The Book of the Unnamed Midwife (31 page)

Dusty nodded.

“So some people think that it was his house, and they were his wives. That’s why they acted like he was in charge of them. Makes sense, right? So when my ancestors practiced plural marriage, they were following in the footsteps of the son of God.”

Dusty nodded again. “So are you saying now that there are so many more men than women, you’d like Jodi to find another husband or two?”

How does that sound? Try it on that way.

“What? No! I was saying that if you—“

Jodi opened the door. “Breakfast!”

When she was gone again, Dusty turned back to Honus. “I’m not all torn up about polygamy. It doesn’t bother me at all as long as it’s what people choose. But don’t you think it’s a little ridiculous with the way things are now to suggest that one man should have a couple of wives? Really, it’s more likely that if they have a choice, women will collect multiple mates.” She wasn’t alluding to Amanda, but she could tell that’s what he was thinking.

He straightened up and headed inside.

It was only afterward that she realized he had been coming on to her the only way he knew how.

* * * * *

A few more monotonous days and he got over it. They sat up late one night, talking after Jodi had gone to bed. Dusty had made them hot chocolate and they sat on the sofa, staring into the fire.

“So some women do enjoy sex, huh? It’s not just a myth made up by pornographers?” He smiled lopsidedly at her.

Dusty snorted. “They really do. Jodi doesn’t mean to hurt your feelings. She really loves you. I can’t figure out why, but she’s just not interested.”

“But you enjoy it. Or you used to, when you were with Jack. Right?”

“Yeah, I really did. With Jack and with Cassie and with Dana and with Andrew…”

He blushed. “You’ve had a lot of partners… and I know some of them were women…”

“I come from somewhere very different than you two,” she said gently.

He nodded, getting a hold of himself. “I know, I know. It’s just… it’s really different.” He slugged his cocoa as if it would give him courage. “You know, Jodi is grossed out that you were ever with a woman. She’s worried that you might look at her… that way.”

Dusty drank, too. “Yeah, straight girls worry that a lot. She’s got nothing to fear from me. I hope she doesn’t think I’m perving out on examining her.”

“Nah, she’s really glad that you can take care of her and the baby. She kind of keeps it separate.”

They sat in the crackling warmth.

“Don’t you want to know if I think it’s gross?”

“Not really.” Old anger flared up.

What’s the point, what’s the point? Why fight about this now when it barely matters anymore?

“Well, I don’t. I never bought the church line about marriage. I do think there’s something special about temple marriage, but legal marriage is something else. I don’t think it’s gross.” He looked at her expectantly.

Pin a ribbon on me. I’m so progressive.

“What if it’s two guys?” She was not in a ribbon-pinning mood.

Honus sucked a breath in between his teeth. “That’s harder for me to understand, because I think guys are gross and hairy and I’ve never wanted one. But it’s none of my business if another guy does. As long as it’s not me.” Once more, he tried for the ribbon.

“Well then. How evolved of you. I expect a number of men will find themselves attracted to each other in this brave new world. What a surprise it will be.” She wanted to discuss his diaries with him, badly. She hinted all the time but he never suspected.

“Do you like guys better? Or girls?”

Not that evolved.

“It’s not like that. I like people. They come with the bodies they come with.”

“I’ve never met anyone like you.” His fingers had crept across the cushion between them and came to rest on hers.

She was somewhere between laughing in his face at the cheesiness of his line and climbing into his lap and fucking him right then. It was a strange place. She leaned a little toward him, not feeling like it was a conscious decision, but only the drawing of one magnet to the other.

“Yeah, you’re new for me, too.”

His fingers slid over hers and then laced between them. She burned.

“Honus?”

It was Jodi. Her voice was muffled by the closed door but it made him jump anyway. “What’s wrong?” He ran down the hall and stood beside her door.

“Nothing’s wrong, but can you bring me some water?”

“Of course, honey. Of course. Be right there.”

He did not look at Dusty as he crossed into the kitchen. She got up without a word and went to bed. She knelt facing her headboard and stroked her clit between two fingers maybe four times before she came. Afterward, she touched her guns and lay down and fell asleep.

THE BOOK OF HONUS OBERMEYER

AS SCRIBED BY THE UNNAMED MIDWIFE

Day 64

I’ve been without a companion for more than ten days now. I have decided to push onward and serve my mission fully before returning.

