The Broken Parts Of Us (8 page)

I kick off my heels and lay back on the soft mattress; it’s pure luxury compared to mine at my apartment, which was there when I moved in. My skin is hyper aware of every subtle brush against it. I slip my hand into my panties and gasp at the contact; I’m wet and swollen as I rub the pads of my fingers up and down the folds, letting my arousal coat my fingers before I slip them inside.

L
eaving her all flustered and burning up for me was so tough; the fact I had been reining myself in from fucking the life out of Jasper on so many occasions helped my self-control massively. When I had her tiny, little body writhing against me downstairs, her heat grinding against my erection, it nearly had me losing control. Her inexperienced hands and tongue attacking me in a burst of lust was one of the hottest things I’ve ever experienced and in the moment, I had completely shut out the emotions, the craving for Jasper, and the grief of my sister’s death that still haunts me. I felt only her.

I was in the moment until I broke away, then like a tidal wave he crashed back into me, flooding me with want; a desire rooted so deep I can almost feel him when he isn't there. Craving him has become a part of me. He lives inside me and I’ll never sate that, but maybe I can ease it with her. 

I turn the shower on before undressing. I’m about to step in when I remember there are no products in her bathroom so I wrap a towel around my waist and grab some of the extra wash and shampoo to take her in case she wanted to shower.

I get to the entrance of the room she’s staying in, and my legs nearly give way from under me, my stomach flipping over.  A sliver of soft light cast across the hall gives me a view through the gap into her room. I see her; she’s lying on the bed, her deep red hair fanned out across the cream sheets, her tanned bare skin on show for my private viewing. I feel like I should walk away like I’m invading her privacy, but when her hand slips into her panties I can’t look away and my cock tents the towel, demanding attention. Her soft pants fill the still air, her chest rising with every breath, her nipples peaking, the white lace bra she has on barely covering her breasts.

“Ohhh,” she moans. I have to lean against the frame to keep me steady. Her hand moving up and down more rapidly increases her moans. She’s writhing on the bed and her face is so stunning in the height of passion. “Derek…oh Jasper.”

She groans as she reaches her peak. Hearing my name and his leave her lips in an orgasm has me coming undone and I turn and hurry back to my room, stripping the towel and entering the shower. I fist my hard as steel cock and pump my shaft a few times before the string of white come decorates the shower wall in an intense release, nearly bringing me to my knees.

When I’m able to catch my breath and steady my weak limbs, I wash and dress in a casual shirt and sweats. I chance a look through the gap left by her door not being fully closed and see she’s put my shirt on and is asleep with a book on her stomach. I don’t risk going in. Instead I go to bed and dream of her and Jasper together with me watching them.

I
didn’t want to leave them. Just seeing her in our kitchen, so at ease and comfortable with Derek left me jealous, but I wasn’t sure of the cause. Maybe it was the way Derek looked at her and the fact he was cooking his sister's dish. He had only ever cooked that for me; it was special to him and took effort from him not to break every time he prepared it. Yet, he made it for Kyra. 

It was such a relief leaving Hannah’s to walk into mine and Derek’s home, and have Kyra’s presence fill it. It made me want things I had never before even entertained. The thoughts of how different it would be if she was the girl I got pregnant instead of Hannah.

I stop by the grocery store to pick up bottled water and make my way back to Hannah's apartment. The drowning, suffocating feeling overwhelms me as I enter. I have to stop and take a few deep breaths; I can’t believe how lonely and wrong this feels. How can I live like this from now on? Twenty-eight and already miserable before the ring’s even on my finger.

“Hey.” Hannah’s voice brings my attention to her. She stands in black lace underwear and nothing else, her hair all straightened and her face done up with girly shit.

“What’s going on?” I ask, confused by her turn around.

She saunters towards me, her hips swaying, trying to be seductive. “I know this isn’t ideal for you, Jasper, but we had a lot of fun in the bedroom. There’s no reason we still can’t. I’m going to be your wife; I want you to have all the perks that come with that.” Her tits push against my chest as she stands on her tiptoes to plant a kiss to my lips. 

“Hannah what the fuck? You said you were ill. I left dinner for this?”

Her eyes narrow. She pulls back and then does something I never thought I would ever witness. Tears form in her eyes and flow down her cheeks.

Her chest heaves, making a horrid sound rip from her. “I’m gross already, I know it and it’s just going to get worse,” she wails between breaths. She hiccups and red blotches spring up on her face. “I know you won’t stick around. You already hate me. I’m gross and you don’t want me, and no one else will with a kid in tow and I’ll be alone to do it all while you slut it up with all the girls who aren’t pregnant and gross!” 

I go to her and swipe the wet from her now red cheeks. “You’re not gross and I’m not going anywhere. That’s my kid you’re carrying, that means you get me. Now stop being dramatic.”

