The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (370 page)

She must be given or else the marriage won’t be lawful.

JAQUES

[Advancing]

Proceed, proceed I'll give her.

Go on, go on: I will give her away.

TOUCHSTONE

Good even, good Master What-ye-call't: how do you,

sir? You are very well met: God 'ild you for your

last company: I am very glad to see you: even a

toy in hand here, sir: nay, pray be covered.

Good evening, Master Whatever-Your-Name-Is: how are you,

sir? I’m glad you are here, and God bless you for your

company I am quite glad to see you, even though

this is a small matter, sir. No, keep your hat on.

JAQUES

Will you be married, motley?

And you are getting married, fool?

TOUCHSTONE

As the ox hath his bow, sir, the horse his curb and

the falcon her bells, so man hath his desires; and

as pigeons bill, so wedlock would be nibbling.

The ox has his restraints, the horse his bridle,

the falcon her bells, so too does the man have his desires.

Just like pigeons need a restraint, so wedlock restrains a man.

JAQUES

And will you, being a man of your breeding, be

married under a bush like a beggar? Get you to

church, and have a good priest that can tell you

what marriage is: this fellow will but join you

together as they join wainscot; then one of you will

prove a shrunk panel and, like green timber, warp, warp.

And will you, being a man bred nobly, be

married under a tree here, like a beggar? Go to a

church and have a good priest who can tell you

what marriage is. This fellow will only join you

together like a carpenter joins boards. Then one of you will

be a shrunken plank, and, like fresh wood, will warp, and ruin the joining.

TOUCHSTONE

[Aside] I am not in the mind but I were better to be

married of him than of another: for he is not like

to marry me well; and not being well married, it

will be a good excuse for me hereafter to leave my wife.

I don’t disagree, but I would rather be

married by this vicar than someone else – then he is less likely

to marry me well, and if he messes up, then

I have a good excuse to leave my wife later.

JAQUES

Go thou with me, and let me counsel thee.

Come with me and listen to my advice.

TOUCHSTONE

'Come, sweet Audrey:

We must be married, or we must live in bawdry.

Farewell, good Master Oliver: not,--

O sweet Oliver,

O brave Oliver,

Leave me not behind thee: but,--

Wind away,

Begone, I say,

I will not to wedding with thee.

Come sweet Audrey,

we must be married or else we live in sin.

Goodbye, Master Oliver, not like I am singing:

O sweet Oliver,

O brave Oliver,

Don’t leave me behind you, but

Go away wind,

Go away, I say,

I will not go to marry you.

Exeunt JAQUES, TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY

SIR OLIVER MARTEXT

'Tis no matter: ne'er a fantastical knave of them

all shall flout me out of my calling.

None of that matters: never will the most dreaming of tricksters

push me out of my calling.

Exit

Enter ROSALIND and CELIA

ROSALIND

Never talk to me; I will weep.

Don’t talk to me. I am going to cry.

CELIA

Do, I prithee; but yet have the grace to consider

that tears do not become a man.

Go on, cry – but you still have to remember

that tears are not very manly.

ROSALIND

But have I not cause to weep?

Don’t I have reason to weep?

CELIA

As good cause as one would desire; therefore weep.

As good a reason as you can want, so go ahead and weep.

ROSALIND

His very hair is of the dissembling colour.

His hair is red, a lying color, like Judas’ hair.

CELIA

Something browner than Judas's marry, his kisses are

Judas's own children.

No, it is browner than Judas’ hair, but his kisses

are probably similar.

ROSALIND

I' faith, his hair is of a good colour.

ACtually, I think his hair is a very good color.

CELIA

An excellent colour: your chestnut was ever the only colour.

Yes, an excellent color, chestnut is a very good color.

ROSALIND

And his kissing is as full of sanctity as the touch

of holy bread.

And his kissing is as holy as touching

the communion bread.

CELIA

He hath bought a pair of cast lips of Diana: a nun

of winter's sisterhood kisses not more religiously;

the very ice of chastity is in them.

He must have a pair of lips bought from Diana, the goddess of purity. A nun

of old age does not kiss more religiously than he does –

they are chaste and cold kisses.

ROSALIND

But why did he swear he would come this morning, and

comes not?

Why did he swear to come here this morning, and

then never arrive.

CELIA

Nay, certainly, there is no truth in him.

Certainly, the is not truthful.

ROSALIND

Do you think so?

Do you really think so?

CELIA

Yes; I think he is not a pick-purse nor a

horse-stealer, but for his verity in love, I do

think him as concave as a covered goblet or a

worm-eaten nut.

Yes. I think he is not a pickpocket or a

horse thief, but as for his faithfulness in love, I do

think that he is as hollow as a goblet or a

nut hollowed out by worms.

ROSALIND

Not true in love?

He is not really in love?

CELIA

Yes, when he is in; but I think he is not in.

Yes, he is when he is – but I don’t think he is actually in love.

ROSALIND

You have heard him swear downright he was.

But you have heard him swear that he was.

CELIA

'Was' is not 'is:' besides, the oath of a lover is

no stronger than the word of a tapster; they are

both the confirmer of false reckonings. He attends

here in the forest on the duke your father.

“Was” is different from “is.” Besides, the lover’s promises

are no stronger than the tab from a bartender: they are

both confirming a lie. He stays

here in the forest with the duke your father.

ROSALIND

I met the duke yesterday and had much question with

him: he asked me of what parentage I was; I told

him, of as good as he; so he laughed and let me go.

But what talk we of fathers, when there is such a

man as Orlando?

I met the duke yesterday and talked to

him for a while. He asked me about my parents and I said

that they were as good as he is, and he laughed and let me go.

But why are we talking about fathers when there is a

man like Orlando in the world?

CELIA

O, that's a brave man! he writes brave verses,

speaks brave words, swears brave oaths and breaks

them bravely, quite traverse, athwart the heart of

his lover; as a puisny tilter, that spurs his horse

but on one side, breaks his staff like a noble

goose: but all's brave that youth mounts and folly

guides. Who comes here?

O yes, what a brave man! He writes brave poems,

speaks brave words, swears brave promises and breaks

them bravely, quickly and across the heart

of his lover. This is just like a cowardly jouster who rides forward

and then breaks his staff across the other’s shield, like a noble

coward. But everyone is brave who is young and

guided by foolishness. Who is coming here?

Enter CORIN

CORIN

Mistress and master, you have oft inquired

After the shepherd that complain'd of love,

Who you saw sitting by me on the turf,

Praising the proud disdainful shepherdess

That was his mistress.

Mistress and master, you often asked me

about the shepherd who complains about his love,

whom you saw me sitting with on the grass,

praising the shepherdess who disdains him proudly,

and who was his mistress.

CELIA

Well, and what of him?

Yes, what about him?

CORIN

If you will see a pageant truly play'd,

Between the pale complexion of true love

And the red glow of scorn and proud disdain,

Go hence a little and I shall conduct you,

If you will mark it.

If you would like to see a play well-played

between a pale skinned lover

and a glowing, scornful woman,

come with me and I will show you

so you can see it.

ROSALIND

O, come, let us remove:

The sight of lovers feedeth those in love.

Bring us to this sight, and you shall say

I'll prove a busy actor in their play.

Come, let us leave here.

Seeing other lovers is good for those in love.

Bring us to see this and you will watch

me become an actor in their play.

Exeunt