The Best Friend (15 page)

“It’s selfish to want that, but I know it will come at the cost of Olivia’s pain. It’s confusing.”

“It’s okay to be confused. It’s okay for it to get messy, because it is a messy, awful situation. But it’s also what makes you the best candidate. You already understand all these things, and there is no one who could deal with them better. Just as no one can deal with our one-armed hero better. You’re a good person, Gretchen. Use whatever you have. Use it to help those around you who can’t always be there, or don’t know how to. And it makes you feel better to do so anyway. Don’t feel guilty for that. Just go and be wonderful. It comes so easily for you.”

She grimaced over the phone. “I am not. You make me sound like a lame, goody-two-shoes nun or something.”

“You are kinda. My God, you took on Jessie. Who else could do that?”

“Tony said that too. It was part of why he got so disgusted with Will.”

“I could kinda get behind someone who doesn’t think your natural tendency for niceness should be taken advantage of quite so easily. Yeah, I think I’ll have to get down that way soon for a visit.”

She laughed before finally hanging up. Olivia would be there from school in only a few minutes. She came almost every afternoon straight to Gretchen’s office. A bus dropped her off near there and Gretchen ran down quickly to meet it. Luckily, most afternoons she was able to schedule her patients around Olivia’s visits. Olivia often had to wait for them to finish in the waiting room. She soon became a common fixture to many of Gretchen’s patients. Olivia’s natural inquisitiveness and curiosity managed to create more than one awkward situation, beyond what happened with Tony.

With Olivia, Gretchen witnessed Tony’s change in behavior like never before. He was kind and caring, funny and relaxed, and acted like the missing arm
was
nothing
with Olivia; whereas with Gretchen and the rest of the world, he made it
everything.

She was a great kid, who was appreciative of any time Gretchen spent playing or talking with her. She never complained if Gretchen had an appointment and she had to wait. It squeezed Gretchen’s heart how little Olivia needed to make her happy. She was used to being alone, and having to play by herself. Her grandmother worked full time until she got too sick. So there was never a time when Olivia was at home after school, or the center of anyone’s day. She had always been taken to work, or worked around. Even with Gretchen.

Her grandmother was getting worse of late. She asked that Gretchen keep Olivia until dinnertime now. She couldn’t handle much more than that. So Gretchen now had her every afternoon, as well as any days off school, until she dropped her back home around six. Not once did Olivia complain about it. Not once did she whine if Gretchen had to see clients. Not once did she demand anything more than what she already got. That broke Gretchen’s heart too. Olivia’s childhood had long ago been put on hold as yet another victim of her grandmother’s illness.

Gretchen almost took Tony aside and explained the situation to him. If an eight-year-old could be so accepting of life, no matter how hard and unfair it was, while her only living relative lay dying before her eyes, and being unable to barely care for her, he could at least try to show some kind of resignation in accepting the loss of his arm.

But Tony didn’t seem to notice that.

****

Gretchen drove Tony to his appointments every Thursday with Dr. Hart over the next two and a half months. Every Thursday, at three-thirty promptly, Gretchen appeared at Tony’s front door. Not once did he wear anything but sweats or variations thereof. At first, she tried to engage him in conversation, but finally, gave up after several monotone conversations that always went exactly the same. He was “fine.” His week was “fine.” His parents were “fine.” And no, he didn’t want to go to therapy today, as usual. He never spoke except to say that; and usually turned up the radio to indicate the end of their conversation.

Olivia was usually there too. Gretchen timed it so they could meet her bus. He tolerated Olivia sitting next to him as he waited for Dr. Hart. He was always nice to Olivia, where he failed to show the least bit of courtesy to anyone else. It was the strangest damn thing.

And not once did he thank Gretchen for the rides, or inquire how her week had gone. Or how she was doing. Gretchen was pretty sure they could put away any further supposition that Tony harbored a crush on her still. He seemed to have more interest in talking back to the radio than he did with her conversations.

The only thing that made the rides together more bearable was Olivia’s presence, which managed to break up the awful tension and uncomfortable atmosphere on the way home.

