The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (418 page)

a-coming will speak their mind in some other sort.
on their way that will speak better.  

Enter HOLOFERNES, for Judas; and MOTH, for HerculesHOLOFERNES Great Hercules is presented by this imp,

The role of Great Hercules is being acted by this demon child,
Whose club kill'd Cerberus, that three-headed canis;
Whose club killed Cerberus, the three-headed dog;

And when he was a babe, a child, a shrimp,
And when he was a baby, a child, a shrimp,

Thus did he strangle serpents in his manus.
He strangled snakes with his hands

Quoniam he seemeth in minority,
This is him as a baby,

Ergo I come with this apology.
That’s why I come with this apology.

Keep some state in thy exit, and vanish.
Have some dignity in your exit, and be gone.  

MOTH retiresJudas I am,--
I am Judas,--

DUMAIN A Judas!

A traitor!
HOLOFERNES Not Iscariot, sir.
Not Judas Iscariot, the traitor, sir.

Judas I am, ycliped Maccabaeus.
I am Judas, called Maccabaeus.

DUMAIN Judas Maccabaeus clipt is plain Judas.

Judas Maccabaeus is the same as plain Judas.
BIRON A kissing traitor. How art thou proved Judas?

Judas was a kissing traitor.  How do you prove to be Judas?
HOLOFERNES Judas I am,--
I am Judas,--

DUMAIN The more shame for you, Judas.
Too bad for you, Judas.

HOLOFERNES What mean you, sir?

What do you mean, sir?
BOYET To make Judas hang himself.
He means to make Judas hang himself.

HOLOFERNES Begin, sir; you are my elder.

You are my elder, so you should speak first.
BIRON Well followed: Judas was hanged on an elder.

Good one: Judas was hanged on an elder tree.
HOLOFERNES I will not be put out of countenance.

I will not break character.
BIRON Because thou hast no face.

Because you don’t have a face.  
HOLOFERNES What is this?
What do you call this? (points to his face)

BOYET A cittern-head.
A guitar-head.

DUMAIN The head of a bodkin.
The head of a hairpin.

BIRON A Death's face in a ring.

A death’s head worn on a ring.  
LONGAVILLE The face of an old Roman coin, scarce seen.

The face on some old Roman coin that’s been worn smooth.
BOYET The pommel of Caesar's falchion.
The butt of Caesar’s sword.

DUMAIN The carved-bone face on a flask.
The carved-bone face on a powder horn flask.  

BIRON Saint George's half-cheek in a brooch.

Saint George’s profile in a brooch.  
DUMAIN Ay, and in a brooch of lead.

Yeah, and a cheap brooch at that.
BIRON Ay, and worn in the cap of a tooth-drawer.
Yeah, and a brooch worn in the cap of a lowly dentist.

And now forward; for we have put thee in countenance.
Now keep going; we have to establish your character.

HOLOFERNES You have put me out of countenance.

You have made me break character.
BIRON False; we have given thee faces.

False; we have given you many characters.  
HOLOFERNES But you have out-faced them all.

And you have taken the character out of all of them.
BIRON An thou wert a lion, we would do so.

And if you were a lion, we would do the same.  
BOYET Therefore, as he is an ass, let him go.

Therefore, since he is an ass, let him go on his way.  
And so adieu, sweet Jude! nay, why dost thou stay?

And so goodbye, sweet Jude! No, why do you still stand there?
DUMAIN For the latter end of his name.

He’s waiting to hear his last name.
BIRON For the ass to the Jude; give it him:--Jud-as, away!
For the ass of Jude; give it to him:--Jud-ass, away!

HOLOFERNES This is not generous, not gentle, not humble.

That is not nice, not gentle, not humble.  
BOYET A light for Monsieur Judas! it grows dark, he may stumble.

Get Master Judas a light! It’s getting dark, and he may stumble on his way out.  
HOLOFERNES retiresPRINCESS Alas, poor Maccabaeus, how hath he been baited!

Well, poor Maccabaeus, how he was taunted!
Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO, for HectorBIRON Hide thy head, Achilles: here comes Hector in arms.

Watch out, Achilles: here comes Hector with weapons.  
DUMAIN Though my mocks come home by me, I will now be merry.
Though I am mocked, I will now be cheerful.  

FERDINAND Hector was but a Troyan in respect of this.
Hector was just a Trojan in that regard.  

BOYET But is this Hector?

But is that Hector?
FERDINAND I think Hector was not so clean-timbered.

I didn’t think Hector was so well built.  
LONGAVILLE His leg is too big for Hector's.

His leg is too big to be Hector’s leg.  
DUMAIN More calf, certain.

A bigger calf, for sure.  
BOYET No; he is best endued in the small.
No; he is best endowed in the ankle.  

BIRON This cannot be Hector.

This cannot be Hector.  
DUMAIN He's a god or a painter; for he makes faces.

He’s either a god or a painter; because look at the faces he’s making.  

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty,

The armed power of Ares, of the almighty lances
Gave Hector a gift,--

Gave hector a gift,--
DUMAIN A gilt nutmeg.

An egg-yolk glazed nutmeg.  
BIRON A lemon.

