The Boys of Summer (33 page)

I was certain of it. I was sure Mum would
have been amazed that I’d snuck out last night and back in this
morning undetected, and she’d sure be amazed at what I held in my
sweaty palm right in front of her. Here she was thinking I was her
little angel, when I had never felt more like the devil as her
loving eyes looked over me.

She pecked me on the cheek. “You’ve been such
a help this summer, thanks sweetie.” I breathed a sigh of relief as
I quickstepped to my room, the foil wrapper burning a hole in my
hand.

“Tess?”

“Yes?” I flinched, all too guilty as I turned
back around.

“Why don’t you ask Ellie over tonight? You
haven’t had anyone over these holidays. You can have a girls’
night. Your dad and I won’t be home ’til late.”

“Okay, thanks Mum.”

As I closed my door, I pressed my back
against it and exhaled in relief. Losing my V plates last night
with the boy of my dreams, and tonight a slumber party with my BFF.
How unpredictable was my life? I dragged the shoe box from my
wardrobe and placed the empty wrapper beside the expired foil
packet from when I was thirteen. I couldn’t help but shut the lid
with a goofy smile.

That night, Ellie sat at the breakfast bar,
watching me suspiciously as I covered a pizza base with cheese,
humming joyously over such a mundane task.

“What’s with the Mary Poppins thing?” Ellie
asked. “Why are you so happy?”

“What? God, just because I do my laundry and
make dinner without a scowl, what’s weird about that?”

“You did your own laundry?”

“Uh, yeah, my arms aren’t painted on, you
know.”

Such a dad saying
, I thought.

“You’re working two jobs and doing your own
laundry? Please tell me it is under sufferance from your parents.
Like you’re being punished or something.”

“Nope!”

“Tess, you had to be begged to get
one
part-time job these holidays, what’s happened to you?”

Toby
, I thought. He made me want to be
a better person, a more mature person, responsible as he was and
had been even when he was my age. It would sound dumb if I said it,
though.

Toby and I parted on such good terms that I
had been humming and smiling all day, but as the light dimmed and
the sun set, so did my doubt. I thought back to the look on his
face when he realised I had been a virgin, the way he had stammered
‘had I known’. Had I known, what? Would he have not touched me?
Would he have backed off completely? I tried to block out the
negatives, my embarrassment, his anger at himself, his regret.
Instead, I wanted to think about the moments of pleasure, the
feeling of his breath on my neck, his mouth on me, how he held me
after and folded his fingers through my hair the way he seemed to
like to do.

I sighed, wiped my hands on the tea towel and
glanced at Ellie. I had debated if I should tell her, and how to do
it. I knew I would regret it, knowing she wouldn’t approve.

But of course I was going to tell her. How
could I not? Before she had arrived, I’d prepped the cassette
player in the kitchen. As she watched me suspiciously, I walked
over and pressed play. I looked Ellie dead in the eye, watching her
expression as Madonna’s ‘Like a virgin’ blared out of the
speakers.

“I made it through the wilderness,” Madonna
sang and Ellie frowned with confusion as it slowly registered. Her
gaze flicked to the stereo, then to me and widened in shock.

“No way!”

“Way.” I waited and watched as an array of
emotions played on her face.

Confusion, doubt, disbelief, horror and then
a grin.

“Toby?”

I lashed out with a flick of my tea towel.
“Of COURSE, Toby. Who else? Jeez, Ellie.”

“Oh my God, Tess.” She rounded the counter
and gave me a huge hug, leaning back to slap me across the arm.

“Hey!”

“What did I tell you about playing it
cool?”

“That hurt.” I rubbed my arm in a scowl.

“I bet that’s not all that hurts.” She curved
her brow, giggled and slapped me on the behind, sauntering back to
sit at the breakfast bar.

“I must say, that was rather dramatic. I’ve
never had news broken to me via song before, thanks, Tess.”

I placed the pizza in the oven.

“So? When did this happen?”

“Last night,” I said, “at his place.”

Ellie drew in a breath. “Tell me more, tell
me more.” She leaned forward.

“What else is there to tell?”

“Ooooh, no you don’t! Tessa Ellen McGee, I
have told you every dirty little detail over the years, you’re not
getting out of this.”