Her hands push my chest. “I’m not being dramatic. My own boyfriend doesn’t want to touch me. I have a right to get upset,” she sobs and my stomach coils. She’s right, I don’t want to touch her. Kyra floats into my mind and then an image of her and Derek. I shake my head and grab Hannah’s hips, pulling her into me. I crush my lips with hers and then swoop her into a bridal hold, carrying her into the bedroom. Her hungry kisses do nothing for me and I have to concentrate on thinking of Kyra and Derek making out to sustain my erection.

“Jasper, I need to feel you so bad,” she pants as I place her on the bed. She undoes her bra, freeing her tits, her rosy nipples standing proud, but doing nothing for me, not even a fucking twitch. I feel no desire to suck, pinch, or bite them.

Fuck, I'm broken. Derek and his weird cryptic mood shifts and Kyra’s sexy fucking dress have broken me.

Hannah lunges forward and unbuttons my jeans. I can’t look at her as I replace her face with Kyra’s and as I feel her petite hand free my erection, my thoughts stay with Kyra. I feel like a prick thinking of Kyra in this way, which is also fucking new. Since when did I care who I fantasised about? But I can’t help the want I have for her and the emotions niggling at the parts of me, trying to warm the cold. I know I’ll never be able to have her, so what’s wrong with a little fantasy; everyone does that, right?  I imagine it’s her soft lips and warm mouth sucking the tip of my cock. It’s her hand jerking me off as her tongue tastes the tip.

I grip her head as Kyra’s green eyes looking up at me flood my mind. “Fuck.” I push my dick in deeper and Kyra’s image flashes to Derek’s. I push deeper and then jolt back.

Derek! What the fuck?

I watch Hannah jump from the bed and dart towards the bathroom, heaving. I’m still standing there trying to reason with my thought process.

“God, Jasper. I’m pregnant. My gag reflex is twice as bad now,” she grumbles and lies down on the bed. “I can’t do sex now. Can you get me some water?” 

I comply, zipping my dick back in my pants and hurrying from the room.

I
make a pot of coffee and scramble some eggs. Knowing Kyra was asleep across the hall, wearing my shirt and nothing else, tested my restraint last night. I was angry at Jasper for dropping us and running back to Hannah while just sitting down to eat, and it brought back the realization that he’ll be married and have a child soon. I’m waiting for the time he’ll tell me he’s moving out. I know it’s coming and it’s eating away at me. I hate that I want him and feel so much for him, but can never express that in the way I want to.

I sense the change in the way he is with me and I swear he wants me too, but it could be my mind playing tricks on me—hope manifesting something that isn’t true. I need to concentrate on what’s in front of me, wanting me. I know Kyra has it bad for Jasper, but I see her want for me too and I’m the one who can give her something in return, something more than sex if I just try and let myself feel for someone else. If I can push past the guilt and let myself have a small sliver of happiness, maybe we can heal the hole Jasper will leave in us.

I hear Jasper’s heavy foot falls carry up the lobby, and I check my watch. 7:45 a.m. He’s home early. He enters without making eye contact and looks guilty as hell.

“Hey,” I greet him, and pour him a cup of coffee.

He nods his head, taking the mug and still not looking at me as Kyra’s small body comes into view at the door way. She’s in my shirt and it comes midway down her toned, tanned thighs; her red, mussed hair looks gorgeous all messed up from bed, her face clear of all make up. She’s stunning.

The sound of something smashing makes me jolt.

“Fuck,” Jasper says as he hops back from the dark river of coffee covering the tiles heading towards his feet. “Fuck, I’m clumsy. I dropped it.”

Kyra bites her lip and looks between us both. I point to the cupboard where we keep the mop and broom, and follow a retreating Jasper from the kitchen and up the stairs.

I follow him to his room where he paces. “What was that?” I ask.

“Did you fuck her?”

I stride towards him, pointing my finger at him. “Watch your mouth, Jasp,” I warn. “And what does it matter to you anyway?”

He scrubs his hands down his face, then up through his hair, shaking his head. “It doesn’t, it doesn’t. Fuck, it shouldn’t.”

I grab his arm and force him to look at me. “I like her. We kissed. She drank too much and slept in the spare room, not that any of this should matter. Did you fuck Hannah last night?” I ask before leaving him standing there staring at my back as I exit.  

As I step out of his room, Kyra exits the room she stayed in. She must have followed me up. She’s back in her dress from last night, and she offers a timid smile

“Hey, I just... I need to go home to change before work.”

“Okay, I’ll take you.”

* * * * *

The car is filled with a tense atmosphere; the relaxed, happy girl from last night has been replaced with the timid, almost nervous Kyra sitting in the passenger seat, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.

“You okay?” I chance a quick glance at her before returning my eyes to the road.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just think...” She shifts in her seat, turning her body towards me.

“I don’t really know what’s happening with us. I’m grateful you stopped me from going too far last night. I drank more wine than I'm used to…Not that I regret anything that did happen …I just mean—”

I reach a hand out to grasp hers.

“We can just go slow and see what happens. Let’s not overthink anything right now.” I smile and pull up at her apartment. The squad car I requested is parked outside and the officer gets out and approaches us.