The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (532 page)

CLAUDIO

Thou thinkest I am in sport: I pray thee tell me truly how thou likest her.

You think I am joking: please tell me truly if you like her.

BENEDICK

Would you buy her, that you enquire after her?

Do you want to buy her, asking about her like this?

CLAUDIO

Can the world buy such a jewel?

Can the world buy a jewel like her?

BENEDICK

Yea, and a case to put it into. But speak you this with a sad brow, or do you play the flouting Jack, to tell us Cupid is a good hare-finder, and Vulcan a rare carpenter? Come, in what key shall a man take you, to go in the song?

Yes, and a case to put it into. But are you saying this with a sad face, or are you acting as a ladies' man, to tell us Cupid is good at finding rabbits, and Vulcan [the Roman god of ironwork and smiths] an unusually good carpenter? Come, in what [musical] key shall a man take you, to burst into song?

CLAUDIO

In mine eye she is the sweetest lady that ever I looked on.

In my eyes she is the sweetest lady I have ever gazed upon.

BENEDICK

I can see yet without spectacles and I see no such matter: there's her cousin an she were not possessed with a fury, exceeds her as much in beauty as the first of May doth the last of December. But I hope you have no intent to turn husband, have you?

I can still see without classes and I see no such thing: there's her cousin if she were not constantly angry, is more beautiful than her as much as the first of May is more beautiful than the last of December. But I hope you don't mean to become a husband, do you?

CLAUDIO

I would scarce trust myself, though I had sworn to the contrary, if Hero would be my wife.

I would hardly trust myself, even if I had sworn against it, if Hero would be my wife.

BENEDICK

Is't come to this, i' faith? Hath not the world one man but he will wear his cap with suspicion? Shall I never see a bachelor of threescore again? Go to, i' faith; an thou wilt needs thrust thy neck into a yoke, wear the print of it and sigh away Sundays. Look! Don Pedro is returned to seek you.

Is it to come to this, by my faith? Does the world only have one man who will stay single? Shall I never see a thirty-year-old bachelor again? Enough, by my faith, and you will have to stick your neck into an ox's harness, wear the mark of it and be imprisoned and regretful for the rest of your life. Look! Don Pedro is back to look for you.

[Re-enter DON PEDRO.]

DON PEDRO

What secret hath held you here, that you followed not to Leonato's?

What secret has kept you here, that you did not follow to Leonato's?

BENEDICK

I would your Grace would constrain me to tell.

I would prefer your Grace to demand me to tell.

DON PEDRO

I charge thee on thy allegiance.

I charge you by your allegiance.

BENEDICK

You hear, Count Claudio: I can be secret as a dumb man; I would have you think so; but on my allegiance mark you this, on my allegiance: he is in love. With who? now that is your Grace's part. Mark how short his answer is: with Hero, Leonato's short daughter.

You hear, Count Claudio: I can be as secret as a man who cannot speak; I would have you think so; but on my allegiance know this, on my allegiance: he is in love. With who? Now that is your Grace's part. Notice how short his answer is: with Hero, Leonato's short daughter.

CLAUDIO

If this were so, so were it uttered.

If this was true, that is how it would be said.

BENEDICK

Like the old tale, my lord: 'it is not so, nor 'twas not so; but indeed, God forbid it should be so.'

Like in the old story, my lord: 'it is not true, it never was true; but indeed, God forbid that it should be true.'

CLAUDIO

If my passion change not shortly. God forbid it should be otherwise.

If my feelings do not soon change. God forbid it should be otherwise.

DON PEDRO

Amen, if you love her; for the lady is very well worthy.

Amen, if you love her; for she is a very worthwhile lady.

CLAUDIO

You speak this to fetch me in, my lord.

You are teasing me, my lord.

DON PEDRO

By my troth, I speak my thought.

I swear by the truth, I am speaking my thoughts.

CLAUDIO

And in faith, my lord, I spoke mine.

And by my faith, my lord, I spoke mine.

BENEDICK

And by my two faiths and troths, my lord, I spoke mine.

And by my two faiths and two truths, my lord, I spoke mine.

CLAUDIO

That I love her, I feel.

I feel that I love her.

DON PEDRO

That she is worthy, I know.

I know that she is worthy.

BENEDICK

That I neither feel how she should be loved nor know how she should be worthy, is the opinion that fire cannot melt out of me: I will die in it at the stake.

Fire could not melt the opinion out of me; I neither feel how she could be loved or know how she could be worthy: I will die of being burned at the stake.

DON PEDRO

Thou wast ever an obstinate heretic in the despite of beauty.

You always were a stubborn heretic despite all beauty.

CLAUDIO

And never could maintain his part but in the force of his will.

And never could hold onto his position except by force of will.

BENEDICK

That a woman conceived me, I thank her; that she brought me up, I likewise give her most humble thanks; but that I will have a recheat winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle in an invisible baldrick, all women shall pardon me. Because I will not do them the wrong to mistrust any, I will do myself the right to trust none; and the fine is,--for the which I may go the finer,--I will live a bachelor.