Yeah, every dirty detail, except for
important things like blood and awkwardness afterwards. I knew I
shouldn’t have told her, now she wants to know EVERYTHING.

“It’s private,” I said. “I’m not you,
okay?”

“Come on, tell me.”

“I don’t want to, Ellie.”

“But I tell you everything.”

“No.”

“Please? Come on, so how big –”

“I said NO, Ellie!”

Ellie closed her mouth, shocked. A newfound
silence set over us; she looked hurt but quickly swiped it
away.

“Whatever. I better get going.” She slapped
her palms on the counter for leverage as she got up to leave.

“What?” I said, confused. “I thought we were
going to watch a movie, have a slumber party. Pizza won’t be
long.”

“Yeah, well, I forgot I have my own slumber
party to attend to with Stan.” Ellie sidestepped to the door.

“On a Monday night?” I crossed my arms
sceptically.

“Not so different from your escapades last
night, now is it?” And she was gone.

Ellie left without a smile or a backward
glance. I had offended her. My worries had been founded. With or
without Madonna’s aid, telling Ellie had been a mistake.

I didn’t know exactly what to expect from
Ellie when next I saw her; I knew she was mad and just like every
other time she was mad, the silent treatment ensued until she got
over it.

But as for Toby, as each day passed at the
Rose Café, I half expected him to wander through the door with a
smile. Not that he had ever done so before, but now I hoped, I
don’t know, that something had changed. He had made no promises, no
declarations of love but as each day went by that I didn’t hear
from him I felt more miserable than ever. Come Saturday night, when
Toby was a no show at the hotel, I’d had enough of lying in my bed,
night after night, every detail of
that
night on repeat in
my mind.

I didn’t know for sure, but it was in the
air. It felt like everyone knew. Any time Toby’s name was
mentioned, Ringer smiled at me and Chris frowned in disapproval …
but maybe I was just paranoid.

“You’re being paranoid!” Ellie said (yeah,
she was talking to me again).

“So you haven’t said anything to Stan?”

Ellie rolled her eyes. “Not everything’s
about you, Tess.’

For the first time in … well, forever, Chris
let Ellie and I stay for a lock-in. The outside lights were
switched off and the hotel was cast into darkness. The blinds were
drawn and the inner lights dimmed. All but the selected few patrons
were booted out and with the doors locked, Chris jumped the bar to
join in with his mates.

From what I had gathered in bits of
conversation and from Ellie, Toby had gone to the city to pick up a
car with his dad and wouldn’t be back ’til late. Then he and the
boys had an early fishing adventure on the lake.

All was of little comfort to me. By midnight
I’d had enough; without Toby, the lock-in was kind of boring as
Ellie and Stan canoodled by the jukebox, Ringer nodded off to sleep
in the corner and Sean and Chris argued over pool table rules.

So they wouldn’t make a big deal of it, I
snuck out the back and into the night. The gravel crunched under my
feet, and they pounded a steady pace towards a destination I wasn’t
so sure I should be going.

If he had wanted to see me he would have been
there, no matter what kind of day he’d had. I felt sick with the
thought that everything that went on between us would change. In a
bad way. That he thought it such a huge mistake he would avoid me
for the rest of the summer. I wanted to know, I
needed
to
know that we were okay. I needed to tell him that that night had
been great and not to regret it because I certainly didn’t. Above
all, I wanted to tell him I was glad he was my first and that I
wouldn’t change a thing. And if I was brave enough, I would tell
him I would really like to do it again.

My mind flashed to the new foil package that
was in my back pocket, from my own packet from the Caltex. I
thought it rather presumptuous of myself but better to be
prepared.

Little did I know that protection would be
the least of my problems.

As I rounded onto the main road, closing onto
Toby’s street, I had already rehearsed what I would say a thousand
times. I was in danger of seeming like a stalker, winding up at his
place uninvited
again
. But I needed to put my mind at ease,
get all of these emotions off my chest. By the time I turned into
Toby’s driveway, I had worked myself into such a determined state
that I had no time for fear or doubt, I just had to march on in
there and face Toby. As I marched up Toby’s driveway, I spotted
something and stopped. I froze, stock still, all my bravado, all my
hope plummeted with a heartbreaking thud. Toby’s back light was in
‘do not disturb’ mode and Angela Vickers’ car was in the drive.

