The Debt & the Doormat (45 page)

‘Hey,’ he smiles back, looking confused as he stares at Stuart’s hand on my waist.

‘Oh, you know Stuart as well?’ Sarah asks. 

‘Yeah, small world,’ Ryan says.  He stares at me, his eyes cutting through me.

I want to shout out that I haven’t got back together with Stuart – that it's all just an act, but then my Aunt Margaret would tell everyone and my Mum would kill me.  So instead we all just stand there staring awkwardly at each other.  Ryan and Stuart seem to be glaring at each other.  Sarah seems to be glaring at me.  Aunt Margaret seems to be trying to work out why there is such a weird atmosphere.  I almost do my awkward turtle tongue, but stop myself just in time. 

‘Well, I’m gonna go to the toilet,’ I say, desperate to leave.

I practically run in there, sitting on the toilet taking deep breaths and trying to stop my body shaking.  How can this be happening?  London is a massive fucking place.  How can we all be in the same wedding in St Albans? 

When I realise I’ve been in there for about ten minutes I decide I have to go out and face the music.  I can't stay in the bathroom all night, can I?  No.  Mum would only come looking for me.

I walk back into the giant reception room, trying to blend in and act natural as I walk to the bar and start queuing.

‘Hey,’ Ryan says, appearing next to me, his gaze accusing.

‘Hi.’  I smile and look down at my hands resting on the bar.  I’m too ashamed to look at him.

‘So...you’re back together with Stuart?’ he asks scathingly.

‘No actually,’ I retort, my back immediately up.

‘Huh?’

I look up to see him studying me with curious eyes.  His magnetic brown eyes. 

‘It's a long story,’ I sigh.

‘Doing stuff to please other people again are you?’ he asks smirking.

I glare back at him.

‘I’ll take that as a yes then.’  He gazes at me with probing intensity.  There’s no question of me looking away.  My hands start to shake.

‘Look – ‘

‘I’m – ‘

We both speak at the same time and then laugh nervously.

‘Sorry, you go,’ he says, his eyes smouldering. 

‘I was just gonna say I’m really sorry, you know...about...everything.’  I trail off, realising there's nothing I can say to change things.

‘Don't worry.  I was going to say I’m sorry.’

‘You’re sorry?  Why?  I’m the one that spread a vicious rumour about you!’ I say, surprise showing in my voice. 

‘You didn’t exactly mean to start a rumour.  You just made one mistake and it escalated.  I see that now.  I know how you get yourself in these messes.  I just totally overreacted and I’m sorry.’

Wow.  This is a turn up for the books.

‘That's OK.  Although...’

‘What?’ he asks seeming intrigued.

‘No, I was just gonna say that you did scare me a little.’  I laugh nervously.

‘Did I?  Well, sorry.  I honestly didn’t mean to.  To be honest I thought I’d be able to apologise when I came home that night, but...’

‘But I’d already gone.’

‘Yeah.’

‘You could have called me though.’

I wonder if I hadn’t bumped into him whether we ever would have seen each other again.  I get the barman’s attention and order us two beers.

‘I know.  But you could have too,’ he says, his tone making it sound like he was confessing to a humiliating weakness.

‘That's because I thought you hated me.’

His face turns sad and serious. 

‘Poppy, I could never hate you.’

I stare at his honest eyes and wonder if he has any idea of the effect he has on me.  How I ache to taste those lips again.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, if you could please make your way into the dining room – dinner is now served’ the toastmaster shouts.

‘Well, I guess I better get going,’ I say, not wanting to leave him at all.

‘Yeah, me too.’  He smiles, but stays put.

‘Oh and congrats for getting with Sarah.  I’m really happy for you.’  Then before he can react I run into the dining room.  

*
                            *                            *

When I sit down at our table I take a swig of my beer and revel in the cool bubbly feeling that fills my mouth.

‘Poppy, that's not very lady like,’ Stuart says patronisingly.

‘What?’ I ask him, my back instantly up.

‘Drinking beer at a wedding.  Here, have some wine.’  He starts pouring it for me.

‘I’ll have whatever the fuck I want, thanks,’ I snarl.

Was he always this controlling?  I just want to punch him so bad.

‘OK, hunny,  whatever you want.’

The meal seems to last forever.  The food is yummy, especially the chocolate cheesecake, but all I can think about is how much longer I have to wait until I can punch Stuart in the face.  And Ryan.  Will I ever be able to kiss him again?  Have I missed my chance forever?

