The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (244 page)

so will the Queen, who loved him dearly when he was alive.

[Exit with the body.]

[Enter GEORGE BEVIS and JOHN HOLLAND.]

GEORGE.

Come, and get thee a sword, though made of

a lath; they have been up these two days.

Come, get yourself a sword, even if it's

wood; they've been at it for two days.

HOLLAND.

They have the more need to sleep now, then.

They'll be needing some sleep now then.

BEVIS.

I tell thee, Jack Cade the clothier means to dress the

commonwealth, and turn it, and set a new nap upon it.

I'm telling you, Jack Cade the clothmaker means to

turn this whole kingdom upside down, shake it up.

HOLLAND.

So he had need, for 't is threadbare. Well, I say

it was never merry world in England since gentlemen came up.

He needs to, it's worn out. Well, I say

that England has never been a happy place since the rise of the gentlemen.

BEVIS.

O miserable age! virtue is not regarded in

handicraftsmen.

Ah, miserable time! Goodness is not

recognised in workmen.

HOLLAND.

The nobility think scorn to go in leather aprons.

The nobility sneer at those who wear leather aprons.

BEVIS.

Nay, more, the king's council are no good workmen.

Worse than that, the Kings Council are poor workmen.

HOLLAND.

True; and yet it is said, labour in thy vocation,

which is as much to say as, let the magistrates be labouring

men; and therefore should we be magistrates.

It's true; but they say you should work at your job,

which means that the magistrates should be working men,

which means we should be magistrates.

BEVIS.

Thou hast hit it; for there's no better sign of a brave

mind than a hard hand.

You're quite right; there's no better sign of a good

mind than a calloused hand.

HOLLAND.

I see them! I see them! There's Best's son, the

tanner of Wingham,--

I can see them! I can see them! There is Best's son, the

tanner from Wingham–

BEVIS.

He shall have the skin of our enemies, to make dog's-

leather of.

He shall have the skin of our enemies, to make a

dog collar.

HOLLAND.

And Dick the butcher,--

And Dick the butcher–

BEVIS.

Then is sin struck down like an ox, and iniquity's

throat cut like a calf.

So sin will be struck down like an ox, and evil

will have its throat cut like a calf.

HOLLAND.

And Smith the weaver,--

And Smith the weaver–

BEVIS.

Argo, their thread of life is spun.

And so, the thread of their life has been spun.

HOLLAND.

Come, come, let's fall in with them.

Come on, let's join them.

[Drum. Enter CADE, DICK the Butcher, SMITH the Weaver,

and a Sawyer, with infinite numbers.]

CADE.

We John Cade, so term'd of our supposed father,--

I John Cade, so-called after my supposed father–

DICK.

[Aside.] Or rather, of stealing a cade of herrings.

Or perhaps for stealing a barrel of herrings.

CADE.

For our enemies shall fall before us, inspired with the

spirit of putting down kings and princes,--Command silence.

As our enemies shall fall before us, inspired

with the spirit of overthrowing kings and princes, call for silence.

DICK.

Silence!

Silence!

CADE.

My father was a Mortimer,--

My father was a Mortimer–

DICK.

[Aside.] He was an honest man and a good bricklayer.

He was an honest man and a good bricklayer.

CADE.

My mother a Plantagenet,--

My mother a Plantagenet–

DICK.

[Aside.] I knew her well; she was a midwife.

I knew her well; she was a midwife.

CADE.

My wife descended of the Lacies,--

My wife was descended from the Lacies–

DICK.

[Aside.] She was, indeed, a pedler's daughter, and sold

many laces.

Yes she was, the daughter of a peddler, she sold

plenty of laces.

SMITH.

[Aside.] But now of late, not able to travel with her

furred pack, she washes bucks here at home.

But recently, as she cannot travel,

she takes in washing here at home.

CADE.

Therefore am I of an honourable house.

So I come from a noble house.

DICK.

[Aside.] Ay, by my faith, the field is honourable; and

there was he born, under a hedge, for his father had never a

house but

the cage.

Yes, I swear, the field is noble; and

that's where he was born, under a hedge, for his father never had a

house except when he was in prison.

CADE.

Valiant I am.

I am brave.

SMITH.

[Aside.] A' must needs; for beggary is valiant.

He has to be, a beggar has to be brave.

CADE.

I am able to endure much.

I can put up with a lot.

DICK.

[Aside.] No question of that; for I have seen him whipped

three market-days together.

No argument there; I've seen him whipped

three market days in a row.

CADE.

I fear neither sword nor fire.

I'm not afraid of swords or fire.

SMITH.

[Aside.] He need not fear the sword, for his coat is of

proof.

He needn't fear the sword, his coat is

already full of holes.

DICK.

[Aside.] But methinks he should stand in fear of fire,

being burnt i' the hand for stealing of sheep.

But I think he should be afraid of fire,

having been branded on the hand for sheep stealing.

CADE.

Be brave, then; for your captain is brave, and vows

reformation. There shall be in England seven halfpenny loaves

sold for a penny; the three-hooped pot shall have ten hoops; and

I will make it felony to drink small beer. All the realm shall be

in common; and in Cheapside shall my palfry go to grass; and

when I am king, as king I will be,--

So be brave, for your captain is brave, and promises

changes. You will be able to buy seven halfpenny loaves

for a penny in England; a two pint pot will now hold seven pints;

and I will make it illegal to drink small beer. Everything in the country

shall be shared; I shall graze my horse in Cheapside; and

when I am king, as I shall be–

ALL.

God save your majesty!

God save your Majesty!

CADE.

I thank you, good people;--there shall be no money; all shall

eat and drink on my score, and I will apparel them all in one

livery, that they may agree like brothers and worship me their

lord.

Thank you, good people; there shall be no money; everyone

shall eat and drink on my account, and I will dress them all in

the same uniform, so that they can all be like brothers and worship me as their

lord.

DICK.

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

CADE.

Nay, that I mean to do. Is not this a lamentable thing, that

of the skin of an innocent lamb should be made parchment, that

parchment, being scribbl'd o'er, should undo a man? Some say the

bee stings; but I say 't is the bee's wax, for I did but seal

once to a thing, and I was never mine own man since.--How now!

who's there?

Yes, we'll do that. Isn't is a terrible thing, that

the skin of an innocent lamb should be turned into parchment,

and that parchment, being scribbled on, can bring down a man? Some say

the bee stings, but I say it's the beeswax, for I only ever signed

one sealed document, and I have never belonged to myself since. Hello there!

Who's that?

[Enter some, bringing in the Clerk of Chatham.]

SMITH.

The clerk of Chatham; he can write and read and cast

accompt.

The clerk of Chatham; he can read and write

and do accounts.

CADE.

O monstrous!

How terrible!

SMITH.

We took him setting of boys' copies.

We caught him teaching some boys.

CADE.

Here's a villain!

Now here's a villain!

SMITH.

Has a book in his pocket with red letters in 't.

He's got a textbook in his pocket.

CADE.

Nay, then, he is a conjurer.

Why, he's a magician.

DICK.

Nay, he can make obligations and write court-hand.

No, he can draw up bonds and write in a legal hand.

CADE.

I am sorry for 't.

The man is a proper man, of mine honour;

unless I find him guilty, he shall not die.--Come hither, sirrah,