The Battered Heiress Blues (17 page)

“No. Why did you call him?”

“Julia, you have to admit, your message was strange. I was worried and you wouldn’t answer your phone. I figured Henry would know what was going on, but all he said was that you had the fight to end all fights.”

We continued our walk to the chapel, the overhanging trees shading our journey.

“We did. It’s over.”

“You’ve said that before,” he replied in disbelief.

“I mean it this time.”

“Sure.”

I couldn’t pass on the opportunity to know how Henry was doing. I wanted all the news that Kate was keeping from me. Tommy’s allegiance was to me.

“How was he?”

“-A mess. A lot like you.”

We approached the cemetery gate and I pushed it open, holding it for him. He looked puzzled at my new ease with this sacred space.

“I come here now to think and be with Connor.”

“That’s good. -Enough procrastinating. What is all this about?”

We sat down on the bench that faced Connor’s grave.

“I have something that I wanted to tell you in person, but I have to tell you under the seal of the confessional.”

“Julia, you don’t have to go to those lengths. I can keep a promise.”

“Yes, but you’re not bound by that promise.”

“To you, I am. I will keep whatever you tell me in confidence. You have my word. I’m your brother, first.”

I paused to try and think of a way to tell him the news without having to endure his disappointment. He was my brother, but he was still a priest.

“I wanted to tell you this news with the whole family together- all five of us.”

“Four of us.” He loved to correct me.

“No, five of us.”

“Wait. What are you saying?”

“I can’t believe I’m saying it.”

“Julia?”

“God has blessed me with another child.”

“Henry?”

“Yes. I’m not a complete harlot- Henry- who else, you big jerk?”

He sat there quiet, looking straight ahead for a few minutes.

“Say something.”

“I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I’m trying to separate the priest from the brother, which is awfully hard to do. How did this happen?”

“Well… Henry and I…we…kind of…ya know…”

“I don’t mean that, Julia. I’m very well aware of how it physically happened. I mean, how did you let this happen?”

“Honestly Tommy, I didn’t think that this could happen- so soon after Connor. The doctor in Lima said that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant again. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Obviously.”

“You’re telling me.”

He paused again and I was left staring at his face while he stared at Connor’s headstone. I couldn’t take it anymore. He could yell if he wanted to, but he had to say something and put me out of my misery. Tommy’s opinion was the most important to me. I loved Henry, but Tommy had my best interest at heart- always. There was never an ulterior motive. Tommy had no angle. He was just my little brother. When I was finally about to open my mouth, he responded, grabbing my hand in a show of support.

“What’s done is done. A child is a blessing. Have you told Henry?”

“No. I’m not going to either.”

“Yes you are.”

“No. I’m not.”

“He’s the father. He has a right to know.”

“You promised.”

“I won’t tell him. He won’t hear it from me, but you should do the right thing.”

“Did he tell you what our fight was about?”

“No.”

“He asked me to marry him.”

“That’s wonderful. Isn’t it wonderful?”

“No. It’s not wonderful. He promised to make me a priority, but at the first fork in the road, he left me behind again to go solve one of John’s problems. I can’t have a marriage with Henry and our father. I can’t live like that.”

“I understand.”

“Do you really?”

“I really do. Remember, I lived with the invisible dad- still do. I’ll keep your secret, but at some point, I know you’ll do what is necessary and prudent.”

Tommy hugged me and we sat in silence as I cried.

“Why the tears? This is happy news, right?”

“I feel guilty loving this child. Connor still occupies my heart.”

“Give it time, Julia. Connor wouldn’t want you to be distant from this experience. This is his sibling. He’s still the big brother, even if he’s not physically present. He saved your life, you know. The doctor told Henry that you’d probably be dead if it wasn’t for your pregnancy- the knife would have hit a major organ. Honor that fact. Love the child you have now. It’s not an either/or…don’t put conditions on a gift.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right. Maybe once this sinks in, I’ll feel the attachment.”

“You’ve been to the doctor?”

“I go for my first obstetrician appointment tomorrow.”

“I’m coming.”

“Thanks. I could use the company. I’m nervous.”

“Kate doesn’t know?”

“Be serious. I’d expect her to pick the phone up and call Henry within seconds of hearing the news.”

“She would.”

“I know. -Hence the cloak and dagger routine. She thinks that the doctor’s office lost my blood sample and I’m returning tomorrow to be stuck again.”

“I’ll keep your secret, Julia, but I won’t directly lie for you.”

“Agreed.”

“I’m starving. Let’s drive into town and eat some seafood- just the two of us. I have a lot more questions about the Henry situation.”

We had a pleasant dinner together even though I was required to answer question after question about Henry. He made me promise to consider telling him and I told him that I would. I was thrilled to talk about the happenings at his church on the drive home. I was anxious to hear any news that did not involve me.

We returned to a dark house. Kate must have been with Gabe. She had no embarrassment about staying over, despite Tommy being a priest. She’d be the recipient of the moral virtue lecture in the morning. This wasn’t scoring any points for Gabe.

I said my goodnight and decided to take a shower. Memories of Henry’s naked body against mine made me miss him. There wasn’t a place in this house that alienated me from those kinds of thoughts. We had loved each other in almost every room. Tomorrow, I would see my baby- a memory in the flesh- a reminder of that love.

