The Boys of Summer (36 page)

It wasn’t the prettiest part of the beach,
nor the biggest. It couldn’t cater for more than a few at a time,
which was what made it so perfect. The ute’s headlights lit up
abandoned sticks fishermen had wedged into the muddy embankment to
stand their rods in. Apart from that, the beach was untouched.
There were no other signs of civilisation. We were well and truly
alone. As soon as Toby had put his car into park, I was already
straddling his lap, kissing him deeply. It mattered little that the
steering wheel jutted uncomfortably into my back; being in Toby’s
arms was all that I cared about.

I suppose we should have had the ‘talk’; gone
over where we were both at and where things stood between us. Even
though all we did was make out and roam each other’s bodies with
our hands, neither of us wanted to break the moment. Not until
there was a distant boom and burst of colour in the sky.

“Look at that.” Toby nodded over my
shoulder.

Fireworks lit the sky in a cascade of sparks
and colour, it felt like they were swirling and exploding just for
us. This part of the world at McLean’s Beach was not only a
secluded haven, but it was also the best position from which to
watch fireworks I had ever been to, even better than the Point.
They were far, yet seemed so close, like our own personal show. I
rolled off him and sank onto the bench beside Toby, and we watched
the sky in wonder. Toby wrapped his arm around me as I lay my head
against his shoulder. When I wasn’t transfixed with the beauty of
the fireworks, I splayed my hand against his, linking our fingers
together. Toby’s other fingers folded through my hair in lazy
strokes that made me smile with happiness.

“Don’t fall in love with me, Tess.”

I blinked rapidly, shocked back into the
moment. It was like a record being scratched, or the slamming of a
finger in a car door. I looked at him quickly, but his eyes were
fixed on the fireworks.

Where had that come from?

Suddenly all the beauty, the intimacy of our
entwined fingers, our closeness, felt cold.

“Don’t flatter yourself,” I said and sat up
straight, breaking the connection.

Toby sighed. “I just don’t think I’m the
right guy for you.”

Here we go, I thought. I wanted to physically
brace my hand against the dash. Seemed he wanted the ‘talk’ after
all.

“Let me save you some time,” I said. “I’m
seventeen, you’re twenty-two, ‘you’re a nice kid and all, but let’s
face it’ and blah, blah blah. Spare me the speech, okay?”

Toby grasped the steering wheel, I could see
his jaw clench. “That’s one way of looking at it,” he said, “but I
was thinking it’s more to do with, ‘what does someone like you see
in someone like me?’”

My mouth fell open, and I quickly closed it.
Was he serious? He couldn’t be …

Toby rolled his eyes in frustration as if I
was an idiot for not getting it.

“Tess, you’re smart, beautiful … you’re
young! You have your whole life in front of you. I don’t want to be
a complication in that.”

I could hardly believe what he was saying. I
wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry, I wanted to beat the crap out of
him for being so ridiculous.

I took a deep breath, then another one,
thinking about what I wanted to say. “You know, before I started my
job at the Onslow I guess my life was pretty uncomplicated. You
know why? Because I was nothing. I just had Ellie and Adam. I
couldn’t talk to anyone else, really. Hell, I couldn’t even make a
bloody cappuccino without blushing. I was scared of everything; I
wanted to just stay under my rock. Do you know how debilitating it
is to live like that? Being terrified of everything, everyone?
Being afraid of saying the wrong thing, wearing the wrong clothes,
putting the wrong song on the jukebox? I have to think and analyse
every
step of my existence with this terror that I am going
to fuck it up.”

Toby listened, watching me; he didn’t break
contact, didn’t even blink, as if he was peering deep into my soul.
I guess after saying that, he pretty much was.

I broke from his gaze and looked down at my
hands in my lap. “Then I met you and the Onslow Boys and everything
changed. I can’t even try and put into words how liberating it is.
For the first time in my life I feel free. You did that. So if I
was to choose? Then I choose complicated,” I said, with a nod of
finality. I met his eyes again in a silent challenge. “I choose
you.”

Toby looked at me for the longest time. It
was hard not to break eye contact, but I simply refused to. Soon, a
small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. I swear, I didn’t
even realise I’d been holding my breath ’til that moment.

