The Debt & the Doormat (43 page)

Read The Debt & the Doormat Online

Authors: Laura Barnard

Tags: #Literature & Fiction, #Humor, #Women's Fiction, #Contemporary Women, #Contemporary Fiction, #Humor & Satire, #General Humor, #Romance

BOOK: The Debt & the Doormat
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‘I’m telling you, I’m so like this man.  We’re just so similar,’ she says.

‘Alan Sugar?’ Dad says, in disbelief.  ‘Don't be ridiculous Meryl.’

‘Yes.  We’ve both got the same ruthless business mind.’

‘Hiya,’ I say dropping my bag on the floor and perching on the edge of the sofa.

‘Hi darling.  How are you?  Do you want some wine?’  She holds up a half empty bottle.

‘No.  I’m fine thanks.’

I get the feeling that if I start drinking at the moment I won't be able to stop.

‘You OK love?’ Dad asks.  ‘You look a bit upset?’

‘No I’m fine,’ I say sadly, wishing I could just tell him all my problems and have them go away.  Since when did life get so hard?  ‘Although....Well, I’ve had a rough couple of days.’

‘Really?  What's happened?’ he asks, turning down the volume and sitting up in his chair.

‘Shush Douglas!  He’s just about to fire someone,’ Mum says, grabbing the remote control off him, her eyes glued to the TV.

‘Well, I quit my job.’

‘Quit your job?’ he asks alarmed, his jaw falling open.  Mum doesn’t even look up from the TV.

‘Yeah, but it's for the best.  I’ve just got to find something quickly.  I’ll be fine,’ I lie.  ‘Then Stuart had the cheek to turn up at the flat today.’

‘Stuart?’ Mum shrieks, looking up and muting the TV.  ‘What did he say?’

‘Oh, some crap about him wanting me back, but I told him where to shove it.’

‘Too right love,’ Dad nods.

‘Why on earth did you tell him that?’ Mum says, almost out of breath.  ‘Douglas!  Pause the TV or something will you?  I thought we had that Sky add thing?’

‘Sky plus,’ Dad says, shaking his head and reaching for the remote.

‘Err...because he treated me like crap and then left me,’ I say, pissed off that she seems to have forgotten all the times I’d cried on her sofa.

‘Yes, but Poppy, maybe you should give him another chance.  I mean, he was always lovely.’

‘Maybe to you!  But he was a bastard to me.  And I’m over him anyway.’

‘Are you darling?  Because you’re not getting any younger, and it would be lovely for you to go to the wedding together.  You know how much he and Henry think of each other.’

‘I’m not just going to bring him to the wedding because Henry likes him!’

‘Well...then maybe do it for me, hmm?’

‘Why would I do it for you?’

‘Just...just to make me happy, that's all,’ she says, avoiding my gaze.

‘Mum, why are you being so secretive?  What are you hiding?’ I demand.

‘Well...you have to understand darling that I was put in a very bad position.’

Oh God, this must be bad.  Mum never apologises.

‘What did you do?’ I say slowly, bracing myself.

‘I...well, I suppose I...let people think...that you and Stuart are still together.’

‘What?’ I ask, too shocked to understand.  ‘WHAT?’ I scream as it settles in.  ‘Why the hell would you lie to everyone!?’

‘Well I didn’t exactly lie darling.  Everyone just assumed that you were still going out and I just didn’t say anything.  It's not really lying.’

‘Yes it is!  Dad, did you know about this?’

‘I told her not to, love.  She just wouldn’t listen.’

‘I’m so sorry darling, but I just assumed that you’d get back together.  And then more time went on and I didn’t know how to tell them and then all of a sudden it was the wedding.’

‘Mum, we broke up a year ago.’  I hold my temples in frustration. 

‘I’m sorry.  But don't worry...I’ll tell them,’ she says sadly. 

‘Yes, make sure that you do!’ I shout.

‘I will.  Of course....it will be hard on Henry and Abbey to have this bad news over shadow their wedding, but of course I’ll tell them.  And they’ll all be pestering you at the wedding, feeling sorry for you.  And Madge is so busy showing off about her daughter Rachel getting engaged.  It will be hard, but...I suppose I’ll get through it.  I just hope the stress doesn’t make me ill so soon before the wedding.’

