The Complete Malazan Book of the Fallen (1184 page)

Felash blinked up at the woman. ‘Why, nothing.'

‘Nothing?'

‘Not a thing, Captain. The only manifestation of Omtose Phellack this world has seen has been ice-aspected.'

‘Then how do you know there's more to it?'

‘Captain, it only stands to reason.'

‘So, this notion of there being more, it's merely…theoretical?'

‘Dearest, that term is not pejorative, no matter the tone you have just employed.'

Teeth chattering, Skorgen Kaban said, ‘So I stood here for that? You ain't got a Mael-spitting clue?'

‘Hardly accurate, First Mate,' Felash said. ‘It would hardly have served any of us if I'd simply said, “I don't know”, would it? Instead, what I have actually said is, “I don't know, but I believe this to be a path worth pursuing.”'

‘So why didn't you?' he demanded.

‘But I did!'

Shurq Elalle turned to Skorgen. ‘That's enough, Pretty. Go back to the others.'

‘An' tell 'em what?'

‘We're…exploring possibilities.'

Felash waved one plump hand. ‘A moment, please. I suggest that you both return to your fellows. The explorations that will occupy me on this day are best done alone, for I cannot guarantee the safety of anyone in close proximity. In fact, I suggest you move your camp perhaps twice its present distance from us.'

‘Very well, Highness,' said Shurq Elalle. ‘We shall do that.'

As they marched off, Felash turned to her handmaid. ‘My dear,' she murmured, ‘a journey awaits you.'

‘Yes, Highness.'

‘Gird yourself well,' Felash advised. ‘Prepare the armour and take the throwing axes. And you will need to swim out to the ship, for a splinter of wood. But before all that, I wish a new pot of tea, and more rustleaf for this bowl.'

‘At once, Highness.'

 

‘Gods below,' Shurq Elalle muttered as they neared the crew's camp, ‘but she has spectacular tits. It ever amazes me the extraordinary variation blessing us all.' She glanced at her first mate. ‘Or cursing us, as the case may be.'

‘I wanted to stick a damned knife in her skull, Cap'n.'

‘Belay such notions, and stow them deep and dark – if one of the mates hears you, well, I don't want that kind of trouble.'

‘Of course, Cap'n. Was just an impulse, anyway, like a tic under the eye. Anyway, how could you see her tits at all, under all those warm furs and such?'

‘I could see just fine,' Shurq replied. ‘It's called imagination, Pretty.'

‘Wish I had some of that.'

‘In the meantime, we need to allay some fears, and I expect moving us farther down the strand will put us in good stead right from the start.'

‘Aye, it will.' He scratched at the scars puckering his neck. ‘You know, Cap'n, I got me a smell that's saying that handmaiden of hers ain't as useless as she's made out to look, you know?'

‘Brewing pots and lighting pipe bowls doesn't count for anything with you, Pretty? I tell you, I'm considering finding my own handmaiden once we get home. Of course,' she added, ‘there's no rule says it has to be a woman, is there?'

A flush crept up the man's misshapen face.

Shurq clapped him on the back. ‘You're right about her, Pretty. I'm thinking she's as mean a sorceress as the Princess herself, and probably a lot more besides. That woman hides herself well, but one glimpse of her wrists…well, unless she's throwing bales of hay around when no one's looking – and given the scars on her hands those bales got knives in them – well, aye, she's more than she seems.'

‘What's her name anyway?'

‘No idea.' Shurq grunted. The sailors at the camp were watching them now. ‘All right, Pretty, let me do the talking.'

‘Aye, Cap'n, better you'n me.'

‘And if I mess up, you can beat on some heads.'

‘T'bring 'em round, like.'

‘Exactly.'

 

Cool beneath the umbrella, Felash watched her handmaid crawl up from the water. ‘You need more fat on you, dear,' she observed. ‘I'm sure the sun will warm you up soon enough, as it has done me. In any case,' she gestured with the mouthpiece, ‘the passage awaits you.'