A lemon.
LONGAVILLE Stuck with cloves.
A lemon stuck with cloves.  

DUMAIN No, cloven.

No, sliced.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Peace!—

Quiet!--
The armipotent Mars, of lances the almighty
The armed power of Ares, of the almighty lances

Gave Hector a gift, the heir of Ilion;

Gave Hector a gift, the heir of Troy;
A man so breathed, that certain he would fight; yea
A man in such good condition, that he would certainly fight; yes

From morn till night, out of his pavilion.
From morning until night, out of his camp.

I am that flower,--
I am that flower,--

DUMAIN That mint.

That mint.
LONGAVILLE That columbine.

That columbine flower.  

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Sweet Lord Longaville, rein thy tongue.

Sweet Lord Longaville, please control your tongue.  
LONGAVILLE I must rather give it the rein, for it runs against Hector.

I’ll have to let it go, since it competes against you.  
DUMAIN Ay, and Hector's a greyhound.

Yeah, and Hector’s fast.  

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO The sweet war-man is dead and rotten; sweet chucks,

The sweet warrior is dead and rotten; sweet chucks,
beat not the bones of the buried: when he breathed,

Don’t beat the bones of the buried: when he was breathing,
he was a man. But I will forward with my device.
he was a man.  But I will continue with my monologue.  

To the PRINCESSSweet royalty, bestow on me the sense of hearing.

Sweet royalty, please grant me the ability to be heard.  
PRINCESS Speak, brave Hector: we are much delighted.

Speak then, brave Hector: we are enjoying this.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I do adore thy sweet grace's slipper.

I adore your sweet shoe.  
BOYET [Aside to DUMAIN] Loves her by the foot,--

He loves her for her foot,--
DUMAIN [Aside to BOYET] He may not by the yard.

But not for the yard.  

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO This Hector far surmounted Hannibal,--

In this Hector was far superior to Hannibal,--
COSTARD The party is gone, fellow Hector, she is gone; she

Jaquenetta is gone, Hector, she is gone; she
is two months on her way.

has been gone for two months.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO What meanest thou?

What do you mean?
COSTARD Faith, unless you play the honest Troyan, the poor
Have faith, unless you play the honest Trojan, the poor

wench is cast away: she's quick; the child brags in
woman has been cast out: she’s pregnant; the unborn child brags in

her belly already: tis yours.
her womb already: It’s your child.  

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Dost thou infamonize me among potentates? thou shalt

Do you slander me among statesmen? You will die.
die.COSTARD Then shall Hector be whipped for Jaquenetta that is

Then Hector will be whipped in Jaquenetta’s place since she is made
quick by him and hanged for Pompey that is dead by
pregnant by him and hanged for killing Pompey.  

him.DUMAIN Most rare Pompey!

What a unique Pompey!
BOYET Renowned Pompey!

The best Pompey!
BIRON Greater than great, great, great, great Pompey!

Greater than great, great, great, great Pompey!
Pompey the Huge!
Pompey the Huge!

DUMAIN Hector trembles.

Look at Hector trembling.  
BIRON Pompey is moved. More Ates, more Ates! stir them

Pompey is moved emotionally.  More mischief, more mischief! Stir them!
on! stir them on!

Stir them!
DUMAIN Hector will challenge him.

Hector’s going to challenge him.  
BIRON Ay, if a' have no man's blood in's belly than will

Yeah, if he’s enough of a man to
sup a flea.

feed a flea.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO By the north pole, I do challenge thee.
By the north pole, I challenge you to a duel.  

COSTARD I will not fight with a pole, like a northern man:

I will not fight with a pole, like a ruffian:
I'll slash; I'll do it by the sword. I bepray you,

I’ll slash at you; I’ll do it with a sword.  I promise you,
let me borrow my arms again.

Let me find my weapons again.  
DUMAIN Room for the incensed Worthies!
Make room for the angry characters!

COSTARD I'll do it in my shirt.

I’ll strip down to my shirt.
DUMAIN Most resolute Pompey!

Pompey is so decisive!
MOTH Master, let me take you a buttonhole lower. Do you

Master, let me undress you a bit more.  Don’t you
not see Pompey is uncasing for the combat? What mean
see Pompey is undressing for battle? What do you mean?

you? You will lose your reputation.
He will humiliate you.  

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Gentlemen and soldiers, pardon me; I will not combat

Gentlemen and soldiers, forgive me; I will not battle
in my shirt.

In my shirt.  
DUMAIN You may not deny it: Pompey hath made the challenge.

You can’t refuse: Pompey accepted your challenge.  

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Sweet bloods, I both may and will.

Sweet brothers, I can and I will.
BIRON What reason have you for't?

What’s your reason for denying the challenge?

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt; I go

The truth is, I’m not wearing any underwear; I let
woolward for penance.

the wool punish my flesh as a penance.  
BOYET True, and it was enjoined him in Rome for want of

True, and when Hector was challenged in Rome he had a lack of
linen: since when, I'll be sworn, he wore none but
underwear: when, I swear, he wore nothing but

a dishclout of Jaquenetta's, and that a' wears next
a dishcloth of Jaquenetta’s and that he wore next to

his heart for a favour.
his heart as a charm.  

Enter MERCADE