I thought I was lonely when Langdon was distant, but this is much worse. I’ve never felt so alone in my life. I’m praying to meet some people in Denver, but I also fear meeting anyone. Please Heavenly Father, please help me find the people I’ve been called to. Let the spirit guide them if you would have them seek me. I’m not even asking for a golden contact. Just nice normal people who I can talk to. Maybe even someone to bring back with me.

The terrain is becoming mountainous and the nights are very cold. The road into Denver is not in good shape. There are car wrecks on the other side and dead people in cars on the shoulder heading in. I saw animals a few days ago. A herd of antelope first, followed by a couple of moose. I’ve never seen an animal that big outside of a zoo. It was a little scary, but I am glad to see them. It means there is something we can hunt for fresh meat. I’ve never learned to do that, but I bet there are other elders who know how.

Day 70

I’ve gotten terrible about keeping my missionary journal, but there’s so little to tell. I eat alone, whatever I can find. I read scriptures alone, I pray alone. I sleep alone, I wake up alone. I walk toward Denver. I am really hoping to find a bicycle.

Day 75

I found a bicycle. It’s so much faster, I can’t believe how much ground I have covered. By the map, I am very close to Denver. Thank you, Heavenly Father. I know you laid my path for me and there is a reason for every part of it. Please see me safely to the temple so that I may find my people.

Day 81

(This page is just the lyrics to “You Fill up My Senses” written out with some hymn after it)

Day 89

What a day.

I reached the street that the temple was on and saw that most of the area had burned down. The street was clear though, so I pedaled as fast as I could. I couldn’t see it. The houses around it are all on twisty streets, so I turned and turned again trying to get to it. When it finally came into view, I hit the brakes and got off. I walked toward the back fence. There was something behind it that looked like it used to be a gazebo. I walked around the fences to the front entrance.

I could tell it used to be a beautiful temple. It had burned almost completely. Everything that used to be white had gone black. The garden in front was torched and the fountain and pools were empty and dry. The structure still stood, even the steeple was still up. I decided to go in.

I went through the baptismal room. It was empty, but the water had gone sour and cloudy. The whole building reeked. Aside from the fire, I couldn’t tell if anything bad had happened. I went upstairs through the different rooms. I could tell it used to be a splendid, restful place. It broke my heart to see it burned and abandoned like this. I thought there would be signs here that someone had taken care of it.

All the way up in the sealing room, there were people. They had all been burned. There was nothing left to tell who they were. Maybe ten of them lay around the altar, black and twisted. May Heavenly Father give them peace. At least they died near to Him.

I had to find something to bring back with me, to show that I had been here and there was no reason to return. I found the cover of the white visitor’s book, badly burned but the embossed letters still visible. It crumbled in my hand but I got a big piece of it. I wrapped it in one of my garments and put it in my bag.

There’s nothing here. There’s nothing here or anywhere.

Day 95

I sat with the map and planned my route back. I don’t want to go back the way I came. There’s a northern route through Wyoming that will get me back to Huntsville. I’ll head that way.

Day 115

Wyoming is desolate country. I still have my bicycle. There’s nothing to tell.

Day 124

I am reflecting much of the time. I search, ponder, and pray. If I can even desire to believe, and let this desire work on me, I can still have room in me for the word. Alma 32:27. I have only myself to think about. The stars are brighter than I’ve ever seen. I can see the Milky Way. The night is immense and majestic and I stare at the stars and I think.

I think about my mission in Canada and how much I complained. How lucky I was then! I think about the ice cream cooler I found in that gas station, all moldy goo with papers and labels floating in it. That almost made me cry like a baby. But I’m a man, so I ate some pretzels and thought about my wife. What if she’s pregnant? We were together for a week, but one time is enough. I might come home to a baby on the way. My beautiful Jodi, carrying my child. What a blessing in these terrible times.

I am not really on a mission anymore. I found what I was meant to find, even though it was an empty victory. There is no one to help or minister to. There is only me, on my bicycle, in the wilderness. I’m not in the wilderness like Nephi was. I don’t have to eat locusts or cast out demons. I just have to deal with myself. But there are demons in my wilderness. The wilderness is in my heart. I guess my demons are my nightmares.