The Book of the Unnamed Midwife (33 page)

He set up an artificial tree with battery-powered LED lights and switched it on. The glow filled the room and he found he had a lump in his throat. He swallowed hard and began shoveling presents underneath the tree. When he came to a small box, he opened it and found an ornament marked “Baby’s First Christmas.” It was dated two years ago, since no new ones had been made. New ornaments. Not new babies, he told himself. He hung it on the tree and then he did cry. He sat on the couch looking at the tree and the pile of presents, wiping his eyes. He heard the rifle go off, but he wasn’t afraid. A sense of wonderful rightness had come over him.

Jodi walked out into the room, tying her robe. “What was that?”

“I think Dusty’s got a surprise, too. Merry Christmas, honey.”

Jodi clapped her hands like a little girl at the sight of the presents under the tree.

Dusty came back an hour later. She was very cold and her cheeks were bright red. She carried a huge dead turkey.

“Where did you get that?” Honus beamed at her.

“Santa Claus gave it to me. Do either one of you know how to get the feathers off?”

They conferred. Dusty had seen in movies a method of dunking the bird in boiling water and plucking from there. Jodi refused the job as disgusting, but said she would cook it. Dusty told Honus that if he could pluck it, she would gut it. It took Honus the better part of the morning, but he finally got it clean. Jodi announced that she couldn’t roast the whole bird without an oven, but she thought she knew what to do. When it was gutted and clean, she had Dusty cut it into inelegant pieces and pack the pieces in snow. Jodi promised it would be just as good as a whole roast turkey.

Jodi spent Christmas Eve stringing popcorn, as she had promised. While she popped it, Honus approached Dusty.

“Do you still have it?”

“I put it back in the saddlebag. Honus, I’m so sorry. I just had to know. It’s no excuse, and I know it was a terrible breach of trust. I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you,” he said formally. “But I am still upset. I feel…”

“Violated?”

“Yeah.”

They stared at each other for a minute, then Honus went out to the snowmobile. He came back in and held his journal over the fire. He stood without moving.

“Don’t do that.”

He didn’t answer.

“It’s your story. There’s nothing in there you need to be ashamed of. It’s… just don’t. Keep it. Leave it for someone. Give it to me, or to anybody.”

“This is supposed to be my personal scripture.” His hand dropped a little, nearer to the flames. Dusty stared, but didn’t move.

“It’s just full of my failure and the sick things I saw.” He stared into the fire. “And did.”

“You didn’t do anything, Honus. You stumbled into something very weird and deadly, and you got out alive. You should be proud.”

Honus shook his head, but didn’t answer.

Dusty stood up and took it from him, gently. “You’ll never see it again. Jodi will never know. It’ll be safe. Your… personal scripture. I’ll add it to mine.”

He turned to face her and they were close enough to kiss. He looked into her eyes like he was searching for something. She reached out and patted his shoulder, looking away.

She hid his diary in her room. They did not speak of it again.

* * * * *

Predictably, Jodi begged to be allowed to open one present the night before Christmas.

“Just one? Please can I open just one?” She wheedled and Honus smiled at her like an indulgent father. Dusty rolled her eyes.

“Ok, but I get to pick which one.”

“Ok. Ok ok ok!” Jodi patted her belly excitedly. “The baby’s excited too, I can feel it!”

Honus walked to the pile of presents and took two off the top. “One for you,” he put it in Jodi’s hands. “And one for you.” He dropped it into Dusty’s lap and she stared at it. “What’s this?”

“It’s a present, doofus.” Honus gave her his lopsided grin. He went back and picked up a third. “And this one’s for me, but it’s from Santa.”

Jodi had already ripped hers open. A hideous red plaid nightgown unfolded. The collar was white lace and it was the dowdiest most old-lady garment Dusty had ever seen. Jodi burst into tears.

“Christmas pajamas! Just like my parents used to do!” She sobbed into her nightgown. Honus came and sat beside her and held her. His package contained a coy pajama set in matching red plaid.

Dusty opened her package as well and found a navy blue set of pajamas. She was shocked by how tasteful and simple they were. She eyed the two of them, caught up in a moment of comfort. She had not celebrated Christmas as a child, and this moment was not the same for her. But she saw that she was being included. And that Honus had chosen well for her. She got up and went to her room to change.

