The Collected Shorter Plays (14 page)

Animator

Stenographer

Fox

Dick (mute)

A
Ready, miss?

S
And waiting, sir.

A
Fresh pad, spare pencils?

S
The lot, sir.

A
Good shape?

S
Tiptop, sir.

A
And you, Dick, on your toes? [
Swish of bull’s pizzle. Admiringly
.] Wow! Let’s hear it land. [
Swish and formidable thud
.] Good. Off with his hood. [
Pause
.] Ravishing face, ravishing! Is it not, miss?

S
Too true, sir. We know it by heart and yet the pang is ever new.

A
The gag. [
Pause
.] The blind. [
Pause
.] The plugs. [
Pause
.] Good. [
He thumps on his desk with a cylindrical ruler
.] Fox, open your eyes, readjust them to the light of day and look about you. [
Pause
.] You see, the same old team. I hope—

S
[
aflutter
] Oh!

A
What is it, miss? Vermin in the lingerie?

S
He smiled at me!

A
Good omen. [
Faint hope
.] Not the first time by any chance?

S
Heavens no, sir, what an idea!

A
[
disappointed
] I might have known. [
Pause
.] And yet it still affects you?

S
Why yes, sir, it is so sudden! So radiant! So fleeting!

A
You note it?

S
Oh no, sir, the words alone. [
Pause
.] Should one note the play of feature too?

A
I don’t know, miss. Depending perhaps.

S
Me you know—

A
[
trenchant
] Leave it for the moment. [
Thump with ruler
.] Fox, I hope you have had a refreshing night and will be better inspired today than heretofore. Miss.

S
Sir.

A
Let us hear again the report on yesterday’s results, it has somewhat slipped my memory.

S
[
reading
] “We the undersigned, assembled under—”

A
Skip.

S
[
reading
] “. . . note yet again with pain that these dicta—”

A
Dicta! [
Pause
.] Read on.

S
“. . . with pain that these dicta, like all those communicated to date and by reason of the same deficiencies, are totally inacceptable. The second half in particular is of such—”

A
Skip.

S
“. . . outlook quite hopeless were it not for our conviction—”

A
Skip. [
Pause
.] Well?

S
That is all, sir.

A
. . . same deficiencies . . . totally inacceptable . . . outlook quite hopeless . . . [
Disgusted
.] Well! [
Pause
.] Well!

S
That is all, sir. Unless I am to read the exhortations.

A
Read them.

S
“. . . instantly renew our standing exhortations, namely:

1. Kindly to refrain from recording mere animal cries, they serve only to indispose us.

2. Kindly to provide a strictly literal transcript, the meanest syllable has, or may have, its importance.

3. Kindly to ensure full neutralization of the subject when not in session, especially with regard to the gag, its permanence and good repair. Thus rigid enforcement of the tube-feed, be it per buccam or be it on the other hand per rectum, is
absolutely
”—one word
underlined—“essential. The least word let fall in solitude and thereby in danger, as Mauthner has shown, of being no longer needed,
may be it
”—three words underlined.

“4. Kindly—”

A
Enough! [
Sickened
.] Well! [
Pause
.] Well!

S
It is past two, sir.

A
[
roused from his prostration
] It is what?

S
Past two, sir.

A
[
roughly
] Then what are you waiting for? [
Pause. Gently
.] Forgive me, miss, forgive me, my cup is full. [
Pause
.] Forgive me!

S
[
coldly
] Shall I open with yesterday’s close?

A
If you would be so good.

S
[
reading
] “When I had done soaping the mole, thoroughly rinsing and drying before the embers, what next only out again in the blizzard and put him back in his chamber with his weight of grubs, at that instant his little heart was beating still I swear, ah my God my God.” [
She strikes with her pencil on her desk
.] “My God.”
[
Pause
.]

A
Unbelievable! And there he jibbed, if I remember aright.

S
Yes, sir, he would say no more.

A
Dick functioned?

