The Click Trilogy (37 page)
Authors: Lisa Becker
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Holy Shit on a Stick!!!!!
You are such a liar. There’s no way you saw this coming.
From: PBCupLover – September 22, 2012 – 5:06 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Holy Shit on a Stick!!!!!
Yikes! For a second there, I thought the “you are such a liar” comment was because I was only
curious
about Shelley’s new dude.
But really, Babe. Did you not suspect something?
She was never interested in anyone we met at Flint’s all those times we’ve hung out there and she was always going on recruiting trips to the same city. There’s just so many people you can recruit. And apparently, she was working hard on just one.
I didn’t say anything because I figured she would talk about it when she was ready.
From: Renee Greene – September 22, 2012 – 5:09 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Holy Shit on a Stick!!!!!
That’s not fair! Our friendship doesn’t work that way! We press and prod the other to talk about things that make them uncomfortable because…well…that’s what we do.
And honestly, I really thought she was all hung up over Mark.
From: PBCupLover – September 22, 2012 – 5:10 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Holy Shit on a Stick!!!!!
I told you – repeatedly, I might add – that she didn’t like Mark. And, as I recall, she did too.
From: Renee Greene – September 22, 2012 – 5:12 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Holy Shit on a Stick!!!!!
Really?!? The “I told you so” response? With our engagement dinner a mere hour away? Do I need to break out your sisters’ “I told you so” penalty jar?
From: PBCupLover – September 22, 2012 – 5:14 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Holy Shit on a Stick!!!!!
Watch it now! Babe, just be happy she’s happy and ready to talk about it. I’ve got to run. Flowers are in hand and the rest of this honey-do list you gave me won’t finish itself. I will see you soon to celebrate us. I love you!
From: Renee Greene – September 22, 2012 – 5:15 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: Holy Shit on a Stick!!!!!
You’re right. (Don’t get used to hearing that, though). I will see you soon. XOXO
From: Renee Greene – September 23, 2012 – 10:13 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Oh what a night!
First off, I am SO HAPPY for you. Nick seems AWESOME. I must say I’m thrilled to know his real name. It would just be weird if we were calling him Seattle. ;) Seriously, what a great guy. I can totally see why you fell hard for him.
I know we really didn’t get a chance to talk last night and I’m DYING to know what resolution, if any, you guys came to. I figured it has to be
something
good, or you wouldn’t have bothered introducing him around. So, details!
On another note, I cannot believe the toast you made to me and Ethan. I must admit, when you first stood up to talk, I was a bit nervous. Lord knows what you were going to say. ;) But honestly, it was absolutely beautiful. I don’t feel like I really
heard
it all; I was so overcome with emotion at the whole night. Do you by chance have it written down? Can you email it to me? I want to keep it for posterity.
From: Shelley Manning – September 23, 2012 – 11:57 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
I’m so happy you liked what I had to say, even though you didn’t hear it all. But I’m a little offended that you thought I would say something to embarrass you. I’m saving that – along with the topless Cancun photos – for your wedding toast. HA!
Per your request, here it is again.
For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Shelley, Renee’s best friend since college. And I’d like to think I know her better than anyone – perhaps even better than Ethan. And what I do know is that I’ve never seen her happier.
You all know that Renee and Ethan met on ChooseJews. But did you know that Renee called him an ass in an email meant for me but accidently sent to him? Renee and I joked that we would tell their grandchildren that story one day. Tonight’s celebration is a good first start to making that come true.
What I love about Renee and Ethan is how perfectly-suited they are for one another. Renee brings the storm and Ethan brings the calm. Renee bakes the cookies and Ethan eats the cookies. Ethan tells the corny jokes and Renee laughs at the corny jokes. They truly complement one another.
And so, as they celebrate their engagement, I want to wish my best friend all of the happiness she deserves. I’m her biggest fan!
From: Renee Greene – September 23, 2012 – 12:07 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Oh what a night!
Reading this over, it is SO beautiful and SO perfect. Thank you! Thank you!
But, what happened with Nick?
From: Renee Greene – September 23, 2012 – 2:30 PM
To: Ashley Gordon
Subject: CALL ME!!!!!
Shelley is moving to Seattle! CALL ME!!!!!
From: Ashley Gordon – September 24, 2012 – 3:02 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: CALL ME!!!!!
