The Day the Ear Fell Off (14 page)

‘All right.’

Now that Fifty and I are allowed to walk on our own, we all go to each other’s houses a lot more, although Fifty’s is still low on the list because of his mum and no one’s been
to Jonno’s yet.

Fifty started talking about the summer fair which was good because at least we agree about that. We’re having our own stall – only Year 6s are allowed to. Top ideas are a chocolate
fountain or water bombs.

We went in the back door that goes straight into the kitchen. The radio was on and Fifty’s mum was sitting on a stool eating chocolate.

‘Hello there.’

She stood up and gave Fifty a massive kiss and cuddle. It’s gross. Thank heavens my mum doesn’t do that.

‘Hi Mum. Can Keener stay for tea?’

‘Of course. It’s puréed moles.’ At least, that’s what it sounded like.

‘Thank you, but Mum’s expecting me home for tea,’ I said and followed Fifty up the stairs.

‘Keener, it’s time you stopped being frightened of food,’ said Fifty.

I stuck my tongue out.

We played with his remote-control UFO, trying to navigate it round the obstacles in his room, and chatted about rubbish. Fifty tried to say something about Tribe but I didn’t want to talk
about it any more. Worse, I wasn’t sure I wanted to be in it any more. A group of kids who’d trample over everyone else to get their own way. No. Not for me. I could go back to being
plain Keener, that wouldn’t be so bad. Or would it? That got me worrying about whether the worrying would come back. I decided to go home.

‘You seem a bit quiet this evening,’ said Fifty’s mum when I walked back through the kitchen on my way out. ‘What’s bothering you?’

I was about to say, ‘Nothing,’ but . . .

‘And don’t say, “nothing”,’ she added.

It’s really difficult not to answer his mum properly. She doesn’t mind how long she has to wait. Most people find silences uncomfortable but Fifty’s mum is fine with them.

‘I’ve fallen out with Bee and Copper Pie.’

‘Oh.’

One of her famous extra-long silences came next. I didn’t
want
to tell her all about it but it was impossible
not
to say something. The quietness is like a vacuum – if
you open your mouth it sucks stuff out of you.

I told her about the bribes and the threats. She nodded, but she didn’t say anything, so I kept spewing out more and more, and she kept nodding. Eventually I ran out of stuff to moan about
so I stopped talking and we looked at each other.

She sighed. ‘It sounds as though Tribe is important to you.’

My turn to do the nodding.

‘And you feel betrayed because not everyone feels the same as you do about it.’

More nodding.

‘So maybe you need to talk to your fellow Tribe members —’

‘Tribers. We’re called Tribers.’

‘So, perhaps you could talk to the Tribers —’

‘But now it’s ruined. I wish we’d never started it.’

‘I’m sure you do, at this moment. But I don’t think that’s how you’ll feel when you’ve spoken to your friends. And they have been your friends for a very long
time —’

I butted in again even though it’s rude. ‘We were heroes when we freed the alley and now we’re the baddies.’

‘Goodies and baddies don’t really exist. There are always several sides to a story. In fact, in my experience there are as many versions as there are witnesses. When we see
something, we immediately, without thinking, use our experiences and our knowledge to understand it, so we all see something different.’

‘I don’t see how that helps,’ I said.

‘Maybe it doesn’t, but before you give up on Tribe, go and talk to Bee and Copper Pie. Find out what they actually did.’

I couldn’t see the point. It was quite clear they’d messed up. I didn’t want to talk to them. I was fed up with talking.

I was turning the door handle to let myself out when I heard Fifty’s voice – it seemed to be coming from inside the kettle.
Freaky!
He’s small but not that small.

‘Lickle Rose, do you want to play wiv your bruvver?’

Aha – it was coming through the baby monitor. I looked back. Fifty’s mum put her finger on her lips and grinned.

‘You’re the best lickle sister ever, do you know that?’

‘Ba.’

‘Well done, Rose. Can you say yoghurt again?’

‘Ba.’

‘Say yoghurt.’

‘Ba ba.’

‘Never mind.’ A sigh. ‘Tribe’s falling apart. Keener thinks they did it, guilty as charged, but I’m not so sure. Maybe Copper Pie said it as a joke . . .’

A clapping noise.

‘You like clapping, don’t you? Or is it because I said Copper Pie’s name?’

More clapping.

‘Good girl, Rose. You like him, don’t you? You don’t think he did it.’

‘Ba.’

