The Debt & the Doormat (42 page)

‘Poppy.’

I turn around to my name to see Lilly by my side, her eyes red from crying.  Shit.

‘Lilly, are you OK?’

‘Did you know?’ she asks, her voice shaky.

‘What?  Did I...did I know what?’ I stammer, my stomach doing summersaults.

‘You fucking did know!’ she screams, finding her voice.  ‘You knew I was being made redundant and you didn’t fucking tell me!’

‘I...I couldn’t...I mean, they’d have fired me.’

‘So you chose your fucking job over me?  Your fucking job that you hate, over your best friend?  How long have you known?’

‘Um?  A....few weeks.’

‘A few weeks!  I assumed you’d only been told this week!’

Well if I’d have known that I wouldn’t have admitted it. 

‘So what, I’m only your friend if I work here?  The minute I’m leaving I can go fuck myself?  I’m dead to you?’  She’s shouting, but tears are falling fast out of her eyes and her words are choking.

‘Lilly, please!  I never meant to hurt you.’

‘I can't fucking believe this!  How did you think I’d react?’

‘Um...’ I can't even respond.   I can never win this.

She closes her eyes and pinches her nose with her finger.  ‘Please, please don't tell me it was you and Jazz that made us lose the flat too?’

‘What?’ I say, alarmed.  How the hell does she know that?

‘It was you!  Alex read out the description in the paper, but I told him no way would you do that.  Why the hell would you do that?  Are you sick in the head or something?’

‘No!  Lilly, you don't understand,’ I start.

Suddenly all two hundred or so protesters start barging into reception.  Oh my God – they’re going to kill us.

‘You know what,’ she says, her angry vein popping out of the side of her head.  ‘I should have known it was you.  The minute they said she was chubby!’

I take it like a bullet to the heart.  I can't even speak. 

‘MURDERER’S!’ the protestors scream.

‘Poppy!  Help!’ Suzanne calls.  I look up to see dreadlocked guy standing on her reception desk.

I turn back to Lilly and open my mouth to say something, but what?  There are no words. 

‘You know what,’ she says.  ‘Go!  Go put your job before everything else again!  But you’ll be a lonely fucking old woman.  And I...’ her voice begins to break again ‘I was such a good friend.’

I put my hand out to her, but she knocks it away and pushes the protestors out of her way.  I reach out for her, but I’m being swarmed by the crowds and she’s gone.  

‘What do we want?’ Dreadlocks guy shouts at his audience.

‘ANIMALS RIGHTS!’

‘When do we want them?’

‘NOW!’

‘Please!’ I shout, my voice breaking from emotion.  ‘Just go away!’

Victor is going to be here any minute. In fact, I already think I can smell his over powering Old Spice after shave.   

‘Shut up murderer!’ a girl with pink dreadlocks shouts before chucking something cold and wet over me. 

I close my eyes, not sure of what it is.  I open my eyes, wiping the liquid off my eyes and look down to see that the bitch has thrown red paint on me.  All fucking over me!  My hair, my face, my clothes!

‘You fucking bitch!’ I shout, tears already at my eyes.

‘Come on then, murderer!’ she challenges.  ‘How do you feel with those animals blood on you?’

‘POPPY!’

Everyone seems to turn round to stare at Victor walking down the stairs, his face like thunder.  I run up the stairs to him, the paint dripping after me.

He puts his hand up to his brow, his hands shaking in anger.

‘Poppy, what the fuck are these people doing here?’ he whispers, furious.

‘They’re animal rights protestors.’

‘I can fucking SEE that!  And why the
hell
are you covered in paint?’

‘Isn’t it obvious?  They’ve covered me in it,’ I say losing my temper.

‘Isn’t it obvious?’ he scoffs.  ‘Are you taking the piss out of me Poppy?’

‘Oh, no!  Of course not.’

‘Really?  Because it sounds like you’re calling me a fucking moron?  Is that what you’re calling me Poppy?’  His eyes grow black and he suddenly looks like he could kill all of these people in one swift movement.

