The Bucket List (18 page)

"I want to know what's going on with you. Tammy seemed very upset, she said you just took off without a word and left her struggling with your work by herself."

"So I took unscheduled time off," she snapped. "That's got nothing to do with you. And I'd appreciate it if you kept this to yourself; I don't need
Corey on me about it as well."

"You led him to believe that I know what you and Dr. Harvey talked about, he's been asking about it all afternoon," he told her. "If you want to keep secrets from him, that's your business but don't involve me in it."

"Well, it's good to know I've got friends like you watching my back," she snapped.

"What the fuck is your problem? You haven't been yourself at all this whole week. I'm your friend, I'll always have your back, but we're worried about you."

Rae picked her bag up, her back to him so he couldn't see her face. This weekend wasn't going to go well, was it? She didn't want to fight with John, but she'd rather do that than reveal the truth.

"Just back off, John," she said when she heard
Corey coming down the stairs.

"This is not finished, Rae. Not by a long shot," John whispered angrily before walking out of the room.

She took a calming breath. She could handle this. Neither of them knew anything, not really. She could blame her behaviour on a number of things. Her emotional two days with Irving, maybe? Or her stupid bucket list. She could do this. She wouldn't fall apart.

"Hey, come on. If you're not in the car in one minute we're driving off without you,"
Corey called out even as he walked out the front door.

Rae ate her meal in silence as she watched the usual organised chaos at the
Steele dinner table. She had been a part of it for so long; Elizabeth Steele joked that Corey had practically kidnapped her the day they had met and she'd become a permanent fixture in the Steele household. She loved them all like they were her family and in a way, they were. After her mum had died, she had only had them. She watched them now, wishing to God she didn't have to leave them so soon.

Ethan was back at home for the weekend, having followed his dad and brother into the
fighting circuit. She didn't remember anything about when their mothers had met but he had only been a few months old. She couldn't understand how he hadn't turned out to be as perverted as they were, he'd certainly hung around them long enough for it to have rubbed off on him. He and John had to be the sweetest people in the world, even if sometimes they were major pains in the butt.

"You're awfully quiet, Rae," Elizabeth said, above the loud voices of the men talking around the table.

"I was just thinking," she smiled.

Elizabeth had been her other mum for most of her life. When her real mum had died, she had become her only mum. Of course, she could never replace her real mother, but having her there for her like she was to her own kids had helped her through many rough patches.

"You looked really sad. What were you thinking of?"

"Probably how much she's missing her boyfriend,"
Corey put in.

"Boyfriend?" Bob
Steele asked.

It was no secret what she thought about relationships.

"Yeah. She's seeing Nate," Corey explained.

"Wow. How did that happen?" Ethan teased. "Did he offer you money or drugs?"

"Ethan!" Elizabeth admonished.

"I'm just saying he doesn't seem like her type," Ethan defended himself. "I always thought she'd go for someone like
Corey; you know, big, buff with not much going on upstairs."

"Don't make me come over there and knock you out,"
Corey said to his brother good naturedly as he finished the last of his apple pie.

"So what's brought this on?" Elizabeth asked.

"I don't know," she lied. "Maybe my impending old age."

"Twenty-six ain't old," Bob said. "You've only just barely started living."

Yeah. She knew that. That was why the whole thing seemed so unfair.

"So how long have you been with him?" Ethan asked.

"Just a couple of days."

"Four,"
Corey pointed out, then when everyone looked at him questioningly, added, "It was a rough four days, so yes, I've been counting!"

"Four days! Wow. Blow the trumpets!" Ethan said sarcastically. "I don't think that's long enough to introduce you to his family."

"Ethan!" John spoke up.

"No, he's right. I'm not the type of girl guys take home to meet their parents, anyway. I'd hit on their dads then when their mums complain I'd hit on them, too," she said with a sad little smile as she got up. "I'm going outside for a cigarette."

When she was gone, Bob smacked his son up his head.

"What? She's not normally that sensitive," he argued. "I'll go and apologise."

"I'll go," Corey said as he got out of his chair and followed her.

"What's going on?" Elizabeth asked John.

"I don't know. She's not herself at all," he replied.

Corey
didn't think she even heard him walk up to her. She had her cigarette between her fingers but he didn't think she was actually smoking it. She was looking out into the darkness, a lost expression on her face. Had something happened while she had been at Irving's? She'd been all right when she'd boarded her plane, well, all right if you didn't count trying to pull off a relationship with Nate. He still thought that was crazy.

"Hey," he said softly as he sat himself down next to her on the chair swing and took her cigarette. "What was that all about?"

"I don't know," she sighed. "I've just been having a few bad days."

"What happened at
Irving's?"

Had Sara been mean to her?

"Nothing. They were all so nice to me. I didn't deserve that."

"Of course you did. You've had a bad few years, it's about time you realised you're not alone," he said as he put his arm around her. "
Irving is your family; just give yourself time to get used to it."

"You're right. I don't need to take it all in straight away," she said, giving him a little smile.

"Of course I'm right. Now cheer up."

"Yes, sir," she chuckled.

"Now, what do you say we lose these people and go cuddle up on my bed with a few beers and a movie?"

