The Christmas Bouquet (10 page)

“Well, I want it all,” Caitlyn told her.

Carrie laughed. “Just like all the O’Briens. We were led to believe that was possible, weren’t we? Mom is responsible for that.”

“Absolutely. She set the bar pretty high.”

“Did you ever stop to consider that maybe it’s just not possible for most women?” she asked, real regret in her voice.

“Not for a minute,” Caitlyn responded emphatically, then sighed to herself. What if she’d gotten it wrong?

* * *

The rest of May and June passed by in a blur. Though Cait and their future were never far from Noah’s thoughts, he had a million and one things to do to finish up his residency and get all of his ducks lined up to open his medical practice in Chesapeake Shores.

He found it worrisome that Cait always seemed to have some excuse for not joining him when he drove down for the closing on the property or to check on the progress with the renovations. While it was true that her schedule was every bit as demanding as his and there had always been conflicts, he got the feeling that she’d deliberately found a way to ensure that their time off never coincided.

And with her sister’s surprisingly prolonged stay at her apartment, they hadn’t spent any time alone together in weeks. That didn’t seem to frustrate her half as much as it did him.

“I thought Carrie was only planning to spend a few nights with you,” he’d said a week ago when she’d shown no signs of leaving after her visit had already lasted nearly a month. For once he made no attempt to hide his exasperation.

“I can’t very well toss her out,” Caitlyn had told him, a defensive note in her voice. “She’s going through a big transition right now.”

“And her presence actually fits into your plan at the moment, too, doesn’t it?”

She’d scowled at that. “Meaning?”

“You’re using her as a buffer, Cait. As long as she’s there, we can’t spend a minute alone together. You get to postpone the sort of serious conversation we need to have. With my residency ending and my move to Chesapeake Shores imminent, we need to settle things.”

“We’re alone right now,” she’d countered, though there was a telltale blush on her cheeks, proving that he’d guessed accurately about her motives.

“Sure, in the middle of the hospital cafeteria,” he’d replied, then shook his head in frustration. “Never mind. I need to get back upstairs.”

A few weeks ago on their visit to Chesapeake Shores, he’d allowed himself to hope that they were moving forward. Now he wasn’t sure of that at all. If anything, they seemed to be drifting further and further apart. He didn’t know Carrie all that well yet, but he couldn’t help wondering how much she might be influencing Caitlyn. She was, after all, used to flitting all over the world, unattached. Could her lifestyle be more appealing to Caitlyn than she’d ever acknowledged?

He was still pondering that when he arrived at his new Chesapeake Shores home and office. Mick’s crew had finished the renovations yesterday. Mick himself was there to meet him.

“What do you think?” Mick asked after they’d toured the house. “Is this what you had in mind?”

“It’s amazing,” he acknowledged. The waiting room was warm and friendly. The examining rooms were filled with natural light. Upstairs, the family quarters had been renovated with the latest appliances and designer touches. No expense had been spared. Noah recognized that Mick hadn’t charged him even half of what another builder would have charged.

“Think my granddaughter will like it?” Mick asked, a gleam in his eye. “If she’d given me any input, we could have modified it along the way. She may be the only woman I know who ever claimed to not care about a home she intends to live in.”

Noah sighed. “I wish I thought she was planning to live here.”

Mick gave him a startled look. “What’s that supposed to mean? I’ve been trusting you to close the deal. Are you losing ground?”

“I honestly can’t tell anymore,” Noah said, not even trying to hide his annoyance. “Something changed after Carrie came back home and moved in with her.”

“Well, I can take care of that,” Mick said at once. “That girl belongs down here, anyway. I’ll have a word with Abby and tell her that Carrie’s in the way.”

Noah laughed at his naïveté. “And as soon as you do that, you’ll have two granddaughters furious with you. For whatever reason, this current arrangement seems to suit both of them.”

“I can take a little backlash,” Mick insisted. “Right now we need everybody to stay focused on the goal. We need to get you and Caitlyn married by Christmas.”

“I’m all for that,” Noah agreed. “But more and more I’m wondering if we’re not deluding ourselves that it will happen.”