‘No,’ I say, traitor tears escaping.  ‘I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean anything.’

‘Well, maybe you should think before you speak next time.  Now get cleaned up for Christ’s sake and get us some drinks.’

He pushes past me and begins pushing the protestors out of the way. 

How the fuck can he speak to me like this?  How can he stand there, with me crying, and just treat me like a piece of shit.  What the fuck am I doing here?  I didn’t go to Uni just so I could photocopy for some prick.  I wasn’t born to be made to feel like shit every day and even if I was – that was my mother’s job.  The only person in the world that can tell me what to do is me.  Me and my mother.

‘No!’ I shout after him.

The protestors quieten their jeers and turn to stare at me.  Victor turns, his jaw tight, exposing his teeth like a dog ready to attack.

‘No?’ he says, glaring at me.

‘Yes.  No.’

God, that really doesn’t make sense.

‘What the hell do you mean, no?’ Victor says, horrified.

‘I mean...’ deep breath Poppy, deep breath.  ‘That you can stick this lousy job up your fucking arse.’

‘EXCUSE ME!?’

‘You heard me.  I quit.  I’m not gonna stay here one more fucking minute and allow myself to be treated like a piece of shit.  I’m too good for this place.  I’m too good for you!’

I realise I probably don't look too good for this place covered in red paint.

‘Well good luck ever getting a job in London again,’ he scoffs, before turning on his heel and heading into the meeting room.

Oh my God.  That's it.  I’ve quit.  He’ll contact everyone he knows and bad mouth me. 

No.  No, he won't.  This is the right thing.  Either way it's too fucking late now.  I ignore Suzanne’s horrified face and run upstairs.  I walk past the repelled stares as I go to my desk to get my bag.

‘Oh my goodness Poppy.  What happened?’ Cheryl asks, stood up and offering me a tissue.

‘I’m OK,’ I say taking it and wiping my face.

‘Pops, why are you covered in paint?’ Neville asks running over.  ‘What happened?’

‘What happened is that I’m out of here!  I’m going.’

I turn round to face the whole office, everyone already staring, jaws practically touching the floor.

‘Do you hear that everyone?  I’m fucking out of here!  I’ve quit!  I’m not taking Victor’s shit anymore.  He can go fuck himself!’ I scream.

I stop my rant, out of breath, to hear the clapping.  Everyone crowds around me and claps.

‘Well done Poppy,’ they cheer.

‘He’s a right dick – good on ya,’ they shout.

‘Pops?  What?’ Neville asks, completely bewildered.

‘I’ve gotta go,’ I say pushing past him.

I storm out of the office, past the protestors, covered in paint head to toe.  I don't have a job, but my God I have my own self-respect.  I might not have the love of my life but I can no longer live in fear of thrown staplers hitting my head.  This is the right thing.  I’m almost sure.  Either that or I’m having a nervous breakdown.  

*                            *                            *

‘I still can't believe you quit,’ Jazz says, laying on the sofa, throwing Maltesers in her mouth. 

‘Don't,’ I say sighing as I towel dry my hair.  ‘It's too early to talk about it.’

‘Really?’  She grins widely.  ‘Too early to talk about your journey home covered in paint?’

‘Shut up,’ I snap, shooting her a warning look.  ‘I’ve just scrubbed the last bit of paint off me.’

‘I’m sorry, it's just too funny.’  She covers her mouth to try and stop the giggles escaping.

‘Really?’ I snap.  ‘What's funny?  How I’ve completely messed up my life?  How I’ve made Ryan hate me and how I’ve quit my job?  How I’ll probably have to move back in with my parents because I won't be able to pay my Dad his rent?  How Lilly will probably never speak to me again?  Tell me!  What the hell is so funny about that?’

She stares back at me, alarmed by my rant.  I try to catch my breath but I can't.  It's like all of the stress is sitting on top of my chest, like a giant fat man eating another Big Mac.  One tear falls down my face, followed by another, before I collapse into inconsolable sobs. 

