The Cirque (5 page)

“Cheers.” He clinked his glass against mine and threw his head back, swallowing down the liquor in a single gulp. Although I didn’t normally drink, I did the same and coughed as it burned my throat.

“You’re okay,” he said, rubbing my back. It wasn’t a question, but I nodded. “You want to dance or something?”

I would never have the confidence to dance, or grind seductively, as those around us were doing. I didn’t think Dmitri had caught on to how inexperienced I was. Or maybe he had and that was his reason for trying to loosen me up with alcohol. “I don’t think so. Can we just hang out?”

“Of course. It’s kind of loud to talk in here though, do you want to go to my room?”

I nodded. He took my hand and led me past everyone. They openly stared at us. I
was starting to think it was odd that he hadn’t introduced me to any of his friends. His room was small, but surprisingly, once he shut the door, it blocked quite a bit of the sound from the party. There wasn’t much room around his double bed so I sat on the edge.

“That better?” he asked.

I swallowed and nodded, but suddenly I wasn’t so sure being alone with him was the best idea. I barely knew him. He sat down next to me.

“So, you’re a ballerina?” He leaned in close.

“I was. I mean I used to be. Not anymore,” I added brilliantly. I wasn’t sure why I was mumbling. “What about you, what’s your background?” I didn’t feel like talking about my nonexistent life from my ballerina days.

“I was a gymnast in the professional circuit from age ten. I competed all over Russia and then came to the States. I injured my ankle when I was eighteen, so that’s why I just do flying now.” He picked up a strand of my hair and absently wound it around his fingers. My stomach twisted and I wasn’t sure if it was from the alcohol or because of Dmitri’s attention.

“What did that girl say to you when I came in tonight?” I asked, suddenly remembering.

He laughed and repeated the word she’d used. I nodded. “It means
plaything
.” He dropped my hair. “Don’t worry about that,” he said brushing off the comment. “They know I’ve had my eye on you, that’s all.”

“Why have you had your eye on me?” I asked, turning the words back around at him.

“You’re a ballerina.” He leaned in close. “Innocent.” I could feel his breath on my neck. “Beautiful.” His stubble tickled my cheek. “It’s impossible not to notice you.”

I had the urge to pull away, but at the same time was drawn in by his compliments. I looked into his dark eyes and saw him looking hungrily at my lips. I stayed perfectly still while he bent down and kissed me. I tasted the liquor on him; it was obvious he’d had quite a bit more than me. While we kissed, he ran his hands up my sides and cradled my head, tangling his hands in my hair. I felt something warm and tingly spreading inside me. When the kiss ended I was breathless and flushed.

He picked me up from the edge of the bed and threw me up toward the pillows. I’d forgotten how strong he was. He leaned over me and kissed me, pressing down on me. I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him back. When he looked at me, confusion crossed his face and then I quickly rolled him over onto his back and straddled him. He grinned wickedly, and pulled me in for another kiss.

After things started to get too heated, I pulled myself out of his arms and sat up.

“What?” he asked. His voice was husky and his cheeks were flushed.

“Shouldn’t we talk or something?” I straightened my clothes.

“Why would we want to talk when we can do this?” He grinned and slid his hands up, clutching my hips.

“How old are you anyway?” I took his hands, and removed them, placing them in his own lap.

He laughed. “Twenty.”

“Hmm.”

“Is that okay with you?” he asked. Like he could control his age.

“Yeah. I just think maybe I should be getting back. Sasha’s probably wondering where I am.”

“You’re just going to leave me like this?” he asked, gesturing down at himself.

I tried not to look, hoping to preserve my modesty. Well, what little modesty you could have while in the bed of a twenty-year-old Russian acrobat you barely knew. I rolled my eyes at him. “You’ll live.”

When I stood to leave, Dmitri gave me a hug. His body was firm and rigid. I remembered the lyrics to one of the rap songs playing earlier about having a body you could climb like a jungle gym. That about summed up Dmitri’s physique.

He led me out of his room. We’d been in there about an hour and the party had died down. People were now sitting, squeezed together on the couches, and all eyes followed us out of his room. I could only assume what they thought had gone on.

Dmitri walked me outside. The night air was crisp and refreshing after the steamy trailer. He ran his fingers through my hair and said goodnight.

I heard the crunch of gravel as someone approached. It was Gabriel. For some reason I felt ashamed to be seen leaving Dmitri’s trailer but waved good-bye to Dmitri and quickly caught up to Gabriel.

He glanced over at me with a knowing look on his face, like he could guess what I’d been up to. I reflexively brought my hands up to smooth down my hair. “You’re not wasting any time finding your place here, I see.” He looked straight ahead, not bothering to make eye contact with me.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He’s got game – I’ll give him that.”

His words hung between us. “Are you jealous I hung out with Dmitri?”

He was quiet, like he was actually considering my question. Then he let out a soft laugh. He glanced over at me before looking ahead again.

“You disappeared after our performance… I would have––” I tried to explain.

He stopped and placed a finger over my lips. “I’m kidding. You’re free to hang out with whoever you want. It’s not my business.”

Only I kind of wished he thought it was. I could tell Gabriel wasn’t trying to be anyone else and there was something sexy about his confidence. He was all wrong for me of course – but maybe that was kind of the point. So far, I’d lived without stepping out of line once. And look where that got me – feeling like an intruder in my own skin. If my parents were going to freak out about ballet, and the circus, I might as well go for the trifecta: Gabriel. With his tattoos and smug attitude, he would be the cherry on the sundae.

I glanced over at him. His face was serious, but when he caught me looking, his expression relaxed again. “You should know though, Ivanoff’s a dick.”

I wanted to know why there was animosity between Dmitri and Gabriel, but I would have to tuck that in my pocket to inspect later. “Listen, I don’t think you can knock the company I keep when you’re wandering around alone at night.”