Mick sighed heavily. “I thought once she got me to agree to helping design and build those medical facilities, she’d realize she could make a difference without being in some godforsaken village herself.”

“I thought so, too,” Noah admitted. “But in some ways, I think it’s made her more determined to get back there herself. I honestly think she’s jealous that you’re going over there to work in a few months and she can’t go herself.”

“That’s just crazy,” Mick said. “Of all people, Dr. Davis ought to be able to get through to her how much she can do from right here. Maybe I need to have another talk with Naomi. I imagine she could dream up a few things Caitlyn could do from right here to make herself useful.”

Noah shook his head. “It won’t help. Cait knows all about the work Dr. Davis is doing. She’s told me herself how much she admires her. She’s even been volunteering with the foundation in her spare time. But it’s not enough to replace the dream she’s had for herself for years now. She made a promise to the people in that village. She wants to keep it.” Noah sighed. “I can’t help admiring her dedication.”

“Well, nobody’s telling her she can’t keep her word eventually. People don’t always get to do what they want to do the minute they want to,” Mick responded.

“O’Briens do,” Noah reminded him.

The lines of worry on Mick’s brow deepened. “Yeah, I should have known that lesson would come back to bite me in the butt eventually. So, what do we do?”

“
We
don’t do anything,” Noah said. “I just have to let her know I love her, that I respect her dreams, and hope that one of these days she’ll realize that the baby and I are as important as the future she had all lined up for herself.”

“You’re suggesting patience,” Mick said.

“I am.”

“I’m not much good at being patient.”

Noah laughed at that. “Try, Mick. I’m convinced it’s the only way to get what we want.”

* * *

Caitlyn pulled the tattered letter out of her purse and opened it. Written in pencil in awkward lettering, it was from a young man in the village where she’d worked the summer before.

“We miss you,” he began. “It is not good here. Three babies died this week. Mothers are too sick to feed them. There is not enough food or milk. The doctors say there is little they can do without more help. Can you help us, Missus Caitlyn?”

Tears spilled down her cheeks at the simple request for basic food and medical supplies, things everyone here took for granted. She knew that she alone couldn’t save everyone, but what about this one village? How could she turn her back on them? How could everyone expect her to, especially Noah? Shouldn’t the man who claimed to love her understand her need to help?

Ironically, the one person who seemed to get it was Carrie. Her twin had been surprisingly supportive of her commitment.

“I wish I had a goal that was half as important,” Carrie had said more than once. She repeated it now when Caitlyn showed her the letter. “All I’ve ever cared about was catching a man and doing things that were fun.”

“You worked hard at your job,” Caitlyn corrected.

“Because I thought it would impress Marc,” Carrie admitted. “Not because I was passionate about it. It’s fashion, for goodness’ sake. Even I know that’s not exactly a meaningful world.”

Caitlyn found herself in the odd position of defending a career she’d often thought to be frivolous. “If it’s something you love, that’s what matters.”

“Tell Grandpa Mick that. He spent an hour on the phone yesterday telling me it’s time to get serious about my life. He says I’m wasting time.”

“Did he have any suggestions?” Caitlyn asked, knowing perfectly well he usually did.

“Of course. He wants me to go to Africa with him and Grandma Megan. He said it would be good for me to do something for other people for a change, to realize that not everyone has the charmed life we’ve led.”

Caitlyn felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. “Are you going?”

“If I don’t come up with a suitable alternative, I suppose I’ll have to,” Carrie said, looking resigned. “As he pointed out, I can’t just sit around twiddling my thumbs. O’Briens don’t do that. And none of the job offers that have come my way have amounted to much. Quitting my job with Marc with no notice may have burned more bridges than I anticipated. Or maybe he’s been trashing me, rather than giving me the references I deserve.”

“Have you considered spending some time in New York?” Caitlyn asked, a desperate note in her voice. “That is where the fashion industry jobs are, after all. Or even Los Angeles or Miami.”

“I know. My lack of motivation may be telling me that I don’t belong in that field, after all. Maybe going to Africa would be good for me. I could be doing something worthwhile, even while I’m thinking.”

Instead of being overjoyed that there would be yet another pair of hands to help out in the part of the world where help was so desperately needed, Caitlyn was filled with envy. It should be her going back.

