The Darwin Awards 4: Intelligent Design (30 page)

BOOK: The Darwin Awards 4: Intelligent Design
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“They walked past signs warning of the danger,”

“This was an extremely unusual occurrence,”

“Too much alcohol…”

“Turns out Nguyen was wrong!”

“Twice he asked his relative to cease and desist,”

“Watch, I’ll prove it,”

“‘We do caution people against these acts,’ said police,”

“We never thought of that!”

“What could happen? What indeed…”

“Who’s going to contact the Darwin Awards, then?”

“Why take the time to put the car up on blocks?”

“Wielding his bayonet, he leaped toward one of his men,”

“Within seconds, the natural justice system meeted out his punishment,”

“Yes, he admitted, there was an eel inside him,”

“You want to get up, or you’ll be run over,”

“You’ll never take me alive, copper!”

*Homage to Christine Lavin’s song, “Don’t Ever Call Your Sweetheart by His Name”
 
 
1
WADES WITH SHARKS
 
 
2
ICARUS
 
 
3
DARING FEET
 
 
4
CHICKEN TO GO
 
 
5
KILLS BUGS DEAD
 
 
6
CHIMNEY-CLEANING GRENADE
 
 
7
WELDING WARNING
 
 
8
CLEAN BRAKE
 
 
9
DYING FOR A CIGGIE
 
 
10
GUN-SAFETY NONSENSE
 
 
11
HAPPY CAMPER
 
 
1
BAKED BULLET SURPRISE
 
 
2
ROCKETING TO GLORY
 
 
3
TESTOSTERONE, CHICKENS, AND GUNS
 
 
4
HUMAN PAPER TOWEL
 
 
5
JUICE ME UP!
 
 
6
TREE VS. MAN
 
 
7
WILD WHEELCHAIR RIDE
 
 
8
A MEDICAL FIRST AT OKTOBERFEST
 
 
9
WHAT I CAN STILL DO
 
 
10
FREEWAY DANGLER, page 157
 
 
*Intelligent Design is Involved in the Origin of The Species (IDIOTS).
 
 
*Maui Jim sunglasses retail for as much as $200.
 
 
*
Which is why the instructions warn NEVER to place the lamp directly on a heat source, such as a stove.
 
 
*http://www.visualexpert.com/Resources/mistakenid.html
 
 

Huff, C. Ronald. 2003. “Wrongful Conviction: Causes and Public Policy Issues.”
Criminal Justice
Spring 2003, 18 (1).
 
 
*http://www.psy.mq.edu.au/staff/kip/PL7.htm has most of the eyewitness-inaccuracy info, plus more references.
 
 

Sagan, Carl.
The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark.
Ballantine Books, 1997.
 
 
*“Recovered Memories: Recent Events and Review of Evidence.” Interview with Harrison G. Pope Jr., M.D.
Currents in Affective Illness,
XIII (7), July 1994, 5–12.
 
 

DNA analysis is commonly claimed to be 99.99% accurate. http://www.dost.gov.ph/media/article.php?sid=488
 
 

DNA analysis is commonly claimed to be 99.99% accurate. http://www.dost.gov.ph/media/article.php?sid=488
 
 
*
USA Today,
posted June 3, 2004, by Richard Willing, describes a few problems with identical twins. http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2004-06-03-twinsdna_x.htm
 
 
*http://www.psy.mq.edu.au/staff/kip/PL7.htm has most of the eyewitness-inaccuracy info, plus more references.
 
 
*www.DarwinAwards.com/book/liposuction.html
 
 

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