She put on the pajamas and looked in the mirror. They were softer, nicer than anything she had worn in months. Even with her hair cut brutally short, she looked and felt suddenly very feminine. This came with a thrill of danger and a sudden driving need to display herself to Honus. She walked back out to see them.

“They’re lovely. Thank you.” She waited until he looked her over.

“Mine’s better!” Jodi got laboriously off the couch and soon she was modeling her nightgown, too. It hid any trace of her figure and covered her from neck to ankles. She was however, radiantly pregnant. Dusty and Honus both smiled at her. He got into his and the three of them sat and drank cocoa and stared at the tree. When it started to snow, the Obermeyers began to sing.

Dusty joined in on the songs she knew, but most of them she didn’t. It was a good moment. She was part of it enough to enjoy it, and she felt attractive in her navy pajamas. She and Honus shared snatches of eye contact. He broke them before she did.

They went to bed late.

In the morning, Dusty woke to the sound of Jodi knocking excitedly. She obviously couldn’t wait to get started. She put on a cinnamon cake to bake and made juice from a powdered mix. Jodi lowered herself heavily to the floor and parked in front of the tree, waiting.

Dusty stumbled out slowly and set about making coffee. She was glad, every day that neither of them partook of her morning ritual. The coffee would last so much longer if only she was drinking it.

“Come on, guys!”

Honus came and sat beside her and rubbed his hands together. Dusty came and sank down beside them, smiling sleepily.

“Alright, let’s do this.”

Honus started with the smallest packages. Jodi opened a pair of fat diamond earrings and followed it up with a heavy gold bracelet. A hoard of very expensive jewelry began to collect in front of her. Honus followed it with a beautiful jewelry box and Jodi could not stop exclaiming all over it. She put it carefully aside and moved on to the next boxes. She unwrapped a pair of very expensive headphones and looked at them.

“What are these for?”

“You’ll see.”

Dusty watched, sipping her coffee.

Jodi’s next packages were a series of DVD sets of some of her favorite television shows. Her face crumpled a little. “This is just mean.”

“Come on, honey. Would I do that to you?” He pushed a large box toward her and she opened it with some reluctance.

Dusty craned her neck to see inside the box. It contained a solar backpack and a huge case of rechargeable batteries. Jodi looked confused and not at all mollified. Honus followed it with a small battery-operated DVD player.

“See? You have TV to watch. And all your favorite shows! And now you won’t be bored for a long time, and we can always track down more movies.”

Jodi threw her arms around him, then shrank as if she were in pain.

“Contraction.” Dusty set down her coffee.

“No, no it’s ok. I’ve had a couple. They’re not getting like any faster.” Honus helped her up off the floor and she headed to the kitchen to check on breakfast.

When she was out of the room, Honus pushed a heavy cardboard box in front of Dusty.

“I got something for you, too.”

“TV for Jodi is the best gift for me.” She smiled.

“No, really.” He nudged the box again.

Dusty pulled the flaps of the box open and Honus took Jodi’s batteries outside into the sun to charge.

The box was full of books. Some of them she had read before, but most she had not. They all bore stickers from an unfamiliar library in a town she did not know. They were all generally in the vein of books she liked and she was surprised to see he had been paying attention. She was touched, and terribly guilty.

Honus came back in. “Do you get it?”

“Yeah, they’re all books that I’ll like. This is very thoughtful, thank you so much.”

He smiled again and shook his head. “No, you don’t get it yet. I’ll give you a minute.” He walked into the kitchen.

Dusty looked back into the box and scanned over the covers. She tried to find a pattern or see the books in a new way. She reached in and shifted them around. Then she got it.

All the authors were women.

Dusty sat down on the floor with her head on the box and cried.

* * * * *

Jodi had been right about the turkey. She took the hacked-up pieces that Dusty had butchered for her and browned them beautifully in her cast iron skillet. She served the bird with a pot of mashed potatoes she had made from a box of flakes, canned yams, fresh bread, and apple pie. She had even made pan gravy. She lit candles on the table and called them to dinner with shining eyes.

Honus gave a long and heartfelt prayer. For unto us a child is born. Dusty kept her eyes open and saw Jodi have another contraction.

Christmas dinner was delicious.

* * * * *

As soon as her batteries were charged, Jodi loaded the DVD player and set up a new batch to charge and arranged herself on the couch with pillows and blankets and pulled on her headphones.

Dusty and Honus washed the dishes together.

“That was an incredibly thoughtful gift. I’m blown away. I don’t know how to thank you.”