Dear God, why does she do this to me!?  Richard’s relationship is the one she should be worrying about, not me. 

‘OK!’ I scream.  ‘God I hate you guys!  I will take him to the wedding but that is it.  The minute the wedding is over you have to tell everyone it's over, OK?’

‘Of course darling!  Thank you, sweetheart.  I really appreciate it,’ she says, pouring herself a congratulation glass of wine. 

‘And you will tell them straight away after?’

‘Let’s not jump the gun, shall we?  I mean, you may end up having a fabulous evening with Stuart and then...well, let’s just see shall we.’

Chapter 31

 

‘Poppy, it's Neville.’

‘Oh hi Neville!  I’ve actually been meaning to call you.  I hear the temps are fighting over you,’ I giggle.

‘Yeah.  You can't imagine how grateful I am to you.’

‘Like I said – it's just good PR.’

‘Well, thanks.  So anyway, how are you?  Have you found any work?’

‘No.  It seems Victor has blacklisted me from the entirety of London.  Recruitment agencies aren’t even taking me on.  He must be really pissed.’

‘Oh, he is.  You should have seen him!  It was hilarious!’

‘Oh God.  Oh well.  Anyway, how are you getting on with the dating thing?’

‘Great actually.  I’ve met someone.’

‘You’re joking!’

Great.  So I’m officially the only single person left in the world.

‘I know, it's great isn’t it!  It's actually Megan in accounts.’

Megan?  Oh yes, mouse hair lady with glasses that wears broaches.

‘Oh Megan!  That's great,’ I say, trying to sound enthusiastic.

God, I’m going to die alone.  Neville was my safety net.  Now I’ll have to go and buy ten cats and live up to the stereotype of an old spinster. 

‘Yeah, we’ve got so much in common!  Anyway, I’m rabbiting on.  I actually called for a reason.’

‘OK?’

‘My sister’s a PA and is about to give birth to her second baby.  They’ve been looking for someone to replace her and I thought of you.  Would you be interested?’

‘Would I be interested?  Of course I would be!  What company is it?’ I ask quickly, intrigued.

‘She’s a PA to Michael Schorsky.’

‘Oh, and what company does he work for?’

‘He’s Michael Schorsky.  You know...the famous film director?’ he says, speaking to me as if I’m clinically insane.

‘Oh.  No I don't think I’ve heard of him.’ 

He’s obviously not that famous.

‘Oh, that's strange.  Anyway, it's only for a year and there’s nothing guaranteed at the end of it, but it's a great opportunity.  Not something to be sniffed at.’

‘Oh right.  Well, I’d definitely be interested’ I say, already planning my interview outfit.  ‘But...well maybe you should offer it to Lilly first.’

I still feel so awful at how we’ve left things.  I’ve tried to call her but she won't take my calls. 

‘I did offer it to her first.’

‘Oh.’  I can't help but feel a little upset.  Neville was supposed to be in love with me, but he went to Lilly first?

‘Apparently she’s already got plans of her own.’

‘Really?’

‘Yep, but that's all she said.  Right, it's settled then.  I’ll call Charlotte and get it organised.’

‘OK great.’

See.  Things are looking up.  The universe is finally repaying me for my kind actions. 

*                            *                            *

 

 

‘Well, it's been lovely meeting you Poppy,’ Charlotte says to me.  ‘In fact, I’d actually like you to meet Michael if you have some more time.’

‘Oh...yes of course.’  I get up and straighten down my suit.

‘Just bear with me,’ she says, struggling to get up from her seat, her enormous bump crowding her thin frame.

‘So are you excited then?’ I ask as she leads me through some double doors, into a long corridor. 

‘Excited about what?’ she asks turning to me confused.

‘You know...the baby,’ I say pointing to her bump.

‘Of course!  Sorry, sometimes I forget!  Well, it's my second, so I can't fool myself this time round and tell myself that it won't hurt and it won't be that hard.  Plus, I don't think my vagina will ever be the same again, but you know.  Sacrifices and all that,’ she laughs.

‘Oh...yeah.’