‘Oh babe,’ Jazz says, putting her arm around me and squeezing my shoulder. 

‘It's just that....everything’s just so....kind of....’

‘Floopy?’

‘Yeah,’ I sniff, choosing to ignore her made up word.

She strokes my hair out of my eyes.  ‘You’ve just gotta have faith that one day it's all going to come together.  It's all just going to be...’

‘Unfloopy?’

‘Yeah,’ she scoffs.  ‘Like that's a word.’

A knock at the door startles both of us.

‘I’ll get it,’ Jazz says, jumping up.

I pick up my tea and stare into it while she answers it.  I just need to find another job.  Quickly.  Very quickly.

‘Poppy, it's for you,’ Jazz calls from the door.

‘Me?’

I get up and walk towards the door.  Please don't say it's my Mum.  I seriously cannot deal with her today.  I’ve managed to avoid her calls up until now, but what if she’s taken matters into her own hands and decided to come tell me off?  When I get to the door Jazz is stood with her arms crossed defensively, staring at Stuart.      

‘Poppy!  I’m so sorry.  Will you ever forgive me?’ he cries.

‘What the hell are you talking about?  And what the hell are you doing here?’

‘I’ll leave you both to it,’ Jazz says, shooting me a look which I know means ‘any trouble – call me.’

‘Poppy.  I’ve made a terrible mistake.  Please forgive me.  Take me back,’ he says, taking my hands.

‘Stuart, get off me.’  I throw his hands off me.

‘Please!’

‘Look, let’s go outside for a minute,’ I say, noticing Jazz staring at us from the sitting room door.

I practically drag him outside by his jacket.

‘Stuart,’ I take a big breath.  ‘You have two minutes to tell me what you’re doing here.’

‘OK,’ he says, holding his hands up.  ‘Poppy, I heard that you’ve broken up with Ryan and I got your letter.  And seeing you the other week, well it made me realise what a massive mistake I made leaving you.  I’ve been regretting it ever since and I’m desperate for you to give me another chance.  Please Poppy, give me another chance and I’ll spend the rest of our lives making it up to you.’

A nervous laugh comes out of my mouth; then another, until full hysterical laughter takes hold of me.

‘What is so funny?’ he asks, hurt all over his face.

‘Sorry, but are you serious?  Am I on a hidden camera show?  Is someone going to jump out of the bushes in a minute or something?’ I actually look around.

‘No, of course not,’ he says.  I suddenly realise his eyes are red and blood shot.

‘Well, what about Claudia?’

‘We broke up.  She was never right for me Pops.  It's always been you,’ he says, his big dark blue eyes boring into me.

‘So, basically she broke up with you and you thought you could go running back to poor old Poppy.’

‘No!  I never felt like her the same way I feel about you.’

‘Really?  Is that why you left me for her?  Is that why you’ve been happily dating her for the past year?’

‘Poppy, please!  I’ll do anything,’ he begs, clasping hold of my hands again.

‘Oh, why don't you just fuck off Stuart?  I’m not interested.’

I throw his hands off me and turn to walk away.

‘But...I need you.  Please!’  He grabs hold of my arm.

‘Get off me Stuart!’  I push him off me and fight the urge to punch him square in the mouth.

‘Look, I’ll be waiting for you,  whenever you’re ready to admit your feelings.’

‘Just fuck off,’ I shout, pushing him hard, letting out all of my frustration from the last week out on him. 

*
                            *                            *

‘Hey Po Po,’ Ollie says from the kitchen.

‘Ollie, have you heard anything about Richard and Annabel?’ I ask quickly, before Mum and Dad know I’m here.

‘Nah.  I keep trying to call him but he’s not returned any of my calls.’

‘Shit.  Do you think he’ll come to the wedding without her?’

‘Who knows,’ he shrugs. 

My brother and his words of wisdom.

When I walk into the new Moroccan sitting room I find Mum and Dad watching The Apprentice.