The Boy Who Came in From the Cold (32 page)

“YOUlike him, don’t you?” Daniel had asked him after they’d eaten

and Brett got back up to play some more volleyball.
“Sure,” he’d answered. “Don’t you?”

Daniel was giving him a mischievous grin. “Honey. You know what I mean. You
like
him. I’ve been watching your crotch. You rolled right over on your tummy when you started to get really hard.”

Gabe had been shocked and embarrassed at his lover’s words. Had he been attracted to Brett? Had he gotten a hard-on? And of course, he had. “He’s seventeen, Daniel.”

Daniel had leaned back, laid a hand over his own crotch. “So what? I think that boy knows what he wants.”
Daniel’s words had stunned Gabe.
“Oh for God’s sake,” Daniel had replied, obviously seeing Gabe’s shock. “He’s close to legal. There are states where he
is
legal. Fuck. There are countries where he’s a man at thirteen. If we were in Denmark today, instead of here, would you take him to bed? He’d be legal at fifteen.”

Gabe shook his head. “Dammit, Daniel. It’s not the same and you know it. He’s still in high school. And we are
way
older than him.”

“Speak for yourself, schnookums.” Which was true. Daniel and Brett were only five years apart in age while he was a good ten years older than Brett.

“Anyway,” Daniel continued, “I do think that my man is finally ready to admit he’s hot for other men.”

Gabe had gulped and looked away. Yes, damn it. He was noticing other men. He had for some time. And why? He had a lover. They’d been together for two years. Why would he possibly need to look at other men? But as he had turned to say something, he realized Daniel was certainly looking. There was downright lust in his eyes as he watched the men around him. For some reason, it really didn’t bother him like he felt it should. As he watched that day, he came to see that what bothered him was that Daniel’s wandering eyes didn’t bother him.

“DANIEL and I talked about it and let him come stay with us a few

days. On the couch by the way!”
Just like you
.
Sleeping on the couch when I want you in my bed.

“He wasn’t legal, you know? Close, but not quite. We had to be careful so no one accused us of taking advantage of him. But we tried to help him. Showed him that being gay was a good thing. He’d been having unsafe sex and we got him tested. Thank God, he was negative, at least as far as we could tell. He had read on the Internet that AIDS was as easy to deal with as diabetes. Bullshit spread by people who don’t want to use condoms.” He rubbed his eyes. It wasn’t easy, telling the story. It was something he’d tried not to think about and had put behind him. Now he was dredging it all back up.

“The three of us got close fast. At first it was sweet. He called us Daddy One and Daddy Two, and we started calling him Son. We were like a family in a lot of ways.”

G
ABE was in the kitchen that day when he heard the door open. “I is home!” Brett called out. Of course, he wasn’t really. They’d found him a place to stay through Passages, the local youth center. But he might as well have been for as much time as he spent at their apartment.

“I’m in here,” Gabe called back. He’d been making spaghetti— the cheap and easy way as he really wasn’t a cook. Ragu was just so much quicker.

Brett came in, running his hand over his closely cropped head, all sweaty. He’d obviously been running. He leaned up for a kiss and Gabe gave him as platonic a one as he could—on the cheek. “Daddy!” Brett protested. “I wants a kiss on mah lips. My momma used to kiss me on mah lips.”

And so did your father
, he’d wanted to say. But true or not, it just wasn’t the thing to say. “Be a good son and stop whining,” Gabe said, stirring the boiling noodles.

“Is Daddy Two home yet?”
Gabe nodded. “He’s in the shower. He’ll be out in a second.” “Think maybe he needs me ta dry his back?”

“He’s been drying his own back for a long time. He’s fine,” Gabe said and checked a noodle to see if it was ready.
As if on cue, Daniel stepped into the room. He was wearing his jeans, but nothing else, and drying his hair. “Hey, Son,” he said with a grin.

“Hey, Daddy.” Brett stepped into him and Gabe saw that Daniel didn’t hesitate to kiss the boy on the mouth. At least it was just a peck. He would have to remind his lover of the legalities of their situation. And it wasn’t that he didn’t want to kiss Brett. He did. He knew that more every day. But weren’t they trying to be an example for the kid? This wasn’t supposed to be about sex. It was supposed to be about friendship. Showing Brett that being gay didn’t mean you had to be a slut. You could find a lover, settle down, make a home, fall in love.

Fall inlove…?
“BUTthen Brett started pushing us for sex. We couldn’t, of course.
But God, Todd….” Gabe looked away. “I wanted to,” he whispered. “I was falling for him. Hard.”

He turned back to look at Todd. Afraid of what he would see. But to his relief there was no judgment there. None that he could see. “I had to get him out of our apartment, you know? Before I slipped. I knew I only had to wait a few months and he’d be legal.” He watched Todd’s face.
Still no judgment? All right then, Todd. How about this!
“Todd, I was thinking about sleeping with Brett, and I was with Daniel. I was living with a boyfriend and fantasizing about someone else. I was falling in love with a kid and realizing every day I wasn’t in love with my lover. It was terrible. I hatedit. I hated myself!”

To his surprise, Todd’s eyes filled with tears. And more. Was that compassion? Could it be?

 

“Oh, Gabe. You can’t help that you weren’t in love with Daniel.” “But I let him
think
I was.” Gabe felt his own eyes fill with tears. “I cheated him and I wasn’t even cheating
on
him.”