“No, you’re wrong there. I still get to give out advice on this one.”

“How’s that?”

“Well.” I could tell he was still thinking of an answer. “I could go for the obvious – I’m older and I’ve been here longer, so I’m wiser to the people…predators…the personalities here.”

“How old are you?” I asked, completely ignoring his speech.

He hesitated for a second, then looked at me. “Not eighteen.”

He walked me in silence the last few steps to my trailer and stopped in front of the door. “Goodnight, Ariel.” He stood beside the steps and waited until I was inside before he turned to leave.

***

The next morning, Sasha was already up and gone when I woke up. I changed and finally removed the makeup from yesterday before heading to breakfast. I wondered if Dmitri would call me over to his table, but he was with his usual crew and didn’t even acknowledge me. Part of me wanted to go to him just to bug Gabriel, but I decided against purposefully angering someone whose job was hurling knives at me. I grabbed a muffin, pretending ignorance of the calories it contained, and sat down next to Sasha and Tanner.

“Where were you last night?” Sasha eyed me.

“Just a party,” I said hoping not to have to elaborate.

“Uh-oh,” Tanner said.

“At Dmitri’s?” Sasha asked.

“Yeah. Why?”

She took a deep breath and set down her coffee mug. “He’s always after the new girls, Ari. I just don’t want you to get played.”

“Nothing happened,” I said, picking the nuts off the top of the muffin. “Besides, what makes you think I’m not playing him?”

She tipped her head away from the coffee, mid-sip. “Out with it then. What’s your grand plan?”

“How about you just assume that I have my own motivations in this game.”

She pulled her eyebrows together. “Ari, are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

“Sasha, I can handle it.” She didn’t need to know I was fascinated with Gabriel or that I was using Dmitri to spark Gabriel’s interest.

***

It was our last night of freedom before the opening show the next day, and the
showgrounds felt alive with anticipation. It felt a lot like opening night in ballet, but this time, instead of feeling trapped by a routine, I felt energized by the newness.

Most of the performers set off in small groups to explore downtown Toronto. I ducked off to the showers, planning to spend a quiet evening reading. I stopped in my tracks. Tanner, Sasha and Gabriel were leaning against the side of the trailer. It was barely dark out and I was already dressed in my pajama pants and t-shirt. The pink and white whale print practically screamed: Hi, I’m a loser.

“Hey there, frumpty-dumpty.” Tanner pulled at my baggy t-shirt.

I suddenly noticed that he and Sasha were dressed up. Gabriel was in his usual, dark jeans and black t-shirt – a size too small, accentuating the contours of his chest and shoulders. Gabriel looked amazing in black. It brought out his features more sharply; his skin glowed and his eyes stood out brighter than usual.

“What are you guys doing?”

Tanner grabbed Sasha around the waist and started dancing the cha-cha. “Going dancing. At a gay club.” He winked. “Wanna come?”

Gabriel spoke up before I had the chance to. “I’m sure she’s going out with the Russian mafia tonight.”

I didn’t explain that Dmitri had asked me out to dinner and a movie with him and his friends, but I had declined. Gabriel’s eyes raked over my body. “I’ll come,” I said.

“Not wearing that you won’t,” Tanner said. “Come on.” He pulled me away.

“Tanner! My trailer’s that way.” I pulled his hand.

“Yeah, but the costume trailer’s this way.” He pulled back.

I let him dress me in a black leather mini skirt borrowed from the costume trailer and paired it with my own white tank top and ballet flats. He wanted to do my makeup too, but I was afraid I’d end up looking overdone like I did for the show and so I did it myself using some powder, mascara and berry lip gloss.

Tanner saw me fidgeting and pulling at the hem of my skirt and decided to make us both a cocktail. He pulled a flask from his pocket and found some juice in the mini-fridge. “Drink this,” he said, handing it to me. Drinking seemed like no big deal with this crowd, and though I rarely drank before, I downed it. The liquor burned as I swallowed, and I knew the face I made was not attractive. He smiled at me. “Better?” I didn’t answer. “Let’s go,” he pulled me by the hand toward the door.

Outside Sasha leaned against the side of the trailer, smoking and talking to Gabriel. When Gabriel spotted me, he stopped talking mid-sentence and his eyes traveled down the length of my body and stopped at my bare legs. I pushed my knees together involuntarily and his eyes darted back up to mine. I looked away before he did
, my cheeks burning from the intensity of his gaze.

We walked through the parking lot to Tanner’s Jeep. Sasha took the front seat as though it was her given right, which left Gabriel and I sitting in the darkened backseat. He looked out his window and I couldn’t help but think he tried to avoid looking at me on purpose. I thought about his little speech from the other night. I couldn’t figure Gabriel out. One minute he was acting protective of me – but I wasn’t sure if it was like an older brother would be obligated to do or if it was out of interest – and then the next, he was acting indifferent, lost in his own thoughts.

Tanner parked in front of a nondescript brick building with a bouncer blocking the doorway. The club didn’t look like much from the outside, but I could hear the beat thumping inside. The bouncer checked our IDs and I was pleased when he passed mine back to me without any fanfare. The last thing I wanted was to feel singled out as too young to be out with my new friends.

The club was dimly lit and electronica with deep bass thumped loudly. It was warm as we stepped down and entered the area with the main dance floor. Everyone there was attractive and though Tanner had chosen a new look for me I felt underdressed and out of place…though I could have felt that way just because I was one of the few girls. There were guys dancing together in groups, and a gorgeous guy without a shirt swayed his hips on top of a platform, his performance momentarily disorienting me.

“You look nervous,” Tanner shouted so I could hear him over the music.

“No, I’m fine,” I shouted back
unconvincingly.