The Boys of Summer (39 page)

The sudden realisation hit me; this was it.
This would be the last time I saw Toby, this would be the last time
we’d all be together like this at the Onslow.

And we were going to let it end like
this?

The tension between Sean and Toby, too, was
obvious as they cast each other wary glances. I wanted more than
anything for things to be the way they were again. I was just a
girl. I seriously wasn’t worth ending their friendship; they had to
know that, right?

All I knew was I had nothing to lose, because
I had already lost him.

I strode across the poolroom, past the boys,
straight to Toby. Beyond my better judgment and all the courage I
had mustered up, I stood before him and stared him straight in the
eye. There was a flicker of surprise and a new tension swept over
us.

“So this is how it’s going to be?” he asked.
“A showdown, here in front of everyone?”

My shoulders involuntarily slumped at his
question. “Is that what you think I’d do? Humiliate you, like some
screaming banshee?”

He looked at me pointedly, and then I
remembered Angela Vickers, the worst screaming banshee of them
all.

To be honest, that kind of pissed me off. Not
the screaming banshee type of pissed, but to lump me in with
Angela? I was the pretty fucking
insulted
type of
pissed.

I sighed heavily. “I just wanted to say
goodbye, that’s all.

And …”
oh God, this was so hard
, “and
good luck!”

The tension in Toby’s shoulders melted, his
eyes darting across my face suspiciously, warily, like he was
waiting for the vindictive punchline. I met his gaze full on, and a
familiar song filled the speakers. Live’s ‘Lightning Crashes’. It
was the very same song that played the night of the first disco
behind the velvet curtain. What was he playing at?

I swallowed hard. “I haven’t had the chance
to talk to you …”

Okay, Tess, keep it together.

“… And I just wanted to say thank you.”

His frown deepened. “Thank you?”

Oh God, I was lame …

I glanced around, embarrassed, I edged to the
corner of the room for some semblance of privacy; Toby moved with
me.

It took all my strength to meet his eyes.
“For a brief moment, you made me believe that I was a somebody,
that, above all, I wasn’t like the other girls. And I’m not.” I
stepped forward, so he could hear me over the music. “I know it
really doesn’t seem that way. And it kills me that I let you down,
that I did something so stupid because I jumped to the wrong
conclusion. I don’t want you thinking I am anything other than who
I am, who you got to know this summer.”

Toby was so still, so unmoving, if it wasn’t
for the flex of his jaw muscles I would swear he had turned to
stone.

“But you have to know, I’m really sorry. I’m
sorry that I didn’t tell you about Sean, but there would be days of
not even seeing you, of not knowing if what was happening with us
was serious. I had no idea of knowing. When I saw her car in your
driveway, I thought that you and her …” I bit my lip, the memory of
that horrible, regret-filled night flooded back to me. “If you
don’t understand how sorry I am that I hurt you, that I never would
have done it intentionally, if you don’t get that, then you don’t
get me.”

I couldn’t look at him anymore; I knew my
eyes were a window straight into my heartbroken soul. But he was so
silent, I thought maybe he hadn’t heard what I’d said at all. I
couldn’t say it again. I couldn’t …

And then he spoke. His voice was low and
raspy. “I get you.”

I looked up at him in surprise.

“The thing is, Tess, if you think I would be
with you one night, and then go back to Angela …” He shook his
head. “Then
you
don’t get
me
.”

We stared at one another for the longest
time. I guess we didn’t really know each other. I finally broke
away, knowing it would be the last time I would see Toby. My heart
threatened to break at the thought.

“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore, does
it?”

“I guess not.” Toby said coldly. It was as if
a knife was twisting in the pit of my stomach.

“Bye, Toby.” Before I realised it, I’d held
out my hand. I cursed myself as it hung between us. I had never
felt like such a loser than in that moment.

A handshake, Tess? Seriously? Just walk
away, you idiot! Walk away!

Before I could inwardly scream at myself any
more, Toby took my hand, squeezing it in a firm but gentle shake.
His eyes rested on my hand. It was reminiscent of the first time we
shook hands in this very room; aside from the party, it was our
first real interaction, our first real hello, and now it was our
very real end.

“Bye, Tess.”

I slid my hand from his lingering clasp and,
without meeting his gaze, walked through the crowd to Ellie.

