The C Word (Just a Word Book 1) (3 page)

My doorman
narrows his eyes at me like something is out of place and he can’t quite figure
out what it is. This is because he is a simpleton. Hello? I’m sweating man!

I. Don’t.
Sweat.

Ok so I ran a
couple of miles. Please, I could run fifty and still not break a sweat.

I’m sweating
fear.

In truth, I
want to run all the way home to where it’s safe, and lock myself in the room my
parents made secure for me, in case I ever lost control. It was as much to keep
others out as keep me in and we never once had to use it. But it’s the only
place I think could make me feel safe right now.

I try to calm
down in the lift, by steadying my breathing.
Get your shit together for fuck’s sake Max.

What was he?
I mean, I thought he was human. I stood and had a conversation with him and got
nothing that would even hint at anything else. Aside from the reaction I had
when I walked in the place, there was nothing there. Nothing.

Unless he’s...like
me. Fuck. And strong enough to control his projection and keep it even from me.
But since I’ve never been around others, I wouldn’t know if that was possible.
And what was up with that connection? I had no clue I could do that. It’s never
happened before. No one gets in my head. No one.

I’m bonded
with my father. He needed to know he could help me if he needed to, he felt it
made him better equipped to help me control it. But one of the first things I
could remember as a child was learning to close the bond. It was one of my
earliest fears. He was always very honest with me about what I could do, what I
could become. And the fear that my darkness could somehow cross through the
bond and consume him, was too much. I first learned to close it then I learned
to hear him without letting him hear me. I have lived my whole life with his
gentle reassurance in my thoughts. Knowing I could call on him for help in any
situation has made me the confident person I am today...or was until thirty
minutes ago.

I could have
called him. I could have told him I needed him, but I didn’t think. I couldn’t
think of anything but running. And now? Now I feel stupid. What kind of grown
man wishes he’d called Daddy?

The lift
stops on my floor and I cross the hallway to my door. Once inside, I drag
myself to the living room, peel off my jacket and sink into my chair. I’m
exhausted.

Thinking back
to T, my cock stirs, but he is far too confusing to get aroused over. Either he’s
human and I’m seriously having some sort of meltdown, or he’s way more and I
don’t even want to think about what that means. He sure as hell wasn’t just a
regular old shifter, I’d have smelled it. No, it must be some change in me. I
think I need to stay away from people until I have it figured out. I’ll call my
father in the morning and tell him I need his help.

I sigh, I
need a distraction, so I pull out my phone. I don’t look at the time before I
press call. She doesn’t sleep anyway.

“You ok?” she
answers, concern in her tone.

I pause and
take a deep breath. Am I ok? It’s hard to tell. “No, I don’t think I am.”

“Maxi, are
you in trouble? You’re scaring me.”

Blowing out the
long breath, I quickly reassure her. “I’m alright, honestly, I’m sorry, I didn’t
mean to scare you.”

“Where are
you?”

“Home.”

“What
happened?”

“Fuck,” I
scrub my hand over my face, “I don’t know! I just almost lost it Valentina.”

“Slow down,
tell me everything.”

“I went to
this bar, some rock music type place, it
so
wasn’t me, I should have stayed away, but whatever. There was this guy and—”
Fuck, the panic returns as I recall what just happened.

“There was a
guy…and?”

“He touched
me and—”

“Did he do
something to you?” I can hear the fury in her tone.

“No, nothing
like that.”

“What then
Maxi?

“When we
touched we had this connection.”

“What do you
mean?”

“A bond, we
had a bond.” I snap, tired of trying to understand it.

“How?”

“I don’t
fucking know!”

“Ok, calm
down. There’s no way you can have a bond with someone unless you share blood.
That didn’t happen, right?”

“No!”

“Ok, just
checking!”

“But we did
have a bond. When we touched, I could feel his thoughts, he could feel mine.”

“What was he?”
She asks.

“That’s the
thing, until it happened, I was convinced he was human.”

We both sit
in silence for a moment. Then there is a soft tap on my door.

Oh. No.

I look at my
watch, it’s almost midnight.

“Fuck it.” I
grumble.

“What?” she
asks, her concern going up a notch again.

“There’s
somebody at the door.”

“Well don’t
answer it. He could have followed you home!”

“No, it’s not
him. The front desk would have called up if anyone walked in off the street. It
has to be someone from inside the building. That can only mean one person.”

“Oh Lord.”

“Uh huh.”

“Are you
going to get it?”

I’m debating
whether or not to ignore it, when I hear the knocking again.

I get up and
head towards the door, “Yeah, I’d better go.”

