The Cruel Twists of Love (21 page)

“Sorry Alan, I need more than a couple of days a week with you”

“I know, but I love you Helen and you breaking my heart again when I just gotten over you. Please say you will stay with me like before, I need time to let you go again”

“I don’t know if I’m strong enough Alan” she says weakly why did she, ever doubt she didn’t love him, she crazy for him but she also loves Phil.

“
Your place?”

“
No my parents would not understand”

“
Our place then, I can’t lose you again tonight Helen I need to hold you, please” Helen nods she dreaded going home because she knew Phil would be waiting, a sick dread in her stomach warning her it was not over with him yet and she wanted some strength to fight his charms.

           Helen gets out of his car and he leads the way into his old flat. It’s empty apart from the settee that been made up into the bed. This is all it used for now, sex. She made a mistake coming here her memories of love are going to be tarnished with his sex with other women.

“I still got your blouse here Helen, have a bath and I bring it in” Helen hesitate she doesn’t want Alan to see her naked because she is no longer his

“I knock and leave it by the door, it o.k. Helen I only need to hold you”
and tucking a stay hair behind her ear like he used to and bringing tears to Helen eyes

“
Oh Helen I know I feel the same, shush baby don’t cry” he soothes her but making Helen cry more

“I need a bath” and pull
s away from Alan when he goes to kiss her. She not a cheat she scolds herself and locking the bathroom door behind her. This is a big mistake she thinks mortified that she wanted Alan to kiss her.

            Helen hears a small knock on the door and watches the handle turn, she glad she locked it.

“
Your clothes are by the door Helen, I will wait in the kitchen for you” grabbing a musty smelling towel she dries herself and opens the door. She grabs the clothes from the floor, her blouse and bra from the last time she was here and a pair of sweat pants he used to wear to bed when he did wear anything to bed she thinks fondly. She needs to go home she thinks as she dresses. Rolling up the bottoms and tightening the string so they don’t fall down and going into the kitchen.

“
You not staying are you?” Helen fights her tears and she shakes her head. She can’t stay it was wrong to love a married man, he not yours and he never will be she warns herself. Alan wipes away Helen tears

“
Do you remember how you cried the first time we made love?”

“It was our second time”

“No Helen the first didn’t count as that was sex, your hair it a different colour Helen” and he strokes Helen hair softly. Helen had almost forgotten her hair being bleached because it was only a slight change from her own colour with the dye Julie put on it.

“
You should see my bald spot” it was the only thing Helen could think of to stop Alan kissing her, but it didn’t work and he bends and kisses Helen on the lips holding her face and he pushes her into the wall. Helen thinks of Phil and guilty pushes Alan away.

“
No Alan, I’m sorry we can’t”

“
Just tonight Helen, please”

“I
will never be able to leave you if I stay, please Alan you need to help me” Helen wipes Alan’s tears softly and her strength crumbles and wraps her arms around him and cries on his chest, Alan holds her to him.

“It alright Helen, I take you home”
And kissing the top of Helen hair when he holds her.

            Helen makes Alan drop her on the corner of her street. She can’t look at Alan as she leaves him again. But he tilts her head up and forces her to look at him. His eyes are red and he strokes her face gently.

“I will always love you Helen, don’t ever forget that” Helen is unable to
speak her love as she cries

“I know baby
but you need to get out of the car Helen I can’t help you anymore.” Helen tearfully gets out of the car and she can see Alan crying this is the hardest thing Helen has ever done, as she wills herself to walk away.

             Helen arms are wrapped around herself
when she walks home. When she hears the car start up behind her she nearly turns to watch Alan leave and maybe to stop him leaving her again. But she keeps walking and her house comes into view. Helen can see Phil’s car in the drive. She not surprise to see Phil’s car she knew he be here that why she made Alan drop her on the corner. She walks past his car and into her house leaving the door open.

“Helen I’m sorry I turned
the car around but you were already gone when I got there” Helen puts her dress into the washing machine and switches it on. 

“Helen talk to me, how do you think it made me feel some guy with his hands all over you, I had no idea he was gay I lost it Helen” Helen wasn’t mad at him for that but leaving her was unforgivable

“I turned the car around Helen. I’m sorry I treated you like that. Don’t throw what we got away over some misunderstanding”

“
How could you leave me like that, I was so scared”

“
Don’t you dare play the victim Helen you got home all right, so who you got wrapped around your little finger that would come out in the dead of night or was it some random stranger you fucked for a change of clothes” truth or lie Helen she asks herself

“I phoned Alan”

“He must really love you Helen, do you love him?” Helen can see the pain in Phillip’s eyes when he waits for an answer

“He was the first man I ever made love too, so a part of me will always love him Phil”

“So I am a rebound?” Phil slamming his hand on a cupboard above her head and blocking Helen’s exit 

“
No Phil you not, I do love you but there a side of you I don’t trust” like now Helen cries in her head

“
How would you feel, if you had seen me dancing with a woman like that?” Helen closes her eyes to picture Phil dancing with Carol like she did with Max

“I think I would have hurt you” she knows she would have hurt him she thinks to herself

“Like I did, I was so jealous Helen I was blinded with rage and wanted to hurt you and then you go off with your ex, did you sleep with him?” and slamming his fist the other side of Helen’s head. Helen is trapped between his hands when he stares at her with his eyes blazing with rage