That a woman gave birth to me, I thank her; that she raised me, I similarly give my most humble thanks; but that I would stop being a free man, all women should forgive me if I said no. Because I will not do them the wrong to distrust any, I will do myself the right to trust none; and what it all boils down to is that I will live a bachelor.

DON PEDRO

I shall see thee, ere I die, look pale with love.

I will see you, before I die, look pale with love.

BENEDICK

With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord; not with love: prove that ever I lose more blood with love than I will get again with drinking, pick out mine eyes with a ballad-maker's pen and hang me up at the door of a brothel-house for the sign of blind Cupid.

With anger, with sickness, or with hunger, my lord; not with love: and if I ever lose more blood with love than I will get again with drinking, pick out my eyes with a poet's pen and hang me up at the door of a whorehouse to represent blind Cupid.

DON PEDRO

Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou wilt prove a notable argument.

Well, if you ever do change your mind, you will be a notable argument.

BENEDICK. If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot at me; and he that hits me, let him be clapped on the shoulder and called Adam.

If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot at me; and the man that hits me should be cheered and congratulated.

DON PEDRO

Well, as time shall try: 'In time the savage bull doth bear the yoke.'

Well, as time will tell: "In time the savage bull shall carry the yoke."

BENEDICK

The savage bull may; but if ever the sensible Benedick bear it, pluck off the bull's horns and set them in my forehead; and let me be vilely painted, and in such great letters as they write, 'Here is good horse to hire,' let them signify under my sign 'Here you may see Benedick the married man.'

The savage bull may; but if the sensible Benedick ever carries it, pluck off the the bull's horns and attach them to my forehead; and let me be garishly painted, and in such huge letters as they write "Here is a good horse to hire," let them write under my sign "Here you may see Benedick the married man."

CLAUDIO

If this should ever happen, thou wouldst be horn-mad.

If this ever happened, you would be crazy with passion.

DON PEDRO

Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver in Venice, thou wilt quake for this shortly.

No, if Cupid has not used up all his arrows in Venice, you will quake for this shortly.

BENEDICK

I look for an earthquake too then.

That is as likely as an earthquake.

DON PEDRO

Well, you will temporize with the hours. In the meantime, good Signior Benedick, repair to Leonato's: commend me to him and tell him I will not fail him at supper; for indeed he hath made great preparation.

Well, give it time. Meanwhile, good Sir Benedick, go to Leonato's: thank him for me and tell him I will certainly be at supper; for indeed he has made much preparation.

BENEDICK

I have almost matter enough in me for such an embassage; and so I commit you--

I almost have enough in me to deliver such a message; and so I commit you –

CLAUDIO

To the tuition of God: from my house, if I had it,--

 [
Pretending that Benedick is writing a letter.] To the tuition of God: from my house, if I had it, -

 DON PEDRO

The sixth of July: your loving friend, Benedick.

 [
Joining in the game.] The sixty of July: your loving friend, Benedick.

BENEDICK

Nay, mock not, mock not. The body of your discourse is sometime guarded with fragments, and the guards are but slightly basted on neither: ere you flout old ends any further, examine your conscience: and so I leave you.

No, do not make fun of me, really. The main portion of your conversations is sometimes guarded with fragments, and the guards are only slightly meaningless: before you tease about old endings any further, examine your conscience: and so I leave you.

 [Exit.]

CLAUDIO

My liege, your highness now may do me good.

Sir, your highness may now do me good.

DON PEDRO

My love is thine to teach: teach it but how,

My affection for you can do anything: just tell me how,

And thou shalt see how apt it is to learn hard lesson that may do thee good.

And you shall see how useful it is to learn a hard lesson that may do you good.

CLAUDIO

Hath Leonato any son, my lord?

Does Leonato have any son, my lord?

DON PEDRO

No child but Hero; she's his only heir. Dost thou affect her, Claudio?

No child but Hero; she’s his only heir. Are you fond of her, Claudio?

CLAUDIO

O! my lord,

Oh, my lord,

When you went onward on this ended action,

When you began this recently completed action,

I looked upon her with a soldier's eye,

I looked at her the way a soldier would,

That lik'd, but had a rougher task in hand

That liked, but had a rougher job to do

Than to drive liking to the name of love;

Than to pursue my liking and turn it to love;

But now I am return'd, and that war-thoughts

But now I have returned, and now that war-thoughts

Have left their places vacant, in their rooms

Have left their places empty, and in their old rooms

Come thronging soft and delicate desires,

Soft and delicate desires come crowding,

All prompting me how fair young Hero is,

All telling me how beautiful young Hero is,

Saying, I lik'd her ere I went to wars.

Saying I liked her before I went to wars.

DON PEDRO

Thou wilt be like a lover presently,

You will soon be like a lover,

And tire the hearer with a book of words.

And exhaust your listeners with a book’s worth of words.