Gasping, the older woman slowly worked her way well clear of the water line. In her right hand was a splinter of wood, black against her bluish knuckles. Behind her, in the shallows, the ice was fast melting as the last remnants of Omtose Phellack faded. At the bay's outer edge, where the shelf fell away to deeper water, the
Undying Gratitude
was settling lower into her glittering, weeping nest.

Once the handmaid had recovered enough to begin moving, she dressed herself in quilted undergarments and then the heavy scaled armour retrieved from bundles of waxed canvas. Taking up the paired throwing axes, a leather-sheathed short sword, an underarm holster of four throwing knives, and her helm, she completed her attire by tucking the wood splinter into her belt. ‘Highness, I am ready.'

‘Well said. My patience was wearing ominously thin.' Sighing, Felash set the mouthpiece down and rose. ‘Where did you put the last of the sweets?'

‘Beside the brick of rustleaf, Highness.'

‘Ah, I see. Wonderful. See how thin I'm getting? It's an outrage. Do you recall your own childhood, dear, when your chest was flat and all your bones jutted every which way?'

‘No, Highness, I was never boy-thin, thank the Errant's nudge.'

‘Nor me. I have always been suspicious of grown men who seem to like that in their women. What's wrong with little boys if they're into pallid bony wraiths?'

‘Perhaps it appeals to their protective natures, Highness.'

‘Protecting is one thing, diddling is entirely another. Now, where was I? Oh yes, throwing you into the Hold of Ice. Best unsheathe at least a few of your weapons, dear. Who knows what you'll land in.'

The handmaid drew her axes. ‘I am ready.'

 

‘…that condescending, patronizing cow doesn't deserve tits like that, or that soft blemish-free skin and lustrous hair. And the way those hips swing, why, I'm amazed she doesn't throw out her back with every step, and those damned luscious lips look ready made to wrap themselves round— Gods, what was that?'

The thunderclap shivered the water in the bay, set the sand to blurry trembling. Shurq Elalle turned to see an enormous white cloud billowing out and up from Felash's camp. The sailors – well out of earshot behind her – were now on their feet, shouting in alarm.

‘Stay here, Skorgen. And calm those fools down!' She set off at a run.

The camp was a mess, gear flung about as if a whirlwind had erupted in its midst. Princess Felash was slowly picking herself up from the blasted sand. Her hair was awry, her clothes dishevelled. Her face was red, as if she'd been repeatedly slapped.

‘Highness, are you all right?'

The girl coughed. ‘I believe the theory has proved itself, Captain. It seems there is far more to Omtose Phellack than a few chunks of ice. The passage I found, well, it's hard to say where precisely it led—'

‘Where is your handmaiden, Highness?'

‘Well, let us hope she is exploring in wonder and delight.'

‘You sent her through?'

A flash from her stunning eyes. ‘Of course I sent her through! Did you not insist on the necessity, given our terrible plight? Can you begin to imagine my sacrifice, the appalling extremity of the service we are providing here?'

Shurq Elalle studied the plump girl. ‘What if she doesn't come back?'

‘I shall be most displeased. At the same time, we shall have before us evidence to support certain other theories about Omtose Phellack.'

‘Excuse me, what other theories?'

‘Why, the ones about shrieking demons, clouds of madness, flesh-eating plants, treacherous voles and a hundred other nightmares in a similar vein. Now, please be so kind as to rebuild my fire here, will you?'

 

She reached for her last throwing knife, found the sheath empty. Cursing, she ducked beneath the scything slash and threw herself to the left, shoulder-rolling until she came up against the bulk of the first fiend she'd slain. Her hands scrabbled up its muricated hide, found the wedge of one of her axes. Grunting as she tugged it free, she rolled over the body – it quivered as six swords punched into it in the spot where she'd been a moment earlier – and regained her feet in time to send the axe flying.

It crunched into the demon's brow, rocking its head back.

