The Darwin Awards 4: Intelligent Design (28 page)

Stephen Darksyde is a freelance science writer with a strong background in math and physics. He has a longstanding interest in conveying the wonder and importance of science to the layperson. Stephen writes regularly for the
Daily Kos
, one of the most visited blogs in the world. He lives near Kennedy Space Center in Florida in “Darksyde Manor” with Mrs. DS, a cat named Nikki, and a dog named Darwin.

Stephen contributed four essays:

“AIDS, Bubonic Plague, and Human Evolution,” page 26

“Aquatic Apes Are People, Too!,” page 66

“Endogenous Retroviruses and Evolution,” page 150

“The End of the Universe,” page 283.

Peter McDonnell is a freelance illustrator who has been creating pop art, comic book, and cartoon illustrations for a long list of national clients for over twenty years. After living and working in the beautiful-but-foggy city of San Francisco since 1981, he and his wife Shannon packed up their baby boy, Jacob, and their respective studios, and moved to the sunny town of Petaluma, forty miles north of the Golden Gate Bridge. Explore Peter’s work at www.mcdonnellillustration.com.

James G. Petropoulos was born and raised in Queens, New York City. He attended Fordham Preparatory School in the Bronx and Northwestern University in Evanston, Illinois (BA, Naval Commission). James works as an animator and director in traditional drawn media and CGI. He served as a Naval Reserve officer for eleven years and is now a bandsman with the 199th Army Band, NY Army National Guard. He is a professional bandleader and jazz percussionist, as well as a Sunday School teacher, Freemason, and Darwin Awards moderator.

James contributed the essay,

“Brother, Can You Spare a Banana?” on page 118.

Scientist Tom Schneider studies the mathematics of biology. “Living things are too beautiful for there not to be a mathematics that describes them.” He spends his free time on the contra dance floor, and cohabits with a cactus named Hairy who has not yet participated in pasta experiments.

Tom contributed the parody scientific research paper,

“Origin of the Novel Species
Noodleous doubleous
,” page 17.

Norm Sleep teaches geophysics at Stanford University. His interests include conditions on the Earth and the habitability of other planets. He was born in Kalamazoo, Michigan, and grew up in the paper mill town of Parchment. He graduated from Michigan State University and arrived at MIT during the plate tectonic scientific revolution. His thesis was on subducting slabs. He taught at Northwestern University before moving to Stanford. His interest in habitability stems from his work on hydrothermal circulation at midoceanic ridges and his work on the feeble tectonic activity on Mars.

Norm contributed the essay,

“Chicken Little Was Right,” on page 182.

Maia Smith will not be returning to school this fall. Instead, she plans to travel full-time, returning to Martha’s Vineyard each summer to work, hang out with friends, and decompress. Her list of possible careers includes any combination of midwife, bush pilot, artist, commercial diver, overseas English teacher, ethicist, and satirist; for now, “professional vagrant” seems apt. Her most recent travels are chronicled on her website, www.maiasadventures.com.

Maia contributed the essay,

“Forensic Analysis: Achieving Justice,” on page 226.

Australia

Austria

Bahamas

Belgium

Brazil

Cambodia

Canada

Croatia

Denmark

East Timor

France

Germany

Hong Kong

India

Indonesia

Italy

Malaysia

Mexico

New Zealand

Norway

Romania

Russia

Serbia

Singapore

South Africa

Spain

Switzerland

St. Maurice im Wallis

Taiwan

Thailand

The Netherlands

UK

Ukraine

USA

Vietnam

Zambia

Zimbabwe

4-1-0 Club (Darwin Award)

A Closer Look at Victoria Falls (Darwin Award)

A Fast Escape (Honorable Mention)

A Honey of a Buzz (Darwin Award)

A Medical First at Oktoberfest (Honorable Mention)

AIDS, Bubonic Plague, and Human Evolution (Science Essay)

Aim to Win (Darwin Award)

Air Freshener (Personal Account)

airplane

alcohol

alcohol dehydrogenase enzyme

All Wound Up (Darwin Award)

Amateur Bomb Inspector (Darwin Award)

amateur

Annaliese Beery, Science Writer

anvil

Aquatic Apes are People, Too! (Science Essay)

Asphalt Tattoo (Darwin Award)

auger

Auto Blotto (Darwin Award)

axe

Baked Bullet Surprise (Honorable Mention)

balcony

Bannister to Heaven (Darwin Award)

barrel, oak

battery, car

bayonet attack

bear cub, abducted

bees

bicycle.
See
vehicle.

bike, mountain

bird hunting

birthday

bison

BlackCats in the Pants (Personal Account)

Blast from the Past (Personal Account)

boat.
See
vehicle.