Say what?!?! Sorry I didn’t call you back. I’m so exhausted and have been sleeping all day because I have this crazy night insomnia where I can’t get comfortable, relaxed or tired. UGH! I guess my body is getting ready for the baby’s arrival. If this is what I have to look forward to, I don’t know if I can do it. I figured you didn’t want me to call you back at 3 am. What is going on?!?!
From: Renee Greene – September 24, 2012 – 10:02 AM
To: Ashley Gordon
Subject: Re: CALL ME!!!!!
Darn! Just tried you at home again. You know I love my soon-to-be-born sweet angel, but he/she is starting to cut into my gossip time.
As you know, Shelley and Nick have been seeing each other off and on for a while now. He flew into town this weekend to figure out the status of their relationship. Shelley decided she would move to Seattle to see how things go with him. AGH!!!! What will I do without her? What will
we
do without her? How can she leave me? How can I be so selfish?
From: Ashley Gordon – September 24, 2012 – 12:48 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: CALL ME!!!!!
Eek! I’m calling you now.
Chapter 16 – A Shower After The Shower?
From: Renee Greene – September 27, 2012 – 11:52 PM
Bcc:
Subject: Baby Shower Reminder
Just a friendly reminder that we will see you all Saturday for the baby shower celebrating Ashley, Greg and my sweet angel, (gender TBD thanks to parents who want to be surprised.) ARGH! ;)
From: Shelley Manning – September 29, 2012 – 4:45 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Drum roll please
And once again, the winner for most annoying couple ever goes to…Finnidy! I just can’t stand being around them anymore. It’s just WRONG!
From: Renee Greene – September 29, 2012 – 5:25 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Drum roll please
I didn’t know “most annoying couple ever” was a category. And I need to be careful. They’re both here helping clean up.
From: Shelley Manning – September 29, 2012 – 5:27 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Drum roll please
Oh, it is a category. It is. And they take the cake. The cake! And Finlay’s helping to clean? Shocker!
From: Renee Greene – September 29, 2012 – 5:28 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Drum roll please
Well, as you know, I like cake.
From: Shelley Manning – September 29, 2012 – 5:29 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Drum roll please
I like cake, too. But this just has got to stop.
From: Renee Greene – September 29, 2012 – 5:32 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Drum roll please
Just think. Pretty soon, you will be in Seattle. And you yourself will be snuggling, canoodling, nuzzling, smooching, hugging, caressing and embracing with Nick.
From: Shelley Manning – September 29, 2012 – 5:36 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Drum roll please
First off, I don’t plan on “snuggling, canoodling, nuzzling, smooching, hugging, caressing and embracing” to an annoying degree in public. And if I did engage in “snuggling, canoodling, nuzzling, smooching, hugging, caressing and embracing,” people would stop, stare, take notes and applaud. Believe me. I’m
that
good.
From: Renee Greene – September 29, 2012 – 5:38 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Drum roll please
Oh, I know how good you are. I remember Valentine’s Day last year.
From: Shelley Manning – September 29, 2012 – 5:38 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Drum roll please
Oh no you didn’t!
From: Renee Greene – September 29, 2012 – 5:39 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Drum roll please
Oh yes, I did. Wonder if Cassidy knows. Should I go tell her? ;)
From: Shelley Manning – September 29, 2012 – 5:41 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Drum roll please
That’s it. Friendship over! Gotta go find a new bestie. Mwah! Mwah!
From: Renee Greene – October 1, 2012 – 8:25 AM
To: Shelley Manning, Ashley Gordon
Subject: Okay to be offended?
Okay, ladies. Have a question for you. Ethan and I were out for dinner last night and I started looking through his wallet – with his permission of course. It held the standard driver’s license, credit cards, cash, etc.
But there were no pictures of me. There was however a picture of him with Pam Anderson, that was taken when he met her at a Las Vegas nightclub years ago.
The only other atypical item in his wallet – a piece of graph paper with Michael Jordan’s autograph on it. Apparently, when in junior high, he spotted MJ at the airport. Armed only with a swatch a graph paper from his geometry class and a pencil, he approached the superstar and asked for an autograph. Oh, did I mention, it’s laminated?
So would you feel offended by this non-picture status?
From: Ashley Gordon – October 1, 2012 – 8:31 AM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Okay to be offended?
That’s so funny! But seriously, the big test is whether he has a picture of you on his phone.
From: Shelley Manning – October 1, 2012 – 8:36 AM
To: Ashley Gordon
Cc: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Okay to be offended?
Yes, it’s okay to be offended. The man should be carrying around a shrine to your beauty in his back pocket.