Tony changed around Olivia. He laughed at her inquiries, and explained a multitude of ways in which to function one-armed. He demonstrated many of the things Olivia asked to see. He never once grew annoyed, angry, or self-conscious with Olivia. Not like he did with Gretchen. Feeling that she couldn’t win, eventually, she chose to say nothing, and was satisfied that he continued to see Dr. Hart. His choice not to be even a slight degree less rude or awful was not lost on her, however.

In that time, Donny and Vickie moved in together. Vickie had been living with two roommates in a house just outside of Calliston. She could only afford the house with her parents’ assistance. Gretchen cringed when Vickie showed up spouting the great news that she was moving in with Donny. Wasn’t that great!?
Oh, just great
. Where would they find Vickie a place to live once all of that crashed and disintegrated?

Upon hearing Vickie’s “great” news, Gretchen began to regret ever reconnecting with Tony and Donny Lindstrom.

****

Tony felt his mood lifting as soon as Olivia came into view. She stepped off the bus and grinned from ear to ear, already waving at him and Gretchen before slipping into the back seat.

“Hi! How are you, Tony? You won’t believe what we got to do in school today. They had this guy who deals with creepy critters; his name is Kevin the Creep Tamer. Isn’t that hilarious! Anyways, he brought snakes, and lizards, and frogs and bugs. They’re all caged up and stuff. But we had a presentation where he showed them all to us, and told us everything about them, and all that. Then…you won’t believe this. You just won’t believe this, Tony!”

He bit his lip, trying to stifle the urge to smile at her big-eyed exclamations, which wasn’t easy. Smiling was something he never felt like doing anymore. Or at least, not in years. She just had that effect.

“What? What did he do?” Tony played along, his tone as genuinely interested as his smile. He could feel Gretchen’s gaze on him from the corners of his eyes. He glanced at her, only to find her expression foggy with confusion, and her eyebrows drawn together. She didn’t know why he was being so nice to Olivia. She never expected it, even after all their trips together. He almost explained to her once that if not for Olivia, he’d have told her to shove her free counseling straight up her pristine, perfect ass the very first time.

But Olivia was always there, all big-eyed, and asking if he would come back. So he came back. Just for her.

“He pulled the snake out and I touched it. I touched it, Tony! It was three feet long. And all brown and slithery… and I touched it! It wasn’t even slimy. It was kind of rough and cold and dry. It surprised me. It was so-o-o cool. Have you ever touched a snake?”

“Yup. I used to collect them as a kid and freak my mother out with them.”

Rounded eyes stared up at him as her little jaw dropped open. “Like in the house?”

“Yeah, I tried to sneak in more than one when I was a kid.”

Gretchen turned and eyed Olivia. “Which no kid should ever do if she wants to be allowed in my house!”

Olivia rolled her eyes. “You’re such a wuss, Gretchen.”

“Olivia, you can’t talk like that.”

She threw her shoulders forward. “But Tony says it. Why can’t I?”

He squirmed under Gretchen’s suddenly narrow-eyed glare. “Well,
Tony
should never have said that in front of you. It’s not appropriate, young lady, especially when referring to me.”

Olivia stuck her tongue out at the back of Gretchen’s head. Tony had to turn his face away to hide the grin of appreciation. Gretchen shot him a look as if she knew, somehow, they were laughing at her. “Well, it would be so neat to have one as a pet. I should ask my grandma.”

“No, you shouldn’t. She’s got enough to deal with.” Gretchen’s tone was far harsher than Olivia deserved, and Tony frowned at her. She didn’t look his way. Olivia’s face fell. They pulled into the parking lot just then, and Tony followed them up the stairs. He was annoyed now, as every week, to be ogling Gretchen’s long legs, wrapped in nylons and a skirt, as her calf muscles flexed with each step. He and Olivia sat down together. By now, they no longer needed to check in with the receptionist, who waved at him, no doubt, feeling glad he didn’t approach the counter.

“Guess what else, Tony?”

“Besides the amazing snake? What?”

“We’re going to have a Veterans Day assembly tomorrow to honor soldiers. Like you. We can bring one too. If we have a parent or a grandparent who is a veteran, we get to bring them. But since I don’t, I asked if I could bring you, and my teacher said yes. Can you believe it? Are you busy tomorrow? Could you come? Please? Otherwise, I’ll have no one to bring. And Tara Barton has three coming with her.”

