The Boy Who Came in From the Cold (27 page)

It happened when Todd found his special place in the woods.

And it was happening now. He was sitting there on the couch, computer in his lap—it seemed to hum beneath his fingertips—looking up at a man who suddenly seemed to have grown more beautiful, taller than before. The dust in the air was making those tinkling sounds and shimmering in the light coming through the balcony doors. Gabe’s skin looked like it was glowing, the flecks of snow caught in his hair sparkling.

I love you
. His breath caught and tears sprang to his eyes.
I… I’m in love with him
. He felt lightheaded, the significance of the realization all but overwhelming.
How? He’s a man. You’ve known him for forty-eight hours. You can’t be in love with….
Kiss him
.
Todd shook his head. Gabe’s lips were moving but Todd couldn’t hear him.
Kiss him
.
“No!” he cried, and time resumed.
“Todd! Are you okay?” Gabe asked, alarm capturing his features.
I don’t know
, Todd thought.
I have no fucking idea
.

Because as wrong as he’d always been told such feelings should be, his heart was telling him—singing to him—that nothing had
ever
been so right.

“I INSIST
.
Please, Todd. They’re not that much. I’m not buying you
something that costs thousands of dollars.”

Todd shook his head. Couldn’t Gabe see? It was the principle of the thing. His parents had taught him about charity and how only the weak accepted it.

Of course, they taught you all kinds of shit, didn’t they?
The object of discussion was a pair of Converse sneakers. He’d been stunned at all the colors and styles—the choices had been almost overwhelming—but logic and practicality demanded he go with the

standard style. Especially with Gabe insisting on buying them for him. Why was Gabe doing all this for him?

 

And in this store? On the Plaza?

Todd loved the Plaza. It was stunningly beautiful, classy, upscale, the buildings all designed architecturally in a Spanish style. He loved to walk the streets, view the dozens of gorgeous fountains—he’d discovered that Kansas City had the second most fountains in the entire world—and peer through the windows of the restaurants and high-end retail stores. He would dream of one day being able to afford a coat, a lamp, a table, even cocktails in the many establishments. He’d pretend he could, sitting on the ledge of the stunning J.C. Nichols Fountain and imagining what his life would be like if he didn’t have to worry about the price of a cheeseburger at Mickey D’s.

And now here he stood, actually inside one of the stores, with Gabe insisting on buying him a pair of shoes. Seventy-dollar shoes. Seventy dollars! His own sneakers—dying as they were—he’d found for thirty online and that had been an expense that had driven his stepfather into near apoplexy. How could Gabe be so casual? He hadn’t even given the man any sex. In fact, Gabe had wound up rejecting him.

Was this guilt? Was that what it was?
“I can’t,” Todd told Gabe. “I can’t.”

To his surprised he saw something he wasn’t expecting. Hurt. Gabe’s big, beautiful, country-sky-blue eyes filled with something very close to pain.

“Gabe?”

“Todd,” the man answered quietly. “I’m not worried about the price. If someone needed something, and it was something you could afford, something tells me you wouldn’t hesitate to help them.”

Todd thought about it. He’d never really had any money. However, he’d never hesitated to mow the lawn for neighbors back home, carry groceries upstairs for the old lady that lived next door to him in his apartment building. He even gave change to the homeless person that slept in the window well of the building next door. Perhaps it was the same thing?

“I-I’m…. No one has ever done anything like this for me,” Todd said. “Since I got a job in high school my mom doesn’t even buy me socks.”

“Are they poor, Todd?”

Todd thought about it. Poor? Certainly not for Buckman. They always seemed to have enough for everything they needed. He shrugged. “Not poor….”

“Let me do this, Todd. It makes me happy. It’s been forever since I could do something like this for someone.” Then, impossibly, those big eyes seemed to grow even sadder.

Now that was interesting. It also made something click. Something had happened to Gabe. Something that had hurt him. He hadn’t said anything. And yet….

Okay then.
He smiled. “Gabe, thank you. It would mean a lot to me.”

Gabe’s expression turned radiant. How amazing that someone could feel so good making
him
feel good. Had anyone ever felt that way about him? Except for maybe Austin, it had always felt like people only wanted things
from
Todd. To have it the other way was amazing.

Gabe walked up to the small counter and told the employee—who had discreetly backed away when Todd had begun his refusal of Gabe’s offer to buy the shoes—to ring them up. Then, to Todd’s surprise, he threw in a pair of those leather ones. “And the colorful ones too!”

“Gabe!” Todd cried, and then shut up when the man looked over his shoulder at him. Three pairs of shoes? He’d never had more than two in his life. Sneakers and dress shoes. Now he would have three pairs of sneakers? He thought about “the colorful” ones. God, they were fun. Black with a pattern that looked like brightly colored friendship bracelets crisscrossing them. Damn. To be able to have a pair of shoes that were just for fun would be more than he would have ever thought possible. And the brown leather high tops! God!

It all seemed impossible. The gratitude almost overwhelmed him. “Th-thank you,” he muttered. Then he cleared his throat. Took a deep breath. “Gabe. Thank you.”

Gabe grinned. “You’re welcome.” Then he winked. “And we have just begun to shop!”

Y
EARS later, when Todd would try and remember that evening at C.L. Miles, one of the finest restaurants on The Plaza—indeed in Kansas City—he found it hard to recall just how it all went. The memories would come in little bursts, all out of order. It was like he’d been a bit drunk that evening—and he did get tipsy on fine wine—or almost like he’d had one of his stepping-out-of-time moments. Everything was mixed up, disjointed, but in a weird and wonderful way.

