile, the kind that showed up on every cartoon villain, found its way creeping across Darwin’s face as he thought for a moment. “Actually, I have an idea on how to finish off our dungeon problem.”

              “What’s the idea?” Kass asked then shuddered. “Darwin, what’s with that smile? I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I don’t like that look,” Kass said, backing up on her mount. “You know that creepy smile really doesn’t go well with the horns . . .”

              “Kass, how fast do you think you can go on that thing?” Darwin asked, a chuckle escaping his grin.

Kass
:

              Darwin’s constant leering was starting to send shivers up Kass’s spine. Whatever his plan was, she was almost certain she didn’t want to be a part of it. “Darwin, no, I’m not answering that,” she instinctively retorted.

              “All I’m asking,” Darwin did his best to straighten up his face, but his laughter was reinforcing the creepy smile despite his best efforts, “is whether or not you could outrun the other Drakes if need be? I mean, you do seem to like flying that guy, right?”

             
Wait, why would I have to . . .
“No! I’m not going to do that, Darwin!” Kass stamped her foot as she realized what Darwin was going to ask.
If he wants someone to play bait and go gather up all the Drakes, then he can go do it himself!
she thought defiantly.
There is no way in Hades that he is ever going to get away with making me the lure in this fishing game!

             
“Well, I guess I’ll just have to take that Drake back then . . .” Darwin raised his hand and motioned as if he was calling a dog home. The big Blue-Drake Kass had been riding on just a moment ago started to move towards Darwin before Kass jumped between the two.

              “I’ll do it!” Kass panicked, her body not big enough to block the drake’s return if Darwin seriously called it. “Don’t think like that. There is no reason for you to take Toothifer away.”

              “You named him already? And Toothifer at that?”

              “Well, it was either that, Scale-eosis, or Scale-ator,” she said, remembering the hard decision she had faced, “but the first sounded like a disease and the second ended up making me think of chicken fingers.”

              “Chicken fingers? Really?” Darwin sighed in exasperation.

              “Well, you know that the closest living relative to a T-Rex is a chicken, right? So when I thought of Scale-ator, I thought of chickens, and then I remembered that I haven’t had chicken fingers in a while. I couldn’t stop thinking of chicken fingers. So Scale-ator makes me think of chicken fingers.” Kass smiled in satisfaction with her logic. Not everyone knew that the chicken was the closest living ancestor to the T-Rex, or so her news feed said one morning.

              “You’ve been spending too much time with Minx.” Darwin scrunched his eyebrows and pinched the top of his nose.

             
Spending too much time with Minx! Psh, you’ve just been spending too much time with Kitchens,
Kass wanted to say, but decided that given he had just gotten her a giant, blue dragon, something she had secretly dreamed about since she had first heard of a VRMMO, it might be okay to let his comment slide without a rebuttal. “Well, whatever, Toothifer just seemed to fit, so I’m going with it.”

              “Fair enough, but I still need you and Toothifer to do me a favor. We have an entire dungeon full of enemies,” Darwin pointed to the inside of the dungeon where several Drakes were still visible. “It will take a long time to clear out if we try to fight them fairly. I think our best bet is to get you and Kitchens to take your new mounts and go round up our prey. If you keep a safe distance and aggro them with your rides’ fireballs, you should be able to pull them all without getting in harm's way.”

              “So you want me to not fight, but run away like a coward, right?” Kass clarified, not entirely sure how she felt about her role in the plan, but getting past the Drakes would necessarily be a team effort, and she would have to play a part if it were going to succeed.
Actually, this is the first time we’ve done a strategy like this in a dungeon,
she thought, remembering how previously it had just been the usual hack and slash grind all the way through. “No fighting, just running?”

              “Sure. After all, Scale-ator is a relative of the chicken, right? Should be real easy for him to summon up his ancestral talents and run away from a fight,” Darwin laughed as he put a hand on the blue Drake’s wing.

“His name is Toothifer!” Kass insisted, resisting the urge to stomp on the ground. “Not Scale-ator!”

“Sure, sure. Are you and Toothifer up to the challenge?”

“Yeah, no problem. Just, how come it’s Kitchens and not Minx?”