She realized Carrie was studying her with a worried expression. “Caitlyn, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said tightly. “Nothing at all.”

She shoved the letter back into her pocket and steeled her resolve. She would go back. She just needed to figure out how to make it happen.

And how to explain it to Noah.

10

A
fter their confrontation in the cafeteria over Carrie’s presence, Noah decided that the best way to handle things with Caitlyn was to back off. Forcing the issue certainly wasn’t working. Every time he had tried to broach the subject of marriage or even the baby after that, Caitlyn had regarded him with a defiant expression and left the room. It hadn’t taken long to realize that pushing her to talk was counterproductive. In what he’d come to recognize as true O’Brien fashion, anything she perceived as pressure just made her dig in her heels.

Lesson learned, he concluded. He needed to take his own advice and be patient and let her come to terms with their situation in her own time, no matter how frustrating he found the delay. Even trickier was tuning out Mick’s unrelenting pressure. Noah needed to keep the long-range goal in mind.

He was at the nurses’ station going over patient charts when Peyton Harris, the chief of obstetrics and gynecology, joined him.

“Do you have a minute?” the obstetrician asked.

“Sure,” Noah said. “What’s up?”

“Look, this is a little awkward and I’m probably violating who knows how many privacy rules, but you and Caitlyn Winters are close, correct?”

Noah nodded. “For once the hospital grapevine got it right,” he confirmed.

“Then you know what’s going on with her?” Peyton asked, phrasing the question in the most circumspect way possible.

“I know she’s having a baby,” Noah confirmed.

Peyton looked relieved that Noah was aware of the situation without him having to violate any confidentiality rules. They could speak frankly, physician to physician. Noah suspected Peyton also knew that the baby was his or he never would have initiated this conversation in the first place.

“She just canceled her latest prenatal visit for the second time,” Peyton told him. “Believe me, I know how overworked the medical students are around here, but of all people, she should understand how important prenatal care is.”

“I’m sure she does,” Noah said tightly, wondering what Cait had been thinking. He was willing to give her space, willing to let her deal with the situation in her own way, up to a point. He would not allow her to risk the pregnancy. He simply couldn’t. He could already envision the fight they were about to have when she accused him of trying to run her life.

“If she’s found another doctor, I won’t be offended,” Peyton said. “But that’s not what she told the nurse. If you have any influence at all, could you see what’s going on and try to get her in to see me, or someone else, for that matter? Just make sure she’s getting her prenatal vitamins and proper care. That’s all I’m concerned about.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Noah promised. “Do you have any openings tomorrow?”

“Just call my office. I’ll see that they work her in,” he assured Noah.

“Thanks, Peyton. And I appreciate your coming to me.”

Even though he was seething, Noah forced himself to complete the patient charts before he went in search of Cait. He told himself it was probably a good thing that there was time for his temper to cool, especially when Jill Marshall took one look at him and asked why he was so angry. If she could read his mood that readily, he needed even more time before confronting Cait. Their conversation needed to at least begin calmly. If it escalated after that, well, so be it.

“Just a personal matter,” he told her. “Have you seen Cait?”

“I have, but judging from your expression I’m not so sure I should point you in the right direction,” Jill said. “And, to be honest, she seems to have been responsible for your being in a lousy mood more than once recently. I don’t like that.”

Though he might have appreciated the protective attitude another time, he simply couldn’t deal with it now. “Jill, please. There are just some things we need to work out. If you know where she is, tell me.”

“Okay, fine, but it’s against my better judgment.”

“So noted.”

“She went on break about fifteen minutes ago. I’m not sure if she went to the on-call room or the cafeteria. She looked pretty beat, though.”

“Thanks.”

He was about to leave when she touched his shoulder. “Noah, I’m seriously worried about you. You don’t look happy. Are you sure she’s the right woman for you?”

He forced a smile. “Thanks for the concern, but I know she is,” he said. “I mean it, Jill. Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

Noah nodded and, despite his warning to himself to get his temper in check, he headed straight for the on-call room. With any luck, Cait would be there alone. This was not a conversation he wanted to have in public.