Toby shifted his gaze out the windscreen,
into the darkness over the water. The fireworks were over; I hadn’t
even noticed.

“Remember the first night we spoke?” he asked
after a while.

“You mean when you told me to get off your
car?”

Toby threw his head back and laughed in a way
I had rarely seen.

“You should have seen your face.”

“You nearly made me cry, you know,” I said
with a wry smile.

Toby fought to contain his laughter. “You
know most girls would have told me where to go, or flipped me off.”
He shook his head. “But not you.”

“Yeah, I know, rabbit in the headlights, such
a good look.”

“That’s the thing. I’ve never met anyone like
you, Tess. You think you’re a no one? You’re so wrong.
So
wrong. You stand in a room with all the Angelas, even the Ellies.
None of them can compare to you. I remember when you started
working at the Onslow, I couldn’t keep my eyes off you. You were so
terrified. You weren’t full of yourself like other girls. Every
time you walked into the bar, you were like a breath of fresh air.
Even when Angela was a bitch to you, you rose above it. You made me
see the difference in people. You’re not a nobody, Tess, you’re a
somebody.”

I let his words run over me as I tried to
fight the tears that prickled at my eyes. I didn’t need to ask
about last night with Angela – I should never have doubted him. I
was a somebody. My chest swelled with such intense emotion I didn’t
think I could bear it.

“Tess, the other night when we …”

I closed my eyes, a single tear rolling down
my check.

“Don’t. Please, Toby. Don’t spoil it.”

Toby took my hand into his.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I buried my face in my hands, afraid to meet
his eyes, embarrassed about my coming confession.

“I’d liked you for so long, I was afraid that
if I told you, you might have not wanted to … continue.”

Toby laughed.

“Tess, there isn’t a drunken, screaming
netballer in the world that would have made me not want to …
continue. I just may have gone about it a little differently.”

He squeezed my hand gently, and I leaned into
him once more, resting my head on his shoulder.

“So, you liked me for a long time, huh?”

“The longest.”

“How long?” I could tell he was smiling.

I cringed. “For a stalkerishly long
time.”

“And how long is that exactly?”

“I saw you from across a crowded school
yard.”

“What? School?”

“I was doing my Year Seven orientation, and
you were in Year Twelve standing with a bunch of boys.”

“Wow,” Toby said, “you little perv.”

I giggled and the tension ebbed away. We fell
into a comfortable silence for a while, but Toby broke it with a
sigh.

“What are we doing?”

I moved then, climbing into his lap. I linked
my arms around his neck. That was enough deep conversation. I
pressed light kisses against his mouth, gently biting his bottom
lip, and he dug his fingers into my back with approval.

“Well, whatever we’re doing, can it be done
at your place?” I whispered against his mouth.

He tilted his head back and cocked an
eyebrow.

“Are you trying to seduce me, Miss
McGee?”

“Is it working?”

Before I could kiss him again, in one fluid
motion he slid me off his lap and turned the key in the ignition. I
giggled at the unexpectedness of it and straightened beside him as
he pulled into gear.

“You betcha.”

I sent Ellie what seemed like my hundredth
email, begging for forgiveness.

The long, drawn-out silence of our fallout
had reached a new level, a level we had never been to and I was
scared our friendship might not recover from.

I was startled out of my gloomy thoughts when
Mum tapped lightly on my door.

“Tess, hon, Ellie’s here to see you.”

I all but knocked over my desk chair when I
stood up. I was afraid to hope that she’d come on good terms.

Relief flooded through me the moment she
coyly stepped passed Mum, into my room, and offered me a friendly
smile. Everything was going to be alright.

As soon as Mum closed the door, I
body-slammed her with a bear hug.

“Jesus, Tess, it’s not like I just returned
from war or anything.”

Tears squirted out of my eyes and there was
nothing I could do to stop them. I was just so relieved. I could
hardly stop myself as I sniffled and sobbed and headed into
blubbering-mess territory.

Ellie rubbed at my shoulders, “Don’t cry,
please don’t cry, Tess, its okay.”

She sat me down on the bed, squeezed my hand
and waited out my mini breakdown.