“Because, if we take out style and defense from the Damage stat equation, Minx does more Damage than Kitchens by a long shot,” Darwin said, walking around Toothifer as if he were a piece of meat at the supermarket. “She’s sloppy, but she hits like the main character in an anime after ten episodes of shouting at the screen. Also, I don’t want to tell her she has to go galloping in yelling Leroy Jenkins after the last incident with Fuzzy Wuzzy. Girl looked like she was going to cry when they started killing the poor guy.”

“Yeah, actually, quick question: if Fuzzy Wuzzy dies . . . Can you resurrect him again?” Kass asked as she stared at Minx, who was playing with the giant bear as if he were a tiny puppy.

“No, I don’t think I can,” Darwin shrugged.

“Well, I think we need to talk to Kitchens about getting his daughter a cat or a dog then,” Kass thought, thinking about the horrifying ramifications if the girl lost her new pet mid-game.
It’s really not a matter of ‘if’ so much as ‘when,’
Kass thought, thinking about how tough things were getting and how big of a target the black bear was.

“Maybe,” Darwin nodded in agreement, “but for the moment, let’s stay focused on the dungeon. We don’t have long until Valerie’s crew of bird-men finish their job. I’d like to have the dungeon cleared before they even show up if we can.”

“You’re not worried about how difficult the boss will be with just the four of us?”

“Who said it would only be four of us?” Darwin grinned and eyed the five red-eyed Drakes.

“You know that is a cheat skill, right? Why would they even add a skill like that without a clear limit,” Kass complained. It wasn’t right that she only got a few cool ice spells, and he got the ability to raise giant, undead, zombie armies.

“Actually, there is a limit. It said I can only control the number up to the maximum number of NPCs I can command,” Darwin put a finger to his chin. “But . . .”

“But faction leaders don’t have clear-cut NPC command limitations . . .” Kass understood what he was trying to say.

“Yeah, I’m as lost as you, but it does mean we won’t have to go into that final fight alone.” Darwin turned from the Drake to face Kass. “All you have to do is run.”

It wasn’t so much the idea, demanding that she flee, but the way he said it that cemented her feet to the ground and sent an icy finger running up along the side of her spine.

They had been having so much fun that she had forgotten all about his horns or noticed that his eyes weren’t just red any more--they were pulsing and glowing with a strange light.
Have they always looked like that?
her own gaze fixated on his like a deer struck stiff by the headlights of a car.
Has he always looked like that?
She involuntarily shivered a bit, then shook her head to clear it of the thoughts.
This is Darwin. There is nothing off about him.
“Yeah, that plan does sound easy enough. Well, let me hop on Toothifer, and then I’m ready.”

“Great. Kitchens, no chance you heard the plan?”

“If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it,” Kitchens climbed up on his new Drake. Then, facing the bear and girl he shouted out to his daughter, “Minx, do what Darwin says. We’ll be right back.” He then spurred on his mount to push its way through the entrance with him on it, surprisingly unscathed.

Kass hopped up on Toothifer and followed after him. “Are we splitting up?” she asked. “Like you go one way and gather them, and I go the other? Or are we going to make the run together, all at once?”

Kitchens did his best to look over his shoulder at her as she tailed him. “I have no preference. You think it’ll go faster if we split up?”

“It can’t hurt. Do you want the right side or the left?” Kass felt pretty comfortable with her flying abilities after only one ride.

“There is nothing right about this, so I’ll take left on the first split,” Kitchens replied, failing his pun delivery. “Also, have you noticed something off about the mounts?”

Kass looked at her Drake. “What do you mean?”

“How do they understand us? If Darwin is their sire, why do they listen to our commands? What causes them to distinguish us from--Oh, there’s my left! See you!” Kitchens’ drake pulled left and disappeared from sight.

What the heck? You can’t start a line of questioning like that and leave instantly,
Kass though as she frowned.
But he’s not wrong. There are a lot of things that I just don’t get with the pet system. Why does Fuzzy Wuzzy, a mob-based NPC, react and behave as if he were a real-life domesticated pet?
Kass’s concerns with the issue consumed her concentration as she soared high above dozens of packs of Blue-Drakes on her way to the end of the dungeon.