The speeches begin and I hear the usual crap about thanking everyone for coming and tune out, imagining Ryan naked.

That is until I see Stuart stand up.  Why is he standing up in the middle of the speeches?  Everyone’s looking at him smiling as he walks up to the top table and takes the microphone.  What the fuck is he doing?  Everyone’s acting like this is the most normal thing in the world. 

‘Hi,’ he says into the microphone.  ‘For those of you who don't know me, I’m Stuart.  First of all I want to say congratulations to Henry and Abbey and thank you for such a beautiful day.’

The crowd swoons to him and I fight the urge not to vomit.

‘Poppy,’ he says, turning to look at me.

What the fuck?

‘Poppy, I want to take this opportunity to say that I’m sorry for everything that we’ve been through over the past year.  It’s all my fault and you deserve better.  That's why I’m willing to spend the rest of my life making it up to you.  So...’  He takes a deep breath.

OH FUCKING GOD.  NO.  PLEASE NO.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NO.

‘Poppy, will you marry me?’

The words echo around my head.  I look around at everyone hoping they’ll all be laughing hysterically.  Like this is some big joke that everyone’s in on, but all I get back is excited grins.  Is he serious?

‘So, what do you say?’ he says.

All I can do is sweat profusely.  Why is he doing this to me?  Can I tell him to fuck off and die, or will that ruin the entire wedding?  Will everyone say, remember Henry and Abbey’s wedding when Stuart proposed to Poppy and she turned him down like a bitch? 

‘She seems speechless,’ he says, still smiling at me, like he expects me to be the happiest girl in the world.

‘It's a yes!’ my Mum yells from the top table.  ‘Of course it's a yes!’

The crowd goes mad clapping and whistling as Stuart runs over to me and kisses me on the lips.  I’m frozen.  It's like I’m watching this from the ceiling, having some kind of out of body experience.  Like this isn’t really my life, but a crazy dream.  I discreetly pinch myself and wince from the pain. 

Everyone around me is beaming.

‘Congrats Poppy!’

‘About bloody time!’

‘When’s the big day going to be?’

‘You’ll make a beautiful bride.’

‘Aren’t you a lucky girl?’

I still can't speak.  I physically can't speak. 

Abbey and Henry start their first dance and everyone enthusiastically starts to join in.  Mum rushes over to me, grabbing and squeezing us both.

‘Poppy, darling!  I’m so happy for you both.’

Dad is behind her, looking worried as Mum starts waffling on to Stuart about weddings.  My wedding.  If I don't start speaking soon, it's going to be my wedding day.  I’ll be married to Stuart. 

‘Love,’ Dad says, pulling me to one side.  ‘Are you sure this is what you want?’

I still can't manage to speak, but my eyes start pricking with tears.  I have to get out of here.  I have to get some fresh air. 

I break through the crowds, pushing them away with my hands, and head towards the patio door.  I push it open and shiver from the cold air.  The rain is still pouring as heavily as this morning and the night is dark.  I look around and run over to a small cover a little distance away where some people are smoking, getting half drenched in the process.

I look around and take some deep breaths to try and calm myself.  What a shame about the weather.  The grounds of this hotel would have been gorgeous on a lovely day.  There’s a view across the town, each lit house seeming like a tiny tea light in the distance. 

I step back, leaning against the wall.  I close my eyes, trying to hear through the ringing in my ears.  I put my cheek against the cold wall and try to hold onto my consciousness.  I take my shoes off and stand there considering my options.

Option one – I run.  I run until I’m in Scotland.  I change my name, dye my hair and pretend none of this mess ever happened.

Option two – Say no to Stuart.  Break my Mum’s heart and possibly ruin Abbey and Henry’s wedding.

Option three – Marry Stuart. 

Option four – Keep quiet tonight and then break it to everyone tomorrow that of course I’m not going to marry that two timing creep.

Yes, option four.  I just have to keep out of the way from everyone tonight.  I wonder if I could get back to my room without anyone noticing I’m gone.  I look towards the door and see Stuart coming out, asking people if they’ve seen me.  Crap. 

I run round the corner of the garage and straight into someone smoking.

‘Oh shit, sorry.’  I look up to them apologetically, still panicked and prepared to run.  ‘Ryan?’

He stares back at me, inhaling heavily on a cigarette.

‘What the hell are you doing smoking?’

