The Date (Single Wide Female in Love #1) (6 page)

I glanced up toward the door. A few people walked in. None of them seemed to fit my idea of Blue.
 

It was still early. I looked back at the menu. As I immersed myself in the various options available, I thought about all of the dinners I’d shared with Max. My comfort level with Max was so good that I didn’t even think about what I ate in front of him. He never noticed or pointed out that I could have made a better choice. Our friendship was not like that. Max accepted me for who I was. How could I not fall in love with that?

Then Blue showed the same desire to love me just the way I was. I was lucky. I’d be even luckier if he would actually show up for our date.

I counted the tiles on the ceiling. I noticed some watermarks. I tapped my foot beneath the table. I tried to focus on my breathing.
 

I’ll be there. I won’t disappoint you again.
 

I chanted the words over and over in my mind. Stay calm, Sammy, he would have to be a terrible person not to show. Just relax. I took a deep breath and looked back at the menu. When I noticed that I had reread the same description for the third time, I put the menu down. My entire body was tense. I tried a meditation technique to ease the strain on my muscles.
 

Three, two, one, relax.
 

Three, two, one, breathe.
 

Three, two, one, where the heck was he?
 

I fiddled with the napkin on the table. It was a paper napkin made to look like a cloth napkin. I thought it was pretty interesting. It was stronger than most paper napkins. I was curious about how it was made stronger. Okay, maybe I was trying to distract myself from the fact that Blue still hadn’t arrived.

There were bubbles of anxiety rolling around inside of me. I knew if I let one pop I was going to start freaking out. I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to remain calm and not panic. I wanted to be the Samantha I’d been trying to become over the past few months.

Then it happened. The waitress began walking toward me. I did my best not to look at her. I hoped she would take the hint and not approach me.
 

“Ma’am, are you sure I can’t get you anything while you wait?” The waitress smiled.
 

“No, thank you.” I tried not to bite her head off. I really didn’t want it pointed out to me that I had been sitting there long enough to draw the attention and sympathy of my waitress.

Blue was ten minutes late. Ten minutes could be traffic. It could be a wardrobe malfunction. It could be just about anything. I took a breath and focused on remaining in balance. He promised to come. He would be there. He would never hurt me like that. Even if he were a secret spy on a mission to save the world, he would make sure that he was there. He promised.
 

I did my best not to look at the door. I didn’t want to look anxious and desperate when he saw me for the first time. The bubbles of anxiety had turned into an ache of dread. No matter how I tried to deny it, it was happening again.

Just when tears began to well in my eyes, a man walked toward me. He was older than I expected, but his features were ruggedly handsome. As he continued toward me I felt my excitement level increase. This was it. This was the moment when I would meet the man who had helped me through some of my toughest moments. He paused beside my table and looked into my eyes.
 

“I’m so glad you’re here!” I knew it wasn’t the most romantic thing to say, but it was all I could think of.

He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, this is a little awkward. It’s just that my wife and I have been waiting for a table for a long time. It’s our anniversary and we had our first date here. We’d really like to eat here, but we only have the babysitter for so long and there are no tables available. I saw that you’ve been sitting here alone for some time, and I figured you’re getting ready to leave. So I wondered if maybe we could have your table?”
 

If he hadn’t been so kind about it I probably would have doused him with my glass of water. I was feeling so many things at once—hot with embarrassment, tight with fury, and absolutely disappointed. Yet somehow through all of that I could recognize the sweetness of the man’s request. He and his wife had the type of love that I longed for. It wasn’t his fault that he’d found it and I hadn’t.
 

“Sure. You can have it. I was just leaving.”
 

I picked up my phone and my purse.

The waitress noticed me stand up. She nodded to me with sympathy as I walked away from the table. There was no bill to settle because I hadn’t ordered anything. There was only the long walk of shame to the door of the restaurant. With each step my stomach twisted to the point that I thought I might get sick. I squeezed my eyes shut tight in an attempt not to cry.
 