S
Let me see . . . Yes, twice.
[
Pause
.]

A
Does not the glare incommode you, miss, what if we should let down the blind?

S
Thank you, sir, not on my account, it can never be too warm, never too bright, for me. But, with your permission, I shall shed my overall.

A
[
with alacrity
] Please do, miss, please do. [
Pause
.] Staggering! Staggering! Ah were I but . . . forty years younger!

S
[
rereading
] “Ah my God my God.” [
Blow with pencil
.] “My God.”

A
Crabbed youth! No pity! [
Thump with ruler
.] Do you mark me? On! [
Silence
.] Dick! [
Swish and thud of pizzle on flesh. Faint cry from Fox
.] Off record, miss, remember?

S
Drat it! Where’s that eraser?

A
Erase, miss, erase, we’re in trouble enough already. [
Ruler
.] On! [
Silence
.]
Dick!

F
Ah yes, that for sure, live I did, no denying, all stones all sides—

A
One moment.

F
—walls no further—

A
[
ruler
] Silence! Dick! [
Silence. Musing
.] Live I did . . . [
Pause
.] Has he used that turn before, miss?

S
To what turn do you allude, sir?

A
Live I did.

S
Oh yes, sir, it’s a notion crops up now and then. Perhaps not in those precise terms, so far, that I could not say offhand. But allusions to a life, though not common, are not rare.

A
His own life?

S
Yes, sir, a life all his own.

A
[
disappointed
] I might have known. [
Pause
.] What a memory—mine!
[
Pause
.] Have you read the Purgatory, miss, of the divine Florentine?

S
Alas no, sir. I have merely flipped through the Inferno.

A
[
incredulous
] Not read the Purgatory?

S
Alas no, sir.

A
There all sigh, I was, I was. It’s like a knell. Strange, is it not?

S
In what sense, sir?

A
Why, one would rather have expected, I shall be. No?

S
[
with tender condescension
] The creatures! [
Pause
.] It is getting on for three, sir.

A
[
sigh
] Good. Where were we?

S
“. . . walls no further—”

A
Before, that, miss, the house is not on fire.

S
“. . . live I did, no denying, all stones all sides”—inaudible—“walls—”

A
[
ruler
] On! [
Silence
.] Dick!

S
Sir.

A
[
impatiently
] What is it, miss, can’t you see that old time is aflying?

S
I was going to suggest a touch of kindness, sir, perhaps just a hint of kindness.

A
So soon? And then? [
Firmly
.] No, miss, I appreciate your sentiment. But I have my method. Shall I remind you of it? [
Pause. Pleading
.] Don’t say no! [
Pause
.] Oh you are an angel! You may sit, Dick. [
Pause
.] In a word, REDUCE the pressure instead of increasing it. [
Lyrical
.] Caress, fount of resipescence! [
Calmer
.] Dick, if you would. [
Swish and thud of pizzle on flesh. Faint cry from Fox
.] Careful, miss.

S
Have no fear, sir.

A
[
ruler
] . . . walls . . . walls what?

S
“no further,” sir.

A
Right. [
Ruler
.] . . . walls no further . . . [
Ruler
.] On! [
Silence
.] Dick!

F
That for sure, no further, and there gaze, all the way up, all the way down, slow gaze, age upon age, up again, down again, little lichens of my own span, living dead in the stones, and there took to the tunnels. [
Silence. Ruler
.] Oceans too, that too, no denying, I drew near down the tunnels, blue above, blue ahead, that for sure, and there too, no further, ways end, all ends and farewell, farewell and fall, farewell seasons, till I fare again. [
Silence. Ruler
.] Farewell. [
Silence. Ruler. Pause
.]

A
Dick!

F
That for sure, no denying, no further, down in Spring, up in Fall, or inverse, such summers missed, such winters. [
Pause
.]

A
Nice! Nicely put! Such summers missed! So sibilant! Don’t you agree, miss?