‘I smoke when I’m stressed,’ he says, with contempt.

‘Why are you stressed?’ I ask, almost drooling from how he looks; his hair wet and shaggy.

‘Why do you think?’ he asks eyeing me suspiciously. 

‘I don't know.  That's why I asked.’

‘Maybe because you’re making a massive mistake marrying him,’ he spits.  He takes another drag from the cigarette.

‘Who says I’m marrying him?’ I ask, annoyed.  How could he accept that I’d marry him so easily?

‘Err, everyone.  And you were hardly protesting,’ he snorts.

Even in the dark I can make out his ticked off expression.  He probably can't see me fuming. 

‘I couldn’t speak for shock!  I’m going to tell him as soon as the weddings over that of course I’m not going to marry him.’

‘Why not tell him now?’ he says, his voice hostile.

‘Because I can't ruin the wedding,’ I protest, picturing my Mum’s face as my Aunt Margaret tells her she never saw me as the marrying type.

‘Whatever,’ he scoffs.

‘Oh fuck off Ryan.  Why don't you go and boss around your girlfriend Sarah?’ I fume.

‘She’s not my girlfriend.  We’ve been on like two dates.’  He shakes his head, as if I’m crazy to believe anything else.

‘That's not what she’s telling everyone.  Aunt Margaret’s practically planning your wedding.’

‘Well, she's a crazy old bag.  I should have known she was related to you,’ he scoffs, shooting daggers with his eyes.  He takes another puff of his cigarette.

‘Give me that!’ I grab the cigarette out of his hand and throw it into the rain.

‘Poppy, what the fuck are you doing?’ he shouts outraged.

‘I don't like you smoking!’

‘Well guess what!?  You can't tell me what to do anymore!’  His face is tight with anger.

‘Anymore?  When the fuck could I?’

‘Before...’ he starts but then stops, looking away into the rain.

‘Before what?  I can't keep up with your games!’ I shriek, tears filling my eyes.

‘My games?  What about your games!’

‘I don't play any games,’ I say as tears escape.  ‘Look,’ I try to swallow the tears.  ‘I won't let you close enough to hurt me again.  It's too painful.  I think we should just say goodbye.’  My voice breaks from the drama. 

‘Look,’ he says, grabbing both my shoulders forcibly.  ‘Are you seriously going to get back together with Stuart?’

‘No!  How many times do I have to tell you!?’ I sob.

‘Well, you told me that before you got engaged to the guy!  And like I said, I didn’t hear you protesting.  And you’ll probably be too concerned about hurting people’s feelings to ever tell them, and have four kids and a dog before you admit it to anyone.’

‘Well, it's not like I’ve got any better options anyway,’ I say, attempting a laugh but it instead coming out as a snort. 

‘Yes you do Poppy,’ he says seriously.  He takes my hands and wipes a tear from my face.  ‘Don't settle for him.’

His eyes envelope me and my legs turn to jelly.

‘Sorry, don't settle for who?’ Stuart asks appearing from round the corner.

Shit.  I immediately drop his hands, feeling like I’m a cheating girlfriend, which I know is ridiculous.

‘Actually, I said don't settle for you,’ Ryan says to him, his face like thunder.

Their eyes lock and I begin to panic.  Ryan’s looking at Stuart with so much loathing I think Stuart might actually burst into flames.

‘I told you to stay away from her,’ Stuart says, his eyes not flickering from him once.

‘What?  You told him to stay away from me?  What?’ I ask, completely dazed.

‘It's nothing.  Come on, let’s go,’ Stuart says, pulling on my arm.  ‘Your Aunt Melinda wants to congratulate us.’

‘No!  I want to know what you meant!’ I shout.  ‘When did you warn him to stay away from me?’

‘No, come on we’re going.’  He pulls me away roughly, hurting my arm.

‘She doesn’t want to go,’ Ryan says, taking hold of my other hand.

‘What?’ Stuart scoffs.  ‘And she’s going to stay here with you?  You dumped her the minute you found out about the baby.  What kind of man does that make you?’ he spits.

Baby?  Oh fuck my life!

‘I didn’t know about the baby then!’ Ryan shouts. 

Didn’t then?  Please God, does he think I’m pregnant?   

‘Well I don't care that she’s carrying your bastard child.  I still want to marry her,’ Stuart says.

‘It's not my baby!  How many times, it's not my baby!’ Ryan shouts. 

‘It's not!’ I shout.  ‘It's not true!’ I shout.