As soon as I was outside I texted Max.
 

I need you.

It was a pathetic message, but it was the truth.

My entire body quivered in anticipation of falling apart. I tried to focus on getting to my car, but I couldn’t think of driving. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to break something. Most of all I just wanted to cry.
 

“Why promise me that you will be here and then not show up?” I summoned my strength and did my best not to notice the people who were staring at me. I couldn’t blame them, since I was pacing back and forth along a busy sidewalk talking to myself.

With forced steps I headed in the direction of my car. At least there I could hide away.

Once inside, I rolled down the windows. I still wasn’t ready to drive. I hadn’t heard back from Max. I imagined that he was occupied with some beautiful woman. Really, it wasn’t fair of me to always demand his attention.

Chapter 14

I tried to call Max. I knew it wasn’t right, but I was scared of going home and bingeing. I needed to be around someone who actually thought I was worth showing up for. Of course he didn’t answer. His phone rang and rang. I heard the ring tone right outside the car. When I turned to look, Max was standing beside the open window with a bouquet of flowers.
 

“I’m sorry. I got your text and I wanted to bring you something special.” He gazed into my eyes with such warmth that the tears began to flow.

Max opened the door and opened his arms to me. I leaned out of the driver’s seat to hug him. He held me so close that I thought for sure he would be exhausted by my weight and my sobs. Instead he continued to hold me. “I’m so sorry, Sammy, I’m so sorry.” He kissed the top of my head. “You can’t let this get to you. You’re an amazing woman. You deserve so much, and this is not it.” His voice shuddered.
 

I pulled back enough to look at him. The tears in his eyes shocked me. Did he really care so deeply for me that he couldn’t stop his own tears?
 

“I’m sorry, Max, I’m a mess.”

He offered me a tissue. “You’re not a mess. This is a mess.” He sighed.
 

I wiped at my eyes with the tissue and tried to calm down. “I just really thought he’d be here.” My voice cracked as more tears threatened.
 

“He should have been.”
 

“But he wasn’t.”
 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He hugged me again.
 

“Do you think you could drive me home?” I sniffled. “I just don’t want to drive like this.”
 

“No.” Max shook his head.

I was hit in the gut again. Was Max rejecting me too?

“I’m not going to let you go home and hide away. You look gorgeous.” He swept his gaze over the outfit I’d chosen. “You planned for a night out and you’re going to have one.”
 

“Oh, Max, no.” I frowned. “I’m really not up for it.”
 

“I’m really not giving you a choice.” He held his hand out to me.

When I looked from the flawless skin of his palm to the heat in his eyes my emotions collided once more. There he was, the perfect man. The man I had been in love with for years. He was always there for me, no matter what. He supported me and comforted me. He was right there in front of me, making me love him even more. But I could never have him. Max was just too beautiful, just too perfect, to ever be with someone like me. I lowered my eyes and shook my head.
 

“I don’t want to, Max. I think I should just go home.”
 

“Nope, not having it.” He grabbed my hand and tugged me out of the car. “We’re going to go for a walk.”
 

My body crackled with electricity in reaction to his touch.
 

“Like this?” I shook my head. “I look ridiculous.”
 

“You look beautiful.” He tugged again.

I stood up. There was no point in arguing. I wouldn’t trade anything for time with Max. I took a deep breath of the air around us.
 

“I just don’t think it’s ever going to happen, Max. I don’t think the universe is going to align to deliver me the man of my dreams.”

“Do they come in the mail now?” He tilted his head to the side. “I didn’t realize.”
 

“Ha ha—you’re not going to cheer me up.”
 

 
“Oh, I don’t intend to.”
 

We started walking toward a path that led into a small garden.
 

 
“Good. Because I have a right to be grumpy and I’m going to be.”
 

“I wouldn’t expect anything else.” He winked at me.
 

I scowled at him. “How can you take this so lightly? He broke my heart!”
 

“Really?” Max gave my hand a little squeeze. “Because I think your heart is much stronger than that.”
 