Bottom of the Barrel (Darwin Award)

bowel obstruction

Brake Care (Personal Account)

brake fluid, substitute

breathalyzer

bridge

briefcase, armed

Brother, Can You Spare a Banana? (Science Essay)

Bufo Marinus (Personal Account)

bugs, fumigation

bullet

Bullet-Brain (Personal Account)

bungee cord

buoyancy, of vehicle

butchers, angry

camera

camping

canoe

Captain Magneto (Personal Account)

car jack

Catapult to Glory (Darwin Award)

Catching the Boat (Honorable Mention)

Caught in the Auger (Darwin Award)

cell phone

Chicken Little Was Right (Science Essay)

Chicken to Go (Darwin Award)

Chimney-Cleaning Grenade (Darwin Award)

chocolate

cigarette

Clean Brake (Honorable Mention)

Cleaning Solution (Personal Account)

Cold Call (Darwin Award)

Coleman stove

college.
See
university.

competition

competitive, inhibitor

condom, to defeat breathalyzer

Cooking with Gas (Honorable Mention)

crops, protection with landmine

Crotch Rocket (Honorable Mention)

curiosity

Damned if You Do…(Darwin Award)

daredevil

Daring Feet (Darwin Award)

Death Valley Daze (Darwin Award)

death

Do What I Say, Not What I Do (Personal Account)

Dodging the Draft Horse (Personal Account)

Do-It-Yourself Bass Boat (Personal Account)

Do-It-Yourself Landmine (Darwin Award)

Dope on a Rope (Darwin Award)

drunk driving, snowmobile

duct tape

dump, trash

Dying for a Ciggie (Darwin Award)

Eel Enema (Honorable Mention)

Eiffel Tower

electrical outage

electricians, on truck

electricity

Elephant Tail (Darwin Award)

elephant trail

elephant, teasing

Endogenous Retroviruses and Evolution (Science Essay)

engine, cold

Evel Knievel, Montana daredevil

Exploding Boat (Honorable Mention)

Exploding Ex-tortionist (Darwin Award)

Exploding Outhouse (Honorable Mention)

explosion

explosives, tossed from car

eyebrows, missing

eyeglasses, loss of

Failed Frame-Up (Darwin Award)

fall

Federal Railroad Administration

feet, use in steering

fire

fire, explosion

Firewalls (Honorable Mention)

fireworks

fireworks, firecrackers

fishing

Flaming Bungee Jump (Honorable Mention)

Flying Dutchman (Darwin Award)

Forensic Analysis: Achieving Justice (Science Essay)

Freeway Dangler (Darwin Award)

fumigation, with natural gas

Gas Spill (Personal Account)

gasoline

girlfriend

glass, broken

Go With the Floe (Honorable Mention)

graffiti

grenade

gun

Gun-Safety Nonsense (Personal Account)

gunshot victim, self-inflicted

gymnastics

Hammer Head (Honorable Mention)

Happy Camper (Honorable Mention)

Hazard Befell Him (Darwin Award)

Heck on Wheels (Darwin Award)

History of the Darwin Awards (Introduction)

homemade car

homemade parachute

Homemade Wine (Darwin Award)

horse, kick

Hot Hot Chocolate (Personal Account)

Hot Pants (Honorable Mention)

Human Paper Towel (Personal Account)

Human Torch (Darwin Award)

hunting

hurricane

Hurricane Blumpkin (Darwin Award)

Hurricane Bob

Hurricane Isabel

Hurricane News Junkie (Darwin Award)

Icarus (Personal Account)

ice maker

ice scraper, as throttle control

ice

Jack Up (Darwin Award)

James G. Petropoulos, Science Writer

jet ski

Juice Me Up! (Personal Account)

jump

keys

Killer Shades (Darwin Award)

Kills Bugs Dead (Honorable Mention)

knife