To his initial relief, he found her stretched out on one of the uncomfortable beds, eyes closed. Then he noted with dismay that there were dark circles under her eyes. Clearly she wasn’t taking proper care of herself. How had he not noticed that sooner? Maybe because she’d gone to such great lengths to keep some distance between them lately.

He sat down beside her. “Cait?”

Her eyes immediately blinked open and she bolted upright. As with all med students, interns and residents who needed to be alert at an instant’s notice, she had mastered the art of shaking off even the deepest sleep.

“Oh, it’s you,” she said, and fell back against the pillow. “Noah, I need a nap. Can whatever’s on your mind wait?”

“Not this time,” he responded firmly.

Something in his tone must have gotten through to her, because she swung her feet around and sat next to him, their shoulders touching. “What’s going on? Is it one of my patients?”

“No, though it’s nice to hear that you put them first,” he said, shifting so he could look directly into her eyes. He touched her pale cheek, then gently traced the dark circle under one eye with his thumb. “What about you, Cait? Where do you put yourself on your endless list of duties and obligations?”

She regarded him blankly. “Noah, I’m half asleep. What are you talking about?”

“I just had a conversation with Peyton Harris,” he said, then waited for the implication of that to sink in.

Her eyes widened when his meaning registered. For an instant guilt flitted across her face. “Oh,” she said softly.

“What’s going on, Cait? Why have you canceled two prenatal appointments? And why hadn’t you told me about them in the first place? You knew I’d want to go with you.”

“You know what it’s like around here, especially at this time of the year,” she said, clearly scrambling for convincing excuses. “The residents are about to leave, so they’re distracted. The interns are expected to pick up the slack until the new residents take over. Medical students fill in wherever we’re needed. Things came up. It’s not as if I don’t know what I need to be doing, Noah.”

He leveled a look straight into her eyes. “I know you did an obstetrical rotation, so I’m sure you do know the basics,” he agreed. “Above all, I’m sure you understand how important good prenatal care is. It’s something we preach about all the time to our pregnant patients.”

“I know and, believe me, I get it. In case you didn’t notice when we were at Grandpa Mick’s, O’Briens have a lot of babies. Why are you making a big deal about a couple of canceled appointments? I’m taking the vitamins. I’m in good shape. There’s nothing about this pregnancy that puts me at high risk.”

“And you know that how? Have you been examined by some other obstetrician on a regular basis?”

She faltered at the anger he couldn’t contain. “No.”

“And my finding you just now so exhausted you can barely keep your eyes open, that’s your idea of being in good shape?”

“It’s just the nature of the job,” she reminded him. “You know what it’s like around here, Noah. I can handle a little lost sleep. I’ll catch up when I’m off duty. That’s what medical students do.”

“
Pregnant
medical students take better care of themselves,” he argued heatedly, running his hand through his hair in frustration. “Cait, you have to know what you’re doing isn’t good for the baby or for you.”

“Noah, I will see Dr. Harris,” she said, adopting a tone meant to placate him. “I just couldn’t do it today.”

“Or the time before that,” he reminded her. “Why should I believe you’ll show up the next time?”

“Because I’m giving you my word,” she said, holding his gaze. “I’m not going to endanger our baby, Noah.”

“I wish I could believe that,” he said wearily. “But let’s say I buy that you just got busy and needed to reschedule, what about not telling me? Why are you shutting me out?”

The question clearly flustered her. She was looking everywhere in the small room except at him. “That’s not what I was doing,” she claimed.

“Really?” He made no attempt to hide his skepticism. “That’s certainly how it feels.”

“Come on,” she pleaded. “Be reasonable. I know your schedule is even crazier than mine, especially with all these trips down to Chesapeake Shores.”

He shook his head. “I’m not buying it.”

She frowned. “Then why do you think I did it?”

“Because you didn’t want me there. I want to know why. Have you started to regret your decision to have the baby? It’s too late to terminate the pregnancy now.”

She looked genuinely shocked that he would even suggest such a thing. “I’ve told you that was never an option,” she said fiercely, her hand dropping protectively to her belly.

“Then what’s going on? You know how much I want to stand beside you, Cait. I want to
marry
you, for goodness’ sake.”