I swallowed down the tears enough to hold it
together. “Can we go now?” I said in a quiet, trembling voice.

“Of course, let’s go.”

I rounded the corner of the locker room,
trying to get my head around the new Year Twelve layout and fall
back into the routine of school.

On the first day back, I knew I was out of
sorts because, of all things, I was happy to be back at school. So
wrong, I know.

With a sigh, I opened my new locker and
gathered my bag. Irritating laughter bounced off the metal lockers
and echoed around the room. A few lockers up from me, Carla
unlocked her locker and cast me a smug smile.

“How was your summer, Tess?”

I narrowed my eyes. Before I could reply,
another voice interrupted me.

“Shut up, Carla!” Scott opened his locker on
the other side of her.

Carla’s gaze flew to him in utter
surprise.

He stared her down. “Leave Tess alone.”

At a loss for anything intelligent to say or
do, Carla just scoffed. “Whatever.” She slammed her door with a
bang and made sure she cast me a murderous look on the way out.

Scott gave me an awkward smile as he gathered
his books and walked away.

Had he actually called me Tess?

Adam and Ellie walked around the corner and
spotted me.

“There you are? You ready?” Ellie smiled.

We made our way out through the gates and
under the ‘Onslow High’ arch. The grounds were swarming with
everyone’s excitement of surviving their first day back.

“Chris is picking me up, you ladies need a
lift?” asked Adam.

“No, I’m right,” Ellie said. “Stan should be
here somewhere.” She eagerly looked out over the road at the long
line of parked cars, biting her lip in anticipation. Her eyes
searched down the road when she suddenly froze.

“Tess.”

Adam and I were equally confused until we
followed her gaze, and that’s when I saw him.

Toby leaned against the driver’s door of his
ute, arms crossed, his gaze unreadable, and fixed on me.

“Tess, are you okay? Do want us to wait?”

Ellie and Adam were just as rigid with shock
as I was. It took me a moment to offer any kind of
acknowledgment.

“It’s okay.” I took a deep breath. “I’m sure
this won’t take long.”

Adam grabbed my bag. “We’ll wait.”

“Okay,” I said, but I doubt it was even
audible. I willed my legs to move, and after a moment, they carried
me across the road, my hands fisted at my sides to disguise the
tremor.

Just breathe, Tess. Just. Breathe.

As I stopped in front of him, he
straightened, pushing his hands deep into his jean pockets.

What was I supposed to say? Hey? How’s it
going? Instead, we just stood there. God, this was horrible. What
did he want me to say? Oh God, what if he wasn’t here for me? What
if –

“You didn’t come to my farewell party at
Stan’s?”

Was he for real? I had said my goodbyes.

Toby shifted, but his seriousness remained.
“Shame. It was a good party.”

He was bummed I’d missed a good party a
couple of weeks ago? I didn’t understand. Everything about our
exchange was so wooden, so unnatural. It hurt.

I hadn’t seen him in weeks, and yet as I
spotted him across the school, my heart spiked its betrayal like it
always did. I would never get over this boy; saying goodbye was the
hardest thing I had done. I’d known he was still in town until
today and, for some reason, knowing he was still in Onslow had
appeased me, because he was still near. But now with his departure
looming over me, over us, of him really leaving, of him standing in
front of me, he was killing me all over again.

His head tilted slightly, his lips twitched.
“Don’t make me say it.”

I paused. “Say what?”

“Penny for your thoughts.”

“Oh.” I smiled weakly.

Awkward silence wedged its ugly way between
us.

“So, you’re leaving?”

His fleeting moment of humour sobered as he
nodded.

I was drowning inside. I dug my nails into my
palms. I had faked being okay for so long, that now I needed to be
stronger than ever, and I could feel my façade crumbling.

I was about to say, “Good luck” and scurry
away when he stepped forward. “I head off in about twelve months’
time.”

“
What
?”

What did he just say?

A smile broke out on his lips.

“I
am
going, Tess, just not
today.”

Was he taunting me? Was he trying to punish
me by giving me false hope, only to rip it from underneath me? He
could have been, but I didn’t believe it, because I
did
know
him, and he wouldn’t do that.

“I don’t care about what happened with Sean
…” He took in a deep breath. “Okay, I do care. But not enough. Not
enough to walk away.”