“Ok, call me
first thing, promise?”

“Promise.
Goodnight Valentina.”

“Goodnight,
Maxi.”

I end the
call and approach the door, not sure that I want to open it.

“Maxi?” I
hear from the other side of the door.

I sigh. When
is this nightmare of a day going to end?

4

NEVER JUST SEX

“Are you ok
in there?” comes the voice from the other side of the door. “I saw you running.
You looked, I don’t know, troubled?”

I pause on
the other side of the door and resist the urge to bang my head against it.

Shit.

“What’s going
on Max? Why were you running?”

More to the
point, why were you spying on me? I open the door.

“Spying on me
now?” I ask with a withering sigh.

“No, I was
just driving in and passed you as I turned in to the building. What were you
doing?”

“I was out
for a run.”

“In your
suit?”

Ugh! I really
can’t deal with this bullshit right now. It’s like she’s my mate. I know that’s
exactly what she wants to be too but it’s never going to happen. She is pack.
Her family lives on the estate, I’ve known her my entire life. Do you suppose
it’s a coincidence she lives in my building here in the city? Nnnnnnope! She
followed me here. She follows me everyfuckingwhere.

It’s
pointless to stand at the door while she performs her inquisition. I walk away
from the open door, she follows.

“Were you in
some kind of trouble?”

I turn and
face her, she just doesn’t get it. She thinks I’ll get over my ‘wild phase’ and
want to move back to the estate, settle down and knock out some little wolves.
But there are a few problems with that particular scenario and she would never
understand. All she needs to know is that I don’t want that life and I won’t
take a mate. Ever.

But it doesn’t
stop her from coming up here in her little dresses, short skirts and low cut
tops. It’s not like I don’t find her attractive, but fucking her would open up
the biggest can of worms of all time. She would probably sink her teeth in and
claim me for life. I shudder. No, I’ll stick to my ‘wild phase’ thank you very
much.

“No I wasn’t
in trouble. I was just late.”

She frowns. “Late
for what? It’s midnight.”

Shit.

“I er, had a
friend coming over and my dinner over ran.”

“Oh!” Her
eyebrows shoot up and she glances around. “Is your ‘friend’ here?” she asks in
an exaggerated whisper.

“No.”

Arse! What am
I thinking? I should have said yes and made out like someone was in the
bedroom. Seriously, I’ve lost my cool tonight.

Her bottom
lip sticks out in a pout. “Poor Maxi,” she purrs. “Did your date stand you up?”

Great. Now
she feels sorry for me over a fake date. How do I get into these situations?

She makes a
move towards me, reaches out and runs a finger under my tie, pulling it out of
my waistcoat until the silk slides from her finger. “I could make it better,”
she offers, huskily.

It’s all I
can do not to laugh.

She touches
my face and I immediately experience a vivid flashback of T touching me. With
lightening reflexes, I grab her hand and stop her. . She gasps, staring at my
fingers circling her wrist. I stare at them too and then it occurs to me that I’m
feeling nothing. No insight into her thoughts or feelings. They are all too
obvious, they are written all over her face and emanating from her tight body,
but I’M feeling nothing.

I feel the
heat rolling off her, I can smell her arousal and sense her wolf clawing in
excitement. She looks up at me and smiles suggestively. “You like to control
don’t you Maxi?”

“Control is
everything Rose. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

“But I want
to understand, Maxi.”

I can’t
explain why, but my dick twitches. I don’t want her as a mate, not that that
would ever stop me. What stops me is knowing that’s what she wants. I’m not a
prick. I don’t have to break hearts for a good time. There are plenty of
willing volunteers that want no strings fun… but she is providing a very useful
distraction right now and since I can touch her and not have that strange
reaction I had earlier, she seems like good company.

I’m not going
to admit how freaked out I am. But it’s comforting having someone so familiar
here. If I let her stay though, I’ll have to fuck her.

If I fuck her,
she’s going to get as clingy as Hell.

“I don’t want
a mate, Rose,” I blurt out aggressively.

“Ok,” she
says vacantly.

I suspect if
I said I wanted to mate six times and keep my mates chained to one another in
the basement of the bank, she would have given an identical response.

“I mean it. I
won’t mate. It’s not the life I want.”

“I
understand. You’ve always been different.”

I drop her
wrist as cold panic grips me. “D-different?”

“Yes,
different. You don’t act like the rest of us.”

My stomach
turns over. Am I that obvious? I thought I had it down.

“You like
girls and boys. You don’t let anyone close and you don’t want a mate. You’ve
never even been with anyone in the pack. You’re a mystery, Maxi. It’s alluring.”