She leads me through onto what looks like a movie set.  There’s a sitting room set up, and people milling around reading scripts.  I almost trip over a train set which seems to have a camera at the end of it. 

‘Wait here,’ she says, smiling before she disappears. 

I watch her walk over and start chatting to a man in his 40’s sitting on one of those wooden camping chairs.  He looks over at me, a suspicious look on his face as he looks me up and down. 

She runs back over to me, excited and out of breath.

‘Poppy – he’s got about five minutes to meet you quickly.  Follow me.’

I follow her into a small dingy room and sit down, trying not to sweat profusely with nerves.

‘Hi,’ he says, swinging the door open arrogantly.  He stares at me, a bit like a rabbit in headlights, and picks up a chair.  He drags it to the farthest part of the room and sits down, still seeming on edge.  Is it me or is he acting a bit scared of me?

‘Hi – I’m Poppy.’ I extend my hand to him.

He flinches and looks to Charlotte for reassurance.  She nods and he nervously takes my hand and then slowly shakes it.

This guy is mental.

‘So Poppy, Charlotte says that you’ve got all the right skills, so I just want to get to know you a bit.’

‘OK.’  I smile nervously, wondering if I actually want to work for a freak.  Not that I have a lot of options.

‘So Poppy, are you a big fan of my work?’

‘Um...yeah...I love your films,’ I say lying through my teeth.

Let me think.  When I googled him earlier I tried to remember a few of the film titles he’d made. 

‘I loved Dog’s Life.’

‘Really?’ he says smiling, a little unsure still.  ‘What did you think of it?’

‘Really...good,’ I say as positively as I can.

‘And what did you think about the story?’

‘Oh, fab...really...emotional.’

‘Emotional?’

Crap.

‘Yeah...but in a funny way,’ I say desperately trying to think of what a film with a dog in it could be about.  ‘I love dogs.’

He leans back in his chair and stares at me some more, as if he’s trying to figure me out.

‘You haven’t seen one of my films have you Poppy?’ he asks smirking.

‘Yes I have!’ I squeal. 

‘No you haven’t,’ he laughs.  ‘Do you even know who I am?’

‘Um...OK, no I don't.  Look, I’m really sorry I wasted your time.’

I get up and head for the door.

‘Why?  You’re hired.’ He leans back in his chair smiling widely.

‘Sorry?  What?’

‘You’re hired.  I’ve had about six women interview for the position, but the minute they meet me they go all crazy ass on me.’

‘It’s true,’ Charlotte says nodding, ‘we’ve had some right stalkers in here.’

‘So...you’re not bothered that I don't know who you are?’ I try to clarify. 

‘No – I think it's fantastic.  Anyway, I must go get back, but unless we see anyone else today up to the job, it’s yours.  Charlotte will ring you to confirm soon.  See you very soon Poppy.’

Wow – I can't believe it.  I’m walking out of here with a new job.  And the money – my God the money!  I don't want to brag, I really don't.  But...well, let’s just say that it's £7,000 more than what I’m on at the moment.  Can you believe it!?  And they want me to start right away.  Plus, the new job is going to be at different locations all of the time – depending on where the films are.  They even said I’d have to occasionally travel with him to America and other film locations.  I know I’m not really the travelling type.  I mean, I’m terrified of flying and with my luck it would either crash or get held up by terrorists, but still. 

My name is Poppy Windsor and although I am single and pathetic I have a brilliant job working for a movie director. 

*                            *                            *

 

 

Cheryl’s number flashes up on my phone.

‘Hey Cheryl.  How are you?’  It's amazing how being away from even the most annoying people can make you miss them.

‘I’m fine thank you Poppy.’ she says formally.  ‘I’m ringing to invite you to the leaving drinks this Friday.’

‘Leaving drinks?’

‘Yes.  For the people made redundant.  We’re having drinks at Harry’s Bar.  Nothing that special, but I think you should come.’

‘I don't know...’ I can imagine Lilly as she bottles me with her beer bottle.

‘Yes Lilly will be there, but for goodness sakes, you two need to make up.  Lilly’s miserable about it.’

‘Really?  You’ve heard from her?’