“But your job …”

“It can wait.”

I could feel myself falling, the walls were
crumbling with a fear to hope, to believe.

“So you’re not leaving?” I whispered.

Toby reached for me, took my hands, squeezing
them. “How can I? Ya see, there’s this girl, and I’m kind of crazy
about her.”

My heart pounded against my chest.

“I’ve done a lot of thinking; all I know is I
should have told you that ages ago.” He pushed a wayward strand of
hair from my brow.

I glanced around. “Did you want to talk about
this somewhere else?” I asked.

“Oh, I think right here is perfect for what I
need to do.”

Toby smiled his perfect, wicked smile, the
very one that melted me. I thought my heart might stop as he edged
closer, tilting my chin up with his hand.

“What do you need to do?” I whispered.

“This.” He captured my lips in a long,
lingering kiss. My walls came crumbling down as I melted against
him, his arms encircled me, and I was lost to the feel, the memory,
of all that was Toby.

Lost in the happiness as I folded my arms
around Toby’s neck, we both flinched at the blast of a horn as a
car pulled up beside us. Chris, Sean and Adam looked on from their
seats with big, goofy grins.

Chris shook his head. “Settle down you two,
there are children present.”

Adam held up his hands. “Seriously, why look
at me when you say that?”

Sean ignored the brotherly sparring as he
grinned at us, bobbing his head in approval. “’Bout bloody
time.”

A second horn sounded from behind; Stan waved
his arm out the window. “Come on, people, move along, nothing to
see here.”

Ellie sucker punched him from her passenger
seat.

“Where we headed?” asked Toby, taking my hand
in his.

“Well, nowhere too extravagant, it is a
school night,” Sean teased.

Toby flipped him the finger and everyone
laughed.

“Follow us,” Chris said.

Toby and I slipped into the ute, and he
started the engine.

I slid over to the middle to belt in and lean
against his side.

“We’re going to do this? For real?”

Toby frowned. “What, follow Chris? Well
…”

“No, I mean us, you and me?”

A smile lit up his face. “Yes, ma’am!”

My heart swelled at the way his warm eyes
rested on me for the longest moment before he turned the wheel to
fall in line behind Stan.

“Then there’s one thing I need to know,” I
said, in all seriousness. And there was. One thing I had wondered
about above all others.

Toby frowned with uncertainty, his eyes
flicking to me and back to the road.

“What’s that?”

I leaned into him, smiling through my words
as I whispered, “What does the ‘E’ stand for?”

Toby broke out in a fit of deep, rich
laughter. Shaking his head, he said, “Ernest … My middle name is
Ernest.”

Ernest
. It made me love him all the
more.

The place was deserted.

And why wouldn’t it be? Toby and I sat in the
main bar of the Onslow Hotel on a Tuesday night.

Toby grimaced. “I’m sorry this isn’t much of
a way to spend your birthday.”

I clasped my necklace for probably the
hundredth time, admiring the beautiful chain and gold disc pendant
that had an italic ‘T’ engraved on it.

A ‘T’ for Tess, a ‘T’ for Toby.

“It’s perfect!” I leaned over to show him how
perfect.

“Keep it PG guys, I’m still here.” Chris
looked on in distaste, as he had a tendency to do whenever we were
around.

“What are you doing hanging in a bar midweek,
anyway?” Chris posed.

I straightened on my stool. “Hey, I’m
eighteen now! I’m completely legal, so rack ’em up, bar-keep.” I
slammed my hand on the bar way too hard.

Chris looked on with a ‘kill me now’
expression; he poured a glass of the house white and placed it in
front of me.

“On the house, Birthday Girl.”

“Thanks.” I smiled.

Even though I was secretly miffed that I had
to remind Chris that it was my birthday (I mean, I had reminded
everyone I had ever met for the past month that I was turning
eighteen), it wasn’t just Chris that disappointed me. My own
parents, my flesh and blood, had sung me a rather quick,
halfhearted version of ‘Happy Birthday’ before they ducked to work,
with promises that come the weekend they would make it up to me. I
had received a rather animated text from Ellie saying ‘Happy
Birthday’ and ‘call you later’. At least Adam had come over, even
if he hadn’t stayed long.