I release the
breath I was holding. Thank. Fuck. I thought she meant… never mind, she didn’t
mean that, so it doesn’t matter.

“I just want
a different life.”

“A human one?”

“Something
like that.”

“Is that why
you don’t shift?”

I sigh. “Why
all the questions Rose?”

“Because you
don’t usually let me talk to you for this long.”

I laugh. God
I’m an arse sometimes. I’m so caught up in controlling my world I forget other
people have, you know, needs and things too.

“Do you want
a glass of wine?” I ask, finally giving in to her company.

She looks
mildly shocked and nods her head. I don’t ask her if she wants red or white, I
just head into the kitchen and pour her what I’m having, a big glass of red.

“So your date
let you down?”

Huh? I frown.
Oh! My date. The fake one I made up.

“Yeah,” I
shrug, trying to seem nonchalant about it

“Poor Maxi,”
she says with an audible pout that I don’t need to turn around to see.

Ugh! “It’s
fine, they’ll be back.”

“He or she?”

“Um, he.” I
turn to hand her her glass and she smiles in thanks and takes a slow sip,
sizing me up as she does.

“So do you…”
she trails off.

“Do I what?”

“Do you…you know…top…like
you would with a woman?”

“Women can
top too, Rose.”

“You know
what I mean. Do you…” she drifts off, unable to say the word on her mind.

I have no
such trouble. “Penetrate?”

She blushes. “Yes.”

She nods in
understanding. As if the world makes sense again. She has a very sheltered view
- I should educate her.

“And
sometimes no,” I add with a smirk. Happy to tilt the world again for her.

“Hmm…”

“You don’t
like the idea of me being fucked by a man?” Jesus, why am
I
 
goading
her? I mean, I’m kinda glad
she’s here, and I haven’t thought about T since she knocked on the door. But I
just need to make it clear, my life doesn’t have space in it for her. We are
too different.

“I hadn’t
thought about it before.”

I wonder how
she would deal with the image of her Daddy’s cock buried to the hilt in my arse
while he choked me with his belt over his desk at the office.

“And there
are women too?” she asks.

“Plenty,” I
smirk.

“Do you
dominate them?”

Oh now there’s
a question.

“Sometimes.”
I reply. “And sometimes not.”

She frowns;
she just can’t get her head into a place where this is normal. She is a
straight laced, good little shifter mate in waiting and she is not going to
ever understand who I am.

“So you
switch?”

I quirk an
eyebrow. Wonders will never
cease,
she knows some
things.

“In all
respects Rose. Wherever there’s a line, I like to have my feet on either side
of it.”

She looks at
me quizzically. “Why is that? Are you a rebel without a cause?” That seductive
tone is back.

I flash a
flirtatious grin. “No I’m a perfectly justified rebel.” I take a gulp of my
wine, watching her assess me. “I don’t fit the mould Rose. I’m never going to
settle down and be a mate or a father, so why not explore? I like sex. I like
to experiment with it.”

“Would you
like to experiment with me?”

I feel my
eyebrows draw together. Yes. I would very much like to experiment with her. I
just know that once she gets going, that wolf inside of her is going to want to
taste my blood.

Her shoulders
droop. “God you really aren’t attracted to me are you?”

I look up
into her eyes, there is defeat in them. Stepping forward, I brush the hair from
her neck, revealing the sensitive skin beneath. My weakness. That one place I
could easily lose control. I test myself with it, rather than hide from it,
like so many things. I lean in and kiss her where her pulse point pounds with
excitement. She sucks in a breath and shivers.

“Of course I’m
attracted to you,” I whisper. “I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”

“I’m a big
girl Maxi, I know when sex is just sex.”

I chuckle
against her skin and nip playfully, making her gasp. “Oh Rose, with me it’s
never just sex.”

“Show me,”
she whispers.

“I’m going to
have to tie you down,” my voice rasps as my cock strains.

“Is that what
you need to get off?”

I suppress a
laugh. “No, I don’t need it to get off.”
I
need it to keep you under control woman.

“So you want
to dominate me?”

I pull back
from her neck and smile. “No, I want to restrain you, there’s a difference.”

“I don’t see
how.”

“If I wanted
to dominate you I wouldn’t need ropes, I could do it with my presence and my
command.”

“So why the
ropes?”

“Because I
want to be in control of how you feel and when you come.”
And where you put your teeth.

She nods
slightly,

“You can say
no,” I assure her.

“I don’t want
to.”

She trembles
as she offers her wrists up to me, but I sense no fear, just excitement.