“I didn’t know who else to phone I was so cold”

“Did you sleep with him?” Phil’s face is distorted with rage 

“
No” she says shakily

“
Then why have you got his clothes on?” He says strangely quietly to her

“I wet myself when you left me” Helen looks down felling embarrassed to admit she behaved like a child

“Oh Helen I’m so sorry, but you keep making me feel like a rebound” stroking her cheek gently

“
You not Phil, how can I prove to you that you not”

“
Marry me Helen then I will know” she looks at Phil bewildered he can’t be serious

“It too soon Phil I do love you but not yet”

“I will never need proof again, marry me Helen” Phil getting on to one knee

“
Marry me Helen then I know” she confused she doesn’t want to lose Phil but her feelings for Alan are still raw inside

“I already said yes Phil” playing for time she did love Phil but not enough to marry him. Helen couldn’t understand how she could love them both but the pain in her heart telling Helen she was in love with them both.

“But I tricked you to say yes, marry me as soon as possible Helen then I will know you love me”

“Helen I’m glad he picked you up. I was so frantic with worry when I couldn’t find you, so please Helen
will you do me the greatest honour of being my wife?”

“
Yes” she has no idea why she said yes but she couldn’t lose him and she knew she would if she said no, they could have a long engagement she hoped.

“Helen thank you” standing and kissing Helen and pushes her onto the kitchen counter top

“If we are going to work Helen then you got to start doing the things I like, I will stop if you don’t like it but you got to try to please me” the scary Phil’s back she thinks horrified 

“
Like what?” Does she want to know she screams in her head?

“
You liked the bottle? Sometimes things are good to try Helen, shush now.” Phil rips Helen blouse open

“I like to do it rough Helen, not like before but we got to meet in the
middle” Helen resists Phil and he pulls her hands behind her back 

“
Just say stop Helen, I’m not going to hurt you”

“
My parents will be back soon” 

“
That half the fun Helen as much as I love you Helen, you going to have to meet me half way on this” and pulling her sweat pants down roughly

“I don’t want to, I’m still upset Phil
, no don’t” and Phil pulls them off over her shoes so she naked from the waist down

“
Shush now, we got to kiss and make up Helen” and parting her legs and forcing his fingers into her

“
Nice and dry Helen so you were telling the truth” Helen tries to push Phil away but he is too strong

“
Shush now, I was only checking you been faithful but we need to kiss and make up so you going to be a good girl and stop fighting me”

“
Not here Phil, my parents” Helen doesn’t feel ready to have sex with him yet and she struggles

“It
is because of him isn’t it?” and pulling Helen hair back and banging her head hard against the cupboard. Helen head feels like it spinning

“
Ow Phil that hurt, no I’m just upset I need a little time to calm down that’s all” she feels dizzy and Phil starts to undo the buttons on his jeans

“
Make up time Helen it the best part of a fight” he still pulling hard on her hair when he pushes himself into Helen

“
Shush Helen, you like that?” he whispers. Helen is dry inside this doesn’t feel right she screams in her head when he thrust himself into her again and she tries to push Phil away but he grabs Helen wrists when she struggles.

“I need to know we alright Helen, stop fighting me” grabbing Helen chin and forcing Helen to look at him

“Make your mind up Helen, do we go our separate ways or do you let me fuck you” Helen stops fighting

“
There a good girl” Phil pulls out of Helen and she can’t look at him when he starts searching in the cupboards

“
This will have to do, give me both of your feet” Helen can’t see what he holding but she lifts her legs up

“It’s only cling film Helen, shush now” Phil starts to wrap it around Helen ankles testing the strength then lifting Helen legs up, so she has to lie flat on her back on the counter. Phil lifts them higher and
using a cable tie attaching Helen ankles to the handle of the cupboard above her. Helen heart is racing with excitement and Phil walks away. She can hear him opening and closing the cupboard and drawers and she waits with her legs suspended above her.

“
Do you want to see what I’m doing?” Helen mouth has gone dry so she nods. Helen hears the front door open and her parents talking.

“
Do you want a cup of tea Tammy?”

“
Oh shit Phil untie me quick” she whispers but Phil just smiles and wraps Helen wrists together and walks out of sight when Helen is left tethered

“Hi John, Helen been sick in the kitchen she alright but not dressed I
will bring you a cup in if you like?” Helen struggles with her bonds but the cupboard rattles so she stops. Her heart beating fast with the adrenalin she feels

“I
will have a look at the mess she made.” Mum and her mess Helen thinks frustrated

“
No worries Mrs. Evans it was over her dress so I put it in the wash but I going to make her a drink before I go home”

“Oh o.k. if you sure there no mess, we will not bother with the tea, so will we see you at Christmas?”

“Try to keep me away and thanks for having me Mrs. Evans”

“It’s no trouble is it John?”

“Hum, no trouble I just go and check on Helen” Helen is frozen with fear, how will she ever look at her dad again if he sees her like this

“
Dad, don’t come in I got no clothes on” she pleads

“It’s not the first time I seen you naked Helen, I did change your nappies”

“But dad I’m twenty now”

“John leave the girl alone, you know why she doesn’t want you in there” thank god her mother twigged she was having sex

“Um, Helen if you sure you o.k.?”

“
Yes dad I’m fine, a little embarrassed that I was sick that all…”