THE CRITIC (14 page)

Chapter Twelve

Jared sat on his sofa munching on his burger and wondering how he’d managed to allow his feelings to get so out of control over a romance writer.

If he returned to L.A. now, he could safely put Toreas out of his mind. More importantly, she would not become a part of his heart.

He’d only goaded her into helping him with his excuse for a book just to irritate her further.  And his joining her romance chapter was something he’d thought up on the spur of the moment and gone with.

He didn’t really blame Toreas for being upset on hearing the edited tape of their conversation.  Still, he didn’t like the way she’d automatically assumed he’d betrayed her again and taped her.

When Jared thought about it, there was a long list of things he didn’t like about her, starting with the fact that she acted as though she were morally superior to him.

He glanced at her twenty-page list of questions that he’d brought home and tossed on the coffee table weeks ago. He didn’t know why he’d kept it.  The sight of the document irritated him.

She’d had the gall to ask him to sleep with her for research without any regard for his feelings. 
Oh that’s right, Jared.  None of the women think men have any feelings
.  He’d almost forgotten the women laughing at him last night.

He picked the questionnaire up and began looking it over. This was the most insulting thing of all, her assuming he was a depraved pig.

He noted the way she worded her questions. ‘How many hookers have you been with?’  Not, ‘Have you ever been with a hooker?’

Yes, Jared, old boy, she has a pretty low opinion of
you. So why do you want her?  He knew it was so much more than the kiss, but he didn’t know the word for it. Something about her very essence captured his imagination.

He took another bite of his burger.  If he didn’t stop thinking about Toreas and concentrate on finding another job he might actually have to eat dinner with her out of need.  He only had enough money in his bank account to tide him over for a few months.

The flashing red light on his answering machine drew Jared’s attention and he wondered why he hadn’t noticed it before.  He walked over and pushed the button, wondering if Toreas had left a message for him not to come.

Instead he heard Derrick’s voice. “Jared, if you’re over your little temper tantrum, call me. It’s time to come back to work.”

He closed his eyes and whispered, “Thank you.”  He wouldn’t have to leave Chicago.  He wouldn’t have to leave Toreas.  She wouldn’t have to feel sorry for him and cook him dinner.  But he wanted her to. 

The idea of having dinner with her every night was doing magical things to his libido. Jared dialed Derrick’s number.
I’ll
tell her
, he thought. 
Just not tonight.

Toreas took a quick inventory of her freezer and cabinet, remembering her bold statement.  Sure, she cooked enough for two people.  Herself.  She always made her dinners stretch for two nights and sometimes even a third.

She really couldn’t afford to feed Jared more than a few dinners.  Every penny was budgeted and the idea of going to her father for extra money didn’t appeal to her at all.

Still, she felt she owed Jared.  She didn’t want to smile but she did.  She felt like royalty, as though he had fought a duel over her honor.  Maybe she had misjudged him after all.

Of course she would be lying if she didn’t admit that the thought of kissing Jared again was in her mind.  His ability to still all the critics in her head telling her n
o
was nothing less than a miracle.

Toreas almost laughed that it had taken a critic to get rid of all her internal critics.

She’d spent practically her entire life trying to find a way to turn off those inner sensors.  Now she’d found it.   Jared.  There must be something magical about him.

She gave herself a mental pat on the back.  Her idea to use him for research was working.  She was indeed inspired.  Toreas smiled while removing her last two steaks from the freezer.

Her plan before inviting Jared had been to make a pot of spaghetti. That would usually last her for four days. But she didn’t want to give Jared spaghetti for his first dinner. His first dinner.  The thought made her tingle just thinking of it.

Promptly at six, her bell rang.  She had taken another shower and had changed into an old shift she’d stopped wearing because it fit her curves too closely. There was no denying she had it on because of Jared’s comments about her clothes. Toreas reached out her hand to open the door and noticed the slight shaking. 
Stop that,
she scolded herself. 
This is not a date.

Jared was loaded down with two bags filled with food. And that smile of his…

“Hello.” Jared grinned and walked into the apartment.

“Hi, why the food?”

He pushed the door closed with his foot.  “I’m not broke yet, so I wanted to pitch in and buy some groceries since you’re going to be doing the cooking.”

Toreas watched him as he made his way into her kitchen with ease.  He started putting things away as though he belonged there.  It felt right.

“You’ve bought enough food to last a month.  It won’t take you that long to find another job.”  She was smiling at him, hoping her words gave him some encouragement.

Jared didn’t turn from the freezer.  Now was the time to tell her he had his old job back.  But her comment only reiterated that she was going to allow him to come only as long as he was out of work.

He was trying desperately to convince himself that he was doing nothing wrong.  He would tell her eventually.  It wasn’t like he was going to eat her food under false pretenses.  He’d bought the food with the exception of whatever it was they were having tonight.

“Something smells good,” he said, changing the subject.

“Jared, it’s okay to be nervous about finding another job, but you’re good at what you do.  Someone will snap you up in no time.”

Okay
, he thought,
now she’s gone and done it
.  Now he was beginning to feel just a little guilty.

“Toreas, don’t worry about it.”  He desperately needed a new topic. “How do you make it?”  He spread his hand expansively.  “You don’t appear to be independently wealthy.”

“I’m not.”  She smiled at him.  “When I made this decision to write I worked like a maniac for six months, saving every dime to give myself two years to try.”