‘And maybe Bee thought it was something the council should think about. A girls-only area isn’t a terrible idea.’

‘Ba.’

‘We need to ask them, don’t we? Then we’ll know why they did it.’

A burp.

‘Are you windy?’

There was a moving about noise and then . . .

‘MU-UM! MU-UM! Rose’s been sick.’

I opened the door, gave Fifty’s mum a little wave and headed off. She was right. And so was Fifty. We needed to call an emergency meeting. It was time for the truth to come out. I could
already imagine it: the Tribe Truth Trial.

the trial

The courtroom was dark and cold. I was wearing one of those white curly wigs and a black dress. Copper Pie was in front of me, handcuffed. He had his head bowed.

‘Did you or did you not threaten to leave key players out of the team if they refused to vote for Jonathon Lock as Prime Minister?’

Copper Pie didn’t speak.

‘Guilty,’ I shouted, banging my hammer on the shiny desk in front of me.

‘And did you, Beatrice Reynolds, falsely promise to turn over land for use only by girls in order to buy their votes?’

Bee climbed on to the bench in front of me and shouted, ‘Save the Black Rhino.’

A policeman tried to shut her up but she shook her arms and the chains fell off and the arms turned into wings. She flew up, grabbed Copper Pie in her talons and flew straight at me.

‘Aaaargh!’

Flo landed on me and I screamed.

‘Time to get up, Keener!’

For once I was glad she’d woken me up. I didn’t like the dream.

‘It’s Friday,’ she said. ‘I’m going to Lucy’s party the day after. I’m going to win pass-the-parcel. I asked Lucy. She said . . .’

I let her ramble on.

‘. . . I want to wear silver shoes and have a handbag. I’m going to ask Amy. And lipstick.’

Mmmwa. She kissed me and disappeared to annoy Amy.

I stayed in bed for a minute, thinking about the dream. I didn’t want to be the judge. It didn’t feel right.

I met Fifty at the corner of my road as usual.

‘I’ve been thinking,’ I said.

‘Same.’

‘You first then,’ I said.

‘No, you go. My thinking didn’t get anywhere.’

‘OK.’ I took a breath. ‘We need to know what happened yesterday don’t we?’

Fifty shrugged. ‘We know what happened. Callum’s lot told on Copper Pie and Bee.’

‘And Bee and Copper Pie didn’t deny it, did they?’

‘No. That’s the bit I can’t work out,’ said Fifty. ‘It means they must have done it.’

‘Maybe, but we need to find out,’ I said. ‘So, Tribe Truth Trial, my house, tomorrow morning.’

‘Saturday morning?’ Fifty was frowning. ‘That’s no good. Copper Pie’ll be playing football.’

And I’ve got swimming. Stupid me.
‘Afternoon then. Three o’clock?’

‘Done.’

Fifty’s convinced his sister has learned how to talk but pretends she can’t. Ridiculous, I know. As we walked to school, we tried to devise a way of catching her out, but I was only
playing along.

We bumped into Jonno by the gates.

‘Hi.’

He looked pretty glum. ‘Have you seen Bee or Copper Pie?’

‘No,’ I said.

‘I waited for them for ages last night but they didn’t come. The Head must have roasted them. And I didn’t dare call them in case I got a parent. I mean we
were
involved.’

‘Same,’ said Fifty.

‘Can you come over to mine tomorrow?’ I asked him. ‘Three o’clock.’

‘What about the others?’ said Jonno. ‘Are they invited?’

I nodded. ‘We’re having a Tribe Truth Trial to sort it all out. To find out the truth before we decide . . .’

‘Decide what?’

‘Decide if we’re . . .’

I didn’t want to say it. For a second I couldn’t even remember what it was I was going to say.

‘Keener’s not impressed by what they did,’ said Fifty. ‘But I say let’s give them a chance to defend themselves.’

I found myself saying, ‘Same,’ but only because Fifty had taken my words and made them his.

‘You don’t mean you’d give up on it? Give up on Tribe all because of Callum?’ Jonno was looking at me as though I was the traitor.

‘I didn’t say that,’ I said. ‘But I know I felt ashamed yesterday.’

‘Teacher’s pet,’ said Fifty.

I flashed him a look. Since when had all my friends been so horrible? I do
like
Miss Walsh but that’s not the point.

‘No,’ I shouted. ‘It’s not that. You might think it’s fine to bully everyone into doing what we want. But
I
don’t.’