“Nope, don’t think so.”
 

“Hm.” He glanced up at the tree we were walking past. “Look at that.” He pointed at a bird’s nest on one of the limbs. It had tiny little babies in it.

“Aw! Look how cute they are!” I cooed and gazed up at them.
 

“See, I told you. I don’t have to cheer you up. You find a reason to be happy pretty easily.”

“Oh, that’s your plan, huh?”
 

“I mean it. You’re much stronger than you give yourself credit for Sam. I’m sorry this happened—you have no idea how sorry I am. But don’t tell me that your heart is broken, because your heart is the strongest I’ve ever known.”
 

“You don’t have to say things like that.” I paused and turned to look right at him. “I’m sorry I’m always drawing you into my drama.”
 

“You’re not. I’m here because there’s nowhere else I want to be.”
 

I smiled. “I just wish that Blue felt that way.”
 

“I’m sure he does.”
 

“Right, because he’s here.”
 

“Some things are hard to understand.”
 

I looked at him with disbelief. “Why are you defending him?”
 

“I’m not.” He released my hand. I felt the absence of his touch as if it was oxygen leaving my lungs. “I’m sorry. You’re right.”
 

“Max, why are you so good to me?” I searched his eyes.
 

“Because I love you, Sammy.” He smiled at me.
 

“I love you too, Max.” I opened my arms for a hug. When he wrapped me up, I felt content. Even though I wanted so much to fall in love, I was grateful to have such an amazing friendship with Max.

Chapter 15

Max pulled away and I caught sight of his eyes. It was accidental, but I saw it. I saw the passion there. I stared at him as he turned away from me.
 

“Max?”
 

“Hm?”
 

“Are you seeing anyone right now?”

“Why?” He smiled a little.
 

“I just feel like we’re always talking about me and my dating life. I haven’t heard much about yours.”
 

“Oh you know, dates here and there.” He shrugged.
 

“No one you’re interested in?”
 

He licked his lips and glanced at me. Then he looked away again. “Not really.”

“Why do you think that is? I mean there can’t be something wrong with all of these women.”
 

Max shifted from one foot to the other. “What’s with the interrogation?”
 

“Forgive me for being curious.” I smiled sweetly at him.
 

“Curiosity can lead to some dangerous things.” He turned back to face me. I thought he would have a big smile on his face. Instead he looked a little nervous. “Are you willing to take that risk?” He met my eyes with such a serious expression that I couldn’t resist giggling.
 

“You’re too much, Max.”
 

He pursed his lips and shoved his hands into his pockets. “You didn’t answer the question.”
 

“There’s nothing dangerous about you.”
 

He abruptly wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me so close that the breath left my body. It was such a sudden shift in position that I couldn’t process it. Max’s body was pressed against mine from hip to chest and I thought for sure that he had to feel my heart, as hard as it was pounding. He met my eyes with a wicked smirk on his lips.
 

“Are you sure about that?”
 

All of the desire that I so carefully locked away to maintain our friendship came spilling out into every nerve of my body. I was bathed in my need for him. With his lips so close to mine the temptation to throw caution to the wind and just kiss him was so intense that I shivered. His eyes widened in reaction to me wriggling in his grasp. The smirk faded into a satisfied smile.

“See?” He winked at me.
 

“Max.”
 

“Sammy.” He leaned a little closer to me.

Good lord, was he trying to kill me? I flushed and tried to even out my breathing. I didn’t want to make a fool of myself. I started to lift my chin to get the perfect angle for a kiss. Then I looked into his eyes. Max’s eyes. Not Blue’s. Not some random guy I was on a date with. The eyes that belonged to my best friend who had dropped everything to come to my aid. A man who had made it clear to me in the past that he was not interested in me in that particular way. Was it fair for me to try to steal a kiss when it wasn’t mine to take? Those soft lips belonged to another woman, one he hadn’t met yet, one who would spend the rest of her life kissing them.