"That sounds like a plan."

Corey stubbed out his cigarette and helped her up. Hopefully, once he poured a few beers down her throat, she would tell him what was really bugging her. He wasn't stupid. He knew something was wrong. If she didn't tell him then he'd just have to get it out of her himself.

***

Corey wasn't fucking about. He'd poured beer after beer down her throat while they talked idly over some silly romantic comedy that Rae had picked for some reason. Then he'd started on the shots of whiskey. He'd had the same drink in his hand the whole night, he wasn't stupid. It would have done him no good if she revealed something and he was too drunk to remember it in the morning.

"Can you honestly tell me that sometimes you don't feel like life's just passing you by? Like everyone else knows something you don't."

They were sprawled on Corey's bed and the movie was now forgotten. She was halfway drunk already but he didn't want to get her too drunk. She was useless when she was too drunk. He wouldn't get anything useful out of her at all.

"Never."

"Not even once?" she asked, lifting her head to look at him.

"No. I'm doing everything I love
; fighting, travelling and women. I love my sports, my monster trucks and my cars. I love my drink and my music. I enjoy my life and up until a few months ago, you did too. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything at all."

"But we go from bed to bed. We've never even tried building anything serious with anyone. This past week
Nate just blew me away. I never knew you could get a connection like that with anyone. And I wouldn't have known it either if I hadn't decided to give it a shot."

Corey
poured her another shot. Nate again. She'd spoken about nothing else. He was getting quite sick of hearing about him.

"So are you falling in love with the guy?"

She wrinkled her nose.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I like him and the sex is fucking awesome."

Thank fuck! For some reason, he didn't think he'd have liked to hear that she was actually falling in love. He needed time to get used to her in a relationship first.

"So how long do you think it will last?"

He saw the fleeting look that crossed her face.

"As long as I don't fuck it up, I suppose. It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be; I actually want to be with the guy. I think I'm missing him, as well. That's a funny feeling because I normally only miss you."

He watched her drown her whiskey in one gulp as he thought over what she had just said. It had started already. First she'd want to spend all her time with Nate and the next thing he'd hear was she was having his baby, or something freaky like that.

He gulped down all the bitter liquid in his glass and poured both of them another shot.

Okay, enough chit chat. It was time to get some real answers.

"Why are you really doing this, though? What made you want a relationship that bad?"

He saw that look again. What the fuck was she hiding?

"I'm going to tell you something, and I don't want you to freak out or call me crazy."

Finally!

"What is it?"

"When mum died, remember how I was convinced I was being punished for something? That's why I came up with that list."

"Yeah, I remember."

How could he forget? She'd looked to him for comfort and he'd been useless.

"But as I did the crazy things on the list I started thinking, mum was gone, but for fourteen years she swore she'd had her soulmate. She never got with anyone after Greg died. She was alone for seven years but she always told me she might have been by herself but she wasn't alone. While she was suffering, I got the feeling she wanted to just give up and be with Greg again. She loved him that much. I just want... I want to know what that's like," she said. "When I die, I want someone to feel like that about me."

"Is that what this is all about? You want someone to love you with everything they are?" Corey asked softly. "I love you like that, Rae. You know that. God forbid, if you die tomorrow, I'll always have a big empty place in my heart that no one else can ever fill. We might not be lovers but we are soulmates."

"I know that... I guess I just wanted more. I want to mean the world to just one person the way Greg was to mum. I want to find that deep connection. If I could find just one person out there, man or woman, who is like you and
Nate combined, I think I'd be the happiest woman alive."

"So if I was sleeping with you and we somehow found this connection, would you forget all this rubbish?"

She laughed and gave him a kiss on the cheek. What was so fucking funny? He was being serious. If he had to sleep with his best friend to save her from herself then he would.

"Babes, I couldn't trust you as far as I can throw you. You'd cheat on me the second my back was turned and I can't be worrying about that now."

"I wouldn't cheat on you. The last thing I'd ever do is hurt you."

"Really? Remember Kim? We'd been together just five minutes before you went sniffing up her skirt," she laughed.

So she did know about her.

"Yeah, but you were cheating on me, too. Besides, we were kids then."

He poured her another shot and watched her gulp all of it down again. The night was still young and he had a hell of a lot of questions.

"Remember when you and
Nate had that argument or whatever the hell it was?" he asked, changing the direction of their conversation. "What didn't you want me to know? What did you leave in his room?"

There was the look again. Obviously, she was thinking up a lie.

"Just a pair of crotch-less panties. I threw myself at him and he turned me down. I was just a bit too embarrassed to tell you."

When the hell was this alcohol going to loosen her tongue? She didn't normally handle her drink that well.

So he kept topping her drink up. He should have known when to stop; he knew how his friend got after a certain number of drinks. She just hadn't been giving him anything useful to work with so he'd kept them coming.

"I haven't been fucked in three days."

Corey stopped in the middle of pouring another drink and eyed his friend. Rolling his eyes, he put the top back on the whiskey and drank her drink himself. He obviously wasn't getting any more information out of her.

"I think it's bed time."

"No," she moaned as she rolled onto her back. "Let's go out and find someone."

"Have you forgotten about
Nate already?"