“I’m so sorry, Ellie, I’m so sorry for what I
said and for what I didn’t say,” I blubbered. “You’re right, best
friends should tell each other everything. You’re always so open
with me and I should be with you, because you really are my best
friend in the whole wide world.” I knew I was babbling, but
everything spilled out in such a rush Ellie had to clench my arm
and tell me it was enough.

She grabbed me a tissue and waited for me to
catch my breath.

“It’s me who should be sorry, Tess.” Her eyes
began to well, too.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” I
sniffed.

Ellie’s chin trembled. “I always just
expected you to be there, waiting around for me. You were right, I
didn’t want you to have a life. I was a selfish idiot.”

“Well, we’re even then. We can call it a draw
in the ‘being idiots’ category.” I squeezed her hand
reassuringly.

Ellie just shook her head. “It’s not
even.”

I looked into Ellie’s red-rimmed eyes and a
coldness swept over me as I tried to read the level of dread in
Ellie’s expression. I let go of her hand.

“What did you do, Ellie?”

“That’s just it, I haven’t done anything. Me
and Stan, we haven’t you know … done it.”

I paused, surprised. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

I slumped on my bed in relief. “Ellie, that’s
a good thing,” I assured her. “It just means that you really like
him, that when it comes time it’ll be really special because you
care about each other.” I swelled all over with such affection for
Ellie, my best friend, so proud of the new leaf she had turned over
this summer.

My words, however, did not seem to console
her. Ellie couldn’t even look at me; instead, she shredded a tissue
in her shaky hands.

I scooted closer. “Ellie?”

“I’m so scared, Tess. I’m so frightened of
doing it with Stan.”

This vulnerability in her was new, and I was
so happy to see it.

I smiled. “Because you like him so much?”

It was then that Ellie’s tear-brimmed eyes
met mine.

“Because I’m a virgin.”

***

I stood at the kitchen sink, slowly downing a
glass of water with a shaky hand. I was grateful I was home alone,
as any attempt at coherent conversation would have been lost on me.
My mind was mush and had been ever since Ellie left.

Ellie was a virgin.

Could I believe anything anymore? Once I had
picked myself up off the floor where I’d fallen off the bed and got
over the sting of the carpet burn on my elbow, what followed was an
epic confession from a blubbering Ellie that left me shocked,
stunned and shocked all over again.

Ellie confessed that the reason why the boys
were so mean to her was because she refused to put out, but she
agreed to let people believe she had. Little did she know that
those lies would end up being the only reason boys wanted to be
with her.

I couldn’t believe it. What about her
confidence? Her knowledge? Her sage advice?

Probably stupid
Cosmo
magazine.

Ellie said she had adopted the certain image,
the reputation she had so fully, that she didn’t know who the real
Ellie was anymore.

And then she met Stan.

He didn’t want her for sex; he was with her
because he liked her: the real Ellie.

The clincher in the surrealness of her
confession was when Ellie turned to me and asked:

“So, what’s it like? You know … sex.”

I had blinked frantically, and my mind had
gone blank. I just couldn’t process that question, not from
Ellie
.

I had been with Toby a mere hours before, and
I still struggled to form an answer to that question.

I had given as much detail as I was
comfortable with. But as I stood at the kitchen window in the
comfort of my own company, I remembered every detail from last
night. It had been amazing, but my body had tensed momentarily as
it remembered what it had done with Sean only a night ago.

To: tessmcgee

Cc: ellieparker

Lock up your daughters, Onslow!

I’m coming home!

Sender: Adam I can jump puddles
Henderson

Adam’s grand homecoming coincided with
another disco in the beer garden. Okay, so maybe Ellie and I had
begged and pleaded with Uncle Eric and Chris to hold one that
weekend. Hell, we wanted to celebrate.

The best thing about having inside
connections was that we managed to get the disco organised for the
Friday night, a non-work night! I even suggested to Chris he could
promote Amy from dish pig to fill-in waitress. He begrudgingly
agreed to give her a go and that resulted in Amy becoming
President, Vice President and Secretary of the Tess McGee Fan Club.
No more dirty looks for me!