From: Renee Greene – October 1, 2012 – 8:41 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Cc: Ashley Gordon
Subject: Re: Okay to be offended?
Thanks for the dose of reality, Ashley. And thanks for the vote of confidence, Shelley. Just what I needed…from both of you. You’re the yin and yang’s to my soul. Love you both.
From: Shelley Manning – October 1, 2012 – 8:43 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Okay to be offended?
Seriously?!? You’re putting me on the same level as Ashley. Now
I’m
offended.
From: Renee Greene – October 1, 2012 – 8:44 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Okay to be offended?
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times…BEHAVE!
From: Shelley Manning – October 1, 2012 – 8:45 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Okay to be offended?
You’re no fun. No fun at all!
From: Renee Greene – October 1, 2012 – 8:46 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Okay to be offended?
Yet, you still love me.
From: Shelley Manning – October 1, 2012 – 8:47 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Okay to be offended?
You got me. Gotta run. See you tonight. Mwah! Mwah!
From: Ashley Gordon – October 2, 2012 – 12:30 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Seattle Survival Kit
I found an awesome rain slicker online at the attached link. See what you think. I can have Greg pick up a reusable coffee mug at Coffee World if you want. Just let me know.
From: Renee Greene – October 2, 2012 – 1:45 PM
To: Ashley Gordon
Subject: Re: Seattle Survival Kit
I still can’t believe Shelley is going to the land of rainfall, coffee and grunge. But I think she will absolutely LOVE that slicker. It’s…slick. HA! Go ahead and order it and I’ll pay you for half.
As far as the coffee mug goes, I’m going to design one for her online with pictures of us all over it. What else can we get her…some mismatched flannel? The collective works of Pearl Jam? A huge box of tissues for crying her eyes out over missing us so much? Oh, wait! That would be for me.
From: Ashley Gordon – October 2, 2012 – 2:22 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Seattle Survival Kit
A personalized mug sounds perfect. We’ll give them to her at our last Mel’s lunch. As far as needing the tissues, I hear you. I’ve been crying like a baby at TV commercials. Being on bed rest, all I do is sit around and watch TV. These pregnancy hormones are powerful!
From: Renee Greene – October 2, 2012 – 2:25 PM
To: Ashley Gordon
Subject: Re: Seattle Survival Kit
I think you’re going to miss Shelley, too.
From: Ashley Gordon – October 2, 2012 – 2:27 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Seattle Survival Kit
Maybe a little.
From: Renee Greene – October 2, 2012 – 2:29 PM
To: Ashley Gordon
Subject: Re: Seattle Survival Kit
I know admitting that must have been hard. Shelley and I will come by later and bring you some gossip mags. Feel good!
From: Ashley Gordon – October 2, 2012 – 5:56 PM
To: Renee Greene, Shelley Manning
Subject: Thanks!
Thanks again for letting me vent over a venti (albeit a decaf. I am
still
pregnant, after all). Coffee and complaining! Two of my favorite things these days. Must be the pregnancy hormones.
From: Shelley Manning – October 2, 2012 – 5:59 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Fwd: Thanks!
She’s pinning her complaining on the pregnancy hormones? Is she high? What’s been her excuse for the other 30+ years of her life? My god!
From: Renee Greene – October 2, 2012 – 6:02 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: Thanks!
LOL! Let’s cut her some slack. Neither of us has been pregnant before. Lord only knows how it messes with you.
From: Shelley Manning – October 2, 2012 – 6:04 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Thanks!
Oh, I’ll let her complain now. Just want to know what’s been the excuse for her prior to the pregnancy.
From: Renee Greene – October 2, 2012 – 6:04 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: Thanks!
BEHAVE!
From: Shelley Manning – October 2, 2012 – 6:04 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Thanks!
Never!
From: Renee Greene – October 2, 2012 – 6:06 PM
To: Ashley Gordon
Cc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Thanks!
Of course, Ash. It sounds like pregnancy is really hard. But just think about that sweet little angel growing inside of you. I can’t wait. Let us know if you need anything else. We’re totally here for you.
From: Ashley Gordon– October 2, 2012 – 7:45 PM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Thanks!
Thanks, guys. Honestly, I can’t wait either. 9+ months is a long time. And this bed rest is so boring. Will this be what it’s like to have the baby – me at home alone all day with nothing to do but change diapers? Ugh! I don’t even want to think about it right now. Back to gossip mags. At least there’s one benefit to being told I have to sit and take it easy, right?