“You made enough money in six months to carry you for two years?”  Jared couldn’t help noticing the tiny spots of color that dotted her cheeks.

“No way.  I made a deal with my parents.  They’re helping me out.  If after two years I haven’t made a dent that counts, then I’m to give up…”  Toreas paused and looked at him.

“Those are their words, not mine.  If I don’t make it in two years, I’ll stop writing romance, reading romance, thinking about romance and dedicate my life to a more useful endeavor.”

“Wow.”  Jared looked at her, seeing a faint light in her eyes and hearing the despair in her voice.  “How much time do you have left?”

“Five months,” she answered. 

“What are you going to do if it doesn’t happen?”

“Like you, I’ll find a job.  Life goes on. Now, enough of this. Lets have dinner.”

For two weeks Jared showed up on Toreas’s doorstep promptly at six.  Each night he brought either dessert or wine.  He ignored her scolding him about spending his money when he didn’t have a job.  He still hadn’t told her.

He hated himself for accepting her pity and concern under false pretenses but he didn’t want it to end.  He hadn’t kissed her again but he was content just being around her.

They had developed an easy comfort with each other.  She’d slowly confided in him about the turmoil that raged inside of her. That told him he’d been right about her hiding her sensual nature. The fact that she’d played the part of her daddy’s good little girl all her life and had not really given in to her desires touched him. It was probably her feelings of guilt that had not allowed her to enjoy her first experiences. 

There had been no need for Toreas to fill him in on the strong religious influences.  It was there in everything she did and said.

It was obvious she didn’t agree with everything she’d been taught or she wouldn’t have become a romance writer.  It was also obvious to Jared that Toreas felt guilty for doing so.

That guilt, he believed, stopped her flow of passion on the written page and in every aspect of her life.

Jared found himself liking the woman.  He’d readily admit he wanted to be the one to help her release her passionate nature.  But beyond that, he liked her.

And the more he liked her, the more Jared was sure he was falling in love with her.  He didn’t want to.  Love with a woman like Toreas Rose meant marriage.  Right now the most he could give her was sex. Granted great sex, but no more than that.

There was one other thing he could give her and was giving her. Friendship. He could see a slight change in her writing. She wasn’t exactly writing erotically, but then again, she was adding a little spice.

He was pulling for her to make her dreams happen. Maybe then when she found out the truth she’d forgive him.

He’d gone back to work for good reasons, first because he needed a paycheck, and second, because Derrick believed he needed him to help make his own dream come true.

But the most important reason he’d taken his old job back was that he didn’t want to leave Toreas, not yet. Of course he hadn’t told her, not with words anyway.

But then again she was still pretending to herself and to him that she wasn’t attracted to him.  He was afraid that if he told her how he really felt she would turn tail and run, her puritanical upbringing getting the better of her.

He knew part of the reason she’d been able to let go of the guilt about the two of them spending so much time alone together in her apartment was that she’d managed to convince herself that there was nothing going on between them.

That was the biggest lie either of them had ever told.  The air sizzled between them.  Since his days were spent at the station, Jared had little chance to write until he spent time after dinner with Toreas. Then he’d rack his brain for something to write, anything to make Toreas smile.

He regretted the lies between them. His plan to have her trust him was quickly giving way to an abundance of lies.  He’d told her he couldn’t work on his book with her during the day because he was job hunting.  He still found time to eat dinner with her each night.

He felt guilty about the lies, not about the writing.  His writing was for one purpose and one purpose only.  He was writing only love scenes now, trying to tempt Toreas into another kiss.

He was amused when one of the members of the group would call and she would shush him, not wanting them to know he was at her house.

It delighted him that a romance writer couldn’t see what was happening in front of her nose.  She never mentioned the fact that at the meetings everyone saved the spot next to her for him.

Even at the restaurant afterwards, the women would look at Toreas and ask where she was sitting, then move down one seat from her, making sure Jared was positioned on her left.

And for once Jared was not betraying Toreas by talking. He didn’t mention the private time they spent together, but knew every member understood there was more happening than the two of them writing together.

The only time they weren’t together during the meetings was on critique night. Jared had started taking whichever group he was assigned to.  He found himself enjoying the women.  He loved being able to get a rise out of them with his off-the-wall comments.  He also enjoyed it when he could get them to make changes, which happened quite frequently.

Jared had been back on the job a little over a month. After dinner tonight he’d thought it made sense since he and Toreas were already together and going to the same place to go together, but she’d insisted they go alone.  He’d finally made up his mind.  This would be the night he told her the truth. And hopefully he could convince her that he was no longer attacking the writers.

That in itself would be hard to do since he still was, only now it was only taking up a smaller segment of his show. Derrick was insisting that he bring it back as his lead in. So far, Jared had managed to avoid making the writers the main focus of attack. Since the ratings were still high, Derrick had merely grumbled and accepted it passively.

Jared was sitting in his small group reading the women’s chapters when something they said caught his attention.

“I’m thinking of entering The Purple Plum,” Liz announced.

Jared could feel himself frowning.  The women were encouraging Liz as though what she said was of tremendous importance.

“What’s The Purple Plum?” he asked.

For a moment they looked at him and he felt like an outsider again.  Then they smiled and Liz answered.

“The Purple Plum is like the academy awards for romance writers who haven’t been published.”

He glanced over toward Toreas’s group. “Can anyone enter?”