‘I don't care whose baby it is Poppy,’ Ryan says, not moving his gaze from Stuart.  ‘It honestly doesn’t matter to me.’

‘She’s still coming with me.  Come on Poppy.’  Stuart starts tugging me the other way, glaring at Ryan with revulsion.

‘She said she doesn’t want to go with you,’ Ryan says, tugging me his way, his eyes back with fury. 

‘Both of you just get off me!’ I shout, releasing myself from their grasp.

‘Just go and see Melinda,’ Stuart says, throwing me back angrily.

I lose my footing and fall back onto the wet grass.  I look up in shock through the rain just in time to see Ryan’s infuriated face. 

‘Poppy!  Are you OK?’  He rushes over to pick me up.  His hands are trembling from what I think is rage.

‘Yeah, I...I...’

Bam!  Ryan turns and smacks Stuart straight in the mouth sending him flying backwards.  Stuart looks up in shock but his face quickly turns monstrous.  He runs at him, his face contorted and tries to punch him, but Ryan ducks and plunges towards him, throwing him onto the grass.  Stuart manages to punch him back.  They take turns rolling around in the mud punching and kicking each other.

‘Stop!’ I all I can shout, feeling completely helpless.  They ignore me and carry on.

Oh my God.  They’re going to kill each other and it's all my fault.  I run into the hall and grab Ollie and Richard who are on their way out for a cigarette.

‘Po Po, what the hell happened to you?’ Ollie laughs, taking in my muddy back side.

‘Quick, they’re fighting!’ I shout, dragging them outside.

By the time we get back there’s blood coming from Ryan’s nose and Stuart’s eyebrow is busted open.  Ollie and Richard try to jump in, but they just seem to get involved in it, making the fighting group bigger.  Elbows are thrust into faces, shins are kicked, arms and legs everywhere.  Within a few seconds the fight seems to somehow spill into the hall and onto the dance floor.

People jump out of the way as they all scuffle, skidding to the centre of the dance floor.  People stare, horror and shock on their faces.  Richard and Ollie don't seem to be getting anywhere, just pushed further apart as the brawling continues. 

I stare at them helplessly.  How on earth can this be happening?

Ryan and Stuart lock onto each other and fall sideways, heading for the...oh shit, the buffet table.  The table collapses as they plunge into it, smoked salmon and cucumber sandwiches falling to the floor.  You’d think this would stop them, but they’re too busy trying to get the other into a head lock to even seem to notice.

‘Stop fucking filming!’ I scream at the videographer who’s turned his attention from the happy couple to the brawl.

Richard and Ollie finally manage to drag Stuart off Ryan and begin trying to reason with them.

‘Calm down Stu, it's not worth it!’ Richard says, looking at Ryan.

‘I’m cool.  I’m fine,’ he says, as they relax their grip. 

Stuart runs in a split second towards Ryan, pushing him into a table containing glasses of champagne.  They smash into what seems like a million pieces, with them both rolling in the glass, wanting to fight to the death.

‘For God’s sake – stop them!’ I shout to Ollie and Richard. 

They run over and with the help of my Dad and Henry, manage to hold them back from each other.

‘What the fuck is going on!?’ Henry shouts over the music which is still playing.

‘It's him,’ Stuart shouts from Richard’s grip.  ‘He’s been trying it on with my fiancée.’

‘I’m not your fiancée!’ I scream, anger bulging through my veins. 

Gasps fill the room.  I turn to see a mix of started and confused faces.  Abbey’s relatives whisper amongst themselves, already branding us white trash. 

‘What?’ Stuart shouts his face red with fury.  ‘Don't tell me it's because of
him
!’

‘You heard her.  She doesn’t want you!’ Ryan snarls, blood dripping from his nose. 

‘Just shut up!  Of course I’m not your fiancée, you idiot!’ I shout, so sick of him and this whole act.

‘Poppy!  You don't know what you’re saying,’ my Mum says, suddenly by my side, clutching onto my arm. 

‘Yes I do Mum!  Just stay out of this.’

‘I will NOT!  I will not let you ruin your life,’ she shouts, her face panic-stricken. 

‘What!?  So you think that by taking back a mean, controlling twat like him...I’ll be helping myself?’

‘Mind your language young lady!’ she shouts before turning her attention to Ollie.  ‘I’m not going to let you be a screw up like your brother!  You can’t just go around bringing bastard babies into the world.’