‘Hang on, Keener,’ said Jonno. ‘I know what you mean. But I’ve been going through it in my mind and it doesn’t all fit. Copper Pie may be an idiot . . .’

‘He’s definitely an idiot,’ Fifty added helpfully.

‘ . . . but he’s one of your best friends, and has been forever. And Bee . . . I don’t think she would do that. She manages to get her own way without needing bribes or
promises.’

We nodded.

‘So I reckon we give them a chance,’ said Jonno.

‘And we will, if they can explain it all away. But if not —’

Jonno got really annoyed with me when I said that. ‘If not . . . If not, what . . .? Everyone makes mistakes, you know, Keener. Since when have you been the judge?’

Since my dream,
I thought.

Fifty and Jonno were both staring at me.

‘I’m not. But we can’t ignore lying and —’

Fifty interrupted. ‘I’m not listening to any more of this. I thought we were loyal and equal but now Keener’s the goodie goodie and everyone else has to prove themselves. And I
don’t think we should be talking behind their backs either. Let’s sort it out tomorrow.’

‘But not at yours, Keener,’ said Jonno. ‘Let’s meet somewhere neutral. It’ll be fairer.’

‘How about the park?’ said Fifty.

‘Fine. I’ll tell Bee and Copper Pie. Three o’clock at the park. For . . . What did you call it, Keener?’

‘The Tribe Truth Trial,’ I said quietly.

Fifty and Jonno walked off . . . without me.

BEE’S HOUSE, LATE FRIDAY NIGHT

Cast:

Bee

Bee’s mum

Bee’s dad

Bee’s brother Patrick, older by two minutes than Luke

Bee’s mum:
That’s no way to talk about your baby sister.

Patrick:
Mum, she’s sitting up in bed feeding ponies.

Bee’s mum
: Poor little thing.

Bee’s mum hurries up the stairs. Bee is staring at nothing.

Bee:
Not there, that’s for the ponies!

Bee’s mum:
It’s me – Mum. Are you all right, darling?

Bee:
Don’t get jelly on the feed.

Bee’s dad comes in to see what’s going on.

Bee’s dad:
Is she speaking in tongues again?

Bee’s mum:
She must have something on her mind.

Bee:
This one’s got a very knotty tail.

Bee’s mum:
Bee, do you know who I am?

Bee:
Yes.

Bee’s mum:
Who am I, Bee?

Bee:
Fish lady.

Bee’s mum:
Go back to sleep now, Bee.

Bee’s mum strokes her head.

Bee (in a sleepy voice):
Did you feed the ponies?

Bee’s mum:
Yes,
mia bambina
, I fed the ponies.

Bee’s dad:
The women in this family are all mad.

Bee’s mum:
Shhh. She’s gone back to sleep.

hermit crab

I’ve always liked hermit crabs. I think the way they carry their shells is neat and the fact that they find a bigger one when they grow is really clever. I like crows
too. Jonno told me that they’ve learned how to get humans to crack nutshells for them so they can eat the nuts inside. They wait for the traffic lights to go red and then throw the nuts down
on the zebra crossing. When the lights go green, the car wheels crush the shells and when the lights go red again, the crows go and pick them up. Neat.

Talking of zebras, Jonno told me something else. We were trying to name loads of animals that are camouflaged and Copper Pie said he reckoned zebras had to be the least camouflaged of the whole
animal kingdom.

‘Why make a black and white stripy creature?’

‘Well . . .’ said Jonno. ‘It’s not strictly camouflage but there is a reason.’

‘Go on,’ we all said.

‘Zebras are easy to see when they’re alone, but when they’re with the rest of the herd, predators can’t tell where one zebra ends and another one starts. The stripes all
merge and they end up looking like a giant inedible beast rather than a hundred tasty zebras. Clever, isn’t it?’

He knows loads of stuff like that. As I walked along on my own, I tried to remember some other things he’d told us. Anything was preferable to thinking about the soon-to-be-happening trial
that had turned into Keener versus All the Rest of Tribe.

I thought about ringing Fifty to see if he wanted to walk with me but I wasn’t sure he’d say yes. He’d probably already arranged to walk with Jonno.
Oh no!
Then I had a
worse thought:
they might have all walked together.

I wished I’d never said anything about a trial. I wished I’d waited for Copper Pie and Bee to come back from the Head’s on the day of the vote and sorted it all out then. The
longer it went on the worse it was. It was like a plaster stuck somewhere really hairy being peeled off agonisingly slowly rather than being ripped off in a second.