The Cow-Pie Chronicles (2 page)

Tim entered the barn through the open middle section and walked down four stone steps into the milking parlor. Sliding metal bars kept the cows in place when they were milked by automatic
milking
machines
, and behind the metal bars were gutters. Those gutters, which held piles of
manure
left behind by the parlor's twice-a-day
bovine
guests, had to be cleaned twice a day by Tim.

Tim grabbed a large shovel leaning against the wall and proceeded to push the stinky manure out of the barn and into a big pile in the barnyard. He then scraped the milking parlor's floor and hosed it down until it was clean and ready for the next round of milking.

Once the milking parlor's floor was clean, Tim went to the barnyard and scooped the pile of cow poop into the farm's
manure
spreader
. The manure spreader was a large machine with three rows of spinning metal spikes, blades and fork-like tines. The manure spreader chopped up the cow poop and spread it in the field as it was being pulled by the tractor.

The manure spreader was the one piece of equipment that Tim hated more than any other on the farm. It was partly because he had to fill it up every day, but mostly because of the job it did. The manure was
fertilizer
 
and when spread across a field, the poop helped grow tall, lush and green crops. But poop—especially cow poop—is very stinky. The horrible odor from the poop would stink up an entire field for a week. And anyone who came into contact with the manure—like Tim, who scooped it in the morning and evening—would smell like poop, too. But Tim was used to it, so it didn't bother him too much.

Tim lifted the last scoop of smelly goop into the spreader then leaned on the handle of the shovel. He sighed. “Dee-Dee's right. I really am a Poop Slinger.”

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Chapter 2

A few days later, two of Dana and Tim's aunts, along with three of their cousins, walked into the farmhouse. No one in the Slinger family knew they were going to have company.

Having company was fun for both Dana and Tim. Besides giving the two of them a short break from doing chores, it also gave them a break from playing with each other.

But entertaining non-farm kids—like their cousins, who all lived in the city—often had
consequences
for the Slinger children. Whatever game or adventure Dana and Tim came up with to amuse the city kids many times turned out to be unpleasant or simply beyond the understanding of their guests.

“Go outside and play,” Mom said. She wanted to visit with her sisters in peace and quiet.

“Play what?” Tim asked.

“Whatever you want. Just go.”

Dana and Tim looked at one another, shrugged their shoulders and walked outside with their cousins—one girl, Roxie, and two boys, Harry and Tommy.

Whenever Tim and Dana went to visit their city cousins, there were always lots of toys to play with or wading pools to swim in or squirt guns to shoot. There was even a candy store to visit. But on the farm, Tim and Dana had only enough toys for the two of them to play with and that was it. Period. So they had to be inventive when it came to entertaining company.

Tim led the small group into the yard to a cherry tree. He then stopped and turned to face them. A thought crossed his mind. “Why did everybody come on the same day? You usually come by yourselves,” he said.

“Mom said we might not be able to come here anymore, so we all drove out together, in one car,” Tommy answered.

“Why won't you be able to visit us anymore?” Dana asked.

Roxy glanced nervously at Tim before answering Dana's question. “She said something about being too busy in school and stuff like that.”

“And they're probably afraid we'll get hurt again,” Harry said. City kids weren't used to playing on a farm, so accidents happened a lot. “So, what are we going to do?” he asked.

“We could go play in the hay fort,” Tim suggested.

Harry held up his right arm, which was covered with fading red lines. “I got all scratched up the last time we did that.”

“How about we pick some pears?” Roxy asked.

Tim shook his head “Nope. They're not ready yet.”

Frustrated, Tommy threw his hands up in the air. “Well, what do you guys do when we're not here?”

“Play cowboys,” Dana said.

“Great! Let's play cowboys,” both boy cousins said.

Dana reached down to pick up a small broken branch from the cherry tree. “You'll have to use sticks. We only have two guns.”

“I hate cowboys,” Roxy said. “Can't we throw a ball around?”

Tim worried that if he didn't come up with a fun activity fast, his cousins would never come to visit again. Then an idea hit him. “Hey, we can have a tossing contest!”

“
Me first!” Dana said, knowing exactly what her brother had in mind. She took off around the barn and ran to the closest
pasture
. They all followed her.