She lunged for it, tugging away one of the heavy swords gripped by the closest hand, which was twitching as the huge beast sagged on to its knees. Blade clashing as she beat away the swords flailing about at the ends of the five other arms, she chopped into its thick neck, once, twice, three times, until the head rolled free.

Spinning, she looked for more of the damned things. Five corpses and nothing more. Apart from her heavy breaths, the glade was silent.

From one fire straight into another – she'd landed in the middle of a camp – and it was her luck that she'd been ready when they clearly were not. The fire burned on here and there, where the hottest embers had scattered. If she was not careful, she'd end up burning down the forest – and all the wood the captain and her crew sorely needed.

The handmaid retrieved her weapons, and then stamped out the smouldering flames.

She cursed as something bit into the back of her neck. Scrabbling with one hand, she closed her fist about something small and furry, brought it round for a closer look. A vole, with a mouthful of her flesh. Snorting, she flung the thing away.

‘Well, Highness,' she muttered, ‘seems I've found some trees.'

Some beast shrieked close by, and the cry was echoed by a half-dozen more, surrounding the glade, drawing closer.

‘Errant's bunghole, those things sound vicious.'

Pointless hanging around here, she decided. Choosing a direction at random, she ducked into the forest.

Absurdly dark, and the air was damp and cold. Plunging forward, she held her axes at the ready. A shriek sounded directly behind her and she whirled round. Something skittered on the forest floor. Another damned vole. She watched it pause, tilt its head back, and loose another curdling shriek.

A short time later she'd left the voracious things behind. The huge boles of the trees thinned out, with more undergrowth now impeding her way. She caught glimpses of the sky, a sweep of stars, no moon. A dozen paces ahead the ground fell away. She came to the edge, looked down into a ravine crowded with treefall, the trunks grey as bones.

Clumps of low fog wandered the length of the channel, glowing like swamp gas.

The channel was the product of flash flooding, and those trees had been savagely uprooted, flung down and carried along in the tumult. Studying the wreckage, she caught a shape in the ravine's gloom, twenty or so paces downstream. At first she'd assumed it was a barrier of knotted branches and trees, but that detritus had fetched up against something else…a hull.

She drew out the splinter of wood in her belt. It seemed to be sweating in her hand.

Boots skidding, she half slid, half stumbled down the steep bank of the ravine. Avoiding the fog as best she could, she clambered and climbed her way closer to the ship. How it has made it this far down this treacherous, winding channel without being torn to pieces was something of a mystery, but she knew enough to trust this sorcerous link. Whatever shape it was in, there would be enough of it to be of some use.

At last she reached the hull, set her hand against it. Not rotten. She thumped it, was rewarded with a faint hollow sound. Five arm-spans above her was an ornately carved gunnel, the heavy rail formed in the shape of entwining serpents running the length of the ship – which she judged to be somewhere between fifteen and twenty paces.

She glanced down then, to see the fog rising up to swallow her knees. And in that fog, small clawed hands reached out to grasp her thighs, the talons stabbing deep, the limbs writhing like worms. Gasping at the pain, she pulled out her sword and began hacking.

Her thighs were shredded and streaming blood by the time she cut herself loose and worked her way up the side of the hull, using the clutter of trees and branches for foot- and handholds. Gasping, she lifted herself over the gunnel and thumped down on the slanted deck.

And found herself in the midst of a squall of black-haired, scaled apes. Howling, the dog-sized creatures bared dagger-long fangs, eyes flashing lurid yellow, and raised their knotted clubs. Then they rushed her.

From somewhere up the length of ravine, there came a deep, rumbling roar. But she had no time to think about that.

‘My ootooloo thinks this is sex – how strange.'

Felash glanced sidelong at the captain, her lids slowly settling in a lazy blink. ‘Back in the palace, there are exquisite mouthpieces carved in the semblance of a penis.' She gestured with one hand. ‘All part of a princess's education—'