“I know,” she said. “I’m sorry. I guess I just thought it would be for the best not to drag you into this in a public way.”

“You need to explain that one to me.”

She swallowed hard. “Once I see Dr. Harris again, the word will be all over the hospital that I’m pregnant. You know how everyone loves to gossip. This will be hot news.”

“So you were trying to protect me from gossip?” he asked incredulously. “Sweetheart, there’s no disguising that baby bump. I imagine a few people might be oblivious, but most are simply being discreet. Whether you see an obstetrician once or every other week, it won’t matter. We’re way past the time when you can keep this pregnancy a secret. Wearing loose shirts isn’t disguising a thing.”

She uttered a sigh of resignation. “I know. What I don’t understand is how you can be so blasé about that. Your reputation is going to be affected, too.”

“No doubt about it, there will be talk,” he said, understanding it probably even better than she did. He’d witnessed the grapevine in action a whole lot longer than she had.

He held her gaze. “And since we’ve been together for quite a while, it won’t take great mathematical skills to add two and two and conclude the baby is mine. I’m willing to make a public declaration about that. In fact, I’d like to tell the world. It’s only out of respect for you that I haven’t. My silence is much more likely to be misconstrued than the pregnancy itself.”

She regarded him with a bemused expression. “You really are thrilled, aren’t you? You don’t even care if people talk.”

“No, I don’t. I am thrilled about the baby, Cait. I haven’t regretted this pregnancy for a single second. And I honestly thought you were starting to come around. What’s suddenly changed? Something has. There’s been a difference these past few weeks. You’ve been deliberately avoiding me, for one thing. I know that’s not just my imagination.”

She regarded him miserably. For a couple of minutes, he thought she might remain stubbornly silent, but she finally drew in a deep breath and faced him.

“It doesn’t paint me in a very good light,” she whispered, averting her gaze as a tear leaked out.

“Cait, there’s nothing you could tell me that would make me think any less of you,” he swore. “I love you unconditionally. Don’t you know that? I want to be here for you, not on the outside trying to guess what I can do to be supportive.”

For a woman who’d been loved and accepted her entire life by such a large family, she had to believe she was lovable. He couldn’t understand how she could harbor even the tiniest doubt about being worthy of his love. Nor could he imagine anything so terrible that it would cost her his respect. She was an amazing woman, who’d been dealt an unexpected monkey wrench to her well-considered plan for her life. She might not have reached any conclusions as quickly as he had, but she was dealing with their situation the best way she knew how.

“Talk to me,” he pleaded. “I need to understand.”

“Okay, here it is,” she said. “I know this shouldn’t matter to me, but now Carrie’s talking about going to Africa with my grandparents.” She blurted out the explanation as if she were embarrassed by it, then added, “Carrie, of all people!”

The news came as almost as much of a shock to Noah as it likely had to Cait. It didn’t fit with anything he knew of Carrie’s personality. No wonder Cait was shaken by it.

“And you think it should be you,” he concluded, guessing that to be the real root of her distress.

She nodded. “Yep. I told you it was ugly. I’m jealous that my sister gets to do something I was meant to do.”

He almost smiled at the way she was condemning herself for a perfectly human reaction, but he knew she wouldn’t appreciate that. Instead, he focused on trying to connect the dots. “But what does that have to do with canceling these appointments?” he asked.

“I know when I finally hear the heartbeat and see the sonogram, this baby is going to be real to me. Up till now, somehow it was like this vague thing that was going to happen months from now. On some level, I just hadn’t dealt with the reality of this little person growing inside me.”

“And that reality scares you?”

She nodded. “I’m terrified that I’m going to wind up resenting the baby, especially right now when Carrie’s going to do what I should be doing.”

“And you think you’ll take that resentment out on the baby?”

“I won’t mean to,” she said at once. “But you know how resentments build up and then you do or say things you shouldn’t. What if I make our baby feel unwanted?”

“Cait, you’re one of the most caring, compassionate people I know. That’s why you want to go back to Africa in the first place. You’d never do anything to make the baby feel unwanted. With every fiber of my being, I know that about you.”