‘Oh yes, we’ve talked almost every day.’

What?

‘Promise me you’ll come?’

‘I don't know.  Maybe.’

‘Promise me Poppy.  Swear on Matilda’s life.’

‘Cheryl!  I can't swear on her life!’

‘You can if you promise.’

‘OK!  Jesus, I’ll be there.’

‘Amazing.  I have to give you back your tea cup anyway.  Now, I’ve got an idea.’

*                            *                            *

 

 

When I arrive at the bar that Friday night, goodbye banners greet me.  Even though Cheryl had promised that it would just be a few people there must be thirty people here.  How embarrassing.  Probably came to laugh at what a nut case I am. 

‘Hi Poppy,’ Cheryl says, before I’ve even taken my coat off.  ‘Are you all set?’

‘Yep,’ I say, taking yet another deep breath.  ‘You got the CD and everything OK?’

‘Yep.  All organised with Phil in IT.  Ready to go.’

‘Oh thanks.’  I smile as I realise she’s already pretty pissed.

‘I’m really jealous of you Poppy.  Going to work for a famous movie director – travelling all over the place.  Being free and single.  You don't have a sham marriage like me.’

‘You’ll work it out,’ I say hopefully, scanning the room nervously for Lilly.

‘Will I?’ she says, suddenly seeming sad.  ‘I confronted him about the affair and he says it's over, but how can I ever trust him again?  He hasn’t bothered with me since Matilda’s been born.’

‘I’m sorry Cheryl.’  I don't know what else to say.

‘Yeah I know.  I’m fine, I’m just being silly.’  She quickly wipes away a tear.  ‘Just make sure you appreciate all that you do have while you can.’

‘OK thanks,’ I say as she heads off to the toilet.

I order myself a wine and almost down it.  I really need as much courage as I can get.  I scan the room but this time I spot Lilly.  She looks as fabulous as ever, her hair freshly blow dried.  She’s wearing a skin tight black dress which shows far too much of her boobs. 

Cheryl signals to me from the other side of the room as the projector is turned on.  She gives me the thumbs up and I smile.  I walk as calmly as I can towards her, but my stomach’s a mess.  It's shaking so violently I’m sure I’m going to shit myself at any given moment.  My throat is even trembling.  Why the hell did I agree to do this?  It's not even going to work.  She’s going to laugh in my face, call me chubby again and walk out.

‘Ladies and gentleman,’ Cheryl announces on the microphone.  ‘We’re all here today not to feel sad about the few of us that are leaving, but to celebrate the time we had together.’

This is actually the most upbeat I’ve ever heard Cheryl.  She should be a motivational speaker. 

‘I’d like to hand you over to someone everyone here knows and who has also recently left:  Poppy Windsor.’

Even though I’m expecting it I still start in shock.  I take the microphone from her and stare back at all of the familiar faces; all of them waiting silently for me to do something.  They probably think I’m just going to entertain them.  Maybe I should.  Maybe I should do the can-can or start the Mexican wave or something.

‘Hi,’ I say into the microphone, it seeming to echo all the louder.  Lilly is staring at me, her eyes full of contempt. ‘So, I found this old photo the other day.’

Phil nods at me and a picture of most of us here from five years ago appears on the projector.  Everyone instantly laughs.  We all look ridiculous and young. 

‘So, most of us think this is funny.  We’re all so young and have such ridiculous hair styles.  A lot of things have probably changed since then.  A lot of you have gone on and got married and had babies.  Well...obviously not me.’

Cheryl laughs politely.  She’s the only one.

‘Anyway.  I remember my first day here.  I’d barely arrived in reception when this big breasted red head came barging past me, telling me to ‘watch it’.  I thought to myself, who on earth is that bitch?’

A few people giggle and look at Lilly.

‘Little did I know she would turn out to be one of my best friends.’  I stop myself, as I feel the emotion rising inside me.

‘Well most of you will have heard that Lilly and I had a big argument and she decided she didn’t want to be my friend anymore.’

I realise I’m speaking like a child, but I continue.

‘Well, I don't think that's acceptable.  I think most of you married people agree that in marriage people make mistakes all the time and you forgive each other, right?’

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