I was still tired when Tommy’s shuffling through the house woke me. Showering, again, I brushed my teeth, and dressed in preparation for the early morning appointment. Tommy made bacon which surprisingly smelled good to me. I had warned everyone that eggs could no longer be cooked in my house, until further notice. Thankfully, I made it through an entire bacon sandwich without gagging. We grabbed some water and headed out the door.

I wasn’t as nervous this time since Tommy was accompanying me. I’m sure we looked like a pair. He always wore his priestly attire. I felt the need to tell perfect strangers that he was my brother. A person usually doesn’t bring a priest to the obstetrician’s office. He was the object of much staring.

After filling out more paperwork, we were escorted back to Dr. Brandon’s office. I introduced Tommy and gave a limited, technical account of how I lost Connor. He explained the need to monitor me closely and watch for signs of uterine weakness and cervical incompetence. He was also concerned about keeping an eye on my blood pressure. He explained that there may be a need to supplement my own hormone production, but he wouldn’t know for sure until the blood tests came back.

Tommy asked a few brotherly questions about safeguarding my health during the pregnancy. Dr. Brandon and I were anxiously awaiting him to come up for air. He wouldn’t cut off a priest, but I had no problem shutting him down. I dismissed him to the waiting area and the nurse led me to an exam room. I’d have to be cold and uncomfortable this time.

After the internal exam, he performed an ultrasound. I was nine weeks and three days pregnant. The baby resembled Mr. Peanut, but it was the cutest thing I’d seen in a long time. The little heart flickering made my own skip a beat. In that moment, my heart grew in size, making me realize that there was more than ample room to love two children. I wouldn’t lose Connor. They were equally important to me.

Dr. Brandon didn’t seem to be vexed about anything he saw. I was warned about stress and taking care of myself. He wanted me to take my blood pressure at home every day and record the results in a book. I was told to return in two weeks for a quick check. Due to my age, he wanted to know how I felt about an amniocentesis. I didn’t really see the point. Regardless of what was in store for me, I knew that this baby was a miracle and no illness or syndrome would change the course of seeing this pregnancy to its fruition. The baby was a testament to mine and Henry’s love which made him or her perfect.

Before leaving, the ultrasound tech gave me a few pictures of the baby. I’m glad I was paying attention when she described what we were seeing or the images would have looked like an alien encounter. Tommy was excited to see his new niece or nephew. He was truly happy for me. In one morning, everything had been made real to me. I couldn’t wait to call Henry and share the good news.

12

I
took advantage of the house being empty to coax my nerves into calling him. Tommy had gone to say afternoon Mass at the Catholic Church downtown and then was off to the airport to return to New York. Kate was inevitably at the cottage with Gabe and Mattie. I grabbed some ginger ale and crackers and bedded down in my room to do the deed.

I stared at the phone for a long time deciding whether I would be a coward and leave a message on his home phone or have some guts and call his cell. I opted to be a coward, but then couldn’t think of what to say on the message. I rehearsed a few lines, but nothing quite fit the occasion. Telling him to prepare for fatherhood on voice mail just seemed distant and rude. Shoot. I’d have to call him directly.

I picked up the phone and started to dial his cell. Three digits in and I hung up. I walked around the room getting pumped up, telling myself that this was a small thing. I should just wait for him to answer, blurt out the news, and disconnect. I didn’t even feel the need to wait for his response. I’d give him the news quick and dirty.

After pulling out the picture of our tiny peanut, I rubbed my belly, and dialed the number. Ring. Ring. Ring.
Answer the phone already
. When he did, I heard a woman laughing. I panicked. For once, I was speechless. Her voice was smooth as silk. She had one of those voices that gave me the mental image that I was talking to a supermodel. I hated her already. She was probably skinny; the kind of woman that magically disappears when she turns sideways. I was pale and getting plumper by the day.

“Hello. Henry’s phone.” She laughed over and over again, exaggerating every syllable, like she was on her first date and Tru had just said something hysterical. I could hear his voice too. He echoed her laugh and it made me sick. That wasn’t his real laugh. That’s not the laugh he gives me when I wake up in the morning and my hair is the size of Texas. That’s not the laugh he gives me when I fall off a curb or walk into a door. That’s not his laugh. Who is she and what has she done with my Henry? I absolutely hated her. I didn’t care who she was.

“I said hello. Heeellloooo. I think we have a breather, Henry,” the wench shrilled.

“Give me the phone, Tricia.”

Who the hell was Tricia?

“Hello. This is Henry Truman Walker. Can I help you?”

I covered the mouthpiece with my hand and answered him.

“It’s me. I have great news, Tru.”

“Hello? Who was there, Tricia?”

“We’re having a baby.”

“Hello? Is anyone there?”

“You’re going to be a father.”

“Give me the phone, Henry.”

“I love you. Come home. I’m sorry.”

“Tricia, no”

The line went dead. I slowly placed the phone back in its cradle. I wasn’t prepared for Tricia. I didn’t see it coming. I guess a month is plenty of time for some people to move on. I sat back against my pillows and had a little cry.