Todd reached out and surprised Gabe again. He laid his hand on Gabe’s cheek, cupped it, then ran his fingers down his jaw before dropping his hand to his lap. “Oh, sweet Gabe.”

The look in Todd’s eyes! No judgment. None. Sadness maybe. There was more, but he couldn’t tell what.
Damn. This is what I’m good at. Why can’t I read you all of a sudden?

He started to look away but Todd reached up with a finger and pulled him back. “Go on,” he said. “You’re not done. I can tell.”
Shit. Shitfire!

T
HEday Brett turned eighteen was a big one for Gabe. He’d gotten his friend several gifts to help celebrate, but the truth was, there was something else he wanted to give Brett. He had finally decided not to fight it. Tonight, when Brett inevitably came on to him and Daniel, he would take him up on it.

Daniel had made it very clear he wanted them to try some threeways. Gabe had been way against it in the beginning. But now? Hell, now was as confusing as shitfire. All he’d wanted was a monogamous relationship, but now that he had it, he wasn’t enjoying it. Not at all. Maybe monogamy was unnatural?

No. The idea just didn’t sit well in his heart. In his gut. What he really thought was going on was the plain and simple fact that he wasn’t in love with Daniel. He wasn’t sure he ever had been.

Brett, on the other hand? He could no longer argue with himself about it. He was in love with the boy-man. And today Brett was officially a
man
. Legal and everything. And when he asked for a kiss, Gabe was going to give it to him.

The biggest problem so far had been juggling the bag of gifts, the half-dozen balloons, and the cake and opening doors. Luckily someone had opened the lobby doors for him. His elbow had called the elevator and three floors instead of just his own. When he reached the apartment door, he just put the bag down, switched hands with the cake, and unlocked it. Leaving work early had meant he could get home and get everything ready before Brett got there. It wasn’t like it was a big surprise. The kid knew something was up, but he still wanted everything ready.

Gabe let himself in, set the cake and weighted balloons on the dining room table, and went back for the bag he’d left in the hall. Shrugging out of his coat, he began to look around the room for where he wanted to leave the packages. Around the cake on the table? On the coffee table? He shrugged. He’d ask Daniel. Right now he’d distribute the balloons. He’d wanted more, but the six had already filled up the front seat of his Saturn and made it almost impossible to drive. Maybe

he should have just gotten one of those little tanks and then he could have filled up a shitload of them?

One on the dining room table, one on the coffee table. There by the TV. The end table. Sure. And…. He grinned. One smack dab in the middle of the bed.

That’s where he found Brett and Daniel. Tangled in the sheets, cuddled together, asleep. Gabe had been moving so fast he was halfway in the room before his confused mind understood what it was seeing. He stopped. Froze. He couldn’t move. His face went slack. His shoulders slumped. The tears came.

They’re in bed.
They’ve had sex.

The room was filled with the smell of it. Sex. A glance showed a used condom on the bedside table. At least they were safe, and the thought made him laugh outright. The noise made Brett stir. He snuggled closer, buried his nose in Daniel’s armpit and made a happy sound.

A happy sound.
The tears were running down Gabe’s face now. It felt like his heart had stopped. No pain. No, he was numb. It felt like he was dead or something. What he was seeing couldn’t be real. Couldn’t be. They couldn’t have done it.
You wanted to.
Yes. But I wasn’t going to cheat on Daniel
.
Some inner part of him laughed.
You’ve been cheating for months.
No. No I haven’t.
You have with your heart.
Not the same thing!
No. It’s worse.
The alarm clock went off and Gabe jumped with a shout.
Daniel’s eyes slowly opened, saw Gabe standing there—stupid balloon still in his hand—and then went wide.
“Fuck,” Daniel muttered. He closed his eyes, let out a sigh, then opened them again and sat up. The alarm still sounded.
Waaaaaaah! Waaaaaaah! Waaaaaaah! Waaaaaaah!
“Turn it off,” Gabe somehow heard Brett saying. “Want to sleep a few more minutes before Gabe gets home.”
Daniel reached across the boy—no, man now—and switched it off. “Gabe is home, baby.”
Baby?
“What?” Brett asked and rolled onto his back. His eyes cracked open. Then opened wider. “Oh.”
Oh. Oh? What a brilliant thing to say. Oh
.
“Can you give us a minute?” Daniel asked calmly.
It took another moment for the words to sink in. When they did, Gabe couldn’t answer. He only turned around and left the room.

“FUCK,”Todd said. “Oh, Gabe.”

“The cheating never stops,” Gabe said quietly. “It rules the world, doesn’t it? My first boyfriend cheated on me. Then Daniel and Brett. Joan cheated on you. It’s the way of the world. Is that all people do?” Gabe cried. “David from the Bible cheated! Catherine the Great. Mark Anthony. Benjamin-fucking-Franklin. Henry VIII. Einstein! Mother skeeter! Can you believe that? He must have been a lot better looking when he was young.”

Todd bit his lower lip. “I…. Yeah….”
Is he laughing at me? Gabe wondered. “Lyndon B. Johnson and Dwight Eisenhower,” he continued. “How do you like that shit? Ashton Kutcher cheated on Demi. Brad Pitt cheated on Jennifer. Jennifer Aniston! What straight guy would cheat on the cutest, sweetest girl