He felt Gretchen’s frown. Standing within a few feet, discussing her schedule with her receptionist, she obviously overheard the conversation. She set the appointment book down and quickly turned. He ignored her obvious desire to speak to him and his stomach churned at the prospect of being classified with other “vets.” But Olivia was looking up at him with such innocent delight while considering the prospect that she could bring her own “vet” to the assembly.

And besides, to answer her question: no, he wasn’t doing anything. “Well that’s not fair of Tara Barton to have three. But are any of hers one-armed?”

“No.”

“Then I think yours will outdo all three of hers.”

She clapped her hands together. “Oh, Tony, I think you’re right! So you’ll come?”

“I’ll be there.”

He met Gretchen’s stare and her mouth pursed into a sour scowl. She didn’t like hearing that. She spun around and nearly stomped into her office. She didn’t trust him. He glanced at Olivia. “I’ll be right back, okay? I forgot to tell Gretchen something.”

He got up and followed Gretchen. She was just sitting down in her ergonomic, too-fancy office chair when he spoke, “You have a problem with me going to the assembly?”

She jerked her gaze to his. “Oh, Tony. You startled me. No, I was just a little surprised you’d go. She’s had a lot of disappointments in her life. Please, don’t contribute to them.”

“I wasn’t planning to.”

She raised her brows. “Don’t snarl at me. It’s not so out of the box for me to worry. You’re not exactly accountable to anyone or anything, and you don’t want to be. She’s fragile and delicate. I don’t want her getting hurt.”

“I wouldn’t hurt a little girl.”

“Just a grown woman?”

“What?” He stepped back in shock. What the hell was she talking about?

“You can just blithely, and so merrily hurt me? Sorry, if I didn’t understand it fully. I expected that attitude might extend to Olivia.”

“How do I hurt you?”

She glanced down at her desk and started rifling through her files as if unconcerned in replying to him. But when she finally did, her tone was soft and hesitant. “Perhaps a better question would be: how don’t you?”

His jaw fell open in surprise. She suddenly started shaking her head. “Forget it. Dr. Hart just opened his door. Have a good session.”

He backed up and shut her door.
Hurt her? He hurt Gretchen Hendricks?
How? Because he didn’t feel like chatting about trivia? Because he so rarely did anything the rest of the week, there was little to say to her inquiries about how he was or if anything happened? Because he couldn’t breathe around her? Because, even after all these years, his damn lungs hurt whenever he was in her presence?

She jerked the door open behind him. “Are you really going to the assembly for her?”

He nodded. “I said I would.”

“I’ll drive you there. It’s at three o’clock. I’ll pick you up at two-thirty. Be ready,” Gretchen finished before she slammed the door in his face.

Chapter Ten

Olivia called Tony that night from her grandma’s and asked if he’d mind saying something at the school assembly. Tara Barton’s vet-dad was speaking, so wouldn’t he? Please? He felt a fleeting urge to grumble at her as he would have at anyone else, but instead, he agreed and hung up before staring at the computer and trying to think of something to write. What does one say about war? About getting injured critically? About losing your arm in a campaign that few Americans bothered to pay much attention to? He finally started typing. He managed to master the Dvorak keyboard sometime last year, after getting tired of hunting and pecking on the traditional keyboard. He didn’t really like speaking his thoughts aloud into voice recognition software. This keyboard, however, allowed him some speed and accuracy. And Gretchen wondered why he was so pissy all the time? He couldn’t even type easily. He finally retrained his typing skills in order to use the new system. He was surprisingly decent at it now, too.

Writing a quick speech, he supposed it wouldn’t kill him to talk to a bunch of kids under the age of ten. It was the adults he didn’t much enjoy anymore. Kids were just naturally curious. Usually, they weren’t mean-spirited or judgmental.

Gretchen showed up at precisely two-thirty, and was, as usual, prompt. As a functioning, decent, moral woman, who reliably paid her fair share of taxes and held a respectable job, she was the epitome of the ideal, hardworking, decent American. Funny how losing an arm in the service to protect such values couldn’t make up for how he didn’t participate in society now. He was looked down on for not being the societal “norm,” yet most “normal” people had never spent even an hour with a gun aimed at them.