I didn’t go in. I couldn’t. Instead, I
walked around Onslow through the night with no purpose, no clear
direction.

Toby and Angela Vickers. I was numb. The
numbness was so debilitating, all I could sense were my rapid,
shallow breaths. Had I been walking for minutes, hours? I couldn’t
be sure. All I knew was I had backed out of Toby’s drive and walked
and walked, as far away as I could. I didn’t allow myself to think,
to feel anything. I put up a wall to everything except my
breathing, the rhythmic sound that drove me away, as far as I could
go.

Random strobes of lights pierced the darkness
as Saturday-night joy riders passed me on the main strip. It was
only when a flick of a high beam from behind and a frantic sounding
of a car horn caused me to pause and shield my eyes.

A window rolled down, and it took a moment
for my eyes to adjust, for my mind to clear as I peered into the
car to see Ringer’s girlfriend, Amanda, behind the wheel, Sean
beside her. He leaned across her, peering out at me.

“There you are. You went AWOL. What are you
doing roaming around on your own?”

“N-nothing,” I croaked out.

“We’re heading to the Point, wanna come?”
Amanda asked.

Before I could decline, I heard the click of
a car door.

Sean was out of the car, holding the front
passenger door open for me. “Hop in the front, Tess, I won’t
subject you to the torture of sitting with these goons.”

His gaze dipped to the back seat. Amanda’s
brother, Ben, and Ringer sat there, exchanging insulted glances. I
hadn’t even noticed they were there.

“I would hop in if I were you, it’s not every
day Sean gives up a front seat for someone.”

Before I could object, Ben passed a West
Coast Cooler through the window.

“Here, hope you like wine.”

I eyed the bottle, grateful it wasn’t beer.
“What’s with you and the girly drinks?”

He shrugged. “They’re Amanda’s.”

“Oh, whatever, Ben. Don’t hide your love for
chick drinks behind me.” Amanda cast a dark look in the rearview
mirror.

I unscrewed the top and skulled half the
bottle in one go. I wanted to feel a different kind of numb. When I
finally dipped my bottle, four sets of eyes rested on me with a
mixture of surprise and respect.

Sean frowned at me. “You alright, Tess?”

I took another swig and snapped my lips in a
gasp of appreciation.

“Yep! Let’s go!”

By the time we reached the Point, I had
downed two West Coast Coolers and was handed my third with a
lecture to slow down from Sean. He half laughed about it, but I
could tell he was serious.

But I didn’t care. I just needed to forget.
Forget Angela’s car in the driveway and most certainly forget
Monday night ever happened.

I felt sick.

The Point had filled out to a respectably
sized gathering. Someone pushed an old metal drum out the back of
their ute and they filled it with twigs, newspaper and a dash of
lighter fluid, and it wasn’t long before a circle of people stood
and sat around it.

“A bonfire in this heat?” I mused.

Sean shrugged. “Feels pretty stupid standing
around in a circle without one.”

“What, like fire creates ambiance?” I
scoffed.

“Amongst other things. You don’t think it
does?”

By now I was a little buzzed, the alcohol
chilling me out somewhat. This was what I was after, but it wasn’t
enough, so I followed Ben and Ringer as they towed the esky toward
the fireside. A chilly breeze blew in over the tops of trees and
penetrated the Point, dropping the temperature within minutes. I
guess the drum wasn’t as ridiculous as I first thought. I went to
crack the lid of the esky when it slammed back into place. Sean sat
his arse down on the cooler.

“Do you mind?” I said.

“Oh sorry, did you want a drink?” He batted
his eyes at me innocently. Like hell.

“Yes, Grandpa,” I said, “move.”

Sean nodded gracefully and lifted so he could
delve his hand into the icy recess, only to pull out a can of Coke,
which he slapped into my palm. I snatched it out of his hand and
threw it over the cliff towards the flickering lights of Onslow. I
stared at Sean in my best death stare.

“Geez,” he said, “I hope that doesn’t break a
window.” Sean curved his brow.

I held out my hand again with a ‘don’t mess
with me’ look on my face. Sean handed me a Cooler, his face
unreadable.