Dana climbed over the fence and headed for a section of the pasture where the cows had been
grazing
 
a few days earlier. It had been blazing hot all week, without a drop of rain, so Dana knew there would be a big supply of
cow
chips
there.

Tim stopped the group at the edge of the pasture. “Wait here while we pick up enough for our cow-chip-tossing contest.”

Tommy watched as his two farm cousins searched in the grass for something. “What's a cow chip?” he asked.

Tim picked up a round, brownish cardboard-like object and handed it to him. “This.”

Tommy took it from Tim, not sure what it was or where it came from.

Dana grabbed the cow chip from Tommy. “You fling it like a Frisbee,” she said.

“I don't get it,” Tommy said.

“Like this,” Dana said. She then flung the cow chip across the pasture.

“Wow, look how far it went! Hand me one. I wanna try,” Tommy said.

Dana and Tim ran around the pasture collecting perfectly formed cow chips and brought them back to their cousins. They found so many that they ended up with a large pile of cow chips for their contest. That's when Tim announced the rules.

“Okay, the person who can throw the most cow chips all the way over the fence wins,” he said. Tim then tossed one that cleared the fence by a good three feet.

The kids spent the next hour flinging cow chips, trying to win the contest. Some chips made it over the fence and some crashed into the fence. All the kids were having fun, and Dana was in the lead.

All of a sudden, one of Harry's cow chips broke apart in mid-flight.

“They're not very strong,” Harry said. “What're they made of? Dried mud and hay or something?”

Dana and Tim looked at each other then smiled.

“Something like that. Come on, I'll show you,” Tim said. He led them to the section of pasture where the cows were grazing, telling his cousins to line up along the fence and watch the herd munch on an afternoon snack.

Roxy stared impatiently at one of the cows that was calmly chewing its food. “What are we doing here?”

“Just wait a minute. I'll tell you when to look,” Tim said.

Roxy gazed across the pasture, which was full of black-and-white
Holstein
dairy cows. “Look for what?”

Tim pointed at a member of the herd standing closest to them. “There! See that cow raising her tail?” Everyone watched as the cow raised her tail and pooped out a stream of brown goop that piled up on the ground in the perfect shape of a steaming hot cow chip.

Roxy's eyes became as big as the cow chips. “You made me throw
cow poop
all day! Mom!” She ran around the barn and to the house as fast as she could.

Tommy laughed so hard he fell to his knees. “That was great!”

Harry was laughing hard, too, and had to grab a fence post to hold himself up. When he caught his breath, he asked his farm cousins, “Okay, now tell us how you
really
make them.”

“Well, the pile of poop sits in the sun a few days until it dries out. As long as nothing steps in it or Dad doesn't run over it with the tractor, it turns into a cow chip,” Tim said.

The two boys stopped laughing, looked at each other then glared at Tim. “You mean we really were throwing cow poop?”

“Well, duh,” Dana said.

“Yuck! I need to wash my hands!” both boys said at the same time. Dana and Tim stood motionless, staring as the boys quickly ran to the house.

“What's wrong?” Dana asked her brother.

“I don't know. Maybe they got a juicy one,” Tim said.

Tim and Dana headed in the direction of the house and when they turned the corner, they saw their company leaving, driving down the driveway. Their three cousins were in the back seat and they didn't even wave good-bye.

Tim and Dana's parents were waiting for them when they came through the back door.

“What did you do to them this time?” Mom asked.

“Nothing,” Tim said.

“They said you made them play with cow poop.”

“We had a cow-chip-tossing contest and I was winning,” Dana said. Dad burst out laughing.

“What's wrong?” Tim asked.

Mom shook her head then sighed. “Look, I know you were playing, but when your cousins come for a visit, you have to remember some kids don't fit in with the ‘cow-pie society.' ”

Dana gave her mother a blank stare.

“What's the ‘cow-pie society'?” Tim asked.

“The only society where tossing dried cow poop is considered good, clean fun,” Mom said.

Tim frowned as he tried to figure out what she meant, and then asked, “What do you call our cousins' society?”

“Don't worry about it. You'll find out soon enough,” Mom said.

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Chapter 3