Gabe had wanted to take him to Izar’s Jatetxea for dinner, but Todd had reeled back in horror at the idea. “Oh, no! I can’t. I couldn’t. No… no.”

“Why not?” Gabe asked. “I was sure you would love the idea. You said when you watch her show on TV you can’t really see the food, taste it. Touch it.”

“But what if she’s there?” he replied.

 

“Izar?” asked Gabe.

 

“Yes.” Todd trembled. “I would die! The way she threw me out….”

 

“Did she really? Throw you out?”

Todd closed his eyes. Shivered. “She might as well have. Asked me what gave me the nerve to walk into her restaurant… no… her
jatetxea
, and ask her to teach me.”

“
Jatetxea
? Does that mean something? I thought it was part of her name or something.”

Todd rolled his eyes. “It’s Basque for restaurant.”
“Oh. Duh.” Gabe rolled his eyes as well.
“Goya wanted to know who I thought I was. She said that there

were people who had gone to culinary schools for years begging for her to teach them, and I thought I could just walk in off the street? Then she told me they weren’t open and I should leave and not to come back unless I was a customer.”

“Shitfire,” Gabe said.
“It was humiliating. We can’t go. I couldn’t face her.” So that’s how they wound up at C.L. Miles.

The restaurant was dark, small candles at the tables providing most of the illumination except for two gorgeous fireplaces. The booths were deep, surrounded by darkly stained wooded walls to provide seclusion. Even the tables were arranged at a distance from each other so that those patrons were allowed privacy as well. People could talk without a thought of anyone overhearing them.

Todd and Gabe sat in a booth. If Gabe had looked beautiful in that strange moment in the apartment, in the subdued light from the candle on the table he looked glorious. Todd’s heart pounded.
My God, my God
.

Gabe was laughing about something. Mind wandering, Todd had missed what the man was saying.

 

“I’m sorry?” Todd asked.

 

“I was just thinking about the look on your building manager’s face when I told him I’d sue him. I think he near peed his pants.”

“He’s not my manager,” Todd said with a grimace. “Not anymore.” He looked into Gabe’s eyes, marveling how they sparkled in the candlelight.
Beautiful, still country-sky blue, even with so little light
. His heart skipped.
I’m in love with a man!

They were at the restaurant to celebrate the imminent return of Todd’s belongings. In fact, it was that event Gabe claimed the whole afternoon had been about. The shoes had been followed by several pairs of jeans, some slacks, a few dress shirts and a warm winter coat. Todd had seen the price, and his eyes had just about popped out of his head. Two hundred dollars. For a coat! Of course, it was the most beautiful item of clothing Todd had ever seen, and it had been so wonderfully warm, especially when they’d stepped out into the lightly falling snow. Maybe the rich didn’t buy things just for their price tag? Maybe there was a reason their clothes cost so much?

“It looks so good on you,” Gabe said, and Todd blushed.

Had anyone complimented him so much before? Todd couldn’t remember. His stepfather had certainly made enough fun of him for nearly everything he wore. Said his clothes made him look like a sissy.

(“Can’t you just wear a fucking flannel shirt for once?”)
“I still can’t believe it. You went crazy!”
“We’re celebrating,” Gabe explained.
“But Gabe, I didn’t do anything,” Todd said. “You’re the one

who’s getting all my stuff back. Why are you taking
me
out to dinner? I should be taking you out to dinner.”

 

And tomorrow, when I get my stuff back, I’m going to.

Gabe opened his mouth to answer, then shut it. He sighed. “I… I don’t know, Todd. I want to. Just let me, okay? It’s been so long since….”

“Since what?” Todd asked.
Go on
, he beamed at Gabe.
Tell me. Tell me what this is all about.

Did Gabe’s face go red? It was hard to tell in the orange glow from the candle. Gabe looked away. So long since what? “Tell me,” Todd asked.

Gabe turned to him, then quickly looked away.
“Tell me.”

Gabe sighed. Looked at him. His eyes were glistening. Was he…? Was he crying?

 

“What is it?”

 

Gabe shook his head. Wiped at his eyes. He smiled. “Don’t worry about it.”

Todd might have asked again, but that was when the waiter brought the menus. He started getting nervous when his didn’t have any prices. “Ah… Gabe. Ah. I can’t tell how much anything costs.”

“Of course not,” Gabe replied. “That would be tacky. I want you to have what you want and not worry about something like price.”

It’s like we’re on a date
. Todd felt an odd little shiver.
Are we? Are we on a date?
How can you be? You told him in no uncertain terms that you aren’t a fucking queer
.

Todd’s stomach clenched. Why had he ever said something so rude to Gabe? How could he have been such an ass? Gabe was good to him from the very first minute, helping him in from the cold. Feeding him. Gabe had made only one mistake.

He thought I was a hustler. And why not? I looked like one
. He thought of Chaz and Doug, the hustlers from the park. Bedraggled. Scruffy. Young.

I looked just like a hustler. Homeless at the least.
Of course, I was homeless.
Shit.
“Todd? Is everything all right?”

I did it again. My mind wandered.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

 

I’m wondering if I’ve fallen in love with you.

 

“Have I done something wrong?” Gabe asked.

 

Todd’s eyes went wide. “No! Oh, hell no!” He reached out and laid his hand on Gabe’s, which was playing with the stem of his wine glass.

Gabe looked down at their hands and then so did Todd. Hand on hand. In public. Where anyone could see. And why not? He let his hand relax, let a finger run the length of one of Gabe’s. It looked nice. It felt nice. He shivered at the texture of the hair on Gabe’s hand. Hair. A man’s hand. So different from Joan’s. Big. Strong. The veins across the back so sexy.